


Excuse Me, Miss Mills?

by nyltiac



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bathtub Sex, Choking, Completed, Dashes of Outlaw Queen, Dildos, Eventual SwanQueen, F/F, Flashbacks, Fluff and angst and smut mishmash we've got it all, It's not all smut but I wanted to tag all the smut there was so there were no surprises about that, Lesbian Sex, Lingerie, Massage, Mention of Past Abuse, Morning Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Past Sexual Abuse, Pregnancy, Sleepy Sex, Smut, Spanking, Starts with hetero smut but it's wildly unsatisfying, Student!Emma, Tags/Warnings posted at beginning of each chapter, Teacher-Student Relationship, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vibrators, Will get dark at times but largely just emotional turmoil, teacher!Regina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-01-04 11:57:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 153,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12168438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyltiac/pseuds/nyltiac
Summary: Regina Mills is happy with her life as a teacher and as the girlfriend of Robin Locksley--at least until she begins fantasizing about one of her students. She tries to keep those kinds of thoughts at bay but Emma Swan may be too good to resist, and Emma ends up being all too eager to get to the bottom of her teacher's strange behavior.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> First time I'm posting any kind of fanfic online in a very long time. Be gentle with me.
> 
> I've never posted to AO3 so forgive me if I mess this up.
> 
> This started purely as me working out some of my own teacher kinks and ended up being a lot of plot lmao. Regina is a teacher and Emma is her student, but Emma is eighteen at the time of the events of the story. The age difference is still something that many of the characters will stress about. It's messy and not something I advocate for in the slightest in real life but this is not real life.
> 
> As promised in the tags, I'll be posting content warnings at the beginning of each chapter. This particular chapter is fairly light and easy but does have some stuff to mention: heterosexual sex (Outlaw Queen), blowjob, vague ejaculation mention, and masturbation.

I was in my office when she came by. I had a set of freshman essays to wade through and a mug of coffee to help me wade through it and the rest of my day. I'd been putting off grading the freshman papers in favor of my senior level class's work--the seniors wrote more intelligently and their essays tended to follow the proper formats that made them easier to read. I'd passed the senior level class their papers back the class directly before then and had no more excuses to avoid the freshman papers. 

I heard a knock on my open door and a questioning voice ask, "Excuse me, Miss Mills?" 

Glancing up I saw Emma Swan, one of the seniors I had just seen in my last class. Her paper was clutched in her hand, the red ink of my pen scrawled over most of it. Emma was one of my better students, so this paper had been a disappointment.

"Miss Swan," I said by way of greeting. "Is there something I can do for you?"

She nodded, her free hand coming up to run through her long blonde hair. It was loose and it nearly glowed. I had to force myself not to get distracted by the way her fingers twisted in her hair on the way down and stopped near the ends of her hair to play with the loose strands. 

She stepped into my office and shut the door. 

"I just have to know," she said as she plopped down in the chair across the desk from mine. She set her paper down on the surface over one of the freshman papers. "What did I do wrong? I thought that I made some good points in this one." 

"You made good points but they have nothing to do with the prompt I gave you all," I countered. "The question was of Hamlet and Ophelia and whether he ever actually loved her, with your argument supported by textual evidence. Your paper was about how Hamlet loved Horatio. And while I appreciate that there was plenty of evidence in support of your findings, that's not the question I asked."

"But it's still about love," she protested. "And I backed up all my claims with evidence from the play."

"But you didn't respond to the prompt," I said firmly. "The question was about Ophelia, not about love as a general topic."

"He didn't love her," she scoffed. "Any idiot could tell you that. He was using her to make his point. That's not even an exciting topic. Looking into his relationship with Horatio and seeing how that plays out is ten times more exciting." 

I arched a brow as she went on and on. I had to admit I liked seeing a student get wrapped up in the works we read. It was just a shame she wasn't following the prompts that I laid out. 

"Like I said, I appreciated your topic for what it was, but it didn't respond to the question I asked the class," I said. 

She frowned deeply. 

"Ruby got a B+ on hers and she didn't even use evidence," she said. 

"Your classmate's work is not in question here," I reminded her. 

She nearly pouted she looked so surly now. She sighed. 

"Fine," she said. "Can I redo this then? I can't keep an F." 

"If you'd like," I said with a nod. "If you have it back on my desk by Friday I can grade it and have it back to you by Monday, but I won't accept it after that." 

"Okay," she said. She took the paper off the desk and stood up with a heavy sigh. "Thanks, Miss Mills."

"I'll see you in class, Emma," I said. 

She headed out the door, leaving it open behind her. Emma was an interesting one. She didn't talk much but when she did she was intense and so sure of herself it was a little maddening. Her classmates had no chance against her when they debated, which made my job a little harder than necessary. I had to teach all of them what the curriculum told me to, not let an eighteen year old run the show with her opinions. Then again, it made her papers a lot of fun to grade, and her fiery tirades in class were amusing to an extent. 

I put Emma out of my mind and turned back to slogging through essays. I kept an eye on the clock and the moment it hit 4 I was packing up my work and getting ready to go. I checked my phone and found a message from Robin waiting. He wrote that he was picking up Roland and then picking up take out for all of us. I sent back that I'd be home in twenty minutes and headed out. 

I was mentally tired from dealing with the students all day but my body buzzed with energy thanks to the coffee. It was an unpleasant feeling, and I cursed myself for caving in to another cup of coffee--I'd been trying to cut back but I gave in so often I may as well just keep up the habit. 

When I pulled in the driveway Robin was already home with his son and our food. I walked in and was greeted with a delighted cry of, "Regina!" Roland came barreling into me as he often did, hugging me tightly around the legs. I awkwardly patted his head--if he wasn't so fast I'd have been able to crouch to hug him properly but he was so quick sometimes. He released me after a moment and I was able to crouch then. 

"How's my Roly-poly man?" I asked with a smile, brushing his hair back a little. 

"Good!" he said happily. "Daddy got us Chinese food tonight!" 

"Our favorite!" I said. "Did he get it from the right place?"

"From Lotus Blossom," he said with a nod.

"Good," I answered. "Let's go put my stuff down and we'll clean up for dinner, hm?" 

We went to do just that, putting my bag in the study and heading for the kitchen. Roland used a stool to reach the kitchen sink and I helped him wash his hands. A much larger hand than the soapy ones in the sink rested on my hip and I felt Roland's father behind me. 

"Hello Regina," Robin said, pecking me on the cheek. 

I helped Roland dry his hands and get down, then turned in Robin's arms and kissed him. 

"You remembered Lotus Blossom this time," I said with a small smile. 

"Roland did," he admitted. "He remembered that you liked it."

"At least one of you did."

Robin grinned a little sheepishly. 

“At least I remembered the crab rangoon this time?” he said hopefully.

I laughed and kissed him again.

Robin was sweet, and a good man. I met him a few years ago and he always said he was the luckiest man alive to have met me. I couldn’t deny him that—I met him by saving his son’s life.

I had just finished parallel parking in front of Granny’s Diner to stop in for a coffee before work and when I got out of the car I saw a small boy run past the front of the Mercedes. I happened to see an oncoming car out of the corner of my eye and I snatched the boy by the hood of his jacket, yanked him back, and pulled him out of the way of the car as it thundered past us.

Robin had run up seconds later, breathless and terrified, explaining how he’d only turned away for a second. He’d grabbed Roland and hugged him tightly, then insisted on thanking me. He’d bought me my morning coffee—as well as endless pastries which I told him I didn’t need, but he seemed determined to pay me back for saving Roland’s life—and then after that asked if he could take me to dinner to properly thank me. I tried telling him no but he had insisted that he couldn’t equate saving his child’s life with coffee and a bag of scones.

During that dinner we’d talked about our jobs and I learned he worked at the middle school in town. We got along well and at the end of the dinner he asked if he would be able to see me again. I’d had so much fun that I agreed and we began dating from there. He told me that we didn’t have to be too serious considering he had Roland and he didn’t want to put that pressure on me but I loved children. When I spent more time with Robin and Roland together I fell in love with their little family. Besides that, I’d always wanted children and hadn’t yet had any of my own.

I’d only moved in with Robin recently, but it was comfortable. I slept fairly well with Robin at my side—until Roland came into the room and the bed in the early morning. It had taken some time for everyone to adjust but after about a month it was like it had always been that way.

We settled in to eat at the table, Roland on my side of the table as he liked to be and Robin across from us. We talked about what had happened at the high school and Robin’s work at the middle school, as well as what went on at Roland’s daycare.

It was a simple enough night, our dinner followed with some cartoons in the living room with Roland snuggled between Robin and I. I had my laptop open and I was doing some work to keep my brain from melting into nothing while the cartoons played.

When I checked my email I found an email from an eswan@storybrookehs.edu with the title, “URGENT.” I clicked it, worried that something had happened to the young woman and she was looking for help or an extension on some work. Instead it was a link to a website. I read past the link and had to smile.

“ _Miss Mills—I know that you said that the prompt wasn’t about Hamlet and Horatio but I thought you should know that it’s not just me. There’s this fanfiction website that has a ton of Hamratio. Don’t click on anything that’s rated ‘explicit’, but enjoy! -Emma_ ”

I had to smile as I clicked the link. The works listed were named cheekily or vaguely and as I read each synopsis I had to laugh. This wasn’t exactly an archive of literary criticisms but I figured that it was interesting seeing people’s takes on the characters.

I scanned a few of them, her warning to not look at any explicit links echoing in my head. I found one and read the synopsis. It seemed innocent enough so I clicked it.

I had to bite my lip to keep from letting out a noise of surprise. The very first line was an incredibly graphic sentence about activities that tend to happen behind closed doors, but in this situation they happened on the throne occupied by Hamlet’s uncle.

I hurriedly closed the tab and clicked back to the email. I hesitated before typing a reply.

“ _Miss Swan—I appreciate your enthusiasm for proving your point, but sending me off to a website full of pornographic stories isn’t exactly rewriting your essay with the prompt I gave you._ ”

I hit send and smiled a little before I went back to checking my email. It didn’t take long before I heard the alert of another email coming into my inbox. I clicked away from the message from one of the other teachers in the English department and saw Emma had already responded.

“ _I specifically wrote that you should avoid the ones rated as ‘explicit,’ Miss Mills. Not my fault you went after the porn stories ;) Either way, people dig it. Hamratio, not the porn. Although people do dig that, too._ ”

The fact that she’d added in a winking smiley face was a bit surprising—I’m a teacher, so that kind of cavalier attitude was more than unexpected—but it made sense to me that a girl like her would use emoticons like that.

“ _You keep writing ‘Hamratio’ like it’s a real thing,_ ” I wrote back. “ _It’s not mentioned in any critical articles but you’ve mentioned it twice. Where in the world does that come from?_ ”

My response came quickly again.

“ _It’s a mash up of their names. It’s their ship name (their relationship name, kind of like Brangelina.) It’s supposed to be cute. Either way I think you should cut me some slack for delving deeper into the text than my classmates. And besides, now I have blackmail on you, knowing you like reading erotica._ ”

I stared at the screen. The last line threw me off but I found myself wondering if she had a point. I wasn’t accepting her threat of blackmail—something like this could hardly be considered blackmail—but I did have to admit that she was putting more thought into the play than any of her classmates.

“ _I don’t like reading anything like that,_ ” I shot back. “ _But I will concede that I appreciate your dedication to reading between the lines. When you’ve finished your essay about Ophlet, I’ll tell you what I really think about your essay about ‘Hamratio’._ ”

I could almost read the eye roll when she responded, “ _It’s Hamlia. And it was worth a shot to avoid having to write another essay. I’ll have it for you tomorrow!_ ”

I sent back a quick, “ _I look forward to it_.” She didn’t need it the following day—I’d given her until Friday and the following day was only Thursday—but I didn’t mind it considering it meant I wouldn’t have to grade it over the weekend if I finished it Thursday night.

I curiously clicked back to the fanfiction website before hurriedly closing it. I looked to my side and saw Roland was asleep with his head on my hip and Robin had fallen asleep with his chin propped up on his hand as he leaned against the armrest.

I smiled and shut my laptop, setting it on the side table. I slowly shifted Roland and hoisted him up so I could carry him. He stirred a little but stayed asleep on my shoulder. I was glad we’d had him change into pajamas before we settled down on the couch so I could lay him down in his bed without having to wake him up.

With Roland tucked in, I went back for Robin. I shut off the TV before I kissed his forehead and he let out a soft noise. His eyes fluttered open sleepily and his brow furrowed.

“Have I been out long?” he asked with a little stretch.

“It’s 8:30,” I answered.

He groaned.

“I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight,” he said a bit grumpily.

“That’s not necessarily a bad thing,” I shot back.

He grinned.

“Oh do tell me more, Miss Mills,” he said as he grabbed my hand and pulled me down into his lap.

“Do I really need to tell you?” I asked. “I didn’t realize you couldn’t read the signals I send you.”

He grinned and ran his hands over my body over my clothes.

“Shall we head to bed then?” he suggested.

“We probably should,” I said. I kissed him, and then got up, tugging him up. “Let’s go, Locksley.”

He stood up and eagerly followed me to our bedroom. He made sure to lock the door behind him. We’d had a single bad experience with Roland waking up in the middle of the night after a nightmare and he’d come running into the room while we’d been in an extremely compromising position. Now we always locked the door, just in case.

It took him no time at all to cross the room to me, his hands busy grabbing at the hem of my shirt and pulling it over my head. His mouth was on mine in seconds and he kissed hungrily, like we’d never done this before and we would never do it again. The desperation sent a rush of desire through me and I couldn’t help but moan against his lips.

His hands kept going, unclipping my bra and pulling it off, tossing it aside before going for my pants. I tugged at his shirt and his pants but he got me undressed first, then pushed me down on the bed. He climbed on top and his mouth instantly found my breast, kissing and sucking the skin lightly. I moaned and arched up into him eagerly.

Robin’s hands never stopped moving along my body as he let his lips wander across my breasts. I tried to keep my eyes open to watch the intense way he touched me, but it all felt so good.

Eventually he discarded his own pants and he sat up on his knees.

“I need your mouth,” he murmured as he pulled me up to a sitting position. “Please, Regina.”

I wasn’t exactly about to say no to him. I kissed him and had him move off of me. I slipped onto the floor at the edge of the bed and he swung his legs over the side.

He groaned as I took him in my mouth, his hand instantly going to the back of my head. I didn’t start out easy on him, instead bobbing my head along his shaft, sucking him and running my tongue over every bit of him I could.

His grip in my hair tightened and I felt him tense up despite the fact that I’d barely begun. It felt so early for him to be finishing and I pulled myself off of him, smirking up at him.

“A little keyed up?” I asked.

He moaned at the loss of my mouth.

“Just a little,” he admitted.

I pushed myself up and settled myself in his lap. If he was already almost there then I would have to get myself going more quickly if I wanted to get off at all. He didn’t last very long once he got going like this.

I leaned up on my knees and took him in one hand, guiding him into me. His eyes screwed up tightly and I froze. He wasn’t actually about to finish, was he? He panted for breath, wanting more but knowing as well as I did that he wasn’t going to last much longer. Finally it just got to be too much for him.

“Regina, please,” he whimpered.

I sank down further onto him and he groaned. His hands rested on my hips and he lifted me and then brought me back down on him. His brow was furrowed and he grit his teeth. He was clearly trying hard to hang on but he didn’t try hard enough.

I felt him empty himself inside of me after a few thrusts and he let out a strangled moan, his fingers digging into my hips. I tried not to let my annoyance show as he gasped for air, his body shuddering. I closed my own eyes and let myself fully relax into his lap.

“God Regina, you feel so good,” he mumbled, burying his face in the crook of my neck. He held me in place for a few moments before he pulled me down on top of him as he lay back. He slipped out of me and his whole body went completely slack as his back hit the bed.

I stared down at him, my arms bracing me and holding me up over him. I knew it was unfair of me to be annoyed with him about this—it was only a once in a while thing after all—but I was. I could see him already starting to calm and I could hear his breathing starting to even out. He was falling asleep.

I sighed and rolled off of him, tugging him up the bed a bit. He followed slowly, sluggishly, and when I pulled up the blanket over him he slumped back and knocked out completely.

With him tucked in, I considered just going to sleep, but I could feel the evidence of his orgasm leaking from me. I didn’t like the feeling that much—I never had if I was honest, and I had only recently started letting that happen because I knew how much he liked getting to feel me without any kind of barrier.

There was also the fact that I was still turned on and hadn’t yet come.

I hesitated a moment or two before getting up, taking my vibrator from the nightstand, and slipping into the master bathroom. I cleaned myself up hurriedly and then settled against the counter, one foot propped up on a nearby stool.

A part of me felt guilty cleaning him from me and then slipping the vibrator between my legs, but at the first buzz against my clit I couldn’t exactly say I regretted it. He’d be upset about the idea of me having to take care of myself in the morning, but it wasn’t like he was about to do it now.

I let myself think over what we’d just done, how it would have gone if he’d lasted longer, how it would have felt. I tried to stay focused on it but my mind wandered away from that and somehow ended up on the website I’d been sent to, the line about Hamlet taking Horatio on Claudius’s throne. It didn’t take much for my mind to wander from the website to the person who had sent me the link.

I thought about the little winking emoticon she’d sent in her email, the teasing messages she’d written—I assumed they were teasing at least. What student teased a teacher about something like that? What student sent a teacher something like that in the first place? Of course I’d been the one to look at the explicitly rated stories in the first place, but still, what student would ever send a link to a fanfiction website with erotica on it to their teacher?

Emma Swan I supposed.

Emma Swan with her bright green eyes and her golden hair and that cute nose and the jeans that look almost painted on and her _mouth_ —

My body locked up unexpectedly at the image in my head. My head fell back and I let out a harsh breath, doing my best to keep the noise down. As I came all I could think about was how tight those jeans were and imagine a mischievous smile on those perfect pink lips if she found out that thoughts of what she’d sent me had sprung to mind while I was doing something like this. She’d have a lot more to tease me about than not knowing—what had she called them?—ship names, that was for sure.

As I rode out the sensation I didn’t think I would mind it that much. There were worse things than being teased by an attractive younger woman.

My cheeks flushed with shame suddenly as I realized what exactly was going through my mind. I quickly pulled the vibrator away and turned it off. I stared at the wetness coating the vibrator in my hands for a long couple of moments, the pulsing through my body making me feel disgusting and dirty instead of sated.

Had I really just come while thinking of a _female student_?

I turned to the sink and hurriedly cleaned the toy, then headed back to the bedroom, wanting to put the vibrator away and go to bed. I pulled on pajamas and slipped back into the bed. When I settled in under the blankets Robin turned on his side and dragged me in close, still asleep.

I felt a pang of guilt as he snuggled into me. I’d just been annoyed with him for something that was honestly kind of ridiculous and I’d just gotten off thinking about someone else. Not only was that someone else one of my _students_ but she was a _woman_. What kind of insanity was I suddenly operating under?

I curled against him and tried to shove it away. It was nothing but an intrusive thought.

An intrusive thought that caused me to have an orgasm, but an intrusive thought nonetheless.

I lay awake for a while but eventually I did manage to fall asleep. It wasn’t good sleep, but it was sleep.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With the POV switching between Regina and Emma, I'll be posting two chapters at a time during each update. I've already got plenty more to post (I only just worked up the courage to post it online, but the fic is already 80K+ words long) but I'm still not done with the whole thing. Haven't figured out an update schedule yet.
> 
> Content warning for this chapter: brief mention of past abuse (homophobic nature)

“You sent her _what_?” Ruby exclaimed.

I grinned into the webcam, delighted by the shock on Ruby and Neal’s faces.

“A link to a fanfiction website,” I said. “It was for my grade!”

“Emma, no one sends porn to their teacher!” Neal said, grinning ear to ear.

“I didn’t!” I exclaimed. “I sent her the link to an archive of short stories portraying the non-canon relationship between two men from a Shakespearean play! She’s the one who read the other stuff.”

“Still!” Ruby nearly shrieked.

“Rubes, my parents are trying to sleep, come on,” I said.

“Then turn me down because I’m not sure I’m going to be able to keep it down on my own,” she shot back. “You sent porn to a teacher!”

Neal was just laughing.

“Do I need to kick you out of this video chat?” I demanded.

“Maybe, I mean seriously Emma!”

I lowered the volume on my laptop a few notches.

“Hey, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do to get the grades she deserves,” I said.

Neal rolled his eyes.

“Sending your teacher the link to a website that’s pretty popular for dumping smut isn’t the best way to get an A,” he said.

“Well either way I’ve definitely caught her attention,” I countered.

“Oh?” Ruby asked, her interest clear in her eyes. She smirked a little. “Are you looking for Miss Mills’ attention now?”

“Our little baby has grown out of only crushing on graduating senior girls and moved on to women who are entirely out of her league and unavailable,” Neal said, grinning widely.

“I haven’t!” I tried saying, but they were already on a roll.

“She’s hot, I’ll give you that,” Ruby said. “Half the guys have a crush on her.”

“It’s true,” Neal agreed. “All those skirts and heels and blazers. And don’t get me started on those button downs she wears all the time. There’s always that one button that’s straining so hard that might just pop one of these days—the Button of Everlasting Promise.”

“You know she’s with someone though, right?” Ruby added. “A guy, too.”

“I’m not trying to rub up on a teacher!” I said, exasperated.

I heard a knock at my bedroom door and felt my heart in my throat. Had one of my parents heard that?

“Emma, it’s getting late,” my mom called through my door. “Maybe you should hit the hay.”

“Yeah, I know mom, I’ll wrap it up,” I said. She didn’t come in or ask anything about what I’d said so I assumed—prayed—she hadn’t heard.

Her footsteps retreated and I turned back to the screen.

“I’ve got to go,” I said. “I don’t have a crush on a teacher, so you can both eat my entire ass.”

“All right Em, good night,” Neal said.

“Sweet dreams, gorgeous,” Ruby added.

Neal got a gleam in his eye and added, “But no sweet dreams about Miss Mills.”

I rolled my eyes and ended the video chat. I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything else out of the two of them. I was about ninety percent sure that they both stayed in the chat room after that to talk about what I’d told them.

I closed my laptop and got ready for bed, shutting off my light and climbing in.

I knew emailing Miss Mills that link was a gamble and a half, but I’d been feeling a bit ballsy and figured it wouldn’t hurt anything. It wasn’t like I sent her the link to one of the porn stories—just the website they’re housed on. It was her fault if she read one of the stories.

The thought of her reading one of those stories was interesting to me in ways I couldn’t really explain. The idea of my incredibly hot English teacher reading those things was kind of attractive. No, not her reading them—her enjoying them.

I told the others that I didn’t have a crush on her but I was lying. She was too hot not to have a crush on. Not to mention she had this way of quieting a room, getting all the attention on her so effortlessly. And her voice? Damn. Just… Damn.

I couldn’t lie to myself about how much I liked her. Especially not when I imagined her enjoying reading the fanfictions she would find on that website. She as good as admitted she read at least one of them. Maybe she even liked it. I liked to imagine she did and that it might have affected her a bit.

My crush on Miss Mills had started pretty innocently. I have a thing for older women in general—it’s why I was always after seniors on their way to graduation, but clearly I’d graduated from them—so when I walked into English my senior year all I had to do was take one look at Miss Mills and I was a goner.

The only problem—despite her age, relationship status, and the fact that she was my teacher—was that my parents have no idea I like women. It’s not that I think they’d be upset. It’s just that I don’t know if they would be or not. They’re weird about certain things, and one of those things is homosexuality. I want to believe that they’d be fine with it, but they don’t really talk about it and when they do it’s always a kind of curious and awkward conversation, like they’re talking about something taboo.

There was also the time I’d watched my foster brother August get a beating for coming out to our foster parents of the time. I was seven and he was fourteen, and he had looked out for me from the second I turned up in that home to the moment he was forced out. He’d been out of school for a week while he healed, and then he got sent back into the system. The lesson stuck.

It’s why I’d been fake dating Neal for the last seven months. Neal was supportive of that and he went along with it with no problem. I’d only resorted to fake dating someone because my parents had been asking me where I always was in the afternoon and on the weekend and I’d just blurted it out. It was easier than telling them I was out dating and sleeping with various girlfriends I’d had since I’d turned sixteen.

I tried to put that out of my mind. It was late and I didn’t need to think about a hot woman getting turned on thanks to something I sent her, nor the potential difficulties that would rise from anyone finding out I liked her.

But the thought was there until I fell asleep and it was there when I woke up the next morning. I got ready with Miss Mills on my mind and by the time I got to the bus stop I was more than a little frustrated. Neal and Ruby were already there waiting for me.

“Hey Em,” Ruby called.

“There’s my girl,” Neal said with a grin. “How are you this morning, sweetheart?”

“Shut up Neal,” I said with a roll of my eyes.

“Well last I saw you we were discussing how you’re drooling after a teacher,” he said. “I can’t have my girlfriend trying to hit on a teacher.”

“I’m not trying to hit on her, I was doing it for the grade,” I said defensively.

“Yeah sure,” Ruby said with a grin. “Let’s head to English this afternoon and see just how you react to her.”

“Bite me,” I said grumpily. I hated when they were right about something like this.

“I’ll leave that to Miss Mills,” she said with a wink.

They kept it up the whole bus ride to school to the point where I was kind of glad I didn’t have classes with them most of the day. Unfortunately the one class we did have together was English.

I dragged my feet when it was time to go to English. I didn’t mind facing Mills by myself, but having Ruby and Neal there while I did wasn’t my idea of fun.

I walked into the classroom and spotted her at the teacher’s desk at the front of the classroom, squinting at her laptop a little, chewing on her lip. I glanced her over and saw she was in black slacks, heels, and one of her famous button downs with the—what had Neal called it?—Button of Everlasting Promise straining to keep her shirt together just over her breasts.

I didn’t realize I licked my lips until I caught Ruby’s delighted gaze on me. She arched an eyebrow and I glared back at her.

I approached Miss Mills’ desk anyways.

“Miss Mills?” I asked. She glanced up from her laptop sharply and her eyes widened. I could almost swear her cheeks flushed just a little. “I have my re-write. Busted it out last night.”

I reached into my bag and pulled it out, handing it over. She nodded once and took it.

“I’ll have it back to you as soon as I can,” she said, her eyes determinedly looking anywhere but at me. “Monday at the latest. Thank you, Miss Swan.”

I could tell it was a dismissal. I couldn’t help but be a little disappointed that she didn’t even want to talk about it. Still, I went to sit between my two best friends without a fuss. They looked delighted but I didn’t bother acknowledging them. I was too focused on my teacher.

As she started class she seemed normal enough but after about twenty minutes I realized that she never looked in the direction of my seat. She didn’t even look at my side of the classroom. I knew that my email was a gamble but I didn’t realize she’d hated it _that_ much. She’d seemed almost open to it the night before when we were emailing. Had she just thought it over and decided I was a freak or something?

I decided to risk it and see if it was actually me or if I was imagining things. I raised my hand and waited patiently for her to call on me. She glanced over at my raised hand and I saw her gaze travel down from my hand to my face before she looked away, not even bothering to stop talking.

She was avoiding me.

I had to suppress a groan. I was going to fail the class now.

Ruby and Neal realized the same thing I did after I put my hand down and tried to whisper to me but I refused to listen. I was going to have to bust my ass to get through this class now, I was sure of it—I had to actually pay attention now.

Not that I could of course. Not when I couldn’t stop thinking about what I’d done the night before and that button that so desperately clung on.

By the time the class was over I’d overthought every single word—every single letter—I’d sent her in those emails. And a winky face. God, why did I think a winky face was a good idea?

I couldn’t just let it go though. I couldn’t let her think I’m some kind of freak and have her avoiding me the rest of the semester. I had to get my work done, had to pass the class.

When the bell rang, I packed up my stuff slower than everyone else. Neal and Ruby noticed and grinned, made their jokes for me to have fun and all that BS, then headed out. Miss Mills was packing her own things at her desk, making sure everything was cleaned up and tidy before she headed back to her office. I approached slowly, wanting to chicken out but knowing I had to say something before it got more awkward and I failed the class.

When the last of my classmates left the classroom I walked up to her. Her back was turned to me and I knew before I even opened my mouth that sneaking up on her wasn’t going to help.

It didn’t stop me from blurting out, “I didn’t mean to offend you last night.”

Sure enough she jumped and spun, her eyes wide again. Her hands came up as if to protect herself and she hurriedly crossed her arms over her chest, trying to look nonchalant.

“Offend me?” she asked.

“With the website I sent you,” I said. “I didn’t mean to offend you or anything. I just wanted to show you real people agree with me, even if the critics don’t.”

She arched a brow, her lips pursed just the slightest bit. I felt like I was wilting under her gaze and forced myself to stand a little straighter.

“I followed your directions though,” I added. “For the new paper? I wrote about Ophelia, even if I stand by my old paper.”

She seemed to be waiting for more and I wished I knew how to make this less painful. I didn’t want the one person I was actually crushing on to hate me. I didn’t think I could take that.

“So yeah, the new paper’s in, I’m sorry for the website thing, and… Yeah,” I said lamely.

“Is that all, Emma?” she asked.

I loved how she said my name, whether she called me by my first or last name. It sounded so sexy rolling off her tongue, even when she was saying it like she wished I would leave. I nodded.

“Yeah, that’s it,” I said. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said briskly. “Just ensure it doesn’t happen again.”

“Understood,” I said with a nod.

“Have a good afternoon,” she said. She eyed me for a moment—did her gaze drop to my lips or was I imagining that?—before she turned and headed out, eyes straight ahead.

I sighed. I’d fucked up.

I sulked off to find my friends, not particularly enjoying the thought of dealing with their teasing but knowing I might as well go and let them get it out of their systems.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'll be updating Saturdays and Wednesdays. I'm going to keep going with posting two chapters at a time. I've actually been approaching the 100k mark so I've got a lot of story I want to tell and I have very little patience. 
> 
> This chapter and the next are kind of short. When I first started writing it I didn't pay much attention to chapter length so the first half tends to have shorter chapters than the second half.
> 
> I'm not going to lie, part of me writing this was to impress a girl and it kind of worked so I'm PUMPED. I'm also excited that this has gotten a handful of good feedback. Thanks to all who have read and enjoyed the first little bit! I've got plenty more coming.
> 
> This doesn't have much in the way of needing content warnings. There's an instigation of sex but it's shut down.

Hurrying to my office after leaving Emma in the classroom, all I wanted to do was lock myself away with a bottle of wine and try to forget the girl. Because that’s what she was—a girl. Not just any girl. My student. My young student, barely past the age of consent. What kind of person thought about someone like that while masturbating?

I wasn’t supposed to be thinking about women in that way in the first place and there I was, getting off to thoughts of a girl barely out of childhood.

I really did need a drink.

No, I needed to focus. I had my office hours and I apparently didn’t have any students coming to see me for extra help so I had to wade through the papers I had to grade.

I started in on a few junior level papers, but I was distracted the whole time. All I could think about was Emma’s re-write in my bag. I’d honestly thought her paper about Hamlet and Horatio was a solid essay with a good amount of literary criticism to back it up, even if it wasn’t responding to the question I asked. I was sure her essay about Ophelia would be good work as well, and I was curious to see how she approached it.

Finally I couldn’t stand it any longer. I set everything else aside and went for her paper, reading through it once, then going through again to mark it up. I couldn’t help but smile at how instantly on the offense she was, debating with every critic who said anything about how Hamlet truly loved Ophelia. She ripped every argument apart with her insight and other critics who agreed with her to back her up. By the end I was even a little convinced of it.

The last paragraph put a smile on my face that I couldn’t really help. It went on about how Ophelia was a toy Hamlet played with while pining after the one he truly loved: Horatio. I had to laugh. She was determined.

I finished grading her paper, giving it an A without hesitation and went back to the papers from my junior level class. She was still on my mind as I worked though, and I kind of hated how much I was thinking about her. Eventually I finished with my work and all I could do was go home for the day. I’d have to talk to Emma when I handed her the paper back, and I couldn’t do what I’d done that day and ignore her for the rest of the year. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t let the horrible awkwardness of what I’d done affect how I taught this girl. I was her teacher. I had a duty to teach her. And besides, it wasn’t like she knew that I’d come while thinking about her mouth.

I shoved those thoughts away as I picked up Roland from daycare that night and he chattered excitedly about what he’d done that day. I couldn’t help but smile at him in the back seat. He was such a charming little boy, and I would have to admit he was part of the reason I loved being with Robin. I wanted children at some point but before Robin I’d been intentionally terminally single after a marriage to a man I had hated. I hadn’t gotten the chance to have kids at that point despite wanting them from a young age, so getting to essentially play house with Robin and Roland was perfect. It made me excited to have my own, though I still took birth control—I didn’t want an accidental pregnancy when Robin and I weren’t married.

We got home and the moment Robin caught sight of us, he scooped Roland up and pulled me in for a hug as well. He held Roland away as he murmured, “I’m going to make up for last night,” in my ear.

I laughed a little and shoved at his chest.

“Don’t worry about anything,” I said quietly.

He kissed my cheek before turning his attention to Roland. He talked with Roland about all the fun he’d had and the two of them settled in to color a little bit. I made dinner while they spent time together. It was all very domestic and somehow much more comfortable than I would have imagined.

Robin seemed a bit tense all night and when we left Roland’s room after kissing him good night, he finally let it all bubble over. He shut Roland’s door and backed me immediately against a wall, capturing my lips with his own. His hands were immediately on my hips, pulling my skirt up just a little.

“Robin calm down,” I said, pulling back just to breathe a little, but his mouth was persistent. The suddenness of him swooping in on me alarmed me just a little, and the fact that he was already fired up to go didn’t help either.

“I got off early and then fell asleep on you,” he reminded me. “That won’t do. I’m making it up to you.”

He’d done it before. He’d come too early a few times in the past and he always made sure he spent the next night we were together getting me off however he could. It was honestly kind of sweet of him to want to almost atone for it, but that night I just wasn’t into it.

“I don’t need you to make it up to me,” I said, turning my head to avoid his kiss so that I could keep speaking. His lips landed on my cheek and he just took it as a way to kiss down towards my neck. The insistence didn’t sit well with me. “Robin.” My tone was sharper.

He stopped immediately and pulled back just slightly, looking at me in clear confusion.

“Regina please, I just want to—“

“I know what you want to do but I’m not in the mood, okay?” I said quickly. “I don’t need you to make up for anything. I just want to go relax.”

He stared at me, warring with himself. He looked so lost, so desperate, and I almost wanted to say yes to him so he wouldn’t be so upset, but I just didn’t want to. A part of it was simply because I wasn’t in the mood, but another part of it was that I didn’t want to risk thinking about certain things—certain people—mid-orgasm.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“I’m sure,” I said certainly. “I got off after you fell asleep anyways. It’s not like I didn’t come last night.”

“But I didn’t do it for you,” he pointed out. “I’m supposed to, I’m not supposed to just pass out. Hell, I’m supposed to get you first, I’m—“

“Robin, I don’t care about that,” I said sharply, not wanting to argue about something so stupid. “It’s a different day. We can move on.”

He still didn’t look entirely convinced, but when I pushed him back he took his hands off of me and stepped backwards, giving me the space I wanted. I took a breath and then took his hand with a smile.

“Come on,” I said. “Let’s just go to bed and relax.”

He frowned but nodded, following me into our bedroom. We got dressed for bed and I sat up with a book while he tapped away on his tablet. I could feel his eyes on me every once in a while but I didn’t look up.

An hour or so passed in that way before I set aside my book and turned off my bedside lamp. He immediately set his things down and turned off his light as well, snuggling into me, pressed against my back. I let him wrap around me and he kissed the back of my shoulder.

“I feel badly about last night,” he admitted after a few moments of silence.

“I know,” I said. “But you don’t have to.”

I was the one who should feel badly. He’d just done what men do sometimes. I’d had an orgasm while thinking about a female teenage student of mine.

“I just wish you’d have let me take care of you tonight,” he said.

“I don’t need you to,” I said firmly. “And I don’t want you trying to unless I’m in the mood, remember?”

I could feel the movement as Robin nodded a little. He knew I had boundaries for a reason with our sex life.

“I love you, Regina,” he murmured. “I just want to show it all the time, and I don’t like when I mess up showing it.”

“You don’t have to worry about things like that,” I told him. “It’s just sex. I still love you no matter what.”

I could almost feel his smile and he cuddled in closer.

With all of that settled I was able to relax now. He held me tightly for a while but his grasp eased up as he fell asleep. I wasn’t really paying attention when he did. I was too busy thinking about Emma again. I didn’t know why she was plaguing me then, though I guessed it would pass eventually. I’d decided that the intrusive thoughts I’d had while masturbating the night before were just silly and perverted thoughts that had struck at the absolute worst time. After all, when I was that eager to come I knew it didn’t take much when I was using my vibrator. It was all as simple as that.

That still didn’t mean I could easily get Emma out of my head though.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only content warning is just a horny teenager making things dirty at times. Enjoy!

When Miss Mills told me to hang back for a moment to talk after class, I could’ve sworn my heart dropped into my stomach. Neal and Ruby each gave me a look and I just shrugged. We’d been up the night before discussing whether it would be a good idea for me to transfer out of her class or not. She’d seemed more friendly that class period but I was still a bit worried she was about to reprimand me somehow for what I’d sent her.

I went up to her desk and watched as the other students filtered out of the room.

“Miss Swan, would you mind coming with me to my office?” she asked. “I’ve got your paper ready for you, but I forgot it before I came.”

I nodded a little dumbly, wishing my first thought wasn’t about her choice to use the word ‘came’ in that sentence after the recent awkward twist in our relationship.

We walked to her office and she gestured to the chair on the opposite side of her desk as her own. I assumed she’d be sitting at her chair which would have given us space, but instead she leaned against the desk right in front of me. She pulled my paper from a pile on top of her desk and handed it over. I took it with my hands almost trembling but when I saw the A on it I must have visibly relaxed because she smiled. My heart nearly melted.

“I thought I’d get points taken away for having to re-write,” I explained.

“I thought about it but it was honestly one of the better papers in this batch, even if it was later than the others,” she said, that smile still distracting me. “And I believe I promised you that if you passed in the essay about Ophelia I would tell you what I really thought about your ‘Hamratio’ essay.”

I was surprised at first and then delighted.

“Lay it on me,” I said eagerly.

She laughed at my eagerness and I almost went breathless. Making her laugh was exhilarating for the most absurd reason. It should not have made me that excited to make her laugh.

“Well at first I was skeptical, as I’m sure you’d imagine,” she started, moving to sit on her desk a little bit, seeming to be settling in to discuss something for a while. I couldn’t help but hope she _was_ staying for a bit. “But the more I read of your paper and the more you worked in critics, the more I was confused about why I’d asked about Ophelia in the first place. You write with such conviction and your use of sources is incredibly adept. It’s hard not to be swayed by you.”

Once more I found myself taking her words and skewing them towards a different meaning. I wished it actually wasn’t that hard to be swayed by me. This meeting would have been a lot hotter if it wasn’t that hard to be swayed by me.

“If you would be interested, there are plenty of publications that accept essays and articles by students in high school and college,” she said. “They’re a bit more niche than most publications, but they’re a great way to get started thinking about more advanced essay writing and even publishing your works later on if you’re interested in that kind of thing.” She paused for a moment before asking, “Are you interested?”

I nodded before I could stop myself, my mind still off in a daydream where she’d asked me if I was interested in _her_. When I finally caught up with her words I paused and tried to correct myself before she said anything but it was too late.

“You are?” she asked, seeming just slightly surprised, but her smile was too much for me again, and I nodded again. “That’s wonderful! I can’t promise you that your submission will be accepted into one of these publications but at the very least I can help you along with it. It’ll be a great opportunity for you. Not only will it give you experience, these kinds of things look great on college applications and resumes.”

It occurred to me that I should tell her I’d just kind of lost track of the conversation, but another thought slipped to the front of my mind. If she was willing to help me with this then it probably meant that we’d get to spend more one on one time together. It was probably stupid of me to want to spend more time with the older woman that I knew I had no chance with, but I liked her too much to say no to that idea.

“I would love to try it out,” I said. “Even if nothing comes of it, I’ll at least have tried.”

“That’s a good way to look at it,” she said. “You can’t succeed where you don’t start. I’ve made certain corrections to your paper in terms of grammar and spelling—just minor things—but if you’d like we can sit down and go in depth with it sometime soon. I feel like this is an incredibly strong essay on its own, but we can always look to improve.”

“That would be great,” I said, maybe a bit more readily than was really needed. I didn’t care either way. I was going to get to spend more time with this gorgeous woman and I was going to have all of her attention focused entirely on me. On my work. Whatever.

“Perfect,” she said.

She pushed off the desk and for a moment I thought she was moving towards me but she turned away to move around the desk to find her planner. I did my best to keep my eyes off her ass when her back was to me but I couldn’t help a quick peek. By the time she was seated and opening the planner my eyes were back on her face. No harm, no foul.

“I have my office hours after the school day ends most days, but if you’d like we can block out a specific day,” she said. “The only days I can’t are Tuesdays and Thursdays because I have to pick up my boyfriend’s son from daycare and can’t be late.”

I forced myself not to frown at the mention of her boyfriend. And her boyfriend’s son? That was heavy. Heavier than I needed—wanted—to know.

“Wednesdays?” I asked. “I’m not really ever busy after school but I don’t want to drag out your Monday or ruin your Friday.”

Her brow arched and I saw a smile tug at the corners of her lips.

“I’m a teacher,” she said. “Continuing to teach my students after school hours doesn’t ruin anything—even a Friday.”

“Still, I don’t want you holding a grudge, even if it’s subconscious,” I said with a grin that bordered on cheeky. I loved the way she allowed herself to smile fully at that.

“Well thank you for thinking of me,” she said, grinning widely. She took a pen from her pen holder and scribbled my name down on a Wednesday on a page with a monthly calendar and drew an arrow from that Wednesday all the way down to the last Wednesday of the month. That done, she closed the planner. “Send me a copy of the essay, I’ll print it, and mark it up some more. I look forward to our first meeting.”

It sounded like a dismissal and I smiled, grabbed my bag, and stood up.

“Me, too,” I said.

I heaved my bag on to my shoulder and I almost turned to go before I paused.

“Can I ask a question before I go though?” I asked.

“You just did, but I supposed if you have another you may ask it,” she said, her tone holding a hint of teasing. I hated how excited her teasing me made me.

I fidgeted for a moment, wondering how exactly to word my question and a little distracted by her teasing. I realized after a few moments that she was waiting while I shifted and thought, and I decided to just spit it out.

“Why aren’t you still mad at me?” I blurted out.

Her brow rose a little questioningly.

“The other day,” I said, hurrying to clarify before her brow rose to her hairline and disappeared. “In class? You wouldn’t even look at me. Now you’re helping me to get my essay published?”

Her eyes widened just slightly before she wiped her expression clean. She looked collected and sure of herself so suddenly I almost wondered if she’d even looked surprised by the query just a few moments before or if that was my imagination.

“The other day I was distracted,” she said vaguely.

“But you called on other people,” I pointed out. “And when Katie went up to talk to you, you were able to make eye contact with her.”

“I’m sorry if I made you feel left out in any way, but I promise you my intention was not to ignore you,” she said smoothly. “I was simply distracted at the wrong times.”

“Yeah?” I asked. She inclined her head just slightly and I shrugged a little. “I guess I just got worried you were actually more offended than you let on by what I sent you.”

“I was fine with what you sent me,” she said coolly. “Believe it or not, I’m aware there are men who enjoy the company of other men, and I’m aware that there are people who enjoy writing as well as reading about that enjoyment of company.”

“Well yeah, but that doesn’t mean I should’ve sent a teacher gay erotica,” I said. “I’m actually gay and it was pretty solidly gay of me.”

She looked surprised, and I couldn’t tell if it was because of my admission or because of how blunt I was being.

“Don’t worry about it, Miss Swan,” she said. “I’m not offended. Just forget about it.”

“Okay then,” I said after a moment’s hesitation. “Have a good weekend then. See you Monday.”

“Have a good one, Emma,” she said.

I gave a brief, tiny wave, then took off, heading out of there before I could put my foot in my mouth again or get distracted by the names she called me. How did she make my name sound so incredible? The way she said my first name was perfect, but it was even better when she called me ‘Miss Swan’ in that way. Her voice was just so alluring. I had to get away from it.

Then again, I was going to get closer to it every Wednesday afternoon after school. I couldn’t help but be excited for it. I texted Ruby and Neal to meet me at the diner down the street we went to when we didn’t want to go home and headed for it. I had a lot to tell them.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glad you guys are liking this so far! The kudos and comments are giving me liiiiiife and very much appreciated :D
> 
> Content warnings: some more hetero bs including ejaculation. Don't worry though, after this it's smooth sailing--we're getting to the good stuff soon. There's also a school girl fantasy mention which I know can be squicky to some.

When Emma had come to my office with me, I hadn’t planned on offering her help to publish her essay. I’d planned to give her the essay back, give her feedback, tell her the original essay she’d written was good, and then send her on her way. Instead of following that easy four step process I’d muddled it up somewhere and signed the two of us up for weekly meetings for the next month.

I cursed myself a few times. What was I thinking? I didn’t want her hanging around me. I was already confused enough about her.

No.

No, I wasn’t confused about her.

To be confused about someone there has to be conflict. There has to be one right way and one wrong way wrapped up in one muddled way. For there to be confusion about Emma, I would have to see her as both my student and as a person I was attracted to enough to orgasm while thinking about her, and I certainly was not going to see her as the latter.

I was still confused though.

I gathered my things and headed home, hoping that a weekend away from the school would clear my head. Robin and Roland would be good company for that. We always had good weekends.

When I got home the two were embroiled in a fierce battle for the living room. They were each armed with marshmallow guns and they’d built two forts. Roland was in the bigger fort made of carefully balanced couch cushions and a blanket that had clearly been built by Robin, and Robin was in the smaller one that was simply a sheet draped over an end table near the couch—something told me they’d gotten done with building and Roland had convinced his father to switch.

“Regina!” Roland cried happily. “Daddy and me are fighting a war!”

“A war?” I asked, feigning shock. “That’s so scary!”

“Not when you’re winning like me!” he said confidently. He shot a mini marshmallow from his gun at his father. It bounced off of Robin’s shoulder and the man dramatically threw himself to the side, clutching his shoulder. “Direct hit! Come on Regina, hide in my castle! You can be my queen and I’ll protect you!”

“She’s my queen, Roland!” Robin protested with a little pout.

“Not anymore daddy,” Roland said seriously. “She’s my queen and you can’t have her back.”

“I find it ironic my class is reading about Troy at the moment,” Robin said dryly, a small smile forming. He looked at me. “I suppose this makes you Helen. I’m not surprised—your beauty could rival that of a goddess.”

He grinned widely as I balked and blushed at his compliment.

“You sure know how to lay it on thick,” I said. “But if I’m Helen, then I’ll be with Paris over here.” I climbed into Roland’s fort with him and he looked absolutely delighted by my decision.

“We don’t have another marshmallow gun,” Roland said, “but if you want you can throw marshmallows at daddy.”

He picked up a few marshmallows that had been fired over at him by his father and handed them to me.

“No eating them,” he said seriously. “They’re ammo. We gotta get daddy.”

I happily joined Roland in attacking his father for a while. This was exactly the kind of thing I’d been hoping for when I’d gotten home. I’d needed a distraction, something ridiculous but fun to keep my mind occupied with something other than the blonde student I’d signed myself up to help.

The three of us had a good time together, Robin and I doting on Roland and playing whatever game his heart desired. He had us playing this marshmallow fight, pirates, astronauts, tic tac toe, and we spent some time coloring. By the time dinner was over Roland was exhausted. We turned on a movie for him but he didn’t even make it through the first twenty minutes before he was asleep in my lap.

“I can take him upstairs,” Robin said quietly when Roland started snoring. I smiled and nodded, shifting the young boy so that Robin could take him. Robin lifted his son and carried Roland up the stairs.

While he was gone, I changed the channel, searching for something to watch before settling on a true crime tv show. I wasn’t really paying attention much, just zoning out and waiting for Robin to return.

I thought once more about Emma and what I’d agreed to do with her. It occurred to me again and again that this had to be a mistake, but I had been the one to make the offer so I wasn’t going to rescind it. I was still curious about why I’d thought of Emma in such an intimate moment. Why wouldn’t I think of Robin? Was it just a poorly timed intrusive thought like I guessed it was?

Robin plopped down on the couch next to me and put his arm around me. I snuggled in easily.

We watched quietly for a little bit while I mulled over my questions. Finally I turned in Robin’s arms and kissed him gently on the cheek. He glanced at me when I did and I quickly kissed his lips, pressing myself against him a bit.

He responded so eagerly that I was sure his accidental misfire from the other day was probably still fresh on his mind. His eagerness was tempered with a kind of slow and steady pace that seemed almost odd. I knew he was just holding back.

I deepened the kiss to try to entice him a bit more and he groaned softly against my lips. I fidgeted and settled myself in his lap while his hands went to my waist. He pulled me against him a little but was careful not to thrust his hips up into me—he definitely still felt like he had to make it up to me. And frankly at that point I wasn’t going to say no to that.

We kissed like that for a while, hands wandering, lips barely breaking apart, until finally I was so breathless and so wet I couldn’t keep it up. I pulled back and he nipped my bottom lip as if in parting. He watched me with a half-lidded gaze.

“Should we go upstairs?” he suggested, definitely not wanting to demand it but from the state of the strain in his pants I could tell he wanted it badly.

I stood up and took his hand, leading him upstairs like I had the other night. When we got to the bedroom he took no time at all to strip me of my clothes, but he didn’t touch his own.

“Lay down on the bed,” he said softly.

I hesitated but went to do as he asked. He followed me and watched me for a moment or two as I settled myself, and the moment I was settled in he crawled up the bed between my legs.

With a quick kiss, he ran his hands over my bare skin, gentle fingers drawing goose bumps up as they traced designs across my flesh. I could hardly draw in a satisfying breath, my anticipation only growing.

“I’m going to make you come in my mouth,” he murmured softly and matter-of-factly, directly in my ear just before he dropped his lips to my neck, striking out a path down my body. His tone drew a soft gasp out of me as much as the touch of his mouth. He paused only at my breasts to pay attention to them for a few minutes before he went back to descending towards the ache between my thighs.

He spread my legs a little wider and the first touch of his tongue was absolutely exquisite. I moaned as he slipped his tongue along my skin, parting my folds and running long laps along me. He was good with his mouth, so I didn’t doubt he’d be able to do what he’d just informed me he was going to do.

I watched him as he set in, his tongue and lips never doing the same thing twice but always making sure he was building me up more and more. His beard tickled just a little and I fidgeted, my hips thrusting into him and my body starting to build up tension.

I cried out when he wrapped his lips around my clit and sucked. I couldn’t help but grab him by the hair and hold him down on me. He knew what I liked and knew what would get me going so well it was a little insane sometimes. I assumed I would be coming in no time at all considering what he was doing.

It took a few minutes for me to start wondering why I wasn’t coming yet. He was doing everything that always got me going, and I’d been plenty ready for him when we’d gotten to the bedroom. I didn’t understand why it hadn’t happened yet.

I pushed up into him again, searching for more friction. He caught my movement and seemed to understand, so he worked me a little harder. It should have helped but somehow it just didn’t. I was teetering on the edge but couldn’t be pushed that last little step.

And now he was catching on.

His gaze rested on my face, watching me for signs of me coming, wanting to see that I was getting off. I could see it in his eyes how badly he wanted to bring me to orgasm, but somehow that didn’t make it any easier. In fact it only made me more frustrated. Why wasn’t it happening?

I thrust up harder again and he set in more enthusiastically, licking and sucking and even nipping at my clit, careful not to push it too far but still trying to push me just far enough.

I closed my eyes as the feeling and the frustration got stronger and stronger. I wasn’t into it. I didn’t know why, but I wasn’t into it. And if I wasn’t into it I wouldn’t come, and I knew that. But I’d been so good up until the moment he’d gone down on me. What had happened?

He was practically worshipping me by then, and I was determined to make it happen. If it wasn’t going to happen on its own then I would just have to find a way to make it happen.

I pulled up every little fantasy I’d ever had and played them out in my head to try and mentally get myself there in the hopes of getting there physically. I thought of him, of our games when Roland was out at play dates and we had the house to ourselves, of how good and solid and firm he felt, of when he had me dress up as a school girl for his birthday, of Emma in a tiny plaid skirt and her hair drawn back in a ponytail while she ate me out so I could see every single inch of her face and her mouth as she—

I arched off the bed suddenly, my body going tense with pleasure as I was finally able to reach my climax. I could almost ignore the light scratching of his beard as I imagined Emma between my legs instead of him. She would look so good on her knees for me with her head buried between my thighs while I sat at my desk.

I came a second time, so quickly after the first time I didn’t have a minute to collect myself. I couldn’t help the low moan that it pulled from my throat, and I couldn’t help but tug on his hair.

When it got to be too much I yanked hard, pulling him away from me. He obliged quickly and easily, his grip on my hips loosening. I could feel his eyes on mine and could practically imagine how pleased he would look when I opened my eyes. I lay back, determinedly keeping them shut. I couldn’t look at him now.

It was bad enough to fantasize about a student once, but twice? While my boyfriend was going down on me? What was wrong with me?

He kissed up my body until he got to my mouth. He paused to wipe his face, then leaned down and kissed me. I met his kiss but still didn’t open my eyes, even as he laid down next to me.

There were a few moments of silence before he asked, “Did that make up for the other night?”

I just groaned. I hoped he’d take it as a positive, but it was more annoyance at myself for doing what I’d done that other night and how the last three orgasms I’d had came so quickly after thinking about Emma.

He was silent for a few moments but I could feel his eyes on me and could tell that he was waiting for something. I slowly opened my eyes and looked at him. Guilt washed over me as I saw how happy he looked. I’d thought when I’d initiated this that I’d be able to just have sex with my boyfriend and it would be normal. Instead he’d gone down on me and I’d had an orgasm thinking about a student in the most cliché and frankly disturbing kind of fantasy.

Overwhelmed by the guilt, I pushed at him a little to get him on his back. I hurried to get him undressed and he eagerly helped me until he was naked as well. I straddled him and he looped a hand around the back of my neck to drag me down. I leaned down and met his kiss, my own hands busy as I lined him up to press inside of me and slowly sunk down on him. He interrupted the kiss with a gasp and his brow furrowed.

He grabbed my hips to hold me still for a moment, then slowly loosened his grasp. I began to rock against him, rising and falling just a little before making my movements bigger. I sat up straight again and he watched me, his eyes darting from my face to my breasts to where he was buried inside of me. I rode him harder and harder, wanting to give him something good out of this to try and assuage the guilt that had built up in me.

It wasn’t long before he grabbed my hips and pulled me down, then flipped us over. He managed to stay inside of me and he went straight to thrusting, his eyes shut and his brow drawn in concentration. I knew that look and knew he was close again.

He knew it too because he reached between us to rub small circles on my clit. I let out a soft yelp as his finger came in contact with the now hypersensitive bundle of nerves.

“You’re coming with me,” he mumbled determinedly.

At that point I honestly didn’t know that I could, not with how I was feeling about all of this.

So I did what any woman would do—I faked it.

I made a show of quiet moans, of writhing, of jerking into him, until finally I pushed myself up and arched into him, making my body tighten around him. He jerked out of his rhythm with a shuddering gasp, spilling inside of me, keeping himself moving if only to lengthen the feeling of orgasm. He slowed down after a moment or two, then pulled out of me.

I lay back on the pillows, my eyes closed, doing my best to look like I’d just been completely wiped out by him, and when he settled down next to me I curled into him.

“I love you,” he murmured softly. “I love you so much.”

I kissed him on the cheek and told him I loved him, too. The words felt hollow though. I was lying to him. Not about the fact that I loved him, but about everything we’d just done. I didn’t come thinking of him, and I’d just faked having an orgasm entirely so that he’d be happy. What kind of girlfriend was I?

He fell asleep soon after that. I stayed up that night, trying to sort myself out. I would just have to lay off the sex for the meantime and see if I could push these strange thoughts away. Once I did that I could go back to normal.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings: more smut but we're finally getting away from hetero sex!! (Last chapter was the last time we'll be seeing that.) 
> 
> This is a much longer chapter than the first couple of ones because here's where I started recognizing how short the they all were.

After Neal and Ruby had sufficiently freaked out over my new Wednesday afternoon plans, we’d gone to Ruby’s to hang out. We stayed together almost the entire weekend and they’d teased me mercilessly over Miss Mills. I didn’t see any end to the annoyances so I just ignored them.

When we got back to school on Monday they’d largely run out of new jokes to make so they had to let it go and I was relieved. I was excited for Wednesday but going to class Monday afternoon had me nervous for what Wednesday would be like.

Miss Mills came in right as the bell rang and settled down in her desk. She didn’t introduce a topic or start with a quote from the text that we’d be tackling like she normally did, she just put a movie into her computer, hooked it up to the projector, and brought it to the menu screen.

“We’re watching Kenneth Branagh’s _Hamlet_ over the next few days,” she said briskly. “It’s the most textually accurate version to date, totally unabridged, which makes it a 4 hour and 20 minute long movie. It’ll take up most of the week, but I’m sure with all the work your other classes are having you doing you won’t mind the break. Just be sure not to sleep or goof off. I’m showing you a movie to have you actually watching it. If you’re not paying attention then I turn it off and we go back to normal classes.”

The way she talked was so short and curt that I was a little thrown off. She looked miserable, and after she pressed play she immediately sat down at her desk and rubbed her eyes tiredly.

“You think she’s hung over?” Ruby murmured.

“Nah, she’s not the type,” I mumbled back. “She’s got to be stressed about something?”

“Maybe a fight with the boy toy?” Neal suggested.

We were quiet enough no one else could make out what we were saying but loud enough we were heard. Miss Mills glanced up sharply, her mouth opening to say something but when she saw me she shut it immediately and looked away.

I stared at her for a few moments before I finally looked at the screen.

“Let’s just shut up and watch,” I told them both.

We sat quietly for the rest of the hour, watching the movie without a word. I kept glancing over at Miss Mills, wondering what exactly it was that she was so upset about. She’d never done anything like this before and it was odd to see her this way.

In class on Tuesday and Wednesday she was the same, and it made me nervous for my meeting with her.

I waited outside of her office right before my scheduled meeting time, worried about how this was going to go. If she’d been distracted and unhappy for three days straight, I didn’t really think she was going to be better for the hour I had blocked off in her day.

I knocked the moment the clock hit the exact time I was supposed to meet her. I heard her call for me to come in and I opened the door.

She was sitting behind her desk with a stack of papers in front of her. She looked even more tired up close.

“Miss Mills?” I said a bit hesitantly.

“Hello Emma,” she said, not looking at me. “I’ve got your essay marked up and a few suggestions for it. Look through it and we can talk it over.”

She pointed at it laying out on her desk right in front of me. It seemed almost like she was keeping me at a distance. She still wasn’t looking at me, even as I closed the door and took the paper off her desk. I sat down in one of the chairs across from her, watching her for another few moments before looking down at the paper.

I started to go through it but I found that it was a lot harder to focus on it when she was in the room the way she was. She was distracting to begin with but the fact that she was acting so oddly was confusing. It took me a lot longer to read the paper and her comments over than it normally would.

When I finally finished, half the hour she’d set aside for me had gone by.

“I’m done,” I said after a moment of awkward silence.

“Good,” she said. “And what do you think about my critiques?”

“They’re fair,” I admitted. “Except I’m a little confused what you mean on page five?”

“I feel like I’m perfectly clear with what I’ve written,” she said simply.

“I’m just confused by what you wrote,” I protested, a little annoyed by how curt she was being. “You say that I need to add in some kind of evidence from the text but I have it in there. It’s literally half a sentence away from where you wrote your note.”

“You include evidence but not good evidence,” she said. “I thought I wrote that you had to change the evidence.”

“You just wrote, ‘Evidence,’ in big letters,” I told her.

“Ex _cuse_ me,” she said a bit dryly. “My pen must have run out of ink.”

“Why are you so hot and cold?” I asked without really thinking about what I was saying. “You were fine last week, I sent that link and you got mad, then you were fine, now you’re back at it again being crazy rude.”

Her brow arched and her lips pursed.

“I know you think you aren’t being rude but you are,” I added.

Her expression darkened.

“You do realize I’m doing this for you and I won’t get anything out of it, right?” she asked, her tone somehow both contained and furious. “I’m doing this because I thought I saw potential in your work. If you’d like we can stop and you can just throw this essay away.”

I couldn’t help but rise to her challenge.

“You’re kidding me, right?” I asked. “You’re the one who proposed this. You thought this thing was a good idea and I just went along with it because you’re—“

I realized I was about to say because she was hot and I managed to stop myself. I tried to think of something else to say but I paused for too long.

“I’m what?” she demanded. She stood up, bracing her hands on the desk as she leaned forward. For a woman who was just the slightest bit shorter than me she could be really intimidating when she wanted to be. “Please inform me what I am, Miss Swan. What about me forced your hand to better your chances of getting into colleges? To try something new and difficult?”

“You’re pushy,” I spat back. “You clearly wanted me to do it so I did it.”

“Let me make myself very clear here,” she said, moving around the desk to come closer to me. I wanted to back away as she stalked forward but I managed to stand my ground. She got so close to me that I noticed a scar on her lip I’d never seen before. I realized I was looking at her mouth and once more hated that I couldn’t focus on anything real when she was around. “I did this because I saw potential and thought I shouldn’t let it go to waste. I’m not doing this for you if you’re going to be ungrateful. If you believe I’m wasting your time, then fine, take your essay, take your obsession with making fictional characters gay, and leave my office. I don’t have the time or the patience for this.”

Somehow that only made me flare up more.

“I’m not obsessed with making them gay, they’re just straight up gay,” I snapped. “I saw evidence in the text and I rolled with it. It’s hardly subtext half the time. And you wouldn’t have suggested I try to get it published if you thought it wasn’t right and wasn’t good. Don’t pretend I don’t know you found it interesting enough that you did a bit of research on the topic yourself.”

She looked ready to murder me and somehow it made this argument that much more exciting to me.

“You sent me those links,” she reminded me. “I had no desire to look at anything like that when you sent them to me.”

“And after?” I asked airily. I was baiting her and it was working. “How many of them did you read? Better question—how many did you _enjoy_ reading?”

Her cheeks flushed red and I realized suddenly that I’d hit a nerve. I grinned.

“You actually did, didn’t you?” I asked. “I thought you’d just clicked, saw what it was, and then clicked away, but you stopped and read some of it. Didn’t you?”

“I only saw enough to know what kind of perverted things you’re interested in, Miss Swan,” she shot back but I could see I’d gained some control here. I think she could see it as well. “I have no interest in that kind of coupling, especially not when sent out of the blue by a _student_.”

“By coupling do you mean man on man?” I taunted. “Because if that’s the case I’ve got some Benedick and Beatrice stuff you might like. Or maybe some Viola and Olivia?”

She turned nearly crimson.

“I—I would never—“ she stammered. “I don’t want—I never thought about—“

The way she stuttered and balked and looked scared made me feel bad almost instantly. I saw the way she avoided eye contact now and knew that I’d won this. More importantly, I knew that she felt awkward about one of those suggestions and I could guess which one.

I made my guess and prayed it wouldn’t get me expelled.

“You know there’s nothing wrong with it, right?” I said slowly, softening drastically from how I’d been before once I realized I was in a very delicate situation. “That kind of pairing. Liking it. Wanting it.”

She shook her head.

“Miss Swan, I think it would be best if you left,” she managed to get out, her expression unreadable. “I believe we should put this whole idea to rest.”

“Miss Mills, I’m just saying that if there’s something going on that I got you thinking on when I sent those links, it’s not a bad thing,” I said. I was risking it. How did we get here from fighting?

She went from looking anywhere but at me to looking directly into my eyes. I froze on the spot and couldn’t look away if I tried.

“Why do you assume you made me think anything with those?” she demanded.

“Because you definitely did, didn’t you?” I shot back. “Even an idiot could read your reactions when I mentioned those.”

“Stop,” she ordered—pleaded?—suddenly. “Stop all of this. I take back my offer. I want you out of my classroom. I don’t want to see your essays, see your face, I don’t even want to _think_ about you in any way again—“

“What have you thought about me?” I cut in, unable to help myself. The conversation we were having was too promising for me to let her just go off about how mad she was and how she didn’t want me around.

“Miss Swan, please remove yourself from—“

“What have you thought of me?” I asked again.

She gave up trying to get me to leave and just stared at me. I couldn’t tell what was going on in her head or what she was battling with, just that she was fighting herself, steeling herself, clearly desperate to be out of this situation where she was holding herself back from something.

From me?

“Miss Mills, whatever it is, I won’t judge you for it,” I said, knowing full well that I was completely crossing the line—but then again I felt like we’d crossed a few lines a while ago. “I know what it’s like to keep secrets like that. Holding it back isn’t going to help anything. It’s just going to hurt in the long run.”

She still stared, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Her gaze stayed on me for a long couple of moments before it slid to the closed door behind me. I watched her look at it—check it?—before she looked back at me, and then took a step closer to where I stood, bringing us so close I could swear I was entirely consumed by the chocolate brown of her eyes and the smell of lavender I assumed was her shampoo.

When she leaned in it was a very quick, awkward motion, and I could tell from the touch of her lips against my own that she was absolutely terrified. She kissed briefly, so briefly I almost wondered whether it had actually happened. She pulled away as if she’d been stung, guilt flooding her gaze before she’d taken her first step back. She stumbled backwards and I followed her, making her take more steps back until she was against the desk. I hesitated about getting in her space, something about the way she looked at me making me want to keep my distance until I was told I was allowed to do otherwise.

She watched me for a few moments, looking terrified, like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I hated that she looked so worried because of me.

“You’ve never done that before, have you?” I asked, my voice quiet. She shook her head. “And did you like it?” She didn’t respond in the slightest. “It’s okay Miss Mills, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m not going to say anything to anyone. I—I like you too much to get you fired.”

I watched her as she very slowly inclined her head once. I wanted to let out a whoop of excitement. _She’d_ kissed _me_ , chose me as the first ever woman she’d kissed, and she’d _liked_ it.

“We can do it again,” I suggested, reaching out slowly and taking her hand.

“Emma,” she said, her voice strained as she knocked my hand away. “You need to leave.”

“I don’t see why,” I said. “I’m above the age of consent. I’m consenting. It’s just a kiss. I like you a lot. That’s four separate reasons off the top of my head.”

“Emma—“ she said again, and for the first time I noticed tears in her eyes.

“Please don’t cry because of me,” I said desperately. “I promise, there’s nothing wrong with feeling like this. I get that—“

“You don’t get it,” she snapped, suddenly getting angry. I had a funny feeling she didn’t like the idea of being vulnerable in front of someone else and she was lashing out to try and get the power back somehow. “You don’t get what it’s like to work your whole life for something and then have it threatened by a sudden, idiotic fantasy about some _woman_  half your age. Someone you have no right—”

She broke off, looking for all the world like she wanted to throttle me for putting her in this bizarre situation we found ourselves in. I realized suddenly what she’d said.

“A fantasy?” I asked. “What do you mean by a fantasy? What kind of fantasy? About who?”

I could see her jaw pulse as she clenched her teeth. I knew I’d have to drag it out of her.

“A sexual fantasy?” I pressed. “About someone half your age? About me?”

“Get out of my office,” she bit out through gritted teeth.

“You just kissed me,” I reminded her. “It’s not that hard to figure out.”

“Get _out_ , Emma,” she ordered again.

“No more Miss Swan?” I asked. “Look, Miss Mills, I’m not here to make your life more difficult than it has to be, but… Something weird happened today and both of us liked it. If I’m being frank here, I wouldn’t mind doing it again. If you want we can forget this happened but I don’t usually forget about things that I like. Plus _when_ we can’t forget it, it’s just going to make things more and more awkward. So I think we should just… Talk it out.”

I took a few steps back and sat down in the chair I’d been in before. With room to breathe she visibly relaxed, but I could tell she was still tense. She didn’t move an inch, just watched me, looking both furious and confused.

“I like you and I liked that kiss,” I started. “I’ve liked you for a while. I always like older women. Neal and Ruby think it’s ridiculous, but I can’t help who I like.”

I stared at her expectantly for a few moments while she just continued to sit there.

“Now it’s your turn,” I prompted.

“I’m dating a man named Robin Locksley,” she said, each word seeming to weigh heavily on her tongue. “I’ve been dating him for about two years now. We live together. He loves me and I love him. I love his son like he’s my own.”

She went quiet, seeming like she was done with what she was saying. My heart sank. If that was all true then what the hell was going on right now? What was she talking about fantasies and someone half her age and—

“But,” she said, letting the word hang there, letting a silence follow it that was even worse than the silence preceding it. She seemed to be trying to figure something out in her head. Probably how to say whatever it was that she was thinking.

“But?” I asked, the silence killing me a little.

“But you sent that email,” she said finally. “And I thought about it later. Robin and I… We were together and he… Finished. Quite a bit earlier than either of us anticipated. Which isn’t his fault. He’s done it before and it’s just that he gets so excited he can’t help himself.”

“Men, am I right?” I joked, hoping to bring some kind of levity to the situation.

My joke fell flat.

She eyed me for a moment before moving on.

“He finished early and fell asleep, so I went to the bathroom to—well, I—I hadn’t finished so I—“

“Took matters into your own hands?” I supplied. I’d never seen her at a loss for words or embarrassed. It was kind of cute.

She nodded once.

“I did,” she admitted. “And I accidentally started thinking about the email and what one of those links was about. And it all led back to you. And I had an orgasm thinking about you.”

The room went so silent I was certain you could hear my soul leave my body.

She’d had an orgasm while thinking about _me_? Miss Mills—Miss Regina Mills—had been masturbating and had come while thinking about _me_? A million questions flooded my head, mostly along the lines of what she thought about me doing to her, but what came out was something a bit more intelligent.

“So that’s why you’ve been acting weirdly,” I said. “Why you were awful the other day. And the next day you were better because…”

“Because it would be unfair of me to mistreat a student simply because of my own inability to control myself,” she said. I could tell by her tone that she truly believed that.

“And then when you were angry again after that?” I asked. “This whole week?”

“Robin wanted to make up for finishing without me and he went down on me,” she said, her face turning red again. “I kept building up and building up but never got anywhere. Until I thought about you again.”

I gave a low whistle.

She looked away.

“There’s no way in hell I’m keeping my job after this,” she said, pacing a little back and forth. “This is so unprofessional it’s astounding. I’m not even sure I’m going to allow it to get out for them to fire me over—I’m thinking I should just quit before that happens. I’ll quit and I’ll find something else to do.”

“Don’t,” I said quickly. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

She looked at me like she’d never expected that in a million years.

“And what do you want in return?” she asked. “An A for the year? No more homework? Money?”

“Nothing,” I said. I was sure my confusion was clear on my face. Why would I want anything from her? I’d already gotten a hell of a lot of good out of it—hell, the satisfaction of knowing the thought of me had made her come was enough of a good thing for me to be happy the rest of my life.

She froze. She really hadn’t expected that. She’d clearly thought I would use this situation to my advantage. She’d made herself vulnerable, whether by accident or by a lapse in judgment, and she’d expected to pay for it.

“Nothing?” she asked.

“Nothing,” I said again. “Look, I’m not that kind of person. What just happened here doesn’t ever have to happen again and I’m not going to say anything about it to anyone. You can relax, okay?”

She didn’t relax. Her expression changed slightly, looking almost contemplative.

“And what if it does happen again?” she asked, her voice wavering as if she was scared—terrified even—of the answer.

“Then I won’t say anything about that time either,” I said. I was praying I was understanding her correctly. I had a feeling she was proposing something but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions. Not when this situation was already more than absurdly delicate.

“Stand up,” she said. There was still an edge of fear in her voice but she sounded a bit more sure of herself than before.

I did so without hesitating.

“Come here.”

I was sure I’d lost all control over my own body as I moved closer to her without a second thought.

She met my gaze for a long moment before her eyes dropped to my lips. We were so close I could smell that lavender again. My brain was screaming at me to move forward and kiss her again but I wanted her to come to me. I wanted to know it was her decision. And I felt like a part of her wanted to be the one to make the decision.

Slowly, almost glacially, she leaned in. I felt my breath catch in my throat as her eyes fluttered shut and her lips pressed against mine. She felt hesitant but firm, like she wanted it but was scared the rug was about to be pulled out from underneath her feet.

I closed my eyes and leaned forward a bit, deepening the kiss as I tilted my head just slightly to the side, my hands moving to rest on her hips. She gasped and I took the opportunity to nip her bottom lip just the tiniest bit.

Something about that turned on a switch in her because she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me again, her mouth a little more demanding this time. I could feel her trembling just slightly under my hands and I tightened my grip on her hips.

She tasted like coffee and mint, and I wondered whether or not I tasted as good as she did. She didn’t seem to be pulling away, only ever sinking deeper into me and into our kiss. Her fingers buried themselves in my hair and it pulled a light moan from me. At the sound, her hips pushed forward barely an inch, but I noticed it.

Hunger rose in me and I pulled back just a little, breathless and more than a bit surprised by what she’d just done. She looked just as shocked as I felt. She didn’t pull away though and that gave me a bit of confidence.

“Have you ever considered that your fantasy from the other day might be a reality?” I asked her. “Because if you explain it to me it might become one.”

She let out a soft moan at that, her hands clenching in my hair.

“It was a school girl fantasy,” she admitted, not looking me in the eye.

I grinned.

“With the skirt and the pigtails and Mary Janes?” I asked.

“The skirt,” she said. “No pigtails. It made it dirtier. Just a ponytail. So I could see your face.”

I pulled away and went to my bag. I usually brushed my hair on the way to school or in Neal’s car in the parking lot when he drove me in because I was usually running late in the morning, and I just happened to have a hair tie. I pulled my hair back and tied it up, then looked at her. She was wide-eyed and her breathing was shallow.

“What else?” I asked.

“You were—“ she started, but she paused, looking uncertain.

“I was what?” I asked. “Tell me and it might happen.”

“On your knees for me,” she said. “Between my legs.”

“I was eating you out?” I asked.

She nodded, her cheeks flushed, but from the look in her eye I could tell it wasn’t with embarrassment this time.

I stepped back over to her and gently moved her back to her desk. When she bumped against it I slid my hands down her waist to her hips and felt around for a zipper. When I found it I slowly slid her skirt down, giving her time to back out or tell me off. She didn’t move to stop me.

The skirt fell from her when I dropped it and she stood frozen on the spot. I was watching her face the whole time, watching the emotions play out in her eyes, but then I had to look. I glanced down and found a lacy black number and groaned.

“On your desk or in your chair?” I asked her, surprised by how rough my voice was now.

“Chair,” she said quickly.

I moved away only slightly to let her by. She moved past me and went to her chair. By the time she sat down I was on my knees in front of her. I saw lust overtake everything else in her expression when she caught sight of me and I smirked up at her.

“Panties off, Miss Mills,” I said as I pulled at them.

She lifted her hips and I slid them down her legs, pulling them off over her heels. I wanted those to be left on. They were just too good to get rid of.

I ran my fingers lightly up and down her legs, then put them both onto my shoulders so my face was framed by her thighs. She was clinging to the arm rests of her chair as she watched me do all of this and if I couldn’t see she was eager in her expression then the sight of her glistening wetness would clue me in.

I leaned in and I heard her suck in a sharp breath before I even touched her. The desire I could hear made me all the more excited to do this.

The first brush of my tongue against her made her groan a lot louder than I’d expected. She bit her lip hurriedly as I parted her folds with a long lick and a smirk. I set in on her slowly, wanting to build her up, wanting to be sure this was as good as she’d imagined it.

The idea that she’d imagined it was incredible to me, and considering all that was happening it wasn’t really the most outrageous thing when I unbuttoned my jeans and slipped my hand inside. I rubbed slow circles on my clit while I ran my tongue across hers. She let out little whimpers, her body writhing in her chair.

Her eyes were half lidded and she never took her gaze off of me as I licked and kissed and sucked her skin, never staying in one spot for long. I was trying to figure out what she liked best for now so I could come back to it, but it seemed like she loved all of it. Every time I touched her it seemed like my face was coated with more and more of her arousal. It only ever made me want to get more.

She was chewing on her lip, trying desperately to keep from making any noise but when I wrapped my lips around her clit and sucked her eyes went wide and she let out a little yelp. I had to wrap my arms around her thighs to keep her from jerking away from me. It meant I couldn’t touch myself but it was worth it to keep her where I wanted her.

“Fuck, Emma,” she gasped. Her hand came down and she grabbed my hair by the ponytail, holding me against her. “Fuck, right there, please.”

With her begging like that I kept at it, sucking harder, flicking her clit with my tongue, not letting up. Her hips tried to buck forward but I held her too tightly.

I let one of her thighs go—not like it made a different with how tightly her thighs clenched around my head—and put my fingers at her entrance. I looked up at her a bit questioningly as I kept at her with my mouth and she nodded hastily. I pressed one finger in without any resistance and she moaned. I tried another finger and her head fell back against the back of her chair.

“God yes,” she whispered desperately.

I thrust my fingers harder and faster, working her better with my mouth all the while.

She arched out of the chair with what would have been a shout if she hadn’t had the sense to clap a hand over her mouth while the other held me to her. I didn’t stop for a second even as her body tightened around my fingers. She bucked and jerked, sweat dripping down her face and her wetness soaking my own.

I pushed her harder and harder until her face screwed up oddly and I slowly eased off of her. I didn’t want to push her too far, and the way she was acting and the way my face was coated with her arousal I knew she needed a moment.

She lay back against her chair, practically collapsing backward. I gently took her thighs off my shoulders so she could sit upright and not fall over, then waited while she caught her breath.

Her hair was rumpled out of its usually perfect style and I saw her shirt was sticking to her body from how much she’d sweat. I regretted not taking it off her—I hadn’t gotten a chance to see her breasts, and for some reason that irked me.

It was a solid five minutes before she cracked her eyes open and when she did I didn’t see a hint of guilt in her eyes like I’d kind of expected to.

“You’re too good at that,” she mumbled.

I grinned.

“Glad you think so,” I said. “Wouldn’t want to ruin the fantasy.”

She was quiet for a moment or two before she sat up straight in her chair.

“You were touching yourself,” she said.

I blushed and nodded.

“You would too if you were with someone like you,” I told her.

She laughed a little but reached down to put her fingers under my chin. She hesitated a moment before leaning in and kissing me.

“I didn’t even wipe my mouth,” I mumbled, embarrassed for some reason.

“I really don’t care,” she said simply. “I’m a grown woman who understands the human body. Besides that, what kind of person would I be if I didn’t kiss you after what you just did?”

I raised a brow but she kissed me again and I forgot about protesting.

“To go back to what I was saying earlier,” she said after a second or two, “you were touching yourself.”

“What about that?”

“I want you to stop touching yourself and let me do it.”


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More smut and angst here. No real warnings past that.

Watching the girl’s expression change from one of curiosity to one of absolute desire was delicious. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone look at me like that—not even Robin.

It occurred to me that I really shouldn’t want something like that, but I genuinely did. I wanted her. I wouldn’t have come so many times because of her if I didn’t. And now that I’d actually gotten her I felt a lot more comfortable around her.

Maybe fucking an eighteen year old wasn’t the best way to figure out how to be comfortable with her.

“Stand up,” I told her, “and get out of those jeans.”

Emma scrambled to stand up and she pulled at her jeans, managing to push them down her legs despite how tight they were. She kicked off the boots she wore and shoved the jeans down further but had to lean against the desk to catch her balance. While she did that I grabbed the jeans and tugged them the rest of the way down, tossing them away.

I stood from my chair and backed her against the desk.

“You said you liked me,” I said casually as I invaded her space. “After I kissed you, you said you liked me. Have you thought of me the way I’ve thought of you?”

She gulped and nodded.

“Tell me what you’ve thought of,” I ordered.

“Honestly I thought about what I just did more than anything,” she admitted sheepishly.

That caught me off guard. Emma fantasized about going down on me and not the other way around?

“Is that it?” I asked, unable to hide my surprise.

“Well not really, but the rest I don’t think we have the supplies for,” she said, not looking me in the eye.

“Explain.”

“You know how there are certain things lesbians bring into the bedroom to make up for the lack of a phallus?” she said, still not looking at me.

“I honestly haven’t given it much thought,” I said. “But that’s a good thing to remember.”

I didn’t realize how that sounded until she shuddered a little. It sounded like I was going to keep this going. Was I? I was certainly enjoying myself, and being with her made me feel things physically I’d never felt with Robin. But she was still a student of mine. That thought still hadn’t left my mind—it had just gotten pushed to the back.

I shoved everything negative about this situation away again.

“Is that all you’ve imagined?” I asked. “You eating me out and a strap on?”

She nodded and grinned a little sheepishly.

“I’d have come up with more but they did the job well,” she admitted.

I had to laugh at that.

“Well I suppose I can’t be annoyed at a lack of creativity then,” I said. Her grin went from sheepish to a little delighted. “I’m not going to lie to you, I’m going to need your guidance here. I’ve never had sex with a woman before.”

She smirked a little.

“So much for the experienced older woman,” she teased.

I arched a brow.

“Just because I’ve never been with a woman doesn’t mean I haven’t played with punishment so watch yourself,” I warned her with a little smile to let her know I was only joking around. It had an interesting effect on her and I watched her eyes darken considerably and a little shiver pass through her. “It seems like you would like that, wouldn’t you, Emma?”

She nodded a little, her gaze hungry.

“Perhaps we can visit that another time,” I said simply. “For now, I want you to help me get you off.”

I leaned into her and caught her up in a kiss. She moaned softly against my lips, her arms wrapping around my neck and pulling me in close. I let my own hands wander across her body eagerly.

Her skin was softer and smoother than I was used to. Not to mention that when my hands traveled across her hips they were rounded—the curve was somehow much more appealing than I would have expected.

“What should I do?” I asked her, my voice low.

“You could get my shirt off,” she said, her voice ragged. “And maybe you could use your mouth on me?” I must have looked surprised because she quickly added, “Not down _there_ —I mean unless you wanted to but—you know like… Like my chest and stuff?”

I grinned and kissed her again to keep her from babbling more. I tugged at her shirt and pulled it off, forced to break the kiss for only a moment before I crushed our lips together once again. I unclasped her bra quickly and easily, dragging it down her arms and tossing it onto my desk. I heard her giggle.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing, it’s just…” she said slowly before rushing on with, “You’ve never had sex with a woman but you took my bra off like it was nothing.”

“I’m a woman, too,” I pointed out. “I’ve had practice. I’ve been taking a bra off myself for—“

I was going to say longer than she’d been alive but that only threw in my face how strange this was, so I didn’t finish it.

She laughed outright.

“Good point,” she said.

She kissed me again and I sank into the kiss for a few moments before I moved my lips to her jaw and then down her neck. I heard a ragged moan slip from her lips when I let my lips drift across her pulse point and I paused there, kissing and sucking lightly. I was careful not to leave behind any marks, but the way she was breathing I knew I’d hit a good spot.

I didn’t spend long at her neck and I leaned down a little to wander further south. I reached the top of her breast and froze for a second or two before I pulled back. I eyed her chest for a moment, taking in the swell of her perky breasts, feeling a bit jealous that my own had nearly a decade and a half more of the effects of gravity to deal with.

I thrust that aside as I took a pink nipple in my mouth and she swore, her body shuddering. I felt her nipple harden between my lips instantly and she whined.

“God Miss Mills,” Emma mumbled. “You don’t feel like you’ve never done this before.”

I smirked against her skin and sucked a bit harder, my tongue flicking against her nipple as she’d done to my clit earlier. It didn’t take long for her to be begging me to give her more, chanting, “Please,” over and over again.

I held her other breast in one hand, kneading the flesh a little as my mouth paid attention to the first, occasionally switching it up, but I put my other hand on her waist. She bucked her hips against me, searching for some kind of relief.

I’d hesitated because of my own insecurities at her breasts, but here I had to stop entirely.

“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted a little sheepishly.

She groaned.

“I don’t need you to do anything but touch me,” she pleaded.

I tugged her underwear down. She kicked it away the second it was near her feet and she hopped onto the desk, spreading her legs.

“Just do to me what you like done to you?” she suggested.

I nodded and stepped between her legs. I hesitated before I put my hand at the apex of her thighs. We each drew in a sharp gasp as I did so—her because she wanted my touch, and me because I could feel how wet she was because she wanted it so badly.

“Please, Miss Mills, don’t play around,” she begged.

I had to say, I really liked hearing Emma talking like that. I slid two fingers through her folds, dragging a low moan out of her. Her head fell back instantly—she seemed like she was barely holding herself together right now.

“You’re so obscenely wet for me,” I observed casually, running my fingers through her drenched folds. Her eyes shot open and went wide as I began to talk and I could see from her expression I was on to something. “Do I always get you like this? Are you like this in class? Am I talking about Shakespeare’s most famous plays and you’re in the back fantasizing and getting wetter and wetter?”

She nodded a little and bit her lip, gnawing on it to hold back the noises she clearly wanted to make.

“Such a shame you have to wait until you get home to take care of yourself,” I said in what was almost a purr. “You have to go all class getting more and more aroused, and then you have to wait until you’re alone in your room to get off? Unless you don’t wait. You do tend to take a while when you go to the bathroom during my class period. Maybe you’re fucking yourself in the bathroom?”

“Only once,” she gasped.

I was shocked by the admission, but I grinned.

“You’re so hungry for me that you got yourself off in the bathroom while thinking about me?” I asked, kind of enjoying the thought.

She nodded again and I kissed her. I moved my fingers to her entrance and checked her face as she realized what I was doing. She looked so hopeful that I pressed two inside of her. They slipped in easily and she bit her lip so hard I was surprised she wasn’t bleeding. I lifted my thumb to rub her clit with every thrust. She’d said to do things to her that I liked done to myself so that’s what I was doing.

Her hips snapped into my hand wildly at the first few thrusts. I was struck with the realization that she was probably going to come any moment now. We’d hardly started but she was so ready for me that she was already right there.

“Are you going to come?” I asked her.

“I am,” she mumbled.

“Did I say you could?” I shot back. I didn’t know where it came from but I wasn’t sure I wanted this to be over yet. If it ended we would have to deal with the fall out.

She looked at me so desperately I had to struggle not to laugh.

“Did I?” I asked.

“Please Miss Mills,” she said again.

Something about the way that she said that, the hopeful begging, the desperate thrusting of her hips to meet my hand, the way I could feel her body tightening around my fingers, all of it came together to make me nod my head.

“Come for me,” I ordered.

Emma didn’t hesitate to let herself go, coming almost immediately after the words were out of my mouth. Her body went bone-snappingly rigid and her mouth dropped open to shriek but I covered it quickly with my free hand, my other hand never stopping.

I kept her up where she was for long enough that she grabbed my wrist.

“Too much,” she whimpered. “That was too big.”

I slowly pulled out as she came down from her high.

“Too big?” I asked.

“That orgasm,” she admitted with a blush. “I’ve never… Felt anything like _that_ before.” Almost as if she couldn’t just leave it at a compliment, she added, “Not bad for your first time out of the gate.”

I laughed and leaned in to kiss her again.

“You’re very responsive,” I told her. “It’s like every touch makes you jerk and every kiss turns into something deeper and more intimate.”

“I’ve wanted this since the beginning of the year,” she said with a sheepish grin. “Sorry I was a little excited.”

I had to laugh at that. I couldn’t deny that her wanting me so much made this that much better. I knew that my desire for her was reciprocated.

“So are you a domme or something?” she asked after a moment or two of silence.

“A what?” I asked.

“A domme,” she repeated. “A dominatrix? You like being in charge?”

“Why would you say that?”

“Just everything you said while you were doing that,” she said. “Like when you asked if you’d given me permission?”

“I like being in charge but I just didn’t want you to so we could keep going,” I admitted.

That clearly shocked her. She stared for a moment before her face broke into a huge grin.

“And you keep talking about remembering things for later,” she added, clearly a little nervous but still smiling. “Do you… Want to? Keep doing this?”

I wanted to move away but I stayed where I was, wrapped around her and wrapped up in her. I didn’t know what I could do. I certainly wanted to keep going. I hadn’t had sex that good in a really long time. But to use a student for sex?

“You’re my student,” I said a little evasively.

“That’s not what I asked,” she said quickly. “I asked you if you wanted to.”

“It’s not that easy,” I countered.

“It’s just a question,” she shot back. “Whether it’s a yes or a no, it’s just a question. One that I think I deserve the answer to.”

She could be bashful and shy, but when she really needed to know something she was so direct it was almost jarring. I couldn’t really argue with her on her point anyways—she did deserve an answer.

“I do,” I said. “I want to keep going and I want to keep doing this. But it’s not that simple. I’m your teacher for one thing. For another, you may be over the age of consent but that doesn’t mean that you’re not too young. Not to mention I have a boyfriend that—“

I froze, cutting myself off abruptly. I had a boyfriend. I had a boyfriend and I’d just had sex with someone else.

“Oh god,” I muttered.

She didn’t stop me when I finally detangled myself from her, hurrying to find my discarded panties and skirt. I managed to find both on the floor near my chair and pulled them both on. When I turned to look back at her Emma was getting her own clothes on, looking more than a little disappointed.

“Emma, I don’t—“

“Don’t worry about it,” she said quickly. “I get it. I won’t say a word.”

“Emma,” I started again, but again she cut me off.

“I promise, Miss Mills, I won’t breathe a word to anyone,” she said. “I shouldn’t have done this. I didn’t mean to put you in this situation. I just… couldn’t resist when you started things.”

“Emma please just stop talking,” I said. I needed a moment to think. I went to cover my face with my hands but I caught the scent of her on my fingers. I quickly dropped my hands. I began to pace. “This was not okay. This was a mistake on both our parts. I shouldn’t have used you like this and I shouldn’t have done this to Robin. And you… You shouldn’t have accepted this. This is something that could hurt you more than I think you know.”

“What does that mean?” she asked. “I’m not saying anything so I’m not getting hurt.”

“You don’t need to tell anyone about this for it to hurt you,” I countered. “You and me… I want this—physically. I want to experience that again, but I don’t want to be in a relationship with you.”

She looked so hurt by that comment that I felt like I had to explain myself.

“Other than our age difference and the difference in our positions, you and I know very little about each other,” I pointed out. “I really liked what we just did but what on earth are we meant to do here? Start dating and have a happy life together? Don’t be foolish.”

“I’m not being foolish,” she said, her brow furrowing and her lips turning down as she finished fixing her shirt. “I wanted to fuck you and you seemed like you were into it so I fucked you. I’m not the one who came into this with baggage.”

“Came into what?” I demanded—it sounded like she meant we were going into something together and that thought worried me.

“My mouth for starters,” she said coolly. I gaped at her, almost wanting to slap her but she was already moving on. “But this situation is all because of you. I didn’t come here because I wanted to get in your pants but we ended up kissing and I wasn’t about to say no. Not when I’ve thought you were hot for as long as I have. Not to mention you practically demanded it.”

I know that visibly winced at that.

“If I wasn’t your teacher would you still have done it?” I asked, a little nervously. When she looked confused I asked, “Did you feel like you had to?”

“What?” she asked. “No. I wanted to. I’ve already said a ton of times I like you and I wanted to.”

I sighed and had to recollect myself. That was slightly reassuring, but not in the best way. She was still young and still a student, and I was still in a relationship.

“Emma, I’m sorry but I need you to go,” I said. “I need you to go and I need us to forget this ever happened. I’m in a relationship and you’re my student. This was a mistake. Whatever you need me to do to help you transfer out of my class I’ll do it.”

“Wait, who says I’m transferring out of your class?” she demanded.

“Do you honestly think we can continue to interact after this?” I asked incredulously. “We had sex, Emma. It changes things between any two people, never mind people in our positions. I need you to transfer out of my class, and soon.”

“I’m not saying we have to do this again, but I don’t want to transfer out of your class this late in the year,” she said stubbornly. “I can handle myself like an adult. I _am_ an adult, even if all you see me as is a student.”

Her voice was so bitter it stung a little and I could see the hurt in her eyes.

“Emma, this will only get more complicated if we have more contact than this,” I said.

“You said you wanted more of this,” she shot back. “You said that you wanted to keep doing this.”

“And we can’t keep doing it,” I snapped.

“Will you shut up?” she said angrily. “I know you think that we couldn’t but we could, okay? If you really wanted to we could.”

“I’m in a relationship!” I practically shouted.

“Clearly it’s a good one,” Emma said without hesitating. I stared at her, my mouth hanging open in shock. She looked at me challengingly and it took everything in me not to throttle her. “Every good relationship has a moment where one partner is so unsatisfied with the other that they sleep with someone else, right?”

“My relationship with Robin is absolutely none of your business,” I informed her, desperately trying to control my tone. “I love him, he loves me. This was nothing but a mistake. A stupid mistake that I should have stopped from happening. My weakness doesn’t mean anything about my relationship, just about me. Now if you don’t mind, I’ve got things to do.”

She could clearly tell that anything more that happened between us at that moment was only going to be angry and hateful. She grabbed her things and glared at me.

“See you in class tomorrow,” she spat.

She turned and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. I realized I was shaking with rage and took a few moments to collect myself. All I could think about was how badly I needed a shower.

I gathered my things and left, heading straight home without another word to a single other person at the school. When I pulled in I saw Robin’s car was already in the driveway.

‘Of course it would be though,’ I thought bitterly. ‘Why wouldn’t he be home to welcome me like this?’

I got out of the car and headed to the door, readying myself to bolt. The moment I got in I rushed up the stairs. I heard Robin’s surprised, “Regina?” but only threw a quick, “Hi, I’ll be back down in a little bit!” over my shoulder in answer. I went to our room and went straight for the master bathroom.

I turned on the water in the shower and stripped down quickly. I needed to get in the shower as fast as I could. I needed to wash the blonde from me, needed to be clean of her. I needed the smell of her gone. I practically dove into the stream of water once it was warm enough and poured soap onto my hand. I scrubbed at my body hurriedly, lathering, rinsing, and repeating over and over and over. I was starting to calm down when I heard the door to the bathroom open.

“Regina?” Robin asked. “It’s been twenty minutes. Are you okay? You always shower in the morning.”

“I’m fine,” I said, maybe a bit more sharply than I’d meant to.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “It just seems… Odd. And I don’t want you to be upset.”

“I said I’m fine,” I snapped. “Now get out of here. I don’t need you hovering all the time.”

He didn’t say anything as he ducked out, shutting the door behind him. I was glad he was gone but at the same time riddled with guilt for being glad. It wasn’t that I didn’t want him around—it was that I didn’t want him around when I felt how I did. I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye, and I knew that. How could I in any case? I’d betrayed him. I didn’t really even deserve him then.

That just made me want to hold on to him all the more.

When the hot water ran out and I’d calmed myself down, I turned the water off and got out, using a towel to dry off. I hesitated when it came to dressing and instead of wearing my usual pajamas I took a pair of his pajama pants and one of his t-shirts. I looked in the mirror, eying the markers that were practically advertisements that I was his and he was mine. That was how it was, wasn’t it? But I’d been someone else’s just a few hours previously.

I slowly left our bedroom and went downstairs. Roland greeted me excitedly and I put on a smile for him. I could see Robin watching me carefully and almost nervously. We’d fought enough in the past that he truly disliked fighting me—that side of me wasn’t exactly his favorite—and I could tell he didn’t want to say the wrong thing.

That only made me feel worse. Here he was treading lightly so he wouldn’t upset me and I’d just cheated on him. I wondered if I should break up with him then—it wasn’t fair to him, right?

I shook it off. It was a one time thing. I wasn’t going to do it again and I wasn’t even going to really pay attention to Emma again. If I kept it to one time I could forget about it eventually, right?

I knew I was just making things up to make myself feel better.

“I’m fine,” I told him slowly. “I just… Had a strange day.”

“Okay,” he said. “Do you want me to make dinner tonight then?”

“I’m not all that hungry,” I admitted. “Just make something for you and Roland. I’ll fix something up if I need something later.”

He nodded and took a hesitant step forward before reaching out to rest his hands on my hips. I wanted to move away from him but I just smiled and leaned into him. I had to make it all seem okay. I needed to make him think that things were normal.

He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me while I leaned up and pecked him on the cheek.

“You would tell me though, right?” he asked. “If something was going on?”

“Of course I would,” I said quickly. “Now you should go make Roland something to eat.”

He nodded and kissed my forehead, then released me, heading off to go make something for his son. I watched him go, not feeling quite right. I’d just washed myself repeatedly but I still felt filthy, like I would never get the feeling of her touch off of my skin.

I glanced in a hallway mirror and saw myself in Robin’s clothes.

I was Robin’s girlfriend.

I was his, he was mine.

That was it.

I headed into the living room to join the two of them, finally gathering enough energy to muster up a smile and be able to handle a night with him and his son. I’d get past what I’d done eventually and things would go back to normal.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a super short one. Sorry babes. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and reviewing though!

“You did _what_?!” Ruby nearly screamed.

I had to turn down the volume on my laptop so her voice wouldn’t break my eardrum or my headphones.

“I slept with her,” I said, mumbling a little to avoid being overheard in case either of my parents were passing my room. “Well, not really slept. I feel like if you say that you imply you were in a bed, but it was more… A chair and against her desk.”

“You _fucked_ your _teacher_?!” she shrieked.

“Believe me, it’s not as fun as it sounds,” I told her.

“But it’s Mills!” Neal interjected from his little bubble on my screen next to Ruby’s. “That’s every dude at the school’s wet dream!”

“Well yeah the actual fucking was fun but afterwards kind of sucked,” I amended.

“What do you mean?” Neal asked. “I would think screwing her would be followed pretty much immediately by hours of utter bliss as you replay everything that just happened in your head over and over.”

“She got all weird,” I replied. “She wouldn’t stop saying how I was a student and how it was wrong and all that.”

“Well I mean she has a point,” Ruby said. “She’s your teacher. Things could get weird. Or if you ratted on her she’d probably be hit with all sorts of lawsuits.”

“I’m not going to rat on her,” I said, exasperated. “And I told her that a bunch of times, too. I didn’t expect that to happen when I walked into her office, but I’m sure as hell not going to get her in trouble for it. I wanted it. She was the one who seemed nervous about it anyways.”

“She seemed nervous?” Neal asked.

“She’d never been with a woman before,” I answered. “She had to get some help.”

“Oh my god, tell me what she needed help with,” Neal begged. “I need to know.”

“Shut up, Neal.”

“Please, Emma! I won’t tell anyone what she did, I just have to know.”

“You don’t need to know anything other than we had sex, all right?” I shot back angrily.

“As your fake boyfriend, I think—“

“Neal, just shut up,” Ruby interrupted.

He pouted for a moment but he went quiet.

“What are you going to do?” Ruby asked. “Are you going to try to get her to do it again?”

“I don’t think so,” I said with a shrug. “I don’t think I’m going to do much of anything. I mean at first she seemed nervous, and then afterward we got into this big fight and she went on about her boyfriend that she loves and all that bull. I think it was just a one-time thing. She wants me to transfer out of her class.”

“Are you going to?” Neal asked.

“Nope,” I said. “I worked too hard in her class to withdraw now. I’m not catching up on some other teacher’s work.”

“This is insane Emma,” Ruby said, her eyes wide. “I’m so excited and confused and delighted by this all at once.”

“How do you think I feel?” I shot back.

She just grinned.

“Someday you’ll look back on this fondly,” she promised. With a wink she added, “Maybe you might even look back on this fondly tonight.”

I rolled my eyes.

“And I think that’s my signal to sign off,” I said. “I’m gonna go to bed. I’m honestly just kind of done with today.”

“I’d want to live in today forever if I were you,” Neal grumbled.

We signed off a few minutes later, all saying good night and promising to meet up the next morning after I’d sworn them both to secrecy. I knew that I’d had to tell them, but it was definitely a risk doing so. I trusted them both implicitly, but if they slipped up even the slightest bit then Mills’ job was on the line, and I didn’t like the idea of being the reason she got in trouble.

The truth was I knew exactly the kind of shit that all this would stir up if it got out. I knew she’d be fired, possibly hit with a lawsuit of some kind, and she’d never work in teaching again. I’d probably be shamed as well, not to mention outed to my parents. She’d be outed as well, though with how she was talking about that guy I didn’t know that she’d be outed the way I was. She would probably be broken up with, too.

All of those came together to make me want to keep my mouth shut, but I also didn’t want to stop. She’d been this forbidden fruit for so long, and now I didn’t want to give it up.

I sighed as I settled myself into bed. She was too hot to truly let this fantasy go, but she was also kind of a bitch. That was a huge issue as well. She got offended easily and when she got offended she went straight for the jugular. And when she felt like she wasn’t fully in control I could tell she was willing to fight until she got back on top.

I wondered for a few moments what exactly her deal was. Before I’d sent her the link to the fanfiction website I didn’t know anything about her other than she taught my English class and a few other English classes. Now all I knew was that she was an English teacher with a boyfriend, loved that boyfriend, loved that boyfriend’s son, but was also a secret queer top—and that queerness was so-far undefined. I didn’t know if she was gay or bi or pan or whatever, all I knew was that she was definitely way more into pussy than she let on to anyone else.

None of that told me anything about getting a read on her though. With her throwing up so many walls I didn’t know how I’d be able to get a better one. Maybe she’d just stay a mystery.

Then again, I didn’t mind the thought of solving that particular mystery.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing to warn in this one. I had to fiddle with Kathryn's name so I made up a surname for Jim/Frederick's SB counterpart.
> 
> I also put Storybrooke somewhere around Belfast, Maine, but in a vague sense. It's not actually going to come up in so many words but that's always where I place it in my head.

I spent the night and the next morning hating myself while I tried desperately to make it up to Robin without him knowing how guilty I felt. I was a dutiful girlfriend to him, even to the point of waking up early to fix him a real breakfast before he went to drop Roland off at daycare and head to work. If he’d suspected anything he hid it behind an endlessly pleased smile.

Walking into the building was a different kind of personal hell. I knew that no one else but Emma knew, but I still felt like every single person I passed was looking at me. It was somehow both very public and very private embarrassment. I could hardly stand it.

I made my way to the science wing and headed for the faculty offices. I didn’t bother knocking on Kathryn’s door before I stalked in.

“I need to talk,” I said, settling myself down in one of the chairs in her office.

Kathryn Anderson—arguably the only tolerable coworker I could find in that place, and my best friend on top of that—didn’t hesitate to drop what she was doing and turn her attention to me. She looked confused as all hell though, so I didn’t beat around the bush.

“I slept with someone other than Robin,” I blurted out before I could stop myself. “And I don’t know what to do next.”

Kathryn’s brow shot up in surprise.

“You cheated?” she asked, her voice low so she wouldn’t shout it in her shock.

“I cheated,” I said miserably. “With someone much younger than him, too.”

Kathryn looked at me like she wanted to slap me but also wanted to know more.

“You know cheating is what ended my first marriage, right?” she asked pointedly. “When he cheated I immediately left.”

I knew the saga of her first marriage very well. She’d been Kathryn Davis once—until she’d discovered her husband was in love with another woman. Whether he’d actually been sleeping with the other woman or not, it was clear that he didn’t love her, and Kathryn hadn’t hesitated to leave him. She’d met Jim Anderson, her second husband, at her job at the high school. Her ex husband had married the other woman and they had lived happily ever after as it were.

‘All’s well that ends well, I suppose,’ I thought for a moment. I had to shake myself of that thought.

“I don’t need a lecture, I need to know what to do,” I said. “When your ex cheated, did you want to know? Did you… Would you have been happier if you’d never found out?”

“He cheated because he didn’t love me,” she said. “And if I’d stayed with him then we’d have not loved each other and eventually just been miserable.”

“Yes but if you had loved each other,” I amended. “Would you have wanted to know then?”

She was quiet for a few moments before she nodded.

“I think I would have wanted to know,” she said. “I mean… People cheat for a reason. Whether it’s because they’re not happy in their relationship or there’s something the other person can provide that their partner can’t… Or there’s something going on with the cheater. There’s always a reason. And whatever that reason is, it can really affect the couple.” She eyed me for a moment. “Are you going to cheat again?”

“No!” I said quickly. Maybe too quickly. “I mean—I did enjoy it. Maybe a little too much. I enjoyed it more than I have sex with Robin lately. I even… I didn’t enjoy sex with Robin _enough,_ if you know what I mean. It took until I was thinking about this girl for me to get anywhere.”

Kathryn’s jaw dropped.

“This girl?” she asked. If she’d been surprised before she was utterly astounded now.

“I know,” I said, sounding tired, but my cheeks were bright red. “It’s a bit out of left field.”

“I just never knew you were into women,” she said.

“I know,” I admitted. “This was… sudden, and very unexpected. But I like this woman a lot. A lot more than I should. And the sex was phenomenal. But I’m with Robin and I love him, and this girl is… A lot younger than I am. And our positions are a little complicated.”

“Your positions like your physical positions when you’re—“

“No, and don’t be intentionally obtuse,” I snapped. She grinned. “I mean that the two of us really have no rights to be doing anything like that, even once. For so many reasons.”

“Who is it?” she asked. “Do I know her? Is she one of the women from that book club we were a part of for like, two seconds? There was that girl Jane, she was young and pretty.”

“You don’t know her,” I said curtly, even though I knew for a fact Kathryn had Emma in one of her classes. “I just… I need to know if I should break things off with Robin. You’ve been on the crappy end of this stick so I need to know what you would have wanted.”

Kathryn was quiet for a long time, her lips pursed as she thought about it.

“Are you planning on doing it again?” she asked after what felt like forever.

“I’m not planning on it, no,” I said.

“If an unplanned situation arises where it’s possible you could cheat with this woman again, would you go through with it?”

I opened my mouth to say that I wouldn’t but my words stuck in my throat. Right there she had her answer.

“Break up with him,” she said.

I sagged.

“I can’t just break up with him,” I protested. “I live with him. I love him. I love his son. I love being a family with him and Roland.”

“Not enough not to cheat,” she said, and it cut deep to hear it said so bluntly. “Look, if you were really invested in being with Robin, you wouldn’t have done this. That’s the plain and simple truth of it. If you knowingly cheated then you knowingly betrayed his trust. You need to accept that and face the facts.”

I looked at the floor, stewing in my own misery. I wanted to hate Emma but it had been my fault it had happened and I knew that.

“You’re right,” I said.

“I know.”

I shot her a look and she softened a little.

“Regina, this sucks, but maybe you need to break up with him for yourself, too,” she said. “You might have done this because you really don’t feel as strongly for him as you think you do and this is a sign you shouldn’t keep yourself in this relationship.”

“This is a sign that makes me feel absolutely disgusting,” I admitted.

“Honestly, good,” Kathryn said. “Because cheaters suck.”

I dropped my gaze to the floor. Out of all the things I’d ever considered myself, a cheater was not one of them.

“Just do what’s right,” Kathryn said, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. “You made a mistake, now it’s time you fixed it. And fixing it means doing right by Robin and by yourself.”

I nodded and tried on a wan smile.

“Thanks, Kathryn,” I said. “I… I’ve got to get to my first class.”

“No problem,” she said. “Let me know if you need me for anything after you deal with this.” I could tell she was disappointed in me but she was a supportive friend no matter what.

“I will,” I promised.

I turned and headed towards my own office to quickly drop off my things and grab what I needed for my class. I knew it would be difficult to focus that day, but I had to at least try to seem normal. If there was one thing I knew that I needed to work on after the past two weeks it was keeping my concentration in classes. Emma had mentioned that I’d been acting strangely, and I knew I couldn’t be so obviously off.

I made it through the first few classes and lunch, and then had a lull in the day with nothing to do but grade and agonize over my predicament. I was almost glad for my last class of the day, but it was my senior class, and that meant facing Emma again.

When I got to the classroom, almost everyone was already seated excepting the typical stragglers. I gave them the few moments before the bell rang to show up and shut the door just as Killian Jones—a particularly smarmy young man who very obviously thought he was god’s gift to the world—slipped into the classroom. He found his seat, looking pleased with himself for cutting it so close.

Rather than roll my eyes and get annoyed with him I forced myself to be as up as possible. I didn’t want to seem moody or unpleasant—not with Emma watching. And of course she was watching. I could feel her watching my every move though I didn’t look at her once, and it definitely wasn’t the attentive student version of that either.

What was she thinking about me? Was she still angry from the day before? Probably. I would be angry if I were her. I’d have felt used. I would want revenge. Maybe she would tell someone about what had happened. I had to figure out something to do to keep her quiet—if she told anyone it would ruin me. I’d just have to come up with something good to get her to stay silent on it.

I realized how that sounded and hated myself just that little pinch more knowing I’d be bribing a student to keep their mouth shut about me fucking them in my office.

“We’ve got the last half an hour or so of the movie to watch today,” I said, trying to sound cheery. It was forced and I knew it, but I didn’t stop. “If we have time when we’re done we’re going to be discussing a few scenes and a few decisions the actors made in their roles in comparison to what played out in the book.”

I set up my computer, turned off the lights, and hit play, retreating to the desk at the front of the classroom. I turned my chair around to watch the movie, looking for anything to keep myself from looking at Emma.

Despite the last scenes in the movie being the most eventful ones, I could feel her gaze on me the entire time. I chanced a glance at her once, expecting to find her glaring, but she was just examining me, looking almost curious. I looked back up at the projection, glad that it was dark when I felt heat rising in my cheeks.

I looked back a few more times, pretending that I was checking on the class. Each time I made eye contact with Emma, and each time I knew she hadn’t looked away. I caught Neal and Ruby looking over a few times as well and they quickly averted their gaze to the movie each time. I wished Emma would as well.

When the movie ended we still had a bit of time left in class and I was thoroughly thrown off to the point where I simply allowed the students to run their own discussion. Luckily there were a few amongst them who liked the sound of their own voices enough to keep the conversation going until the bell rang.

I collected my bag as quickly as I could and headed back towards my office to gather the rest of my belongings so I could head out. It was Thursday, so I had to pick up Roland from daycare.

I had just picked up my stuff and was turning to leave my office when I caught sight of Emma. She was just feet away from my door and she looked intensely determined. Without hesitating, she stalked in and shut the door behind her.

“Emma, I can’t do this now—“ I started but she cut in before I could say anything more.

“I just need to say my piece and then I’ll be out of your hair,” she said. She didn’t even stop for breath or to prepare herself, which made me think that she’d been preparing her speech for a while. “I like you a lot. I’ve liked you since the beginning of the year and what I said about getting off thinking of you was true. So you’ve got to understand that what happened yesterday was like… basically a fantasy come true, and not just my fantasy but every woman-loving male in this school’s fantasy. You’re crazy hot and a fantastic lay.”

I was sure that my face was beet red by that point and I gaped at her openly. I’d expected yelling and scolding and threats, not compliments.

“But—“

Ah. There it was.

“You’re also crazy,” she continued. “You’re hot and cold and hot and cold. First you’re talking about getting off thinking about me going down on you and then you’re kissing me, then suddenly you’re saying it’s wrong, then I’m actually going down on you, you come, you have a good time, and _then_ you’re this awful bitch going crazy with guilt and you’re throwing up all these walls to protect yourself from someone who isn’t even going to try to screw you over. What the hell is your problem? Are you just toying with me? Is this some mid-life crisis for you? You owe me the truth here, and I’m not leaving until you tell me.”

I stared at her for a long moment, impressed with her bravery despite myself. I should have been angry with her, but despite the fact that she’d begun to ramble towards the middle there, she did have a point—I owed her some insight into what was happening.

I also needed to pick up Roland though.

“Emma, I meant it when I said I can’t do this now,” I said. She opened her mouth to argue but I put up a hand. “It’s not because I don’t think you’re right because you are. I have to be somewhere. It’s Thursday and I have to pick up Roland from daycare.”

It was Emma’s turn to be thrown off. She’d clearly built up so much steam that she’d been ready to plow through anything, but thankfully she seemed the type to understand something like daycare pick-up times because she was deflating.

“I—oh,” she said slowly. “But—“

“I said you were right,” I said. “I do owe you an explanation. I’m willing to sit and talk with you about this if you really want to, but it has to be at another time, and it _cannot_ be in this school.”

She’d clearly been expecting a fight and my refusal to rise to it was disconcerting to her.

“Where should we talk then?” she asked. “Have you got a place?”

“With Robin,” I said. “So it can’t be there. And I’m assuming you live with your parents?” At her nod of confirmation I went on. “Then we’ll have to find somewhere else.”

“Ruby lives with a couple other people in an apartment,” Emma said. “It’s a bit small and a bit claustrophobic but she wanted to get away from her Granny. She’d let us talk there.”

“You said you wouldn’t tell anyone and your classmates in particular _cannot_ know—“

“She knows,” Emma said, green gaze dropping to the floor as she adopted a sheepish look. “Ruby and Neal… they’re my best friends—I basically _had_ to tell them.”

I stared at her for a long time, wishing in that moment that I could bury my hand in her chest, rip her heart out, and crush it right in front of her eyes. Not only did this girl have a secret that could ruin my career and my life, she had told two of her friends.

I pinched the bridge of my nose for a moment, closing my eyes tight. After a deep breath, I opened them again and forced my hands into the pockets of my slacks so she wouldn’t see they were balled into fists.

“Okay,” I said. “Okay. That’s okay. As long as you trust they won’t tell anyone that’s fine. You’re a teenager. You gossip. That’s what teenagers do. I’m sure I’d have wanted to tell someone if I were your age and did something like that.”

“It’s not because I’m a teenager,” she protested, her brow furrowing in annoyance. “It’s because you’re hot and confusing as hell and I needed advice.”

“And you got some?” I questioned.

“No, I just had Neal asking for details and Ruby shrieking in my ear.”

I wanted to throttle her. It made sense now why those two had been staring at me strangely through half the class.

“I’m not meeting you to discuss this at your friend’s apartment,” I told her firmly. “We’ll meet somewhere more private.”

I thought for a long moment. There weren’t many private places to meet in Storybrooke. It was a small town in a small county. Everyone knew everyone. But there was a motel just outside of the county on the way to Augusta that was unlikely to be densely populated.

“Can you drive?”

She nodded.

“Good,” I said. “Give me your cell phone.” When she handed it over I plugged in my number and saved it under the title ‘R’ before handing it back. “That’s my number. Text me so that I have yours and I’ll send you the address to a place we can meet that’s out of town. We’ll meet at that address tonight at ten, okay?”

“It’s a school night,” she said. “My parents will—“

“Just find a way,” I said, waving my hand. “If you want to talk about this then this is when we’re going to talk about it.”

Emma hesitated a moment or two before looking down at her phone. She tapped the screen a few times and then looked back up at me. A second or two later I heard a ‘ping!’ from my bag that signaled she had sent me a message.

“Now that’s settled, I have to pick up Roland,” I said briskly. “I’ll see you tonight.”

I picked up my things and began to move towards the door again. She moved out of the way and let me through. I stalked out, not looking behind me even though I knew I should lock my office door. I didn’t hear her following which was a relief. I had too much on my mind to get done that afternoon to deal with her following me around.

I knew I had to be present for Roland though, and I forced myself to turn my mood around. Though he was only five, he was observant enough that he would figure something was strange if I acted oddly.

I realized with a jolt that I hadn’t thought much about how this would play out for Roland. I’d been dating his father for two years. He had no memories of his birth mother, but I was most likely the closest thing he had to a mother. I loved him like I was his mother. When I broke up with Robin I would lose Roland in the process.

It occurred to me that I could avoid the whole situation and just not tell Robin, but I knew I had to stick to what I’d told Kathryn I would do. It wasn’t kind to Robin if I was thinking of someone else and had slept with someone else. I would just have to deal with the consequences of my actions.

With that thought I wished I’d never laid eyes on Emma Swan.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, no warnings.

My parents always went to their bedroom to sleep at 9 on the dot on weeknights. They weren’t crazy old but their jobs had them waking up early so they went to sleep really early. It was annoying because they usually expected me to go to sleep early, too.

Their typical punctuality with their sleep schedule was a constant, but obviously on a night I was trying to sneak out of the house they were running behind. 16 minutes behind to be precise. The motel Miss Mills had given me the address of was 28 minutes away from my house, so I had to get out of the house and leave within the next 16 minutes to get to the motel by 10 exactly. I watched the display of the clock in the corner of my computer screen as I listened to my parents bumble around.

“Seriously Mary Margaret, where could they have gone?” Dad called out from downstairs.

“I don’t know,” she yelled back. “Have you checked under the key hooks in the shoe rack?”

“At least thirty times!”

“I don’t know what to tell you then, David.”

I was cursing under my breath. Not only did I need them to go to bed, but I needed them to find the keys they’d been searching for. Of course the night I needed to sneak out and take the car they were awake and had lost the damn things.

I heard my dad moving through the house talking to himself. When a string of curses floated up from downstairs my mom shouted, “David! Watch your language!” down to him. He called up a sheepish apology and lowered his voice. I could still hear him talking to himself and bumbling around but now I couldn’t make out what he was saying.

The clock read 9:23. I had nine minutes to be in the car and pulling out of the driveway if I wanted to be there precisely at 10.

“Aha!”

The triumphant cry came from the first floor and I breathed a sigh of relief.

“They were wedged in the couch cushions, honey!” Dad called up the stairs.

“Good,” Mom said, “now get up here. I’m tired and don’t want to listen to you clomping around anymore.”

I heard Dad’s footsteps on the stairs and as he made his way past my room he waved and said, “Good night, princess,” before heading to their room.

“They must’ve been in my back pocket and fallen out into the cushions when I sat down,” I heard him say before I heard the click of their door shutting.

The second I heard that click I shut down my computer and practically lunged for my shoes and my bag. I didn’t put my shoes on just yet, instead carrying them as I crept out of my room and down the hall. The stairs and first floor weren’t carpeted so my sneakers would make too much noise on the wood, but my socks would be silent.

I made it downstairs and to the key hooks by the side door, snagged Dad’s car keys, and headed out for the truck. We only had the one vehicle because Dad dropped Mom off at work every day, and though I’d been trying to convince them to buy me a car since I’d gotten my license I hadn’t had any luck with it.

I checked my phone to see the time and breathed a sigh of relief—9:30. I’d be out of the driveway in time to be there with a minute or two to spare if I didn’t hit any traffic. And it was almost ten at night—I wasn’t bound to hit much in Storybrooke.

I got to the truck and tried my hardest to open the door, get in, and close it again as quietly as possible. The really nerve-racking part was actually starting the damn thing. It roared to life like a beast from prehistoric times and I hit the pedal as quickly as possible, hoping my parents would assume it was someone else driving by. If they heard it at all—once they were in bed they were out like a light and heavy sleepers. I just hoped they’d fallen asleep right away.

I drove about five miles over the speed limit through most of my drive with the exceptions of the speed traps I knew of, but I didn’t actually see any cops and counted that as a win. With how fast I was going I actually made it out of Storybrooke quickly and ended up in the motel parking lot with five minutes to spare. I checked my phone again and saw which room she’d gotten, parked in front of it, looked around to be sure no one was around, then got out of the truck. I bolted to the door of room 14 and knocked hurriedly. She answered in just a few seconds and I rushed inside with her pulling the door shut behind me.

“You made it,” she said.

“I wanted my answers,” I countered.

“Fair enough. I hope you didn’t have to go to too much trouble to get here.”

She turned and went to sit on the bed, perching on the edge carefully. She looked wildly uncomfortable and that didn’t bode well for the conversation we were going to have.

I didn’t sit on the bed, instead heading to the small desk shoved into the corner and pulling out its chair. I sat down and looked around the room for a moment or two. It wasn’t huge and it wasn’t fancy, but it was quaint and cute. I wondered how she knew of it. It wasn’t like it was far out of town, and there wasn’t anything interesting in the immediate area of the motel. Maybe she’d come here for a getaway or something. Maybe she’d come here with that Robin guy. I halted that line of thinking right there.

“You want answers from me,” she said, interrupting my train of thought. I was thankful for that considering I couldn’t figure out how to get off the idea of her sneaking away to this motel with some guy.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Ask your questions then.”

I took a moment, wondering where to start. I figured I’d start with the biggest question.

“Why did you think of me during sex?” I asked.

“I’ve already explained that,” she said almost tiredly. “The first time I was trying to get off and your emails were fresh on my mind which led me to think of you. The second time I was trying to get off and you just… came to mind.”

“But how did I come to mind?” I asked. “Like… when someone’s eating me out I’m not exactly thinking about much else. The first time I get, you were masturbating, you’ve gotta have a fantasy for that, but the second time is what I don’t understand.”

“I must have just had it lurking in my subconscious,” she said, waving her hand as if it were nothing but I could see the blush creeping up her cheeks. It was odd—I’d never seen her as anything but calm and collected but in the last two weeks I’d see her all different kinds of flustered.

“It?”

“You.”

“Oh.”

We fell silent for a moment or two and I mulled that over. That sounded less promising than I’d initially imagined. The fact that she’d gotten off when she thought of me still sounded pretty good, but it seemed like less of her _wanting_ to think of me and more of her _accidentally_ thinking of me.

“You weren’t planning on us having sex, right?”

“God no,” she said quickly. “That was not planned in the slightest. I had only intended to work with you on your essay. What happened was a fluke.”

I frowned. I hated that she kept calling it a mistake. I knew it was in her book but it was fun for me.

“Have you ever considered being with a woman before me?” I asked curiously.

This question stopped her in her tracks. Whereas she’d answered the previous two questions promptly this one clearly caught her off guard, and she looked away from me. She seemed to wrestle with it for a long time.

“Remember you agreed you owed me the truth,” I said after a moment.

She sighed.

“It’s complicated,” she said. “And personal. Very personal.”

“It’s just a yes or no question.”

She chewed her lip before she nodded.

“Yes, I have considered it.”

“But you’ve never been with a woman before.”

“I said I’d never kissed or had sex with a woman before,” she corrected me.

It was my turn to be caught off guard. I stared at her, waiting for an explanation. She seemed to realize we’d hit an impasse after a full minute of me waiting because she sighed and then took a breath.

“I was younger than you,” she said. “I had a best friend at the barn that I used to take horseback riding lessons at, Danielle. When we were fifteen, we were with some of the other girls and the group was talking about boys. Danielle and I weren’t very interested and Danielle mentioned how she didn’t like boys, she liked girls. The idea was insane to everyone—including me. But I sat on that knowledge for a while and after a bit of thinking talked to her about it. A sort of relationship developed between us. All we ever did was hold hands. It ended poorly. That’s the only time I’ve allowed myself to consider it. I’ve only been with men after that.”

Her story ended so abruptly I knew that there had to be more.

“So you and this Danielle dated but in the middle school sense where you don’t actually do anything,” I said, mostly looking for clarification.

“Exactly,” she said. “So yes, I’ve considered it, but I hadn’t ever actually kissed a girl or slept with a woman before you.”

“Okay,” I said.

I sat back in my chair for a bit, ruminating on the new information. I wanted to know more about why her little relationship had ended, but the way she’d ended her story and the way she looked so defensive now had me thinking trying to get it out of her would be like pulling teeth.

“So you cheated on your boyfriend to have sex with me,” I said, trying to take stock. “And you’re clearly ashamed of it now, but when we were doing it you kept talking about things you had to remember for later like we were going to do it again. Do you want to do it again?”

“Yes,” she answered, the honesty and pain of that answer clear in her gaze.

“But you’re with someone.”

“For now,” she said.

I raised a brow.

“I’m breaking up with him,” she said. “I can’t do something like that to him. I spoke with Kathryn about it—“

“Wait, you can tell your friends we screwed but I can’t tell my friends?” I interjected.

“I told Kathryn that I slept with a younger woman and that I was unfaithful to my significant other,” she said tersely. “I neglected to identify who it was that I was being unfaithful with. I didn’t care that you’d told someone of a conquest or whatever you’d like to call it, I objected to the fact that you openly told them who I was despite the inherent risks of naming me.”

I had to back down at that, and after a moment she continued.

“I spoke with Kathryn about the situation and she suggested that if I was having sex with someone other than Robin it was because there was something wrong. It’s either with me or my feelings towards the relationship, but whatever the reason is I can’t do this to Robin. I have to think of how I would feel if something like this happened to me. I would want to know and I wouldn’t want to be with the person who was cheating on me. So I’m telling him that I slept with someone else and I’m breaking it off with him.”

“That sounds brutal,” I said.

“It’s not fun to think about doing—“

“No, not for you, for him,” I said. She looked surprised for some reason and I plowed on. “You’re gonna tell him you had sex with someone else and then dump him? What the hell is wrong with you? Just dump him and be done with it. Don’t break him.”

“It would seem out of the blue if I didn’t explain why,” she said. “We haven’t had any fights or problems at all in ages. I don’t want him to wonder why or think there’s something wrong with him. I _do_ love him and don’t want him to suffer. I just obviously don’t love him enough, and that’s not fair to him.”

“He’s going to suffer no matter what,” I said. “Just leave him with some dignity, god damn. That would destroy me if someone said they’d cheated on me and then dumped me immediately after that confession. I’d want to be the person doing the dumping if someone told me they’d cheated.”

“So I should tell him and let him break up with me then?” she asked.

“Christ, I don’t know, just don’t be such a dick about it,” I said.

She watched me for a moment before nodding.

“I supposed I’ll… have to think about it then,” she said.

We were quiet for another few moments. I watched her as she determinedly looked at her nails, picking at them a little bit.

“When you’re single again will you want to have sex with me again?” I asked bluntly.

She looked up at me and seemed to consider it.

“I want to have sex with you again now,” she said, her tone holding an edge of shame and embarrassment. “But it shouldn’t happen. Even if I’m going to break up with him and even if I’m single, I’m still your teacher. I’m still much older than you are. I couldn’t possibly—“

“I just wanted to know if you wanted to,” I said, unable to hear her reasons why not yet again. “I don’t care if it should or shouldn’t happen, I just wanted to know if you did.”

“Why?” she asked.

“Because I still want to have sex with you,” I answered simply. “Even if you’ve been acting like a psycho and biting my head off I still enjoyed myself and you still seem interesting. Probably says a bit about me that I’m still into you but there we go.”

We were silent for another long period before I got sick of it.

“Look, Miss Mills, I—“

“Regina,” she said.

I stared for a moment.

“You’ve been face first between my legs,” she said. “I think you can call me by my first name.”

I cleared my throat and nodded.

“Okay, Regina,” I said. “I don’t want to push you to do something you don’t think you should do, but if we both want it and you’re going to be single, why don’t we just try it out? You’re only my teacher another three-ish months. I think we’ve got ten weeks until graduation day. I’ll graduate and then maybe we can see if it’d be fun for us both with no pressure.”

Her eyes widened.

“Miss Swan, I’m not going to—“

“If I’m calling you Regina then you’re calling me Emma,” I informed her.

“ _Emma_ ,” she corrected, looking annoyed. “I’m not going to try to date you only three months after I uproot my life with Robin. Not only is it utterly tactless but it would be cruel to him. Besides that, can you honestly say you think you’d want to date someone you likely have nothing in common with?”

I rolled my eyes. It seemed to irritate her even more.

“I won’t know we have nothing in common until I know more about you but you’re being awfully stingy with sharing,” I said. “That’s what people date for—to get to know each other and see what they have in common. And it was just a suggestion. It’s not like I was demanding it of you or anything. Relax.”

She didn’t relax though, and didn’t seem to _want_ to. I sighed. I didn’t know what I expected out of this but this wasn’t going entirely the way I’d thought it would.

“Why’d you pick a motel?” I asked.

“What?”

“A motel is like… the worst possible place to secretly meet with someone you’ve had sex with,” I said. “Motels are where people go to cheat.”

“Well then it fits this situation perfectly, doesn’t it?” she said dryly.

I raised a brow.

“Are you going to cheat tonight?” I asked. I almost hoped the answer would be yes.

“No, but I’m a cheater so it fits,” she said.

She looked so upset by that comment that my heart went out to her a little bit despite myself. I got out of the chair and sat next to her on the bed. She tensed and leaned away from me but I put my arm around her waist and pulled her in for an awkward side-hug.

“You’re not a bad person,” I said. “You did what felt right at the time. And sure there’s a lot stacked against it being a good idea but that doesn’t mean there’s a lot stacked against you being a good person. Give yourself a break.”

She didn’t seem comforted. I hadn’t expected her to be if I’m honest.

“You don’t get it,” she said, looking at her hands. I noticed she didn’t pull away from me but set it aside to pay attention to her words. “I have a good thing with Robin. I—“

“You love him and his kid, I know,” I said, unable to help the edge of bitterness.

“Will you let me talk?” she snapped. I held up my hands defensively, withdrawing my arm from around her. She continued. “I’m happy with him, not just because of the fact that I love him but because he understands me and understands how a lot of things about my past affected me and continue to affect me to this day. He helped me through so much heartache and I can never repay him for it. So… for me to do this—“ She gestured between us. “I can’t even begin to figure out why I did what I did. He would take down the moon for me if I asked and I…”

“You slept with someone else,” I finished for her.

She nodded her head glumly.

“Do you mind if I ask what he helped you through?” I asked a bit nervously.

She was silent for a long time and I wondered if she’d even heard me.

“Regina?”

“I’ve encountered some terrible people in my life,” she finally said. “People who hurt me in horrific ways. I escaped them but I had a lot of trouble trusting anyone and letting anyone in after I got away. Robin is the only person who has actually managed to help me. He’s the only man I trust.”

“What did those other people do?” I pressed.

“That’s not part of this deal,” she said, her tone firm. She was throwing up her walls again. “I agreed to give you the truth of my feelings towards this situation, not my past. Just leave it alone.”

I wanted to push for more but I also didn’t want to dredge up memories of the ‘terrible people’ and ‘horrific’ things they’d done to her.

“Maybe… maybe you don’t break up with him then,” I said slowly.

She glanced up at me so sharply it was a wonder her gaze didn’t cut right through me.

“Listen, if he means this much to you maybe you should stay with him,” I said. “I mean… be honest with him if you really want, but maybe you can just make it up to him? If you’re gonna tell him then just let him react how he’s going to react, then find a way to make things right. He might not want to end things. He might forgive you.”

She rolled her eyes.

“If he does then he’s a fool,” she said.

“Or he loves you and he’ll know that you… made a mistake,” I said. I hated calling it a mistake considering I’d liked it so much but it seemed like what she needed to hear.

“But what if we do stay together?” she pushed on. “What if he and I stay happily together but he never trusts me? And I won’t deserve that trust considering I still want you even now. I still want to sleep with you. Besides, I’ve been having trouble getting off with him—“

“Christ Regina, I don’t know,” I said, putting a stop to her ramble before she got started. I didn’t want to hear about her issues in the bedroom with this guy. “Just do what you think is right and deal with what comes of that. It’s not that hard. Make a decision and stick to it.”

She stared at me in shock. She clearly hadn’t expected being talked to like that, and especially not by me.

“That’s all the questions I have for now,” I said. “And I think forever. Whatever you decide to do I hope you’re happy in the end.” I placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently before getting up. “I’ll see you in class.”

I grabbed my keys and headed for the door, stepping out into the night. It was well past 11 by now and no one was out, so I didn’t have any issues slipping into the truck and driving out of the motel parking lot.

My ride home was shorter than I’d thought it was going to be—probably from the lack of traffic—and I cried the whole way. I hated that I was crying over this. I couldn’t deny I felt stupid though, and feeling stupid never sat right with me. Feeling unwanted was even worse though. I’d gone through my share of break ups but this was such a different kind of break up, and it somehow hurt worse. She’d been right before then—I had gotten hurt even though no one else knew about it.

By the time I pulled in my eyes were red and puffy, and I couldn’t help the hiccupping gasps that came after a long cry. I tried to collect myself but figured I’d just skip that part and go straight to sleep. I parked, turned off the engine, and headed into the house.

I only made it halfway across the front hallway before the light flicked on.

“Care to explain where you’ve been?”

_Shit._


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A brief moment of asphyxiation that starts out violent and turns sexual but there's no sex in this chapter. (I've been trying to keep Regina's reactions to things consistent with certain elements of her character/her Evil Queen persona but idk if it was over the top. Either way, it happened.)
> 
> I've finished the entire story and I'm picking through it in terms of editing! I'm considering posting it on a more frequent basis but I don't want to be overwhelming for casual readers. I know looking at fics with ~130K words tends to be a bit daunting so I was thinking of doing an every other day type thing? Not sure. Any thoughts?

I had told Robin I’d be out with Kathryn that night but that I’d be home by midnight. I’d also told him not to wait up. As I pulled in the driveway I saw that he hadn’t taken my advice. I could see the glow of the television through the living room window. I’d wanted him in bed so that when I slept on the couch he wouldn’t have noticed until another time when I’d be able to break up with him without worrying that the inevitable fight would wake up Roland.

I went into the house without hesitating though and spotted him sprawled on the couch, watching some kind of carpentry show.

He sat up straight when he heard me come into the room.

“Hello, darling,” he said with a smile. He seemed to expect me to approach and looked put off when I kept my distance.

“Robin, we need to talk about—“

“Shit,” he said before I could finish.

“What?” I asked.

“No talk that starts that way ends well,” he said, rubbing the back of his head. He moved so he sat on one couch cushion and gestured to the one on the opposite side of the couch. When I sat down there was still a cushion between us—I hated him for giving me that space, for still being considerate.

I looked at him for a long moment before I looked at my hands. I didn’t know where to start here. Did I build up to it? Just dive right in? How was I meant to do this? What was I even doing? Was I going to break up with him? Tell him the truth? Make up a lie?

“Whatever’s on your mind, just say it,” he said. “I’m not going to promise I won’t get mad but I won’t shout at you and you know that.”

I did know that. He never shouted at me, not even when I was yelling at him. When we fought he made sure to keep his voice calm and level, no matter how vicious the words we exchanged got. He knew men shouting upset me and even when he was upset with me he made sure I was comfortable with him. Damn him.

“I cheated on you,” I blurted out. “The other day. I… I had sex with someone else. A woman. And I’m still attracted to her. I hadn’t meant to do it. I thought about her the night I got myself off after you fell asleep and again when you were making it up to me, but I didn’t plan to sleep with her. It just… happened. And I know it’s not fair to you that I did that so I had to tell you so that you could decide what it meant for us. I didn’t want to lie to you.”

He stared at me for a long time. I could see the gears turning as he pieced together what I had just told him. He clearly had never expected something like this. And why would he? He was under the impression we were a happy couple. We functioned like an almost ideal nuclear family for crying out loud—the only difference was that he and I weren’t married. This was coming entirely out of left field.

I saw every expression flickering over his face, everything from confusion to anger to sadness, and every time I registered what I was seeing I felt that much worse.

“You cheated,” he said almost dumbly.

“I did,” I said, looking away from him. I could hardly stand to see the hurt in his eyes.

“With a woman.”

I nodded.

“And you thought of her while you and I were having sex.”

I nodded, hating that his process apparently included repeating my sins back to me.

He fell silent once more and I waited for the impending blow. I knew it was coming. It had to. He was going to actually lose it. Why else would he be this silent unless the rage was just building up and readying itself to bubble over?

He stood up and I sat straighter, squaring my shoulders. Robin noticed this and I saw a different kind of hurt flash across his face—he knew I was getting defensive and he always hated when I thought he would lash out at me.

“I’m going to go to bed,” he said tiredly. “We’ll talk about what’s next in the morning. It’s too late for this.”

He didn’t say anything else as he just walked out of the room, leaving me with the TV still on. I deflated slightly, watching him disappear up the stairs and then hearing the sound of our bedroom door shutting.

I had known it was coming but that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

I hated myself for that thought almost instantly—he was hurting far worse than I.

I turned off the TV and took one of the throw blankets, spreading it over me. The decorative pillows I had on the couch weren’t very comfortable but they weren’t the worst. I stretched out on the couch and tried to get cozy enough to sleep but unsurprisingly sleep didn’t come. Instead I just lay awake all night, unable to get the sight of his devastation out of my mind.

The hours passed slowly and I slipped into and out of sleep often. When the grey light of dawn began to filter into the living room I got up and slowly headed up the stairs. I needed a shower and to get dressed. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing Robin in our bedroom but I couldn’t avoid him forever, either.

I knocked on the door for the first time since moving into the house.

The answering, “Come in,” was dull and so quiet I almost missed it.

I slipped into the room and saw him on the bed—our bed—sitting up with his arms wrapped loosely around his knees. He looked as if he’d slept about as much as I had.

“I have to get ready for work,” I said.

He didn’t say anything.

I went for the ensuite and got into the shower, washing myself as quickly as I could. I just wanted to get it over with and get to work, avoid him a little bit longer.

Before I’d finished rinsing the shampoo out of my hair I heard the door open.

Fuck.

“I need to know what you were thinking,” he said.

I was bristling, getting ready for a fight. It felt like he was trapping me into an argument by coming into the bathroom while I showered. I was naked in a bathtub and he stood fully clothed in the path to the door. How was I not meant to take it as a trap?

“I wasn’t,” I answered, trying my hardest to keep my voice level. “Thinking of someone else while we were together was just intrusive thoughts. Acting on those was a lapse in judgment.”

“No, Regina,” he said, his voice sharper. “I mean what were you thinking? Who is it? What woman has you pulling stunts like this? What thought works better for you than what I do for you sexually?”

I finished rinsing and turned off the shower, pushing aside the curtain to face him now. If he was going to corner me when I was most physically vulnerable I was going to show him that I didn’t care about that. To his credit he didn’t look down. It was entirely possible he hadn’t considered how I would interpret him entering while I was naked and showering but I wasn’t focused on that thought. I was just focused on what I could do to prove I didn’t care about that and was ready to fight anyways.

“I’m not telling you who it is,” I said. “But I had thoughts of this woman going down on me, then when I saw her later on it slipped out. She pressed me on the issue and it ended up with the two of us getting together.”

“Was it Kathryn?” he asked.

“Wha—no, it wasn’t Kathryn,” I said.

“Aurora then,” he said.

“No,” I said. “I told you, I’m not going to give you her name. She deserves privacy.”

“She slept with the woman I love,” he said hotly. “She doesn’t get anything.”

The fact that he’d said ‘love’ instead of ‘loved’ wasn’t lost on me but I plowed on.

“Yes, she does, Robin,” I said. “I won’t out her. I can’t.”

“Whoever she is I don’t want you seeing her again,” he said, his jealousy clear in his gaze. “I can forgive it but only if you never see her again.”

“I can’t promise you that I won’t see her,” I said.

“And why’s that?” he demanded, still being sure to keep his distance and his voice down. “Don’t tell me you’re going to sneak over to see her and screw again.”

“I’m not,” I answered, my own anger rising. “I have to see her today because she’s at the school. I met her through the school.”

“You work with her?” he asked, shocked. “You screwed a co-worker?”

I winced at the way he put it but nodded. I needed him to not think I had slept with a student.

“Jesus, Regina,” he said, his hands balling into fists. “I almost wish it were some random person you’d found in a bar. At least that way I’d know you aren’t going to be around them again.”

“Would that change the fact that it happened?” I asked pointedly.

He glared.

“I don’t want you seeking this woman out again,” he snapped. “I don’t want you seeing her if at all possible. If I find out you were talking to her or seeing her or—“

“I have to see her Robin, I work with her,” I said.

“So I’m just supposed to accept that this woman you cheated with is in your life?” he demanded. “I’m supposed to act like that’s okay?”

“You don’t have to act like it’s okay but I have to see her at least once a day,” I said curtly. I was starting to shiver as the air in the bathroom cooled and the droplets of water still clung to my skin. I folded my arms over my chest to try to stop the trembling. “At least until summer comes, then I can start looking into transferring out of the school.”

“I’m not waiting three months for you to get away from this woman.”

“Then what are we going to do?” I demanded. “I have to see her. There’s no two ways about it. I’m not going to sleep with her again so—“

“Oh, what a relief, you aren’t going to sleep with her, I can definitely trust you on that,” he interrupted. “You’re right, just go right ahead and hang around this woman all day, I know for sure that you’re never going to be swayed by her considering you’ve apparently come a number of times thanks to her.”

“Nothing I’m going to say is going to make what I did right but I’m trying to tell you that it’s something that isn’t going to happen again,” I said, wanting to slap him for the sarcasm. He sounded like a petulant teenager. “The fact remains that I have a job to do in the same building as she does her job. There’s no avoiding her. But I’m not going to sleep with her again.”

“But you’ll want to,” he said. “Obviously she’s pretty spectacular if you’re thinking about her like that.”

“Robin, please—“

“No,” he said, cutting me off before I could start. “If you aren’t going to stop seeing this woman then we’re over, okay? I want to hear that you’re never going to see her again or that you’ll be packed and out of here by the end of next week.”

“Robin, I can’t say I won’t see her—“

“Then you have until next Friday to get your things out of my house.”

I stared at him for a long time, feeling an ache spreading through my chest at those words. The worst part was that I knew I deserved it. I’d betrayed him, betrayed his trust, and I deserved to suffer for it. I deserved to suffer for sleeping with her.

“I’ll find a place then,” I said, my voice as emotionless as I could get it. I wasn’t going to let him know this was breaking me, too. I couldn’t.

“Good. Now get out of my bathroom. I have to get ready.”

I took my towel off the hook and wrapped it around me, then went to my closet. I heard the shower go on again and I dressed as fast as I could, wanting to be out before he got out of the shower. I didn’t bother drying my hair—my hair dryer was in the bathroom and I wasn’t about to go back in there. I just ran a brush through it and left the bedroom.

“Regina!” Roland said, sounding sleepy but delighted.

I froze and watched as he walked towards me, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around my waist and bury his face in my stomach.

“Mornin’ Regina,” he said. “Are you making breakfast for me and daddy today?”

“No, Roly-poly,” I said. “I have to go to work.”

“But it’s still so early!”

“I know,” I said. I pulled his arms from around me and knelt in front of him, stroking his hair back away from his face. “Roland… I want you to know that I love you very much. Nothing is ever going to change that, okay?”

“I know,” he said. “And I love you, too!”

“Good,” I said, trying on a smile. “I’ll see you later on. Be good for daddy today.”

“I will!”

I kissed his forehead and then stood as he darted past me to go into the bedroom to find his father.

I didn’t let myself think much on how much I would miss him, instead just gathering my things and getting into my car. I was going to be wildly too early for work but I couldn’t stay at the house.

When I pulled into the parking lot I was the only one there with the exception of an eyesore of a Ford. It was almost totally brown except for the white roof and looked as if it had seen better days. It was idling in its spot and I watched it for a moment before I got out of my own car. There were three people inside of it but I couldn’t make them out, and they weren’t looking in my direction.

It didn’t take long to get to the building but as I headed inside I heard the sound of a car door slamming and a shouted, “Fine! Whatever!”

My heart sank as I recognized the voice. I glanced over my shoulder to see Emma Swan stalking up to the school, looking absolutely livid. She glared at me and I was certain I was going to have to deal with another fight.

Instead she just fell into step with me and began ranting about her parents.

“Can you believe them?” she started in. “I’m eighteen years old— _eighteen_!—and they’re up my ass because I was out last night! It wasn’t like I was doing drugs! I wasn’t committing crimes! But you’d think I was out trying to assassinate the president with how they’re acting!”

I didn’t respond in the slightest to her tirade and after a moment of silence she kept going.

“I mean seriously, what was I doing last night?” she pressed on. “I was talking! That’s it. I was honest about it with them, that I just snuck out to talk. What kind of loser does that? And honestly they wouldn’t have even known or heard me if the damn car wasn’t so freaking loud. Now they’re keeping me on a stupidly short leash—I can’t go anywhere but school or home for the foreseeable future like I’m a child or something. The only reason they let me out of the car just now was because they saw you and assumed a teacher would keep an eye on me! I mean—”

“What do you want out of me right now?” I asked bluntly.

She stared at me incredulously, never breaking stride as she walked with me to my office.

“I don’t want anything, I just thought—“

“Well stop thinking,” I snapped. “I’m not in the mood right now, okay? I have my own life to deal with.”

Anger rose in her expression again.

“Look, whatever stick’s up your ass sideways, you’re the one who told me to sneak out at night and meet you at some creepy motel, so you’re damn well going to listen to me.”

“Emma!” I said—nearly gasped. I looked around hurriedly, wanting to be sure no one had heard her. No one else had been in the parking lot but that didn’t mean there wasn’t anyone around. “Keep your voice down!”

“No, I’m pissed, Regina,” she said, not bothering to turn down her volume. “I got home to my dad sitting up waiting for me like in some teen movie and got reamed for the better part of an hour, finally got to sleep, then found out that I’m basically locked in a cage! And it’s all your fault!”

“Yeah well I just got dumped by the man I love, have to figure out how to say goodbye to his son, and have to move out of his house by next Friday,” I informed her. “You’re not the only one with problems right now, princess.”

“Don’t call me that,” Emma snapped. “Don’t patronize me. You knew that was going to suck and you did it anyways. It’s your fault. This whole thing is your fault if you want to get down to it. I wasn’t the one acting like a dickhead because I couldn’t have an orgasm without thinking about someone inappropriate.”

I was glad we’d finally reached my office because I grabbed her by the back of the shirt and practically threw her inside. I slammed the door behind us and whirled on her.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that,” I snarled. “And figure out how to keep your voice down before I cut your tongue out. We’re in _public_. I’m not going to let you blurt everything out for everyone to hear! Just control yourself for five seconds!”

“Oh that’s rich coming from you,” she said with a dramatic roll of her eyes. “Control myself? What about you? You fucked one of your students while in a relationship. When do you—“

She cut herself off suddenly when my hand shot up and gripped her by the throat. I didn’t know how I’d gotten there, when I’d gotten so close, when I’d made the decision to grab her like that, but there we were. Her eyes went wide and she stared at me, her lips parted just slightly.

My hand stayed where it was for a long moment and then tightened just briefly. I was about to take my hand off of her throat when I noticed her pupils dilate and heard the slightest intake of breath. I thought I’d scared her and was horrified by my own actions when I realized the look in her eyes wasn’t one of fear—it was lust.

She was getting turned on by this.

The thought echoed through my head and I was sure my shock showed clearly on my face but thankfully she didn’t draw attention to it. She didn’t even move, her whole body tense as she waited for me to do something. I could feel her pulse beating erratically under my fingertips.

I’d have found it ironic how we were discussing self-control and then suddenly ended up in that situation if I’d really thought about it, but all I could think about was her mouth.

I dragged her in, crushing our lips together in a bruising kiss. She responded eagerly and with a soft moan. When I tightened my grip on her throat to keep her from making too much noise her body arched into me.

She liked being choked.

I felt a rush of arousal and I moved her backwards, pushing her up against the door to my office as I attacked her mouth before moving down, kissing along her jawline and her neck. I felt less terrible about it now knowing that I didn’t have any romantic attachment to weight my mind down. Now it was just disgusting because she was young, my student, and a woman. I wasn’t a cheater in this instance, just a deviant.

Her feet spread apart and she shifted us so that her thighs straddled one of mine. She didn’t bother to stop my mouth. She just pulled me in by the waist, situated herself on my thigh, and ground against me. I heard her let out a short gasp.

“Shit, Regina,” she mumbled.

I growled against the column of her throat, moving my hand away to make room for my mouth.

She whimpered.

With that noise I wanted to take her right then and there, make her beg for me to touch her, but Robin’s face popped into my mind. Here I was just barely an hour past being broken up with, getting ready to fuck the girl I’d told him I wasn’t going to sleep with a second time, barely giving her a choice in the matter.

I sprang away from her as if I were being burned, my face flushed with shame.

“Fuck, why are you stopping?” she demanded, looking furious.

“I shouldn’t have touched you,” I said, moving away and around my desk, avoiding her and her gaze now. “I got carried away. I—I don’t even know where—“

“This is what I meant when I said you’re hot and cold,” she said, glaring at me from across the desk, her chest heaving as she tried to control her breathing. “You go from being all over me to trying to put as much space between us as possible. Is this what Robin had to live with? If it was I’m not surprised he dumped you.”

“Don’t talk about him,” I shot back, but she was already off.

“Look, lady, I don’t care about your stupid ex or the fact that you apparently can’t make up your mind about _anything_ ,” she snapped. “I never asked for this load of bull. You offered to do something nice and then immediately yanked the rug out from under me with this whole situation so the least you can do is stop snapping at me. I’m not here to make your life difficult. You’re the one making your own life difficult. Stop taking your shit out on me.”

I didn’t stop glaring at her but I also couldn’t answer her. She was right. Of course she was right. Everything that had happened within the last two weeks was entirely my fault. Every issue I was having at the moment was because I couldn’t control myself—or I didn’t want to control myself. I could blame her and her fanfiction all I wanted, it was all on me.

“I—“ I started, but I wasn’t sure where to go from there. She didn’t look away from me for a second and I was impressed at how strong she seemed, how sure of herself she was.

“You what?” she asked.

“I’m sorry.”

That threw her off. She seemed to deflate a little and her eyes widened.

“You are?”

“I am. I should never have pulled you into this. I shouldn’t have done any of the things I’ve done the last few weeks. I don’t know what’s come over me. But I shouldn’t have dragged you down with me. And I especially should not be grabbing you the way I just did. That was—“

“Hot,” she said before I could finished.

“I was going to say psychotic.”

“I mean sure, it was definitely that, but it was also hot,” Emma said. When I didn’t answer she shrugged a little sheepishly. “I dunno.”

I sighed and rubbed my eyes tiredly.

“I’m trying to say this is my fault and shouldn’t have happened,” I said. “And that it shouldn’t continue to happen. Don’t talk like that.”

“I’m sick of this,” Emma said. “What’s gonna make everything normal?”

“A time machine?”

She rolled her eyes.

“I’m serious, Regina,” she said, her voice uncomfortably gentle. “What’s going on here?”

“I don’t know, Emma,” I replied. I had to sound as exasperated as I felt, I was sure of it. “I can’t think of anything that will make this turn out okay except for us not having extended contact again.”

“Do you want that?” she asked curiously. When I didn’t answer she pressed on. “Would you want to be around me more if you could? If nothing else was in the way?”

I just played with one of the pens on my desk. What was I supposed to say here? I knew what the answer to that was and I had a feeling she did as well. I had liked being with her a lot, and if everything wasn’t in the way then I would want to be with her more often the way we’d been together. 

“I meant what I said the other day,” I finally decided on. “I liked what we did physically but I can’t imagine a relationship. And I shouldn’t have wanted to be with a woman physically in any case.”

“And why not?” Emma asked, getting defensive. “Are you trying to say something about me? About my preferences?”

“No, it’s not about you,” I said. “It’s not about you at all.”

“Then what’s wrong with being with women?” she pressed.

“There’s nothing wrong with it,” I tried correcting myself. “It’s perfectly normal and natural—“

“You have a problem with it though.”

“Not for anyone else but myself.”

“Too good for something so disgusting?”

“Too much history to be comfortable.”

The admission caught her off guard. I had told her of my only experience and how limited and innocent it was, so I could see her trying to work out exactly what I meant. Before she could think too long on it I hurried on.

“Emma, I’m just not comfortable with it,” I said. “I have my reasons. I just need to move on from this. I need to remind myself what’s right and what’s normal. You need to do the same.”

“Denying yourself the way you’re doing isn’t going to do anything but make you miserable,” she said. “Whether it’s with me or with some other woman I don’t care, but you shouldn’t bar yourself from something you obviously want the way you’re trying to do.”

“I want to go back to how things were before last week,” I said tiredly.

“Okay…” she said. “Tell me honestly, before last week did you have thoughts of being with women?”

I couldn’t meet her gaze and she had her answer.

“Why are you so against it?” she asked. “Being into women? It’s not like people don’t accept it nowadays. People are fine with it.”

“Not everyone,” I shot back. “Look, let’s just leave it alone, okay? I need to focus on my first class.”

I also needed to focus on finding a new place to live as well as getting my things packed but I felt it might be best to just tackle one thing at a time.

She finally started backing down and I couldn’t help but be relieved by that. She frowned though, and I could see her trying to work things out in her head.

“Fine,” she said. “I’ll leave it.”

When she began to head out the door I started to call her name to ask her not to say anything about what had happened but she held up her hand.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, keep my mouth shut,” she said. “I’ll keep our little secret.”

She sounded so defeated it nearly hurt, but that wasn’t what drew my attention. Her calling it ‘our’ secret instead of my secret or her own. It was strange, recognizing that it was a secret we shared and that we only ever seemed to be adding more secrets to the pile. I wanted to wipe that slate clean but there was no way we ever could do something like that.

I sighed and turned my attention back to getting ready. The conversation with Emma had taken up enough time that there was plenty of noise coming from the hallway and I knew I had to hurry to collect my things for my first class.

“On thing at a time,” I muttered to myself.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No content warnings.

I wished talking to her was easier.

Every time I thought something good was happening or that I could talk to her about something she was closing herself off and shutting me down. I got that things were difficult for her but she’d dragged me into a huge mess, wasn’t really letting me out, and then wouldn’t let me talk about it. And sure, maybe it was stupid of me, falling for a teacher and expecting things to magically work out, but I’d done it and I wanted things to be happy. _I_ wanted to be happy, and I wanted her to be happy as well. Regina was more interesting when she was happy. She didn’t just put on movies and sit back in class trying not to fall asleep.

The fact that I wanted her to be happy felt so idiotic I almost couldn’t handle it. Why did I want her happy? She was chewing me up and spitting me out whenever she felt like it and I just loved the attention. Even when she was pushing me away I wanted to be around her.

She made me feel good as much as she made me feel stupid. She had heard me out on my ideas when it came to the literature, she’d encouraged me to submit my ideas to a journal, she’d been attracted to me enough to want to sleep with me, she’d made me feel good physically, she clearly _wanted_ me… But she also made me feel so stupid.

I started towards my first class of the day but halfway there changed my mind and changed direction. I ended up in the hallway outside of the culinary class and just waited there. Neal had it first period and I knew if I asked him to he’d skip.

Sure enough, when he showed up and saw how exhausted and upset I looked he wrapped his arm around me and marched me down the hallway. We walked out to the courtyard behind the school that led to the football field and found a shady spot by the side of the building that wasn’t in view of too many of the classroom windows.

To his credit, Neal didn’t push me to talk. Instead he just stayed with his arm loosely around my waist and he waited. I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder. It didn’t take long for me to start to tear up, and I turned to bury my face in his shirt.

“She’s too much,” I said, trying my hardest to keep my voice level even as I began to cry. “I like her so much and it’s barely been any time at all but she wants nothing to do with me. And I know it’s stupid because it’s not like anything can actually happen but I want it to so badly. I’ve wanted it since school started this year. I got a little taste and now I want more but there’s no way I’d be able to get more—she won’t let it happen.”

“Can you blame her?” he asked pointedly. “It’s not like she has many options here, Emma. She’s got a lot of things hanging in the balance. The job, the boyfriend—“

“Just the job,” I corrected. “No more boyfriend. She stupidly told him. And now I feel like I’m the reason she lost her boyfriend and that stupid kid she loves.”

“You’re not,” he said. “She’s the one who did what she did, and she’s the one who told him about it. You’re not at fault here.”

He rubbed my back gently and just let me stay buried in his shoulder.

There are only three people I’m comfortable crying in front of—my mom, my dad, and Neal. Neal had joined those ranks when I had a breakdown at age 13, about a month after Mom and Dad adopted me and shortly after I had begun to realize that my attraction to women wasn’t just in a friendly way. I’d been so scared my parents would want to send me back into the foster system that I’d panicked. I worked myself up so badly I needed someone. Considering I hadn’t had many options at the time—I didn’t have any really close friends since I was so new in school—I turned to the only person who I thought I could. He and Ruby were my only friends then, and Ruby hadn’t been around.

Since I’d first broken down and since he’d first comforted me over everything, Neal’s been pretty much my go-to. He’s easy to talk to and just lets everything roll right off him for the most part. His dad took off when he was a kid and his mother was barely ever around so he’d pretty much had to raise himself. He had a job at a mechanic, paid for his own car, bought his own food and clothes, knew how to cook, and on top of that managed to get all his school work done. He was always smarter than anyone else I’d have been able to talk to, and he’s more fun anyways.

If I were actually attracted to men, I’d probably go for him.

“Maybe next time you develop a crush you should go for someone who’s not going to graduate or hit the brakes so quickly,” he teased lightly after a few moments.

I punched him in the side.

“Shut up, Cassidy.”

“This is an abusive relationship,” he informed me, but he was grinning. “I’m being assaulted by my fake girlfriend but no one ever believes the dude when he’s the one getting beat up.”

“Seriously, shut up,” I grumbled, but I couldn’t help it as my lips twitched upwards.

“There’s a smile,” he said. He squeezed me against him for a moment before loosening his grip. “I promise you kid, you’re gonna get through this and in a few weeks you’ll be like, ‘Who the hell is Miss Mills? I’ve graduated and now I’m on to hotter women, thank you.’”

“There aren’t many women hotter than her,” I countered with a hint of a pout.

He rolled his eyes and used his finger to push my lower lip back in.

“Save it, Swan,” he said. “I almost made you feel better, don’t ruin all my hard work.”

I sighed and leaned against his shoulder, this time much more comfortably. I’d gotten it out by crying, I’d been comforted, now I just wanted to relax.

“Man, who knew fucking a teacher was this complicated?” I said dryly.

Neal laughed at that, and he shoved me a little to the side and stood when I wasn’t weighing his shoulder down. He grabbed my hand and hauled me up after him.

“Not that I don’t love being used as your pillow, punching bag, and therapist, I’ve got to go to at least a couple of my classes today,” he said. “And as much as heartbreak can wear on the soul, you’ve got to buck up and try to push through the pain.”

“Yeah, I mean I guess you’re right.” I said. I brushed off my pants and heaved my bag up onto my shoulders. “Last period is going to suck.”

“Skip it,” Neal said. “Not like she wouldn’t understand.”

“Yeah, but then I feel like she’d know she really got to me,” I protested.

“She has to know she has already,” he said.

“But not enough that I’ll skip her class. I’m gonna go and I’m gonna show her I don’t care at all that she did all this.”

“Fine, your funeral.”

He walked me to my classroom before he headed off to his own, and I was a bit early for it. It was lucky I was because I could think about what he’d said and about what had happened that day.

Regina was a lot of a good thing, but things were too complicated. And Neal was right—everything that was going wrong with her wasn’t my fault. I was just caught up in her crap and I needed to move on.

That seemed much easier said than done.

I made it through the day with my mind a bit lighter after talking to Neal, but as it drew closer and closer to last period when I knew I’d have to face her again I felt ready to take off. Like Neal had said, I could easily skip and she’d most likely be relieved by that. I just didn’t want to. I didn’t want her to think I was afraid of her or anything. Not to mention a small part of me wanted to see her again.

I got to the classroom shortly before the bell rang and I didn’t look towards the front of the room as I made my way to my seat. Ruby and Neal were already in their own chairs and Ruby raised a brow at me—Neal had clearly told her about my morning and she’d most likely been betting on me bailing.

I took my time about getting my things out of my bag but when I looked up I saw that Regina was watching me. I met her gaze and schooled my expression, doing my best to make sure that I looked as blank as possible. She didn’t seem too perplexed but then I noticed the slightest furrowing of her brow. She’d thought I’d skip, too. Looks like I’d surprised everyone I knew that day.

Regina cleared her throat and began with her lecture. The rest of the class she didn’t even look at me, but I knew she was always aware of my gaze. I could tell from the way she didn’t ever seem to relax, not even for a second. Sure she’d never been the most casual person in the world but this tension was new. She looked ready to bolt at any second. I didn’t like knowing I had that effect on someone I liked so much, even if I knew she was a being a dick.

The class felt like the longest one of my life. She was up there doing her thing, pretending to ignore me, looking hot as anything, and I sat in my seat wishing that everything was different. That she wasn’t a teacher, that I was older, that she hadn’t been in a relationship when this started—literally anything so that there might be a shot for us. I didn’t need to settle down and marry her but I did wish that we could have at least spent more time together.

Whatever she lectured about, she immediately stopped talking the moment the bell rang. She reminded us of our homework and then began collecting her stuff.

I didn’t hesitate to pack my bag and start to get up to go, but when I stood and walked out I couldn’t help looking over my shoulder at her.

It was one of those awkward moments that two people who really shouldn’t be looking at each other glance over at the exact right second to make eye contact. I could feel a blush creeping up in my cheeks and she stared for a moment before looking down again hurriedly. Her face at least was carefully blank—I was sure everyone could see the sadness and anger I felt in my expression.

“Emma, go,” Neal said softly, his hand on my lower back. He didn’t force me out of the room but I followed his lead.

Out in the hallway, he and Ruby pulled me off to the side.

“You should have skipped,” Neal said.

“We’d have covered for you, Em,” Ruby added.

“I know, I just—“ I started. I broke off, not sure what exactly I had really wanted to accomplish by going to class. I’d said it was because I’d wanted to prove she hadn’t gotten to me but I’d proven the opposite.

They stood there, waiting for me to say something, waiting for some kind of explanation, but I didn’t have anything for them. What could I say? I was more confused than they were.

“I gotta go,” I settled on, and I shoved past the two of them.

I practically ran down the hallways, not heading towards any of the exits of the school. Instead I made my way up to the third floor where the counseling center was. It had been a while since I’d turned up there, but I knew the guidance counselors didn’t turn people away and I knew they always stayed later than the last bell in case anyone needed any help after school.

I went straight to Mr. Hopper’s office and knocked on the door loudly. When I got an answer of, “Come in!” I practically barreled in.

Even though it had been ages since I’d seen him, Mr. Hopper still smiled and greeted me like an old friend. He was a bit of a dork in his sweater vest and glasses but he was one of the kindest people in the building. He’d been there for me when I first started high school shortly after Mom and Dad had officially adopted me and I was freaking out about… well, basically everything. Getting used to them as my parents, starting high school, my sexuality, the stresses of being a teenager—he’d heard about it all. I knew I could trust him.

“Mr. Hopper, I know it’s last minute but can we talk?” I blurted out.

“Of course, Emma,” he said quickly. “You know I’m happy to talk to you any time. Please, sit down.”

I settled myself into the chair in his office and took a moment to collect myself. I only cried in front of Mom, Dad, or Neal. I wasn’t going to add Mr. Hopper to the list, no matter how kind he was.

“I’m assuming it’s something big if you’re this frantic,” he said. “I haven’t seen you since the year started.”

“Yeah, it’s…” I said before realizing that I couldn’t exactly openly talk about my issue here. I couldn’t tell him I had slept with a teacher at the school and was sad because she’d dumped me. Not that she’d actually dumped me—we’d have had to be dating for her to dump me. It still stung.

“I got with someone romantically,” I said a bit nervously. “Someone older than me. And she seemed super into me but she was already with someone else. She said she told the other person that she was with me and they dumped her. So now I’m still into this older woman but I’m also the reason she’s miserable because she’s alone now and I just want to help her but I also kind of hate her because she’s a huge bitch and I don’t know what to do about any of it.”

It all came out in such a rush I didn’t even think about what I was really saying. His mouth hung open slightly in shock for just a moment and I realized after the fact that I’d just openly told this man I’d been with someone who was in a relationship. To his credit he quickly wiped his expression and looked more understanding than surprised.

“Well we’ve got quite a lot to talk about,” he said. “Tell me about this person. How much older is she than you?”

“I uh… I don’t know,” I admitted. “She’s at least… ten years? Probably a bit more.”

His brow flew up.

“Where did you meet someone that much older than you who would be willing to—to be with you?” he asked. “I don’t mean to pry, I just worry about that. There isn’t much a woman that much older than you could really have in common with you, and I’m not going to lie to you it sounds more than a little predatory.”

“She’s not predatory,” I countered quickly. “Everything that went on happened with my consent and understanding of what was going on. I liked her before we did things and she actually took a little coaxing.”

“Because she was in a relationship,” he said.

I paused for a moment, wanting to find a way to defend myself for coaxing Regina along despite her relationship but I knew I couldn’t really.

“You didn’t answer my question about where you met her,” he said.

“Out of town,” was the best lie I could come up with on the spot.

He took a moment to try to come up with something to say. I could understand how it wasn’t exactly easy for him to tackle this one. I’m sure he didn’t deal with stuff like what I was bringing to him on a daily basis.

“Okay, so… walk me through what happened after you were with this woman,” he said, clearly needing more clarification.

“She and I met up and talked about it, she apparently went home and broke it off with the person she was with, we talked about it more, we got into a fight over it all, and now things are really awkward between us,” I said, just wanting him to catch up so that he could help me.

“Emma, I’m sorry but I completely understand why things are awkward, and I think it might be for the best that they are,” he said, sounding truly apologetic. “I don’t know that starting a relationship with someone over ten years your senior is a good idea. It may seem attractive but pursuing something like that can lead to an imbalance in the relationship. Plus you’re only just starting out in your life. You should be looking for someone your own age.”

“I’ve always liked older girls,” I said.

“Older girls is different than a grown woman and I think that you know that,” he said pointedly.

I glared back at him before dropping my gaze.

“I guess,” I said. “I just really like her. I don’t want things to be awkward in any case because I have to see her every single day. I don’t know how to make things right again so we can at least go back to how it was before we were together.”

I could see him attempting to figure out why I saw her every day, trying to put together the puzzle pieces I was giving him into something that would clue him in to what the big picture was.

“If you have to see her every day, it might be best to face the feeling head on then,” he said slowly. “Explain to her how you feel about what’s gone on when you aren’t in a high state of emotion, when you aren’t more likely to fight over this issue. But only if you’re sure that you can be calm about it. If you end up fighting again then it’s not going to solve anything.”

“She’s a bit… caustic,” I admitted.

He stared for a moment and I knew that the more information I was giving him the less he knew how to handle the whole thing.

“I’m going to need you to explain that,” he said after a few more seconds of silence.

“Well… Whenever we talk we usually end up fighting. Mostly whenever it gets to stuff that’s heavy on feelings. And on queerness. She’s obviously in the closet and can’t come to terms with being attracted to a woman. Beyond that she gets mad at herself for getting with me because of the person she was with—now that they’re over I’m sure she’s even angrier with herself and with me to an extent.”

“I’m starting to think you may need to suggest therapy to this woman,” he said. “Frankly the more you tell me about her the more I feel she may need to work out her own issues. You shouldn’t be pursuing something where that amount of pressure is put on you. It sounds like an unhealthy relationship for a high school student to be in in the first place, and with everything she’s bringing to the table I don’t feel comfortable staying impartial on this.”

I couldn’t deny I was a little shocked and a little annoyed with him. I just needed some advice on how to get this situation settled, not a lecture on how I was making bad decisions.

“Do your parents know about this?” he asked.

Alarm bells went off in my head at that and I shook my head no.

“They don’t and they can’t,” I said quickly. “They still don’t know I’m not straight and they can’t. I won’t go back.”

“Emma, you’re over eighteen,” he said. “They can’t send you back into the system. You’ve aged out and you wouldn’t be put back into a foster home.”

“They can kick me out though,” I said stubbornly. “They can’t know. They were the only ones who wanted me. I can’t disappoint them.”

“We’ve been over this,” he said gently. “You don’t know if they’d reject you for this. They’ve loved you since they brought you into their home—even before then considering they decided to go through with adopting you after you were matched with them—and they haven’t shown any signs of wanting to go back on adopting you. Telling them who you are can only help them understand you better.”

“I’m not telling them,” I said. “Maybe when I’m older, but I can’t tell them. Especially not now when they’re already mad at me.”

“Why are they mad at you?”

“I snuck out to meet this woman and Dad caught me out past curfew.”

He fell silent again, mulling all of the information over.

“To be fair, I had a lot I had to talk about with her,” I said. “I needed to know what the hell was going on.”

“Did talking with her help you understand?”

“Well no, but—“

“I think that you need to find a way to cut contact with her,” he said. “She’s older, she’s clearly got a lot of her own issues, she’s gotten you in trouble with your parents, and she’s made you feel terrible about the whole situation.”

“But—“

“Emma, I’m not telling you this as a way to upset you,” he said gently but firmly. “I have your best interests at heart. I don’t think this is a healthy relationship.”

“It’s not even a relationship,” I said. “It was just a quick thing and now it’s over anyways.”

“That may be so, but it’s clear _you_ don’t think it’s over,” he said.

“I know it’s over, okay?” I said. “Kinda hard not to know it’s over when the girl you like acts like an ass all the time.”

“I’m just saying that you seem to be very invested in her and her problems,” he said, holding up his hands. “If I’m honest here, I think that you need to just find a way to ignore her and cut her out of you life. She’s got her issues and you need to focus on taking care of yourself because you’re clearly not what she’s focusing on.”

The idea that Regina wasn’t focusing on me—didn’t care about me—cut a lot deeper than I cared to admit. It wasn’t that I thought she had to, but I liked the idea of it. She’d told me she’d thought of me in sexual ways and she’d said she was attracted to me, and sure those weren’t the same things but she at least wanted me in some way.

“I’ve got to catch a bus,” I said, standing up.

Mr. Hopper stood when I did.

“Emma, I know I’m not saying what you want to hear but—“

“No, I’ve actually got to go, I’m grounded because of when I went out to see her and I can’t be home late,” I said, cutting him off. I just didn’t want to hear his excuses. “Thanks for helping Mr. Hopper.”

“We haven’t even begun to get into this—“

“Yeah, we have, and I’m good,” I said. “I promise if I need any more help from you then I’ll come back, okay?”

I didn’t give him a chance to answer me. I just bolted from his office, heading down to where Neal usually parked. He always drove me home and I knew he’d have waited for me after I ran off from class—he never left without me on a good day so he definitely wouldn’t leave without me on a bad one.

Sure enough, he was parked in his usual spot, the ugly blue Volvo easy to pick out amongst the surrounding cars that looked like they couldn’t have been half as old as Neal’s. He’d gotten it used and it was a hunk of junk but he loved it. I had to admit I wouldn’t hate it if it was my first car—no matter how ugly it was, it was still a car.

He leaned over and unlocked the passenger side door when I got there and I didn’t hesitate to flop down inside. He stowed his phone in his pocket and the moment my seatbelt was on he shifted into reverse and pulled out. He didn’t say a word as he drove out of the parking lot and in the direction of my house.

“I’m gonna tell them I had to stay to see a teacher,” I said. “Back me up on that?”

“’Course, Em,” he said. “Where’d you really go though?”

“Mr. Hopper.”

“Ah.”

“It didn’t help.”

“Didn’t expect him to. Not much you can do for this one.”

I sighed heavily and shifted to stare out my window so I couldn’t see the way he glanced at me occasionally, his brow drawn up in worry.

“What did he say?” he asked.

“She’s got her own issues she has to work out and I’m still into her,” I said with a shrug. “He also said I should cut her out of my life if I’m this bent out of shape about her. And don’t say you agree with him because you know I can’t and I don’t even know if I want to.”

“I wasn’t gonna say anything,” he said defensively. “I’m just hoping you get through this in one piece, kid.”


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted a day late because I went to see Hamilton last night and forgot to post updates before I left for NY! I'm gonna post four chapters as an apology lol.

Going back to the house after work was its own special kind of hell. It was a Friday which meant Robin had picked up Roland and there was a weekend ahead of us. I knew I’d have to spend most of my weekend packing and looking for a place to stay.

I stayed in the car in the driveway for close to twenty minutes just trying to convince myself to go in. I almost left again, but just as I was reached for the gearshift I saw Roland’s face appear in the window. He beamed when he saw me and waved excitedly. I smiled and waved back at him, knowing I’d have to go inside then.

When I got to the door Roland was waiting for me.

“Regina!” he said excitedly. He waited for me to crouch to run into my arms and hug me. “You’re home! You’re late though. I missed you!”

“I know, I’m sorry, Roly-poly,” I said, smiling and hugging him. “I had some extra work I had to do today. But I’m here now.”

“Can we play pirates?” he asked eagerly. “You and me and daddy?”

“I have some more things I have to take care of,” I told him, hating that I had to let him down—I was going to be doing even more of that soon. “But maybe in a little bit?”

He nodded.

“’Kay, Gina!” he said happily. He trotted off, yelling for his father that I couldn’t play and that they’d just have to be pirates by themselves.

Robin’s relieved, “That’s fine, we’ll have fun without her,” stung a little.

I went up to the attic and retrieved the suitcases I had stored up there. Luckily I had quite a few—I’d insisted on buying a set each time I’d decided to purchase new luggage, so I had two three-piece sets. With six suitcases I was sure to be able to fit all my belongings. I carried them down from the attic and to the bedroom, then set to work collecting my things.

It was strange, hearing the sounds of Robin and Roland playing downstairs and not finding joy from it. Every time I heard one of them talking or laughing all I could think of was how sad I was that I’d be missing out on it.

“You did it to yourself,” I said quietly, trying to drive home the point. It wasn’t Robin’s fault this was happening. It was mine.

I managed to get the majority of my wardrobe into the various suitcases, arranging them by type of clothing—slacks in one suitcase, blouses in another, dresses in a third. I filled one of the smaller ones with a couple of outfits, figuring I could live out of that one while I found a new place. I had high hopes it wouldn’t take too long to find somewhere else to live.

When my clothing was packed, I went to the ensuite and cleared out my toiletries and soaps. I was halfway through emptying one of my cabinets when I heard small feet on the stairs.

“Roland, come back down here!” Robin said, his voice sharp.

“I gotta ask Regina something though!” Roland’s voice answered, and I judged him to be just outside of the bedroom.

Panic lanced through me as I realized what he’d be walking in on. I dropped everything and ran to stop him before he could come into the bedroom but it was too late.

“Where are you going, Regina?” he asked, staring at the suitcases that were packed to bursting. “Are you going on vacation?”

Robin came up the stairs behind him and glared at me over his son’s head.

“Roland, let’s go downstairs,” he said, putting his hand on Roland’s shoulder and trying to guide him back downstairs.

“But where’s she going on vacation?” he asked his father, confused as anything as he pulled out of Robin’s grasp. “Are we going? Are we going somewhere as a family?”

I had to blink back tears and Robin’s jaw set. He shook his head.

“We aren’t going anywhere as a family,” he told Roland. “Regina’s leaving us. She’s moving out.”

Roland spun to face me, his eyes wide. I wanted to slap Robin for telling him like this. The way he spoke made it sound like I was leaving because I wanted to, and the hurt in Roland’s eyes was enough to break my heart.

“You’re leaving?” the boy asked.

“Yes, Roland,” I said, trying my hardest to keep from letting everything bubble over. I didn’t want to cry in front of either of them. I crouched down to be face-to-face with the boy. “I have to go, okay? But it’s not the end of the world.”

“But—but you can’t go anywhere,” he said, tears building in his eyes and spilling over freely. “You live here. You live with me and daddy. Why do you want to go? You love us.”

“She doesn’t love me,” Robin cut in, his tone harsher than I’m sure he meant it to be around Roland. “She doesn’t love me and I don’t love her. Because we don’t love each other anymore we’re not going to be together anymore, so she’s moving out.”

I’d wanted to go about this in a much gentler way but clearly Robin wasn’t going to allow it.

“You don’t?” Roland asked, sounding almost afraid. “You don’t love daddy?”

I stared at him for a long moment before risking a glance up at Robin. The seething anger I could see was almost enough to burn me right there. I looked back at Roland.

“Not enough,” I said. “Not enough not to screw things up. I made some bad mistakes and I can’t make up for them.”

“Why don’t you love daddy?” he asked tearfully. “He’s the best! And you’re supposed to be with us. You’re supposed to love us.”

My heart was nearly breaking in two. I reached up to place a gentle hand on his cheek but with the way Robin lurched forward I dropped it quickly, moving backwards and away from the two of them almost automatically. I hadn’t wanted to, but the way Robin moved and the fact that I was practically beneath him made me feel more vulnerable than I wanted to, and I had to put some distance between us. I stood up.

“Roland, I love you more than I can say, but I don’t love your daddy the way that I should,” I said. “I hurt him, and you’re not supposed to hurt the people you love so I have to leave.”

“Then you don’t love me either,” Roland said, seeming to get angry suddenly.

“Why would you think that?” I asked, bewildered by that logic.

“You just said you don’t hurt people you love,” he snapped. “And you’re hurting me so you don’t love me.”

“Roland, please don’t ever think I don’t love you—“

“Just keep packing Regina,” Robin said icily. “I think you’ve done enough here. You’ll stay in the guest room until you find a place but it had better be by next Friday.”

I stared at him, hating him suddenly, hating how he was acting like I was a monster. I knew I’d done something terrible but he was acting as if I’d murdered his mother.

“No, I’m not staying in there,” I informed him. “I’m just gathering my things and leaving. I don’t want to drag this out.”

“So much the better then,” he said. “Come on Roland.”

Roland reached up for his father and Robin obligingly picked him up, carrying him from the room. Roland glared over his father’s shoulder at me and it felt as if he was actually shooting daggers at me.

I took a moment to stare after them before I went back to packing with a vengeance. I was going to get the hell out of that house as soon as I possibly could. I didn’t want to spend another hour under that roof with those two hating me the way they did.

I got everything of mine from the bedroom and ensuite packed in under twenty minutes after that and began bringing the suitcases downstairs. I brought each one directly to my car and loaded them into the trunk and backseats. Both Robin and Roland stayed in the kitchen through the whole process.

When the sixth suitcase was packed I went to the kitchen.

“You don’t need to say goodbye—“ Robin started but I cut him off.

“I’m not saying goodbye,” I said. “I’m just in here to tell you that if you find any of my stuff to put it in a box and text me when I can come pick it up. I don’t care about the furniture or decorations I’ve bought for this place but anything else that’s mine just let me know when I can come get it. And here’s your key.”

I took the house key off of my key ring and placed it on the counter, then turned to go. Neither of them said a word and I preferred it that way. I was so close to breaking down as it was.

I got into my car and didn’t wait for a second before I started to drive away from the house. I didn’t know where I’d live, but I knew the motel just outside of town where I’d met Emma would let me stay there for as long as I needed to. I was about halfway to the motel when the tears started and they didn’t stop until I got there. The woman behind the desk didn’t ask, instead just handing me a key when I handed her my card to swipe for a week’s worth of payment for a room.

I was lucky the room was on the second floor because it felt a bit more secure, but it also meant I had to heave six suitcases up the stairs to it considering there was no elevator. I managed it though and when I got everything settled in my room I actually unpacked everything. It was a tight squeeze fitting my wardrobe into the small dresser and closet provided but I figured that it was my home for an undetermined amount of time and I might as well get comfortable there. Once my clothes were unpacked I moved on to my toiletries and my electronics, making sure my chargers and such all had a plug.

With all of that settled I threw myself onto the bed and began to cry in earnest, letting it all out. I didn’t have anything to distract me from the shittiness of the situation anymore and I didn’t have an audience to worry about. Even though I hated crying with a burning passion I couldn’t help it and I just gave myself over to it.

A few hours passed where I switched between crying and staring blankly at the wall as I thought about my options. I was pretty certain that I’d have to find a place out of town. Storybrooke didn’t exactly have apartment complexes and there were few—if any—places to rent. I didn’t have enough on my salary to afford a house either. I’d just have to get used to commuting from farther away. I’d keep a good distance from the middle school as well as stay away from any of the places where I knew Robin liked to go to avoid bumping into him.

My phone chimed and I glanced up, rather surprised by it considering it had gotten late. It was well past 10 at that point. I thought about ignoring it but I reached for it after a moment and checked the screen.

My jaw nearly dropped.

The text from ‘E.S.’ read, “I hate how we left everything. I wanna help you. Let me? No pressure for anything else.”

I threw my phone away from me as if it had burned me, hearing the soft ‘thunk’ as it hit the carpeted floor. I wasn’t going to answer her and I certainly wasn’t going to accept help from her. I didn’t know what help she wanted to offer but I didn’t want her assistance or her pity.

I grabbed the remote from the nightstand and turned on the small TV that balanced on the dresser, wanting to drown out everything else. I clicked through the channels, unable to find something really interesting.

Ten minutes passed before my phone chimed again. This time I managed to leave it alone, but five minutes after that I heard another chime. Three more came in rapidly and I frowned deeply but got up and looked at the screen. Every message was from ‘E.S.’

“Don’t ignore me Regina, this is important.”

“I’m not looking to screw again so don’t worry about that.”

“I feel like I ruined your life even though that’s stupid and you’re being a dickhead so just let me make it up to you.”

“You’re hiding a huge part of yourself and you’ll be happier if you just let it out.”

“Please just let me in, I promise I’m not trying to make things more difficult, I just want to help you and be here for you.”

I opened the phone and tapped out a quick reply.

“I don’t need help, I need to be left alone. I appreciate that you think that you need to do something here but I don’t want you getting involved with me more than you already have. I’m perfectly capable of handling myself. Have a good night.”

I hit send and assumed that would be the end of it but she clearly wasn’t going to let me get the last word in.

“I know you can handle yourself but you don’t have to.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“You got dumped because of me, you explored something you’re clearly scared of because of me, and you said you still want me.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to invade my privacy and my life again.”

“No but I’m also the only one who can help you here because I’m the only one allowed to know.”

I stared at the screen for a long couple of minutes. What the hell was going on? She couldn’t possibly want to see me again after everything. It wasn’t like we were best friends who had gotten into an argument. We barely knew each other.

But at the same time I had basically been told off by my actual best friend and now I was sitting in a motel room on the verge of a depressive spiral having lost the man I loved and the boy I felt like a mother to. I barely knew Emma but she was actually the only one I could really talk to.

I swore under my breath.

No. I couldn’t think that way. I had to move past her—this. Not her, the situation.

She was right though. That was the worst part. She was right about it all.

“I’m at the motel again.”

“I can’t go anywhere. Grounded, remember? But we can talk on the phone? FaceTime?”

I stared at the phone for a moment or two. The reasons she couldn’t come felt like signs that I shouldn’t follow through on using her as support. I still couldn’t help myself though.

“If you’re sure no one will walk in on you we might be able to FaceTime,” I replied.

“They’re fine as long as I’m locked away in my room,” she texted back. “And I’ll use my headphones.”

Once more I had to think about what the hell I was doing here. I had to wonder what she was doing as well—why was she so intent on helping me?

A few minutes passed before my phone rang with a request for a video call. I let it ring for a second or two before I accepted the call. Emma’s face popped up and I could see her headphones were in. Her hair was down, flowing around her shoulders, and she had on plaid pajamas. Somehow in her rumpled state she still looked adorable. I refrained from cursing like I wanted to.

“Hey,” she said with a little smile.

“Hi.”

Silence stretched between us for a few seconds as we took each other in. I knew I should hang up but the sight of her like that made me want to stay on the line. I had been telling myself off for thinking about her inappropriately for nearly two weeks now but the sight of her ready for bed had me distracted as anything.

“So I talked to Mr. Hopper about this today,” she started.

I’m sure my eyes bulged out of my head at that.

“You what?!”

“I didn’t mention any names or anything, you can relax,” she said quickly. “Jeeze, after how upset you got when I mentioned it to Neal and Ruby do you really think I’d tell someone else?”

I backed down a little but I wasn’t able to fully relax.

“What did he say?” I asked.

“He said I should cut off contact with you.”

“Smart man.”

“But he also said that you probably need therapy, too.”

I couldn’t help but glare at her.

“I don’t need therapy,” I said firmly. “I know what’s wrong with me and I know what I need to do to fix it all. We’ll deal with each other the rest of the semester and then we’ll never see each other again. If I have to, I’ll transfer out of Storybrooke and start up somewhere else, but the way I see it you’ll be going away to college in the fall and we’ll both be able to put all of this behind us.”

“That’s all well and good but that won’t stop you from getting bent out of shape about your sexuality again,” Emma said. “It’s gonna come up again at some point, no matter how hard you try to repress it.”

“My sexuality is none of your—“

“Business, concern, blah, blah, blah, listen, Regina,” she said, “you’ve clearly got some kind of issue with the fact that you’re not straight and I get it. You fighting me on this isn’t helping you at all. You can’t deny you’ve got attractions that aren’t hetero. So just… I don’t know, set your crazy aside for a second and find a way to deal with it.”

“I’m not crazy,” I shot back hotly. “I’m _not_ crazy and I _am_ straight. What happened was a lapse in judgment. If you do want to insist I’m crazy then that’s where I went crazy, but I’m seeing sense again.”

“And Danielle?” she pressed.

“Don’t you dare—“

“Regina, I’m not trying to upset you here, I just want to help you.”

“You’re not helping anyone here, all you’re doing is stirring up trouble where ever you can.”

“I’m not trying to, I promise you that,” she said, sounding frustrated. “I just know what it’s like to be scared of things like that. I’m scared of that myself right now. But it’s something that gets easier when you at least accept it of yourself.”

I shook my head, finding that I needed to blink rapidly to clear tears from my eyes. I couldn’t accept something like that as being true for me. I was straight. I had to be.

She sighed as she watched me shake my head.

“Fine, whatever,” she said, sounding defeated. “But maybe he’s right and you should see someone. It doesn’t have to be about that. Just… a lot of shit just hit the fan for you and I know I always feel better when I talk to someone.”

“I don’t see any point in talking to someone about anything that’s happened,” I said. “I’ve made it through my life up to this point without paying someone to listen to me vent.”

“I just thought I’d suggest it,” she said.

Emma looked so put out that I felt badly for her. She was truly just trying to help.

“Emma, I don’t want to upset you either,” I said, softening a little despite myself. “I know I’ve caused you a lot of grief these last few weeks and you don’t deserve any of it. I just don’t like the idea of therapy and I can’t even begin to think about pursuing any attachments or attractions to women.”

Emma’s brow raised and I knew she was attempting to figure out my hesitance towards women once more.

I sighed.

“We aren’t close enough for me to tell you why,” I told her. “Just know that I have my reasons.”

“We could be close enough though,” Emma protested. “I want you to have someone. You clearly don’t have anyone you trust enough to talk to. Otherwise you wouldn’t be so bottled up and stressed about it.”

“I trust other people enough,” I said, trying to sound convincing.

“Do you really?” she asked. “Who?”

“I—Robin for one,” I said, but I couldn’t look at her when I said that. It was only a half-truth. Robin knew only part of the story. He hadn’t known I had been attracted to women, just the result of the reveal of that attraction.

She rubbed her forehead for a moment, looking frustrated and almost annoyed.

“Okay then, so there’s one person,” she said. “And now? Who are you going to talk to now?”

“I’ll figure my own life out,” I said. “I don’t need to talk to anyone.”

“Regina, I’m just trying to—“

“To help, I know,” I said icily. “You’ve said. A number of times actually. Why are you so hell bent on helping me? Why are you trying to force your assistance on me?”

“Because you clearly need it—“

“No I don’t, I’m telling you I don’t. I don’t want your help or need it but you keep trying to get close to me. You’ve been insisting I need you but I don’t, okay? I wanted you but I don’t need you—“

“God Regina, that’s why, okay?” she said, seeming to snap. “You wanted me. I like being wanted. I wanted to keep being wanted. I thought if I helped you then you might still want me. That’s it.”

I stared at her, the grainy picture on my phone not doing anything to hide the anger and unhappiness in her gaze.

“You want me to want you?” I asked.

“Yeah, okay, it’s stupid and I get that,” she said, starting to get defensive. “I just… like feeling that. It’s nice when people want you.”

“You’ve got plenty of people in your life who want you, I’m sure,” I said.

“Maybe,” she said with a shrug.

“Not maybe,” I said. “Your parents have to. Your friends Neal and Ruby. I’m sure you’ve got plenty of other friends as well—“

“Yeah, I’ve got a lot of people now,” Emma said, “but I didn’t growing up in the foster system. I bounced from home to home and people didn’t ever want me. They just wanted the money they’d get from the government or the sympathy they’d get from others who admired them for taking in an older foster kid. Once they got a few checks and a good amount of attention, they’d find a reason to send me back. None of them _actually_ wanted me. So when you said you wanted me, I liked it and I didn’t want it to stop.”

The admission didn’t just explain things to me—it shamed me. I had been thinking so heavily on how everything was affecting me and my life that I didn’t even consider what was going through Emma’s head half the time.

“I—oh,” I managed to stammer out.

“Don’t get all sad and start feeling bad for me,” she said, a fire lighting in her gaze once more. “I don’t need your sympathy. Like you said, I do have people who want me now. I just got excited. I can see now it was stupid thinking you’d feel that way, too.”

“No, Emma, don’t say that,” I said. “It wasn’t stupid thinking that way. It’s just my own stuff that’s dragging me down here.”

She was silent, just glaring anywhere but the screen. I could tell from her expression that she was shutting down as much as I had a tendency to.

“How long are you grounded for?” I asked.

“A week I think,” she said.

“Is there any chance you could get out of the house this weekend?” I asked. “Any lie you could tell your parents that we could meet up?”

“Why would we meet up?” she asked, sounding suspicious.

“Because you trusted me with your secret and I feel like I should tell you mine now,” I said simply, not wanting to make a big deal out of it.

“And you can’t tell me now because…?” she asked.

“I have to figure out the best way to say it all,” I admitted. “It’s… there’s a lot involved and I’ll need to… prepare myself to talk about it. And I’m exhausted from everything that’s happened today. But if we can find time alone together then we can talk.”

Emma seemed to consider that for a long time before she nodded.

“I’ll see what I can do,” she said. “I’ll text you whatever the answer is.”

“Okay,” I said. I was quiet a beat before I added, “I’m sorry I made you feel so terribly. I didn’t know—“

“No one really knows,” she said. “Everyone at school knows I’m adopted but don’t know the full extent. I don’t like telling people.”

The fact that she’d told me wasn’t lost on me. Clearly she trusted me to some extent. That trust wasn’t exactly well-earned or well-placed in my opinion, but she did trust me.

“Text me when you know,” I said.

“Good night, Regina.”

“Good night, Emma.”


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, this one's got trigger warnings out the wazoo. Non-graphic mentions of past child abuse, sexual abuse/rape, child marriage, marital rape, homophobic sentiments, and basically brainwashing through abuse/reward systems.
> 
> Be super careful reading this one. I tried not to be detailed.

I told her I’d be at the motel on Sunday afternoon at 2. I wasn’t grounded anymore, but obviously I couldn’t tell my parents what I was actually up to. I’d convinced them that I had a group project due the next week and that I needed to work with some friends at the library on it. They’d easily believed me, their unhappiness with me sneaking out almost entirely forgotten, but Dad insisted on dropping me off at the library himself. I waved goodbye to him and headed inside the front doors, hefting my backpack onto my shoulders as if I were actually planning to go inside and stay there.

I watched from one of the windows down the hall from the front entrance as he stared at the doors for a few moments before he finally drove off, seeming to accept that I was going to be sticking around. When I saw him leave, I gave it another few minutes. When I was certain he was gone and not coming back, I ran out to the parking lot.

Neal was waiting in the Volvo for me and he smiled tightly.

“You sure this is a good idea?” he asked.

“No, but when am I ever sure I’ve got a good idea?” I pointed out. “This whole situation’s a mess. Might as well own it at this point. It’s keeping me entertained and out of the house.”

He rolled his eyes but drove in the direction of the motel. Thankfully it didn’t take too long, just a little over half an hour. I had told Dad I’d needed to be at the library until 5, so the sooner I got to the motel, the sooner Regina and I talked, and the sooner I’d be back.

Neal dropped me off and waited until I got up to the room Regina said she was in. He watched from down below as the door opened and Regina stood there, looking more relaxed than I’d ever seen her. She was wearing sweatpants and an old t-shirt, and her feet were bare. I didn’t know why that particular aspect of her outfit caught my eye, but Regina Mills not wearing heels was such a strange concept that I couldn’t help but notice.

I turned and waved to Neal and she peered over the railing of the walkway at him. I could tell from her frown she didn’t like that he was there.

“He drove me here,” I said simply. “I don’t have a car and I figured you wouldn’t want my parents driving me to meet up with you.”

She sighed.

“Come on in,” she said.

I walked into the motel and it became quickly apparent that she wasn’t just staying there short-term. Regina had essentially set up shop in the room. Suitcases were neatly aligned in the closet that seemed full of her clothes, I could see her toiletries on the sink through the door to the small bathroom, and she had even gone as far as setting up a small hamper in the corner of the room. One of the two beds in the room was neatly made and looked like it hadn’t been used yet but the other looked as if someone had just gotten up from it. The desk even had her things scattered all over it.

“Don’t judge,” she said sharply, catching me surveying the room. “It’s only temporary.”

“I wasn’t judging you, I promise,” I said quickly. “I’m just amazed you made a motel seem so… comfortable.”

She rolled her eyes a little but went to the more used looking bed and sat down on the edge. I sat down across from her, facing her.

“So you said you were gonna tell me about… things,” I said.

“Getting straight to the point I see,” she said a bit dryly.

“It’s why I came,” I pointed out.

“Very true,” she said with a sigh. “I just spent hours trying to come up with what to say and I’ve essentially forgotten everything I had planned.”

“How about you start with Danielle?” I suggested. “Seems like it all stems from there the way you talked about it.”

She eyed me for a moment before she looked away. She seemed to consider my suggestion and the situation for a moment, then simply started talking.

“I’ve mentioned my relationship with Danielle was very innocent and it ended very poorly,” she said. “She and I only ever held hands, and it was only around the barn. Generally no one paid us much attention, but one of the riding instructors noticed it one day. I’m sure it was in an effort to be accepting and encouraging, but she decided to point it out to my mother.”

I was sure I winced, because her lips drew into a tight smile.

“Yes, exactly,” she said. “My mother was… not the kindest. She tried in her own way but she had a specific idea of who I was meant to be and what my life was meant to be like. Any deviation from her path was punished, and she certainly hadn’t planned that I would develop a crush on another girl.

“When my instructor told my mother of how sweet Danielle and I always seemed when we were together, my mother spoke of how young girls needed to stick together to the instructor’s face, but the moment she got me into the car she struck me. It’s where this scar came from.” She indicated the scar on her upper lip, the one I’d noticed that day in her office. “Her ring caught me when she backhanded me. She didn’t let me clean myself up either, so I ruined my shirt when I bled on it.”

I was already properly horrified by what I had learned. I knew that there were a lot of parents out there that didn’t accept their children as they were, and it was that knowledge that kept me from coming out to my own parents. I doubted they’d do anything like physically assault me, but the fear of some kind of rejection was still there.

“When we got home my mother immediately called the barn and cancelled my lessons there,” she continued on. “She even called Danielle’s parents and informed them of what was going on. They apparently pulled Danielle from the program as well. I never heard from her again.

“Mother wasn’t done though, and she spent the night screaming at me. My father tried a couple times to intercede, but he was never really in charge in my house and she told him to butt out. He gave up when he realized she wasn’t going to. She hit me a few more times and then eventually sent me to my room. She locked me in for four days and only allowed me two small meals a day with scheduled trips to the bathroom.”

“Jesus Regina, I can see why you don’t want to think like—“

“I’m not done,” she said softly, looking away from me.

My jaw dropped.

“You’re not?” I asked.

“No,” she said. She shot me a tight smile that fell almost immediately. “It’s just the tip of the ice burg here.”

I found myself afraid to hear the rest of it, but I also didn’t want to interrupt her. She was sharing something intensely personal, and I owed it to her to be respectful of that.

“When Mother finally let me out of my room, she kept me in the house a few more days, telling the school that I was sick with the flu,” she said. “Daddy was away on a business trip for the week and I’m fairly certain that Mother knew she had to work quickly.”

“Wait, your dad knew your mom locked you in your room and basically starved you and treated you like a prisoner and he just left?” I asked incredulously.

“She’d done it before,” she said simply. “He knew eventually I’d be let out again, so he left. As I said, he wasn’t the strongest when it came to opposing my mother.”

I couldn’t believe anyone would abandon their child to a woman like that, or how he even stayed with someone who walked all over everyone in their lives.

“She brought me to a man who called himself a therapist, but even at that young age I knew that he wasn’t in the business of helping people. As soon as I’d met him, my mother was signing a marriage certificate as a witness and he had some friend he’d had there with him sign it as well. She handed over a check to him, he signed the certificate well, and then she informed me that I would have to sign it, too. When I resisted she told me I could sign it and keep some privileges or she’d simply leave me with him and leave it up to him what he’d do with me to fix me.”

“Tell me you ran,” I squeaked out.

“I couldn’t,” she replied. “Not at that point at least. She forced me to sign the certificate and I was legally married. She allowed me back to our house to collect some of my things, then dropped me off at his house again that night, assuring me that his treatment would be kinder considering I’d agreed to it by marrying him.

“He seemed kind at first, too. He told me his name was Leopold, that he had a daughter around my age, and that he was happy to help me with my problem. When I asked what he wanted from me he said he only wanted to help me. We talked for a few hours, had dinner together, and I thought it might not be as terrifying as I’d originally thought. He seemed to genuinely want to help me. He told me what I had felt for this girl was not my fault and that I was just confused. I was starting to believe it by the time he suggested we get ready for bed.

“I got into pajamas and searched for a guest bedroom, but he took me by the arm and escorted me to his own bedroom. Once there, he told me once again that he just wanted to help me.”

I saw from the way she spoke and the way her gaze clouded over that this was not going to end well. I had known it would lead somewhere dark when she spoke of a forced marriage, but this was getting downright terrifying. I wanted her to stop now, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak.

It struck me suddenly how often I’d said that I had ‘just wanted to help’ her and I wanted to run. She had been told that over and over again by someone who had abused her and I’d just been saying it over and over. No wonder she’d fought me so hard on it. I was reminding her of a horrifying time in her life.

Regina moved back on the bed and pulled her legs up in front of her, drawing her knees to her chest.

“He used me that first night,” she said blankly, almost clinically. “Telling me the whole time that I’d see how wrong I’d been, how men were superior to women, how a man’s touch would heal me and my sinful thoughts… he used me. It was my first time, too. Before then I’d only ever kissed one boy and held hands with Danielle.”

Silence settled over the room. I didn’t even know what to say to her but I understood why she hadn’t wanted to tell me of this.

“Mother had said that I would keep some privileges if I agreed to sign but Leopold didn’t allow me anything,” Regina continued on. “He forced me to drop out of school, we moved far away from my home, and he didn’t let me out of the house. The whole time he continued ‘treating’ me and sending my mother reports on how I was doing. The few times I tried to fight him off I was beaten within an inch of my life. If I complied with what he wanted and accepted what he was doing to me he raved about how I was healing and how I was a model patient. I got pregnant twice while I was in his house but miscarried both times because he starved and beat me until I couldn’t keep the pregnancy. He didn’t want me to bear his child until he knew I was free from lustful thoughts and free of sin because he didn’t want the baby to be impure.

“Eventually it was just easier to ignore any thoughts of women and to listen to what he said about what was right. When that happened he rewarded me with treats and small gifts and such. Those little rewards helped me quite a bit to continue to ignore any thoughts I might have had.

“Obviously I eventually got out,” she said. “About two years after he got a hold of me I was home while he was out for the day. A neighbor had seen him leave in his car but saw someone moving around in the house—she got concerned it was a break in. The police showed up to the door to check in and when I answered they asked who I was. It turned out that my father had reported me missing when he got home, so they had my name and picture in a database. They took me in to ask what had happened during those two years. I tried to tell them I was fine, I was better than ever, but I broke down and told them the truth about everything.

“They put me in protective custody, put me in touch with my father, arrested both Leopold and my mother, and let me go to my real home,” she said, her voice still oddly distant. It was as if she were recounting a story about someone else now. “I spent ages with a real therapist—half of that first year with her I was just learning to trust her because the last ‘therapist’ I had gone to had been anything but a therapist. After a year passed I went back to school, got my high school diploma, went to college, got my Master’s, and ended up teaching in Storybrooke.

“I had a few terrible and panic-inducing attempts at hook ups to try to get myself ‘back out there’ as a number of people encouraged me to do without knowing the full story, but they didn’t help much past sending me into depressive spirals. Then I met Robin and he helped me a lot in terms of truly letting me get past what had happened to me. He took the time to try to get to know me before he even kissed me, and he made sure that anything that happened between us happened because I wanted it, and that was before he knew about my past. Eventually I told him about what Leopold did. I didn’t tell him why it all happened because I didn’t want him to know. I still struggle to accept that being attracted to women isn’t _really_ a problem—at least not nowadays. But I told Robin my mother married me off to a much older man who hurt me. There was a while when it strained our relationship because he was constantly worried he was hurting me, but we got through it.”

She went quiet then, her arms still wrapped around her knees. She played with the sleeve of her t-shirt, looking at the ground somewhere near my feet. All I wanted to do was go to her and hug her but now I didn’t want to go near her without explicit permission.

“I’m better,” she said suddenly. “A lot better. I’m not prone to panic attacks anymore. I used to have them a lot, and I had a lot of flashbacks the first year or so. Now I can’t remember the last time I had one. I can trust people now. But I was never able to let myself think about women the way you made me think about you until you started sending me those links to that website.”

“Tell me they’re locked away,” I said softly. “Your mother and that man.”

She blinked at me in surprise but nodded.

“He was charged with rape, domestic abuse, battery and assault, and sexual conduct with a minor, while my mother was jailed for child abuse, negligence, and human trafficking,” she said. “They tried to use the fact that I was legally married to Leopold to persuade the courts that everything that had happened was consensual and started calling me crazy to try to tone down what he did to me. Thankfully the courts didn’t believe them on either count and I was granted a divorce. Both were sent to high security prisons, and neither have gotten out yet.”

“They’d better rot in there,” I said, the venom in my voice so intense it nearly dripped from my mouth tangibly.

“You’d probably be delighted to hear that Leopold was actually attacked in the prison yard when the other inmates learned what he had done then,” she offered up. When I nodded she shot me a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

We sat for a few moments, the enormity of what she’d told me sinking in for both of us. I couldn’t believe anyone would do something like what her mother had done, and I couldn’t believe anyone would be able to make it out the other side the way she had. Regina seemed to be realizing she’d shared such a personal story with someone and I could see her walls going up.

“Can I sit next to you?” I asked suddenly.

She arched a brow but nodded. I moved to do what I’d asked to do and I held out one hand, palm up. She looked between my hand and my face before recognizing what I was asking for. She slid her hand into mine and I lightly grasped it.

“Thank you for telling me,” I said sincerely. “It had to have taken a lot to talk about that, so I appreciate you trusting me enough to tell me.”

She seemed at a loss all of a sudden, and I worried that I was being weird. It usually took a lot for Regina Mills to be stumped on what to say next, although to be fair, a lot of what I said tended to catch her off guard.

She finally offered up a shaky smile.

“Well you shared something personal with me,” she said, squeezing my hand. “Besides, after everything you deserved to know.”

“I wonder how long I’m gonna get away with that excuse when it comes to us,” I said, grinning a little cheekily. “I apparently deserve to know a lot, but eventually that excuse is going to run out.”

When Regina actually laughed at that I felt some of the tension in the room melt away.

“You haven’t been getting away with it,” she said. “I’ve basically been giving you that excuse.”

She didn’t drop my hand and I didn’t drop hers, figuring if she was willing to hold my hand for a little while I wasn’t going to stop her. I was hyper aware of where we touched, both because I loved touching her and because I didn’t want to touch her when she didn’t want me to. I thought back on when we’d hooked up and was relieved when I remembered how I’d wanted her to come to me, to want me, and I hadn’t pushed her around.

“You said ‘us’,” she said softly.

I nodded but didn’t look at her.

“Do you still want there to be an ‘us’?” she asked.

I nodded again.

She sighed.

“Do you?” I asked.

“I still want to be with you physically,” she admitted. “And a few times since we spoke over video chat I’ve thought about what would happen if I tried to pursue this. But I don’t know if it’s just because I’ve so recently been dumped. I don’t want to use you as a rebound or anything like that. I truly don’t want to hurt you through this. I know I’ve been all over the place and I know I’ve been terrible to you but I don’t want to keep hurting you.”

“Then just stop going back and forth,” I said. “Make a decision and stick to it. Whatever you decide I’ll make myself understand it. You know I’m smart enough to be able to do that. You’ve graded enough of my papers.”

She laughed again and I was relieved by it. I loved hearing her laugh, and the fact that I could make her laugh after she divulged such an intense and devastating secret made me feel that much better.

“I think you should go home for now,” she said. “And we can both think on this. We have to make sure that things that have happened don’t blow up in our faces any more than they already have.”

“And if we decide we want more?” I asked. “We can think on that a little bit too, right?”

Regina seemed guarded for a few moments before she finally nodded.

“Sure,” she said. “We can entertain that notion as well. Not too seriously, but we can. And once we know what our best avenue is in terms of what’s gone on we can see what will or won’t happen.”

“That sounds good to me,” I said. “I’m gonna kiss your cheek now.”

I leaned over and did exactly that and caught sight of a small smile on her face.

“You don’t have to announce everything you do now that you know,” she said. “As I said, I’m a lot better now. I can function well enough in society that I won’t panic at the smallest provocation.”

“I know, but I’d rather be sure,” I said simply. “Especially if it’s got to do with something like a kiss.”

“Fair enough,” she said. “And thanks.”

She smiled at me and then leaned over to kiss my cheek back.

I smiled at her and as she pulled away she looked directly into my eyes. She froze where she was and it felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the room. We stared at each other for a long moment where the only sound was the beating of my own heart, which I was sure she could hear.

I tilted my head just slightly to the side and she leaned in. I met her halfway, her lips connecting with my own for the briefest of moments. I was still holding her hand and I unconsciously squeezed it, which pulled her concentration away.

She broke the kiss off and I cursed myself for distracting her.

“Sorry,” she said softly. “I know I just said we’d think but—“

“Believe me, Regina,” I said, “you never have to apologize for kissing me.”

She balked a little and looked almost embarrassed by my comment but she smiled sheepishly.

“Well then,” she said. “I think it might be best if you call your friend to come get you. I don’t want to keep you out too long and risk you getting in trouble again.”

I nodded, regretfully releasing her hand and getting up. I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed Neal. He picked up on the second ring and answered eagerly.

“You good to go?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m good,” I said. “Can you get here quick?”

“Should be able to,” he said. “Probably five minutes.”

“Perfect.”

He ended the call and I looked at Regina.

“I’m gonna go wait outside,” I said.

“You can wait in here if you’d like,” she said, her brow furrowing just a little.

“I could, but I’d want to kiss you again,” I said. “So I’m just gonna say goodbye for now. We can think and then we’ll talk again when we know more. Maybe Wednesday? If you’re still willing to meet with me about that paper?”

“Paper?” she asked curiously. Her eyes widened. “I’d forgotten. I’ll happily still help you with that if you’re still serious about working on it. Sure we can talk then.”

“Great,” I said. “I’ll see you tomorrow for class and we’ll talk more on Wednesday then. But—if you need anything before then just text me.”

I smiled and gave a quick wave, then headed out of the motel room before I convinced myself to stop and talk to her a little longer. I headed down the stairs and made sure to keep my head down while I waited for Neal. He pulled in just a few minutes after I got down there and I hopped into the Volvo quickly.

“So?” he asked as I buckled. “How’d it go? Did she spill?”

“Yeah, she did,” I said.

“And?” he pressed. “What was it? What was the big secret?”

I saw the eagerness in his eyes to know what the truth was but the idea of telling Neal this particular thing didn’t sit that well with me. It had obviously taken her a lot to tell me, so I couldn’t blab to anyone about it. Everything she had shared was so devastating and so intensely personal that I could never betray her trust and tell him what her past looked like.

“It’s none of your business, Cassidy,” I said.

He slumped a little but could tell I meant it.

“Fine, fine,” he said. “Don’t tell me then. I just hope whatever you two talked about cleared things up and you’re not going to be as miserable pining over her as you have been.”

He turned the car out onto the street to head back to the library while I stared out the passenger side window. Regina had certainly given me a lot to think about, that was for sure. I was happy she’d trusted me enough to say all that and despite myself I found that the idea she trusted me didn’t help me set aside any feelings I had for her. In fact, it all made me like her more.

I’d have time to think about what I wanted though, and if I decided I really did want her then I would have to come up with a game plan. If I decided to pursue her in that way it wouldn’t be easy.

Then again, I didn’t know that I wanted things to be easy—I just wanted things to feel right. And even after everything that had been said and everything that had happened between us the last few weeks, I knew I felt right when I was around Regina.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nervous feelings and sex to be had here.

The next three days passed agonizingly slowly. Every day I went to work and made it through the day feeling like it would never end, then I’d get to my final period with my seniors, I’d see Emma sitting in the same seat as always, and I’d know that she knew. She knew about the most horrifying thing that had ever happened to me, the most traumatic years of my life that I still felt the effects of on my worst days.

She didn’t ever act differently though, which was the strange part. On both Monday and Tuesday she was attentive in class, answered a question here and there, and made sure her work got done, just the same as she’d always done before the whole debacle started.

I did my best to keep my cool as well. She wasn’t the first person who had learned about my marriage and I was sure she wouldn’t be the last—there would be others that I would learn to trust that much. Other Robins and other Emmas that I would share that story with.

The fact that I’d shared that story with Emma and that put her on the same level as Robin shook me a little bit. I wanted to say that it was just because she’d shared something personal with me, but it went deeper than that and I knew it. I trusted her. I knew it was stupid to do so but past her slipping up with her friends, she’d been careful not to tell anyone about us and about me. I could tell she hadn’t told anyone about my past considering everyone acted exactly the same around me as usual. She could be trusted to an extent, but worse, I _wanted_ to trust her.

One of the big problems I was finding with it all was that I missed Robin, even as I very cautiously entertained the notion of pursuing something with Emma. I missed the way he held me, how sure of himself he was, how goofy he could be, how he and Roland used to light up when I came home from work to find the two of them engaged in a game they’d convince me to join. I had hurt him so badly and I had hurt Roland in the process. There didn’t seem to be any way to make it up to them either. I wasn’t going to turn into a psycho ex-girlfriend and try to weasel my way back in or apologize with over-the-top, attention-seeking displays. I knew that the only way they would heal from what I’d done would be if they moved on and forgot about me, even if I wanted what I had with them back.

When Wednesday came around I still hadn’t made a decision either way when it came to Emma. I would start to think about what I wanted to do in regards to her but as I thought about her I would think of what I’d lost because of what I’d done with her, and then what I would lose if word got out about her and I. It was an endless cycle of overthinking and anxiety, and I wished I could have made an easier, more easily forgiven mistake than the one I had made.

The senior class on Wednesday dragged but when we finally heard the last bell of the day I found I wanted to just rush out with all the students and hurry off and away from the school. I’d already shared enough with Emma at this point.

I forced myself to head back to my office, aware that she was a few steps behind me the entire way. I walked in and then stepped back to let her through, saying a quick and somewhat loud, “I hope you had time to look over the suggestions I made for your paper,” before shutting the door behind her.

She smirked a little.

“Have to make sure they don’t suspect anything,” she teased lightly.

I arched a brow.

“Actually yes,” I said, but I could feel the slight tugging at the corners of my lips.

“I do actually want to talk about that if you don’t mind,” she said. “I mean, I did work really hard on it and I think people should know how badly Hamlet wants Horatio.”

I laughed. Her determination and intensity was as attractive as it was cute.

“Well what are we doing first then?” I asked. “Talking about us or talking about Hamratio?”

“I think us first,” she said. “Get it out of the way. It _is_ the elephant in the room after all. Might as well tackle that first.”

I nodded and went to my desk, putting my things down on top of it. I took a deep breath and turned back to her, leaning against the edge as she settled down in the chair. She almost looked relaxed, but it seemed to be a forced relaxation—I could see the tension in her hands as she gripped the arms of the chair, squeezing them lightly in a kind of absentminded pulse, even as she tried to look as if she was lounging back.

“You know that I’m much older, in a position of authority, and very newly single,” I said. “The fact that I’m older and in an authoritative position means that we have very different lives and that things could very easily become overly complicated between us. The fact that I’ve just been dumped only serves to make it seem that much more odd that we would get together—as I’ve said, I wouldn’t want to use you as a ‘rebound’ to ‘get back out there’.”

“Stop with the air quotes,” she said with a laugh. “It makes you seem super old. And stop speaking so clinically. I’m not here to examine the pros and cons. I’m here to talk feelings—which by the way is something I don’t really do, so you should feel special about that. I want to know how you feel about me and what that means.”

I studied her for a moment. Emma spoke so nonchalantly that I knew it was another act, another way she was attempting to look as if this was just another chat. I realized that this chat would either upset her or excite her, and _I_ wasn’t even sure which way it would go.

“I can’t separate my feelings from the pros and cons,” I admitted. “I can’t throw that so-called list away and pretend there isn’t a lot stacked against you and I. And besides that, the list of cons makes me feel as though I’m using you.”

That was my major hang up—I truly did not want to use her. I did like her a lot. I was finding more and more that time spent with her was rather enjoyable. She had a way of making me laugh so easily—well, when we weren’t fighting. Then again we hadn’t fought in a bit. Not since we’d simmered down and taken some time to think about what was going on. Since we’d spoken over video chat things had seemed slightly calmer, but I had to remind myself that wasn’t a whole lot of time so I couldn’t really judge off of that.

“I know when I’m being used,” she said. “I grew up in the foster system. If the kids in the group homes weren’t trying to use me to get what they wanted, the foster parents I got stuck with were using me to get government cash. I wouldn’t let you use me.”

I knew that she was tough and that it was entirely possible she truly wouldn’t let herself be dragged down and tossed around by me, even if it was unintentional on my part. And it would be unintentional—I liked her enough I wouldn’t want to do anything like that on purpose.

“Well, since you visited me last, I’ve been thinking,” I said, starting to slow down. “I’ve played out every possible scenario here over and over. All I keep coming back to is how much I would regret it if I didn’t try to be with you in some capacity.”

Her eyes widened and she stared at me as if I had told her I was writing her a check for ten million dollars. She didn’t seem to believe what I was saying, but her eyes were sparkling with restrained delight.

“So what you’re saying is you want to try this out?” she asked, still seeming to try to be cavalier about it all, though now for a much different reason.

I only hesitated a moment before I nodded.

“The way I’ve been justifying it in my head is that we’re only a little under three months away from graduation,” I said. “You won’t be my student after graduation, which only really brings up the issue of the age gap.”

“What is the age gap anyways?” she asked curiously. “You know I’m eighteen but I don’t know how old you are.”

“I’m thirty-three,” I said.

“Not old enough to be a cougar then,” she said, feigning disappointment—or at least I hoped she was faking it.

“I’m not?”

“No, you’ve got to be thirty-five to be a cougar,” she said with a smirk. “You’re just an older woman.”

“Sorry to disappoint you,” I shot back, a small smile finding its way onto my face. “I can tell you that I don’t want to try this for another two years if you’d like?”

“No, no,” she said quickly. “I’m perfectly happy to try this now when you’re under typical cougar age.”

“So you’re willing to try it as well?” I asked.

Emma laughed at that.

“Of course I am,” she said. “Now that you’re not snapping my head off every two seconds I’m finding I kind of like you personality-wise, and we both know I really like you looks-wise.”

“I’m sorry for all the things I said when I was angry,” I said apologetically. “I know that I tend to go for the throat when things go wrong. Robin hated that about me.”

Though we didn’t fight often, Robin absolutely hated how I reacted to arguments. If I was already in a bad mood or I was set off in just the right way, I had a habit of exploding and lashing out, and he’d done everything he could to avoid that. I’d understood, but sometimes it felt as if he was walking on eggshells around me.

“You’re fine,” she said. “The last couple of weeks have been a little bit crazy.”

“True, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

“I forgive you,” she said, sounding so sincere I had to believe her.

She was so sweet sometimes that it was hard to wrap my head around it.

“So if you’re gonna try this that means we’re going to have to find ways to do it,” she said. At my pointed look she realized what she’d said and balked. “I mean—not do _it_ —I meant how we’re gonna—you know—“

“I know, Miss Swan,” I said teasingly. “And you’re right. We do have to figure out how this will work. Obviously we can’t be seen together in that capacity—not until you’ve graduated at least. And probably for a significant amount of time after that. We’ll have to keep this under wraps and come up with something down the line that will make sense as to how this happened.”

“God I love it when you talk logistics,” she said.

“Stop teasing me,” I said, fully grinning now. “I just don’t want you to get in trouble and I certainly don’t want to get in trouble either. I like my job and can’t be caught with a student, even if you are legally an adult. I don’t even like that I have to qualify you as an adult ‘legally’—it makes me feel almost predatory.”

“Well if it helps anyone later on you can tell people that you weren’t predatory at all,” she said. “If anything I was the one who talked you into that first time and got you thinking the way you did about me.”

“That may be true, but no one is going to look at us and think that I’m not taking advantage of you,” I said, my smile fading. “I just feel like we should keep things quiet for as long as possible.”

“Fair enough,” she said. “I’m fake dating Neal in any case, so if people see you and I out I can just say that we’re working on the paper and stuff and god no I’m not affectionate with her, I’ve got a boyfriend, thank you very much.”

“You’re fake dating Neal?” I asked, confused.

“Yeah, it’s a long story,” she said, looking sheepish. “But either way pretty much everyone who doesn’t know my sexuality thinks I’m with him, so that’s a pretty decent cover. If you mention to a few of your colleagues that we’re working on this paper together, I can mention it to a few other people, and they’ll all just assume that’s what we’re always doing together if we meet up somewhere in public.”

“I can blame the end-of-the-year grading and crunch-time for not having time during real school hours,” I supplied.

“Perfect,” she said. “Man, if I’d known it was this easy to date a teacher maybe I’d have done it before.”

“Would you really have?” I asked.

“Nah,” she said, adopting a kind of cheeky grin. “No other teachers here are even half as gorgeous as you, and I’m worth a ten out of ten.” She winked.

That certainly caught me off guard. I must have looked embarrassed because she laughed.

“Honestly, I think we’ve got this in the bag,” she said happily. “We’ve got the excuse of this paper, I won’t be your student in three months, and we can be mature about this. I’m sure you’re not going to start giving me As if I kiss you well enough?”

“No, you’ll still have to work for those through your actual school work,” I informed her.

“Damn,” she said. “But also good for you, because that would’ve made it harder to keep our cover.” She seemed delighted to be planning things like this, and now I was noticing that she wasn’t nearly as faux-relaxed as before—she was actually relaxed. She seemed so much more at ease now, and I liked that things seemed truly calm between us.

“Are you staying at the motel longer?” she asked.

“For the foreseeable future,” I admitted. “I haven’t found a place yet. I’ve been looking for things in and around Storybrooke but this county is so small and no one ever seems to leave. I might widen my search but I also don’t want to be too far away. I have been considering transferring out of the district though.”

“Really?” she asked, sounding surprised. “Why’s that? If I’m graduating soon it’s not like I’ll be hovering around the hallways near you.”

“Robin is in the middle school,” I admitted. “He teaches history there.”

“Oh, damn,” she said. “Okay, I get it.”

“In any case, I’ll be staying at the motel for a bit longer,” I said. “I’d like to find something more permanent, but it’s actually kind of nice there. No one bothers me. My only real issue with it is that I haven’t been able to cook for the last few days and I do actually enjoy cooking.”

“Maybe some night I can convince my parents I need an extra tutoring session and you can come cook for me,” she said, sounding delighted by the idea.

I had to laugh at that.

“We’re only just starting out,” I said. “Don’t think I’m going to cook for you just yet.”

“Don’t people cook to impress their dates sometimes?” she shot back innocently.

“When they’re in less precarious of a predicament,” I said.

“Fine, fine,” she said, holding up her hands. She still looked delighted despite being rebuffed on the topic of me cooking for her. She didn’t seem to know quite what to do with herself until she stood up and moved towards me.

“So if we’re gonna try this out does that mean I have to take you on a date before I get to kiss you again?” she asked.

“I feel like I should say you do,” I said, “but given the circumstances I think we could let it slide.”

“What circumstances are those?” she asked playfully. “The fact that we can’t go on a real date? The fact that you’re the older one of us so theoretically you should be in control?”

“No, the fact that I really want to kiss you right now, too,” I said.

She didn’t seem to be expecting that in the slightest and she nearly lit up. I didn’t let her think on it too much, instead grabbing the front of her shirt and pulling her the last few inches towards me.

When we kissed this time it wasn’t hurried, but it also wasn’t as tentative as our last kiss had been. She seemed sure of herself, and I was more confident as well. The taste of her on my lips was something I was sure I would find addictive, and the fact that she easily let her hands fall to my hips delighted me. I ran my hands up to let my fingers bury in her hair, keeping her close, keeping us connected.

Her tongue flicked out against my lips and I parted them slightly to let her in. She wasted no time licking into my mouth and deepening our kiss.

I was starting to get a little light-headed and broke the kiss briefly to gasp for breath. She didn’t give me much recovery time before she was capturing my lips again. Her grip on my hips tightened and she pulled me somehow closer.

With our bodies flush, pressed up so fully against each other, I couldn’t help the little moan that slipped out. I was embarrassed by it and prayed she hadn’t noticed, but of course she had. I felt her smirk against my lips and she instantly began moving her mouth down from my own to my neck. She kissed and nipped, being sure not to suck for fear of leaving marks.

I was rapidly finding that I was losing the ability to keep my feet under me, and I leaned back more against the desk.

She pulled back suddenly, leaving me gasping for breath. She seemed to war with herself for a moment, shifting just slightly back towards me before she moved away from me. I wondered if she had rethought this whole situation, and my stomach dropped as she went for the door. I noticed as she reached it that her bag was still on the floor next to the chair where she’d dropped it, and I smirked when I realized just what she was doing.

She looked back at me questioningly, her fingers hovering on the lock. I could tell she was looking for a clear sign that this was what I wanted, and I nodded.

The faint ‘click’ of the lock sounded and she was back on me in an instant. She was pushing me back, and the backs of my thighs pressed tightly to the corner of the desk. She didn’t let up though, and I realized suddenly what she was doing. I relaxed slightly, fidgeting so that I could sit up on the desk and then lean back.

As I leaned backwards she followed me down, clambering up onto the desk to straddle me. It felt awkward and I giggled as my legs dangled down off the edge of the desk.

She ignored my giggle and just reattached her mouth to my throat, turning it from a giggle to a soft moan. I bit my lip to keep from making too much more noise.

Her hands raked down my sides over my shirt, sliding down to the waistline of my pants before tugging the blouse up and out of my skirt. When she had pulled it free she quickly began unbuttoning it.

The second my top was undone, she moved her mouth down again, heading for the tops of my breasts. I was wearing a navy blue set that matched my shirt and when she saw the dark blue bra I heard her chuckle.

“What?” I asked.

“What color are your panties?” she asked.

“Same as the bra.”

“I thought so,” she said, laughing. “So not only does your bra match your underwear, but _that_ set matches your shirt.”

“What’s wrong with that?” I asked, confused.

“Nothing,” she said. “Nothing at all. It’s just so… so _you_.”

She quickly undid my bra, which left it loose enough that she could free my breasts. She pulled it down just enough that it wasn’t covering my breasts but she didn’t bother actually taking it off—that would have required I take off the shirt and the blazer I had on over the bra, and she seemed intent on getting to what she wanted right away.

When her mouth covered my exposed breast I had to bite down hard on my lip to keep from moaning. She sucked on the skin now, knowing now that if she accidentally left a mark it would be covered. I was fairly certain it wouldn’t get better, but then she ran her tongue up and over a nipple. My back arched and I dug my fingers into her hair, holding her tightly to my chest as she laved the hardening bud with her tongue. She licked and sucked, and when she added a little bit of teeth into her attentions I swear I nearly bit _through_ my lip.

She switched between my breasts as if trying to give them equal attention. I was so caught up in the sensation of her tongue—teeth—lips—on my skin that I didn’t realize her hands were slowly inching my skirt up until it was tight around my upper thighs.

“Why do you always wear pencil skirts?” she asked, sounding a little frustrated and a little muffled against my skin.

“Because I look good in them.”

“I mean yeah but now I can’t push this up any further.”

I laughed as she looked up at me with a little pout, resting her chin in the valley between my breasts.

“Give me a second,” I said, my hand in her hair turning gentle and stroking her cheek lightly. I let go of her and pushed her up a little bit to give me some space to work. I wriggled out of my skirt, pushing it down my legs as quickly as I could. When the skirt reached my feet I kicked off my heels and kicked the skirt off onto the ground.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love the way you fit into your clothes and all but it makes it harder for me to get to you,” she said with a grin as she watched me fidget beneath her. I made a point of it to brush against her when I pulled my skirt and then my panties off.

“Why are you still fully clothed?” I asked her pointedly.

She smirked and pushed up to her knees, yanking her t-shirt up and over her head. Her bra was cutesie, with small, multi-colored flowers all over it and I arched a brow.

“It was on clearance, shut up,” she said, catching where I was looking.

“It’s adorable,” I said, wrapping my hand around the back of her neck and pulling her in for another kiss. “Now your pants and underwear.”

She smiled into the kiss and quickly unbuttoned her pants, trying to shove them down. She couldn’t manage it draped over me like she was and she let out a frustrated noise as she moved off the desk again. I propped myself up on my elbows and watched her yank both offending clothing items off and toss them away. I almost wanted to slow her down to watch but she was back on me in seconds.

Our lips met again and her hands wandered as she settled one of her thighs between my legs. As her skin met my heated core we both groaned and I grabbed her hips tightly.

“God that’s fucking hot,” she muttered. “You’re already so wet. Can you come like that?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“If we’re like this, would you be able to come on my leg?”

“Maybe?” I said. “I don’t know if I’m honest. I’ve never tried anything like that.”

“Ugh, straight people are so boring,” she said, winking at me to let me know she was just teasing. “So unimaginative.”

“Shut up!” I said, giving her backside a light but firm slap.

She went rigid and jerked forward, her eyes widening for a moment before she shut them and moaned.

I nearly stopped breathing at the sight.

“You like that, don’t you?” I asked. I could hear how throaty I sounded and my voice was much lower and _much_ rougher than usual.

She nodded a little, a blush coloring her cheeks.

“Interesting,” I said softly, running my hands over her ass. “ _Very_ interesting.”

“Maybe we can talk about that later,” she said, moving up a little. “Right now I just want to get off and get you off.”

“As long as it’s a promise we’ll talk about it later,” I said.

She laughed and leaned in for another kiss.

“Scoot up the desk,” she instructed. “So we’re not right on the edge.”

We both sat up and I hurriedly moved my bag off the desk onto my chair, then tossed whatever papers I had stacked on one side to the floor. We moved so that I was laying length-wise on the desk and she situated us so that her thigh was between my legs. She pushed her hips down, bringing her thigh in contact with my slit and my thigh in contact with her own. I gasped, partially at the touch between my legs, partially from just how _soaked_ she was.

Her eyes fluttered shut and she bit her lip, then smirked and looked at me.

“Just hang on,” she said, cockiness in every bit of her expression.

I didn’t have a chance to challenge that confidence because she grabbed my legs and resituated us, holding my waist with one hand and my right knee with the other. She pushed my leg away to open me up and moved so that her heated core came in contact with my own.

I arched at the sensation, my hands flying to her shoulders as I practically embedded my fingernails in her skin. My eyes went wide and I stared at her face as she smirked back at me. Her grip tightened just slightly as she began to press our bodies together, skin sliding against skin, all heat and wetness and perfection.

She started slowly, her eyes shutting once more. I couldn’t take my own eyes off of her if I tried. I tried to keep still to let her direct both our movements but I couldn’t help the tiny jerks of my hips as her slick center pressed against mine.

We settled into a kind of rhythm, each of us shifting just enough to keep our heated flesh together but still build up. I was a little surprised I was building up if I was honest. I’d never thought of trying something like this, but I supposed that I hadn’t thought of trying a lot of things I’d been doing lately.

I noticed she was picking up speed, her hips pushing into mine a little more intently. I groaned as I found myself trembling, the jerking of my body getting stronger the longer we moved against each other. Her breathing had picked up a lot and she bit her lip harshly.

I watched her, the way her body moved so surely and so fluidly, the way her brow furrowed almost in concentration, the way her knuckles turned white as she clutched at my body, the way her eyes flickered open and her gaze met my own.

She swore as her hips stuttered out of the beat we’d established and she didn’t seem able to control her movements quite as well as before. I saw her eyes roll up into the back of her head and I realized she was coming just as I felt a rush of liquid heat that I knew was not just my own.

It felt like the breath had been stolen from my lungs and I arched off the desk top, clapping a hand hurriedly over my own mouth as I came suddenly. I managed to keep it down that way, but I wasn’t able to control the way my body contorted as heat raced through me. I felt her hands digging in harder to keep us together and could do nothing but wish her luck on that front as I rode out the wave of my orgasm.

As the torrent of sensation slowly faded away to be replaced with a hard pulsing feeling, her movements got slower and gentler. When she finally stopped she slowly released her clenched hands and leaned down to rest on top of me for a moment, her body trembling as she tried to keep from laying fully against me. I shifted to my left and she moved to my right so that we were next to each other on the desk, facing each other.

I was still panting when I brushed her hair back from her face and gave her a quick kiss, and I pulled back just to lean my forehead against hers.

“I didn’t know that was a thing,” I managed to get out.

“Yeah, it’s one of my favorite things to do,” she said, grinning cheekily.

She dropped a kiss on my cheek and sat up.

“I feel like we could have planned a better spot to do that though,” she said. “Next time we’ll have to do this in a bed so we can cuddle after.”

I propped my head up on my fist, watching as she got off the desk and went searching for our discarded clothes.

“You like grinding against women like that—“

“God Regina, have you really never heard the term ‘scissoring’ before?” she asked.

“No, I haven’t,” I admitted. “But now I have, so thank you. And as I was saying, you like scissoring, being choked, being spanked, and you like cuddling?”

“What can I say?” she asked as she set my underwear and skirt down on the desk, then turned to find wherever her t-shirt had gotten to. “I’m a multifaceted woman.”

“I’d like to see those other facets,” I told her.

She found her shirt and straightened, smiling at what I’d just said.

“Even the non-sexual ones?” she asked, sounding like she was teasing but looking like she wanted to know.

“Especially those,” I said.

She brightened and kept hunting for her clothes, smiling to herself.

I shifted and got off the desk, trying to be careful enough not to get any of the various bodily fluids from our encounter on the wood. There was only so much I could do though and I winced a little as I realized I’d need to give it a good cleaning. I was pretty sure that the wood hadn’t been treated for sweat and come, and besides that I wouldn’t be able to think of anything else but what we’d done on the desk if I didn’t. Hell, I’d probably be thinking on it for ages anyways.

She got dressed with a happy smile on her face while I fixed my own clothes. By the time I was dressed she was as well, and she was running a brush through her hair. I watched her do so and after a moment moved closer, my hand outstretched.

“May I?” I asked.

She looked at me in confusion for a moment before she realized what I was asking and offered me the brush. I took it and she turned around, allowing me to run the brush through the golden waves. I couldn’t help but be amazed by her hair. It shone like the sun and it was so soft. I loved every bit of it, and I couldn’t deny myself the pleasure of running my fingers through it along with the brush.

I heard her hum softly in pleasure and I took my time with my task.

When I was done—or rather when she took the brush from my hands because I’d been doing it for a while—she turned to face me and didn’t bother with the brush. She just gently carded her fingers through my hair and tucked the stray locks back.

“You’ve got the right idea,” she said with a smile. “Keeping it short makes it easier to deal with.”

“Maybe now,” I said. “But bedhead is just as real for short hair as it was when I had long hair.”

“You had long hair?”

“When I was your age, yes.”

“I’d like to see sometime.”

“I’ll dig up some pictures.”

She smiled and leaned in for a quick kiss.

“So are we gonna go over my paper now or should we head home?”

I laughed and glanced at the clock.

“Head home,” I decided. We’d spent an hour together already and I was certain that we should keep these kinds of visits to about that time or under. “I don’t want your parents upset again.”

“They know I’m meeting with a teacher,” she said as she grabbed her bag and hefted it up onto her shoulder. “So they’re a bit more lenient right now. I’m sure they’d have a conniption if they knew _why_ I was meeting with a teacher, but what they don’t know won’t hurt them.”

“Or get you grounded,” I added. “But we’ll meet again soon. Feel free to text me or even call me if you can be sure no one will overhear.”

“Okay,” she said. “I’ve got a ton of homework this week but I should be free by the weekend, so maybe we could meet up sometime then?”

“I’d love to,” I said with a smile.

“Great!” she said, heading for the door. “I’ll text you tonight then.” She unlocked it and opened it. “Have a good rest of your day, Miss Mills. Thanks for your help with the paper. I’ll see you tomorrow in class.”

She winked before she headed out the door and I had to roll my eyes a little.

With Emma gone I set my office back in order, opening the window to air it out a little bit and further erase the evidence of our activities. Luckily I was a stickler for office cleanliness and kept cleaning supplies in one of my desk drawers, so I sanitized my desk, knowing full well a cleaning wasn’t going to keep me from thinking on what we’d done there.

Just as I was finishing up, Kathryn showed up with a smile.

“Hey, Regina,” she said. “How are you doing?”

She’d been greeting me in this way since I’d told her that Robin and I had broken up. I smiled tightly, knowing I couldn’t exactly seem too happy.

“Pretty good,” I said. “I think I found some leads on places to stay but they’re a bit far from here, so I’m not certain I want to go down that route. But the motel’s nice, and I’m doing well. How are you?”

“I’m great,” she said. “I just got word from Jim that he’s got a game tonight, so I’m free for dinner. Want to grab something? Maybe catch a movie?”

I realized she was trying to get me out of the house—motel room—and I wanted to decline but stopped myself. It actually wasn’t a half bad idea, getting out and spending some time with her. If I went back to the motel alone I was sure I’d talk myself out of being with Emma and I really didn’t want to do that.

“Sure,” I said. “I’d love to. Where are we headed?”

“No where fancy,” she said. “I thought Granny’s Diner. I want onion rings.”

The mention of the diner had me hungry all of a sudden and I nodded eagerly.

“Sounds perfect,” I said. “I could do with a hamburger and some curly fries.”

“No salad tonight?” she teased.

“No way,” I said. “Tonight I’m going to feast. I’ve been sticking to my diet and I’m craving something greasy. Just give me a second to get my things together.”

She smiled and I collected my bag and the work I’d need to bring home with me. We headed off for our cars to meet in the parking lot of the diner, and the idea of curly fries had my stomach grumbling. I was glad she’d suggested it—I did need to get out of that motel room and once the idea had been put in my head I was certain I’d kill for the greasy and delicious food the diner served.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings this time.
> 
> I'm obsessed with Imagine Me and You so I had to mention it, okay, I just had to. I watched it twice while writing this story.

Despite the little hiccup of sneaking out to see Regina at the motel, I was on my absolute best behavior the rest of the week as if to prove that Mom and Dad were right in letting me off my punishment. My parents noticed it pretty quickly, so when Friday morning rolled around and I asked if they didn’t mind if I slept at Ruby’s that night they smiled and nodded.

“Just text us when you get there,” Mom said. “And be good.”

“Of course, Mom,” I said, hurrying back upstairs to pack overnight stuff into my bag before Neal arrived to pick me up to drive me to school. I had just grabbed my toothbrush when I heard a car pull up outside and I rushed to meet him, calling a hasty, “Love you guys!” over my shoulder.

I wasn’t going to Ruby’s of course. Regina had invited me to the motel again and we were going to order pizza and watch movies. I didn’t know if she’d be letting me stay over, but we’d mentioned cuddling and I was kind of hoping my visit would lead to a sleep over.

The day passed uneventfully, but every time I went to get something from my bag I saw the stuff I had packed and had to smile for myself. It made the day drag. I just wanted to get to the end of the day so I could get going on the weekend.

The last bell rang and I spared a single glance at Regina before I walked out with Neal and Ruby.

“So you’re going to see her tonight?” Neal asked, leaving out who ‘she’ was.

“Yeah,” I said. “She’s driving us there so I gotta meet her a few blocks over in about half an hour.”

“How are you getting back home?” Ruby asked.

“I dunno, I’ll take a taxi or something,” I said. “Maybe she’ll drive me back? I’m not sure. But I don’t care, I’ll make it home somehow.”

“Just as long as you’re back before your parents show up at my house looking for you,” she said. “I don’t want to be the one who has to come up with something to excuse your disappearance.”

“I promise, I’ll be at yours at least an hour before Mom and Dad show up,” I told her. “Now if you guys don’t mind I’ll be heading out to the spot where I’m gonna meet up with my lady.”

“Go get it, kid!” Neal said, punching me in the shoulder.

I punched him back before waving and heading off, rubbing where he’d hit me. He was my fake boyfriend but he acted more like a brother, and sometimes I wished he actually was my brother. I’d always had foster siblings, so the house with Mom and Dad could be a bit too quiet at times.

I headed out of the school and walked for about fifteen minutes to a little park nearby. It wasn’t much, just a patch of grass mostly used by people who were out walking their dogs or looking for somewhere to bring a small child on a nice day. The playground on the property was simple with a very small slide and a few things to climb on. Regina and I had picked it because it wasn’t exactly a hot spot. When I got there, the only person there was a woman with a small dog, but she left soon after I arrived.

I settled on a bench and checked the time on my phone. Regina had said she would be there soon, so I didn’t try to get too comfortable.

The Mercedes came around the corner and drove up next to the park just five minutes after I sat down and I jumped up, hurrying to the car. She leaned across and unlocked the door manually, letting me hop inside and shut the door behind me.

“Hey,” she said, beaming. She stayed on her side of the car and I was a little put out—I’d hoped for a hello kiss. She did take my hand though, and I was happy for that. I understood we were still technically in public. Her car was an older model, so it didn’t have any fancy tinted windows or anything. We kept our joined hands low so they wouldn’t be seen as easily.

“You got here a lot faster than I thought you would,” I said.

“No one stopped me on the way from my classroom to my office, or from my office to the car,” she said, sounding relieved and delighted. “Normally I have to battle my way out, especially on Fridays.”

“Really?”

“It’s usually co-workers asking me how my week went or what my weekend looks like,” she said. “Sometimes it’s students looking for last second help on assignments for the weekend.”

“That sounds obnoxious.”

“It is. But something worked out today so that no one even thought to look in my direction.”

She seemed so happy about that I couldn’t help but grin.

“Do you like it though?” I asked. She shot me a curious glance before looking back out the front windshield. “Being a teacher I mean. Do you like being a teacher?”

“Of course I do,” she said. “I wouldn’t have devoted so much of my life to it if I didn’t like it. It’s incredibly rewarding.”

“People always say that about their jobs,” I pointed out. “Well, most people. My parents do about their jobs.”

My dad owned an animal shelter and a ‘pet hotel’, taking in rescues and adopting them out while caring for client’s pets while they were on vacation. The shelter was how my parents had met. Mom had considered adopting a dog and met Dad before she met any of the animals. They’d been so distracted by each other that they’d talked for two hours about everything _but_ dogs and dog ownership, then started dating. At that time it had just been a shelter, but Mom had convinced Dad to open up a kennel to make a bit of extra money, which he’d then taken to calling a pet hotel to make it sound fancier.

My mom taught at a preschool, so I could understand why she would say that considering she was kind of in the same boat as Regina. She was always going on and on about how much she loved ‘her kids’ and talked about them almost the same way she talked about me to other people.

“I suppose a lot of people feel that way about their jobs,” she said. “But I do mean it. I have a lot of fun with my job. Seeing the improvement in student’s work and seeing just how much you all can learn in a year is genuinely rewarding. It does have its downsides, but all in all I really do enjoy my job.”

“What downsides are there?” I asked.

“The long days,” she said. “School is only about six hours a day, but I have to get there early to prepare, stay an hour or so late some days, and then I bring a lot of work home with me. There isn’t enough time in a workday to grade papers and plan lessons, so I usually do all of that at home.”

“That sucks.”

“It does, but it also keeps me busy,” she said. “Especially nowadays. I don’t have much else to do.”

She said it simply but I frowned at that. I knew she didn’t mean anything by it, but the reason she didn’t have anything else to do was because the life she’d built for herself was no longer an option. She’d had the boyfriend and the kid and everything, but now she didn’t have anything but her work. I’m sure she had friends but she hadn’t really mentioned any yet. She’d lost the things she’d had before because of me.

“Did I say something?” she asked, having caught my silence and expression in a glance over at me.

“No, just… you don’t have much else to do,” I said.

Her brow furrowed for a moment before she realized what she’d said and how I’d interpreted it.

“It’s not because of this situation,” she said quickly. “It’s because—well, it’s partially because of this situation, but it’s also because I’ve been staying in a lot more. I used to go out with people more but I’ve been hunkering down.”

“Because of me,” I said, making a statement instead of asking a question.

“No, Emma,” she said firmly. “Because of me. I’m the one who made the choices that led me here. You didn’t do anything. I don’t want you feeling like you’ve got anything to do with my break up. Obviously it wasn’t as solid a relationship as I thought it was if I was looking elsewhere.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“I’m sure,” she said. “And besides that, I do want to explore this with you. We can spend some time together and get to know each other more, and when we’re not together I’ll do my work and find new things to keep me busy.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes,” she said. “So don’t you worry about it. If either of us is going to worry it’s going to be me.”

I was quiet for a few moments as she drove through the less populated streets in town as we made our way to the motel. I wanted to believe her, but I worried that she would eventually blame me for everything she’d lost. She’d had a good thing and if I hadn’t come along and ruined it she would still have it. As if she sensed my unhappiness she held my hand a little tighter.

“What kind of things are you going to do?” I asked. “To keep yourself busy?”

“I’ve been thinking about taking up horseback riding again,” she said. “It’s been years since I’ve been on horseback but it was something I loved. I won’t go for it to the extent that I did, but I’d like to see if I could get back into it.”

“That’d be cool,” I said with a smile, glad that she seemed to have a plan in place. “Maybe I could try it, too.”

“You could,” she said. “You might enjoy it. It’s incredible when you find a connection with a horse. I used to compete in show jumping and it was almost like flying.”

I was pretty sure the only time I had ever been on a horse’s back was the time my friends and I had broken out of the group home and gone to the town fair when I was ten and there had been a pony ride. I didn’t know anything about them and didn’t actually know if I wanted to try it, but I thought maybe it could be something I could do with her. Assuming we lasted and assuming we could ever truly go public.

We pulled into the motel parking lot a few minutes later and got out, hurrying up the stairs to Regina’s room. When we got there we pulled the blinds and kicked off our shoes. She went to the desk and settled her things down on it, rummaging through her bag, while I flopped down on one of the beds.

“Do you mind if I get some work done before we order dinner?” she asked, pulling out a folder stuffed with papers.

“No,” I said, though I must have looked sulky because she smiled.

“I promise, just an hour or two,” she said. “I do it most Fridays—it clears up my weekend. Besides, you can get a head start on your homework.”

“I never do homework on Fridays,” I protested. “Only total geeks do that.”

She rolled her eyes but I caught a hint of the corners of her lips turning up.

“You don’t _have_ to do it,” she said. “I was just making a suggestion. I’m going to grade papers whether you’re doing your homework or not—I just thought you might want something to do in that time.”

“I’ll find something to do,” I said. “I just thought we’d get to hang out a bit.”

“We will,” she promised. “If I get this done now, when I wake up tomorrow I won’t feel obligated to get started on my work early in the morning so we’ll get to stay in bed longer.”

I had packed like I was going to spend the night with her but her essentially confirming that we’d be waking up together and that we’d be spending time in bed had me more excited than I could really say, but from the way she paused and looked surprised I was sure my delight showed on my face.

“I’m guessing from your expression you want to do that?” she asked, seeming uncertain. When I nodded she asked, “Why are you so happy then?”

“I just didn’t know if I was staying or not,” I said.

“I mean I suppose I should say you aren’t considering this is essentially our first date,” she said with a glitter in her eyes, “but we’ve also already had sex and nothing much about this has been a typical relationship so far. And I’m fairly certain your bag has never been so heavy, so you must have thought you were staying.”

She gestured to my backpack, and it was true—normally my backpack just had a single binder and maybe some books for class in it, but today it had looked stuffed full to bursting.

“I wanted to be prepared,” I said. “And I told my parents I was going to Ruby’s, so if I did end up leaving here tonight I’d be headed over there anyways.”

“I’d like it if you would stay,” she said.

“Then I’m staying,” I said simply.

She smiled and got a pen from her bag.

“I promise, I won’t spend all night grading,” she said. “I’ll just be an hour or two. These are freshman papers, so they’ll be easy.”

“I’ll be here, slaving over my own work,” I said, pulling my binder out of my bag and opening it, making sure to look as forlorn and bored as possible.

She laughed and I smiled as we both set to work.

I didn’t get a whole lot done.

At first I tried my hardest to actually stay focused. I had a presentation in history the following week so I had to study for that. No matter how often I re-read my notes though I couldn’t stop sneaking glances at Regina. She seemed so regal, even just scribbling notes on essays. The way she sat made her look so elegant. Instead of slouching over the desk she sat straight, her legs crossed, her stocking-clad foot bouncing lightly. I noticed that when she wasn’t writing anything she chewed on the end of her pen. Watching Regina was infinitely more interesting than the history homework.

After a while I realized I wasn’t going to actually absorb any information about the founding fathers when I was that distracted and I stuffed my homework back into my bag, pulled out my cell phone, and snuggled under the covers. I scrolled through the various apps and websites I frequented for a while, just waiting for her to be done.

As I scrolled, the utter contentment and warmth of being under the covers relaxed me, and I found myself drifting off a little here and there.

I realized I had fallen asleep when I heard, “Wake it up, sleepyhead,” and felt a light kiss on my cheek. I groaned and pulled the covers tighter around myself.

“Oh come on Emma, don’t be such a teenager about this,” Regina said with a laugh. “I mean I know you are one but this is ridiculous.” She tugged at the blankets a little and I held them tighter.

“I was sleeping,” I mumbled petulantly. “Why would you wake me up?”

“Because I’m done with grading and was going to order dinner,” she said. “I have to say though, I’m impressed with how quickly you actually fell asleep. One second you were awake and on your phone and the next you were snoring.”

“It’s my superpower,” I said sleepily, still staying burrowed under the covers. “I can fall asleep on a dime.”

“I’m lucky if I stay sleeping for longer than a few hours at a time,” she said. “I’ve always been a light sleeper. I’ve slept a bit better the last few nights while sleeping alone but I wake up even if a car door outside the motel shuts too loudly.”

“It must suck to be an old lady,” I said. I wanted to sound like I was just goofing off but my voice was still thick with sleep. Thankfully she took it as I meant it.

“One more comment like that and I’m only ordering pizza for myself,” she informed me, giving me a little swat on the shoulder.

I grinned and pushed myself up, patting my hair down a little, worried I’d look crazy. She retrieved a menu from the desk drawer and handed it to me.

“We can get whatever you want,” she said. “As long as we get sausage on at least part of pizza. I’ve been craving it since this afternoon.”

“Sausage?” I teased. “You start dating a girl and immediately start craving sausage?”

She turned bright pink in seconds, looking absurdly flustered.

“It’s just food, Miss Swan,” she said. “It doesn’t mean anything—“

“We’re back to Miss Swan?” I asked. “Looks like things are worse than I thought.”

She turned almost scarlet now as she sought to justify herself and her request. I bit my lip to keep from cackling.

“I’ll just have to find a way to get your attention back on me,” I decided, getting off the bed, going straight to her side, and sweeping her up in as passionate a kiss as I could muster. She let out a soft noise of confusion before returning the kiss. I felt her hands run up my body and slip into my hair. She really did seem to love it, and I made a mental note to keep it loose for her.

When we broke apart she was still flushed but she smiled.

“I didn’t mean anything by my food choice,” she informed me. “I just wanted it on the pizza.”

“As long as that’s all it is,” I said, kissing her lightly on the nose.

She seemed surprised by that and laughed a little.

“Now look at the menu and decide what you want,” she said. “I’m hungry.”

I went and looked through the menu again, reading it quickly and deciding what to eat. We ordered a large pizza, half sausage, half bacon, and I convinced her we needed French fries _and_ mozzarella sticks.

“They said thirty minutes,” she informed me as she hung up.

“Just enough time for me to get you into bed then,” I said.

She arched a brow and I laughed.

“Cuddling, remember?” I asked.

“I can’t be sure you mean cuddling,” she pointed out. “You could just as easily be talking about something else. You sent me porn to get my attention.”

“I sent you a link to a website that _happens_ to have _some_ erotica,” I protested, grabbing her hand and tugging her towards the bed. “It’s not like I sent you videos of women going at it.”

She didn’t fight me as I got into the bed and pulled her down into it, covering the two of us with the blanket. She kept her distance for a moment or two before moving closer, looking as if she were a bit out of her element.

“Have you never cuddled before?” I asked.

“Not with a woman,” she replied. “I’ve only ever been with men, and I’ve only ever cuddled with Robin.”

“It’s no different,” I replied. “Except the fact that there are more boobs in the way.”

“It just threw me off for a second or two,” she said. “I’m sure I can figure it out.”

True to her word she pulled me in and kissed me lightly, then rearranged herself to snuggle around me. I smiled and buried my face in her chest, my head just under her chin, my arms wrapped around her waist.

“Are you weirded out with being with a woman?” I asked her after a few moments. “Like is it really different?”

“That’s not the weird part about it,” she said. “The fact that you’re a woman actually feels… kind of right. Not that I didn’t love Robin and enjoy being with him, but being with you feels equally as good.”

“Maybe you’re bi.”

“Bi?”

“Bisexual,” I supplied. “Like I know I’m a lesbian through and through, but you might be bi. Into both.”

“I had never thought of that.”

“It’s a thing.”

“Good to know.”

We were quiet a moment before I asked, “What’s the weird part of this?”

“Hm?”

“You said that me being a woman wasn’t the weird part.”

“The weird part is the fact that we have to hide it,” she said. “The fact that you’re so much younger than I am, that you’re my student, that we’re meeting in a motel instead of out for a real date.”

“But it’s only for now,” I said. “Like we said, if it lasts past graduation we can slowly bring it out to be public.”

“That’s true,” she said. “I just wish things were a little easier, you know? Getting dumped and diving into something like this is a bit disorienting.”

“In a bad way?”

“Sometimes,” she admitted. “I enjoy time with you and I cannot deny I’m very attracted to you, but sometimes the thought of it all is a little stressful. I don’t want you getting in trouble or shunned or bullied.”

“Bullied?” I asked incredulously. “For hooking up with the hottest teacher at Storybrooke High? I’d be a legend.”

“Okay, I’m not the hottest teacher at that school,” she said bashfully.

“Um, excuse me, yes you are,” I said. “You’re incredibly hot. Out of this world hot. The guys at school all drool whenever you walk too close to them.”

“No they don’t,” she protested.

“Neal’s one of those guys,” I said. “He’s told me what they all say about you.”

She wrinkled her nose.

“I don’t know that I want to know what they’re saying,” she said.

“Nothing gross,” I said quickly. “Or at least Neal doesn’t tell me any of the gross stuff they say. But they all like you a lot. They even have a name for that button on all your shirts that seems like it’s straining to stay shut.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked. “What button?”

“The Button of Everlasting Promise,” I said. “The third button down. You always keep the top two undone and then that third one down just sits and desperately tries to keep your shirt closed.”

She pulled back to stare at me in shock.

“You do wear awfully tight shirts,” I said, trying to sound reasonable instead of laughing in her face. “Tight clothes in general. I saw you bend over to pick up a pencil while you were wearing one of your dresses once and I nearly had a heart attack.”

“I dress nicely!” she said.

“And you’re hot enough that you dressing nicely makes people really attracted to you,” I said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I can have Neal send me pictures of his text conversations with some of the other guys at school if you’d like.”

“No, no, that won’t be necessary,” she said, frowning. “I may have to invest in a new wardrobe though. I can’t have students thinking about me in that way.”

“And me?”

“You’re the exception obviously,” she said. “But the rest… God, I don’t even want to think about what goes through a teenage boy’s head if what you’re saying is true.”

I had was more than a little confused by that point. She was one of the most stunning women I’d ever seen and she seemed to have no real idea how attractive she was. I couldn’t believe Robin had ever stayed quiet on that front—how could anyone hold back from complimenting her?

“Well people think you’re hot,” I said. “And you’re definitely the hottest teacher at school. There’s no way anyone can contest that.”

“Belle is an attractive young woman,” she said. “Kathryn is gorgeous. Mulan is beautiful as well.”

“Miss French is fine, Miss Anderson is fine, and Miss Fa is fine, but you’re _hot_ ,” I said certainly. “And besides, Miss French has the whole ‘sleeping with Gold thing’ that kind of turns people off. No one wants to get on the principal’s bad side by talking about his girl where he can hear them, and you know how he just randomly appears. He’s like a ninja or something the way he can just turn up.”

She laughed.

“Well it’s still odd to me that I’m even in the running for that, never mind in the lead,” she said.

She settled back in, hugging me close again. I liked being cuddled up against her, snuggled in with my head near her heart. I could hear it beating and it was soothing to an extent. I felt her fingers toying with my hair and I was finding the touch unsurprising the more she did it. It was like she was drawn to my hair or something—I found it cute.

We spent a while like that and jumped when a knock sounded at the door. Regina got up and grabbed her wallet, ignoring my comments that I would split the bill with her. When she answered the door she only opened it a little bit and she stood in the doorway, blocking my view of the pizza delivery person—or rather, blocking their view of me. She didn’t accept any change, instead saying to keep it as a tip, and I heard the delivery girl thank Regina a few times before leaving. Regina gave it a moment before opening the door wider to bring the food inside.

We sat on the bed and ate, chatting as we did. I was amazed to see Regina put away her half of the pizza in what felt like no time at all, and she didn’t hold herself back from the mozzarella sticks either. I never would have expected something like that out of her but it made me laugh to watch.

“So we’ve had dinner,” I said. “Now we can catch a movie? I figure it’ll actually be cheaper to order a movie than it would be to go to a movie theatre so we’ve actually got a point for us in terms of the whole having to hide thing.”

“I’d love that,” she said. “We can relax in bed.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

I grabbed the remote off of the nightstand between the two beds and turned on the TV. She watched the screen idly but didn’t seem too interested in much. I was worried that the selection would be bad and the night would suffer but I spotted my favorite movie low down on the list and sat bolt upright.

“Have you seen this?” I asked excitedly.

“ _Imagine Me and You_?” she read. “No, I don’t think I have.”

“Oh my god you’ll love it,” I said with a grin. “It’s like a perfect mirror of our situation. You’re Rachel and I’m Luce.”

“Do you really think that a mirror of our situation is going to be a good movie to watch?” she asked pointedly.

I paused for a moment before sagging a little.

“Maybe not,” I said. “But also everyone ends up happy. And it’s super cute along the way. And Luce is played by Lena Headey so you know it’s good.”

She wavered for a moment or two before finally nodding.

“Fine, I’ll give it a shot,” she said.

“Thank you!” I said, hitting the ‘rent’ button. “It’s like my favorite movie ever. My Mom and I watched it together a few years ago and I fell in love with it. I’m surprised she didn’t figure it out right there that I like women based on how I reacted to the last scenes.”

“And now you’re trying to spoil the movie for me?” she asked.

“Sorry!” I said. “I’ll shut up!”

We snuggled back in under the blankets to watch the movie. I could say practically all the dialogue along with the characters but that didn’t stop me from loving every second of it. Regina seemed to enjoy it as well. She was tense through all the scenes I expected her to be tense through—the ones where Rachel wavered in terms of her love for Heck, and especially the one where she and Luce kiss in the shop and Heck drops in to get flowers—but she was intent on watching the screen. She laughed at the jokes, melted at the sweet parts, and was on edge in the climactic car chase scene. I liked watching her reactions as much as I liked watching the movie.

When the credits were rolling with all the mini scenes, I rolled to face her.

“So what did you think?” I asked. “Good movie?”

“Great movie,” she said. “Cheesy at times, and a bit too close to home at others, but it was really great. I can’t believe I’ve never seen it before. I hadn’t even heard of it.”

“It’s like the number one lesbian movie,” I said.

“I can see why. I appreciated Heck had a good ending, too.”

I turned off the TV and settled in with her.

“Everyone gets a happy ending,” I pointed out. “So don’t stress, okay?”

“You know that’s a movie, right?”

“Yeah, but it’s true in real life, too. It’s not like anyone has a soul mate they’re destined to be with. It’s all chance. Like imagine if Rachel hadn’t looked over when Luce was standing there. She’d probably still be happily married to Heck. But she saw Luce and she knew she had to take that chance—and it worked out. It worked out for everyone. Even Cooper, even though he’s a dickhead.”

Regina looked doubtful. I knew she had every right to be stressed by this situation and I could understand why she felt so badly for Heck, but I also knew that she wasn’t going to get to move on past the things she’d done if she didn’t accept that everyone would wind up happy in the end.

“Does Rachel have any lingering guilt?” I asked pointedly.

She hesitated before shaking her head.

“No, she doesn’t,” I reaffirmed. “So stop acting like a wanker, number nine.”

“You’re an idiot,” she said, as she rolled her eyes and shoved me, but I could see the corners of her lips turning up.

“But you like it,” I said, grinning ear to ear.

“I can’t deny that.”

I leaned over and dropped a light kiss on her lips.

“Good,” I said. “Now let’s talk cuddling some more.”


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you already figured out the reveal in this chapter so good on you.
> 
> Warnings: someone gets a period and the discussion on it is frank, someone else doesn't get a period and the reason is exactly what you think.

After our first official date, Emma and I settled into a comfortable kind of togetherness. We were strictly professional when we were at the school of course. She and I knew that there was a line, and a very solid one at that. We made sure that any time we were intimate after that second time happened off school grounds and behind the closed door of my motel room. We still worked on her paper on Wednesdays, and after a month we decided it was prime time to start sending it to journals. We got to spend more time together that way, searching for and sending work to the different places to try and get her published. It was fun, and the time was usually light-hearted and easy. We had yet to fight about anything, still being in the honeymoon phase of our relationship.

Graduation was fast approaching, which was more than a bit of a relief. When she graduated we would only have to wait a few months and we would be able to say something about how a relationship had sprung up following graduation. Maybe we’d say we continued talking about her essay and it had developed from there or that we’d meet randomly about town and something started then. After she graduated the only thing standing between us would be the age difference.

I woke early in the morning one morning about a week before the day of graduation. I was still in the motel—there was nothing opening up in Storybrooke and I was unwilling to move further away until I knew what I was doing. Emma had been dropped off by Neal the night before and she’d brought her graduation cap and gown to show them off to me. She had gone into the bathroom to put them on and when she came out it had become very apparent that she had changed totally out of her clothes and then wore absolutely nothing underneath the gown except a lacy little number she said she’d bought specifically to impress me.

Tangled up in Emma, my mind hazy from a lack of sleep, I burrowed into her, enjoying the feeling of her bare skin on my own. The effects of the lingerie had lasted a while, as had we, and I didn’t understand how I was up so early. The clock said it was barely 6:30. Considering I didn’t think we’d gone to sleep until well past 2 in the morning there was no way I should have been awake at that point.

It was then that I felt a twinge in my stomach and I frowned. What had we eaten the night before? Chinese, right? It hadn’t been from Lotus Blossom though—it had been from that other place. The other place always made me sick. Why hadn’t we gone to Lotus Blossom?

I groaned a little and tried to ignore it. I would forget about it and just keep close to Emma. When I pressed into her she tightened her hold on me in her sleep, and it was a comfort for a moment.

That moment soon ended as the twinge in my gut turned to a lurch. I heaved myself out of bed, tearing out of her arms and rushing to the bathroom. I managed to throw myself in front of the toilet bowl just in time for what I’d eaten the night before to come back up.

Tears pulled themselves from my eyes and I felt myself trembling as I clutched the toilet bowl. Gentle hands ran across my head as I retched, pulling my hair back to keep the sick away from it.

I hadn’t meant to wake her up.

“Emma, I—“ I started but another wave of nausea passed over me. I bent over the bowl again.

“It’s okay,” she said, her voice bleary but calm. “I’m not gonna grudge you a few minutes’ sleep when you’re not feeling good.”

I heaved a few more times before the feeling seemed to ebb. I stayed where I was, shaking and exhausted, not willing to move in case of an unfortunate surprise reoccurrence. The whole time I knelt there Emma stood behind me, her one hand gently holding my hair back while her other hand rubbed my back lightly.

“I think it was the food last night,” I said, sitting back a little and leaning against her. “I don’t usually get food from that place.”

“You sure you’re not coming down with something?” she asked. “You’ve been complaining about feeling off for a week.”

I’d been noticing I was bloated and tired, and it would make sense now that I was puking that I was getting sick, but I hadn’t been nauseous earlier in the week. I was certain it was the food that had set me off.

“Yeah, it has to be the food,” I said. I turned and leaned into her, burying my face in her shoulder. “Can I brush my teeth and we can go back to bed?”

“Of course,” she said, kissing my forehead. “Do you need help standing up?”

“No, I think I’ve got it.”

Even though I’d said no, Emma stood close by while I got back to my feet. When she was sure I was okay, she flushed the toilet and set about making sure I hadn’t missed at all. I started brushing my teeth, practically scrubbing every inch of my mouth to clear it of the vile taste of vomit.

I watched her in the mirror for a few moments as she put everything back in order. I felt badly for dragging her out of bed so abruptly like that, but I couldn’t help the small bubble of utter joy that rose inside of me thinking about how willing she was to be there for me when I was in such a disgusting predicament. She hadn’t hesitated at all to jump up and hold my hair back, and now she wasn’t hesitating to clean up after I’d vomited. She didn’t seem disturbed by it at all either. Sometimes she was mature beyond her years and it took me a few moments to remember she was still only eighteen.

The joy that I felt knowing I had someone who cared for me as much as she did came up on occasion, and it was always accompanied by something I didn’t expect. It was something much deeper than just the attraction I felt towards her, and no matter how I tried to dismiss it—we were still only in the first few months of our relationship, so I shouldn’t be falling as hard and as fast as I was—I knew that I was falling in love with her.

That feeling had only come around the last week or so. It had crept up on me so suddenly that I’d been shocked when I put the name to the word. Surely I was just getting too invested or rebounding too hard, but when I really thought about it I didn’t just see a rebound when I looked at Emma. I saw someone who I genuinely adored, who I trusted, and could actually see a future with. Sure the future I saw was a bit rocky, what with all of the hurdles we’d have to overcome, but I was certain that I wanted to face that future with her.

I hadn’t fallen in love with Robin even a quarter as quickly as I had fallen for Emma, but I knew that it was too soon to say anything. Once I’d recognized it I’d decided to give it some more time to avoid scaring her away. Sometimes I wondered if she noticed it in my eyes when I looked at her but I always avoided saying it.

After all that we headed back to the bed and settled in. She laid down first and drew my head on to her chest, her fingers carding through my hair soothingly.

“Sorry for waking you,” I mumbled.

“Like I said, it’s okay,” she said. “I’d rather wake up and be there for you than leave you in the lurch.”

I snuggled in, holding her tightly, and we both managed to drop off again.

When I woke hours later it was nearly 11. I pulled out of her embrace a lot more calmly this time and sat up. Emma was already awake, just relaxing and—I gathered from her fond gaze—watching me sleep. I smiled self consciously as I started to get up.

“Don’t leave me,” she said, reaching for me to pull me back in.

“It’s 10:50,” I said. “This is the latest I’ve slept in ages.”

“Well we did have a workout last night,” she countered, contenting herself with just laying her hand on my thigh. “And that little hiccup this morning.”

I frowned, remembering it.

“Remind me not to order from there again,” I said.

“I mean I feel fine,” she said. “But I don’t want a repeat of that.”

“I’m going to shower,” I said. “Want to join me?”

She agreed readily and hopped out of bed. She followed me into the bathroom and I turned on the shower, waiting with one hand in the stream for the water to heat up.

“We should go to bed naked more often,” she said, smiling as she looked me up and down. “We don’t have to worry about stripping before our shower when we do that.”

“Is that your only reason?”

“Well, it’s one of a few possible reasons,” she said with a grin.

She moved closed and wrapped her arms around me, leaning over to kiss my cheek lightly. She was slightly taller than me and as she so often did, she exaggerated having to bend down to kiss me like that. I shoved her away playfully but she just pulled me in tight to her, one hand roaming freely. She kneaded my breast lightly but for some reason it wasn’t as arousing as it normally was—in fact, it felt kind of terrible.

“Be gentle,” I scolded.

“I am being gentle,” she protested, but she eased up, just running her fingers over my chest instead of groping. “I just want to touch you.”

“Well I’m sore today,” I said. “I have a flu or something, remember?”

“Then I probably shouldn’t be kissing you or be all over you like this,” she said.

“That doesn’t mean stop touching me,” I said. “I don’t ever want you to stop touching me.”

She smirked and kissed my cheek again before making her way down towards my neck. She worried a pulse point that she knew drove me crazy and I groaned.

“Is the shower ready?” she asked.

I nodded.

“Then let’s hop in.”

I stepped in first, enjoying the hot water as it cascaded over my head and shoulders. Emma stepped in right behind me and went back to kissing my bare skin.

“Put your hands on the wall,” she said, trying to get me to move to where she wanted me.

“No way, you got to be in charge all night last night,” I said. “It’s my turn now.”

“Come on, Regina,” she said, nearly whined. “I like getting you off.”

“And I don’t like getting you off?” I asked pointedly. “No complaining, just let me ravish you.”

“Well I guess if you’re asking so nicely,” she said, faking a pout.

Despite that, I leaned up against her and lightly traced my fingers across her abdomen and down towards the apex of her thighs. She groaned, her hips already pressing towards me, searching for more. She always got going so quickly.

I skirted my fingers along her sex, teasing more than anything. I liked when she got frustrated and when she got that cute look of annoyance on her face. The way her brow furrowed and she frowned when she was being teased was so adorable.

“God you’re already so wet,” I mumbled to her.

She nodded and pushed her hips forward, trying to grind against my hand. Playfully I began to pull my hand away but I glanced down and frowned at what I saw.

“Oh,” I said.

“What?” she asked. Her eyes opened and she followed my gaze down to my hand. A bit of blood covered my fingers but it was quickly washed away by the stream of the water. “God damn it, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—“

I nearly laughed.

“I know you didn’t mean to, Emma,” I said. “I’m a woman—I know a period can just sneak up on you. It just caught me by surprise. And besides, we’re in the shower, so it’s not like it’s really a problem. No harm no foul.”

“Yeah but it’s the second time Mother Nature has interrupted this,” she grumbled. “I don’t even know if I have any tampons in my bag. I didn’t think it was gonna be this weekend—I thought it’d start mid-week.”

“I have plenty,” I reassured her. “All handily stored in this very bathroom. At least one of us is prepared for anything.”

She glared at me a little, green eyes still sparkling with a laughter she could never hide.

“I guess that’s the benefit to dating a Girl Scout,” she said. “Or should I say a den mother? You’re a little old to be a Girl Scout.”

“And you’re a little rude to be hogging all the water,” I countered. “It’s my motel room, I can easily kick you out any time if you’re going to poke fun at me.”

“You could but you won’t,” she said confidently.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I’m cute and you know it.”

“I may have to concede to that,” I said, pulling her close. I still didn’t want to kiss her on the lips just in case I _was_ coming down with something, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want to be touching her.

“I _am_ annoyed though,” she said.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, about this being the second time this has happened,” she said.

“I’ll happily keep going if that’s what you’re upset about,” I said, starting to move my hand back down. She didn’t stop me as I slipped my hand back between her legs. I found her clit and circled it, not applying enough pressure.

“It’s just annoying,” she said. “Like last time we were in the middle of things and it just started out of no where. It’s like now my period’s waiting until we’re trying to hook up. You haven’t had that happen to you.”

“Well no, but I also haven’t gotten my period since we’ve been together,” I pointed out with a smile. I pressed her clit a little harder and she moaned, her hips bucking into my hand.

“Lucky,” she said, her voice turning breathy almost instantly.

I toyed with her, smirking a little as I did so. I couldn’t deny it had been a little startling when it had first happened that her monthly visitor had interrupted us, but at least this time it had happened in the shower instead of on the bed. This way I could keep going without worrying.

It was a bit funny too how it had happened to her twice but hadn’t happened to me once.

A thought struck me suddenly as I remembered what I’d just said and connected it with what I’d just thought: she’d gotten her period twice since we’d been together and I hadn’t gotten mine at all.

I tried to think back to the last time I’d gotten it and found I couldn’t remember a recent time. How long had we been together? It was over two months, right? Maybe even more? It must have been closer to three. Why hadn’t I noticed I was missing periods? I normally kept track of that kind of thing. But then again, my life had been a bit hectic lately. A few things would have fallen to the side when I had been dumped, took up with a younger girl, and had to contend with the flood of extra work that came with the end of the school year.

Maybe all that was the reason I hadn’t gotten anything. It was entirely possible that I was just stressed out. Stress affects a woman’s body after all.

My mind drifted to that morning when I’d been sick and the way I’d reacted to Emma’s touch to my breasts and I froze.

Emma whimpered as my fingers stopped moving.

“God Regina, I know you like teasing but I could really use a bit more here,” she grumbled.

“I haven’t gotten my period in nearly three months,” I said softly.

Her brow furrowed a moment before her eyes fluttered open. She stared at me.

“Wait, really?” she asked.

“The last time I got it I was still with Robin,” I said. I could hear the worry that tinged my tone now. “I haven’t gotten anything since then.”

“But—but why—“ she started. “I mean the only thing—but how could you be—“

“We weren’t using condoms towards the end,” I said.

“You didn’t?” she asked, surprised. “You mean you just let him—“

“Yes,” I admitted. “I was on birth control though. I still am.”

“So you could be—“

“I could be.”

I felt another wave of nausea as everything began to add itself together. I had been complaining lately how strange I felt, how sluggish, how bloated—now my breasts ached, I was vomiting, and I was realizing I was wildly overdue for a period.

“I’ve got to get to the pharmacy,” I said, starting to step out of the shower. I didn’t care that I hadn’t actually washed, I just needed to know what was going on.

Emma turned off the water and got out with me, hurrying to clean herself up and take care of her monthly issue while I scrambled to dry myself and get dressed. I grabbed the first clothes I could find which ended up being a tank top from my outfit from the day before and Emma’s sweatpants. I spotted a pair of flats at the door and slipped them on, snatching up my purse just as Emma walked out of the bathroom.

“Regina wait,” she said, but I was already out the door.

“I’ll be back in a bit,” I said, unable to focus on anything but getting down to my car.

I nearly dove into the Mercedes and as I kicked it into gear I didn’t look back. I had enough sense to drive away from Storybrooke. It wouldn’t do to go to a local pharmacy and have to pick up a pregnancy test from someone that I would later pass on the street. Storybrooke was too small for a pregnancy scare to stay secret.

That’s what it was. I was trying to convince myself of it. It was a scare and nothing more. That had to be it.

A small voice inside of me said that no matter what I told myself now, I knew what the test was going to say.

I returned to the motel about 45 minutes later, a plastic bag in hand. Emma was sitting on the bed, rigid and staring. She jumped when I burst in but stood, walking towards me.

“Regina, you didn’t take your phone,” she said. “You—“

“Emma, whatever it is you’re going to say, it can wait,” I said, hoping the apology was clear in my gaze.

I pushed past her to the bathroom, bag in hand. I fished in the plastic bag and pulled out a test—just one of many. I’d panicked when I’d gotten to the pharmacy, wondering about the effectiveness of each brand, so I bought six different tests of all different brands.

I tore open the first box and tossed it aside, getting right to it. I knew that to do multiple tests I’d have to really need to go, which was why I’d also bought two large water bottles. After I finished the first test I began chugging, ripped open a second box, and kept going.

I was in there for a while, and I ignored Emma when I heard her knocking on the door or asking me how I was. I managed to interrupt the stream a few times to keep going with new tests but after the third I’d had to drink more water and wait before I was able to do the last few tests. I didn’t look at a single one of the results, even when I was done with all six.

“Regina please, you’ve been in there for almost an hour,” Emma called. “Are you okay? It can’t have taken that long to do the test?”

I stared at the door for a moment before washing my hands. The tests were all laid out on the counter but I kept my eyes focused on the soap as it ran off my hands in the water and down the drain. I dried them slowly before I finally turned to the door, my movements calmer than they’d been since I’d jumped out of the shower.

When I opened the door, Emma was standing right there, her brow creased with worry.

“Well?” she asked.

“I haven’t looked,” I said. I couldn’t feel anything anymore now that the utter panic had faded, and I could hear that reflected in my voice. It sounded like someone far away was speaking.

“Are you going to?” she asked. “Or do you want me to?”

I didn’t know what would be worse. Going and seeing for myself that my suspicions were true—as I’d convinced myself they were—or having Emma go look for me. Emma shouldn’t have to bear that responsibility. But could I look? I hadn’t been able to since I’d gone into the bathroom.

She glanced past me.

“Jesus Regina, is that what took so long?” she asked, taking in the sight of the pregnancy tests and the empty water bottles.

“I needed to be thorough,” I said.

“Well now it’s time to keep that thoroughness going,” she coaxed. She took my hand and squeezed it lightly. I resisted the urge to pull away. “We’ll look together, okay?”

She didn’t lead me to the counter and I wanted to thank her for it. She was going to let me do this on my own time.

I knew with everything that had been happening in the last few weeks and months, but especially within the last week, there was little hope that this would go the way I wanted it to. I didn’t particularly like surprises, but this… This kind of surprise after I’d found a somewhat comfortable rhythm in my life again… It was just cruel.

I stared at the ground for a long moment before I took a deep, shuddering breath and looked at Emma.

“Together,” I said softly.

She smiled at me and slowly—very slowly—lifted her hand to stroke my cheek. I appreciated she didn’t just reach up and touch me. I didn’t think I’d react very favorably to any sudden movements.

“It’s going to be okay,” she said. “Whatever happens it’s going to be fine. You’re going to be fine.”

I didn’t know how to react to that. I wasn’t going to be fine. If this went the way I thought it would then I would be screwed, well and truly screwed.

I turned back to the counter and took the few steps forward, my head held high as I avoided looking. Emma was right there with me, and she kept her eyes trained on me.

“On three?” she asked. When I nodded she squeezed my hand, seeming to steel herself as much as I did. “One… two… _three_.”


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: extreme reaction to a pregnancy including a panic attack/flashback (I've never experienced a flashback so I poked around a bit but I hope it's not insensitive), talk of abortion, talk of miscarriages.

The sight of one positive pregnancy test was overwhelming, but to see it repeated six times was too much. I hated that she’d taken so many. To see it over and over and over and over and over and _over_ that yes, Regina was pregnant… It was enough to make me want to vomit.

I couldn’t though, because the moment she caught sight of the tests, Regina nearly crumpled. I only barely managed to catch her as she did so, and I half-led, half-dragged her out of the bathroom. She was sobbing and shaking, and I didn’t know how to comfort her.

If I was honest I thought it was a bit of an overreaction at first. I knew it was bad news. There was only one answer to the question of who the father was, and it was more than obvious that a baby wasn’t in Regina’s plan at that moment. Especially not a baby with Robin. But to collapse like that? It really wasn’t the end of the world. She could go in any direction with this. She didn’t have to keep it. I fully believed in a woman’s right to choose in any case and would support her if she chose that route.

“No,” she mumbled, curled into a ball, shaking her head, her fingers run tightly through her hair. “No, no, no, no, no.”

“Regina, it’s okay,” I said, trying to sound soothing. She was panicking over something she could easily fix if she needed to, and she wasn’t going to help herself if she freaked out. “We can fix this. We can do whatever you need to about this. I’ll be right here for you.”

She just kept repeating the word, “No,” though, and I couldn’t figure out how to pull her out of it. It was like she hadn’t even heard me.

“Regina, are you listening?” I asked, trying to wrap an arm around her shoulders.

Again, she ignored me.

“Regina, come on, just listen to me,” I said a little more sharply. I instantly felt terrible as she flinched away from me and my touch. I quickly pulled my hands back.

She didn’t stop repeating what she was saying.

“Regina, I’m right here for you,” I said, trying a softer tone of voice again. “I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere. Whatever you do here, you’re completely within your rights to do it. If you want it, you’ll keep it. If you don’t want it, you can figure out which route you want to go in that direction. You don’t even have to tell him if you don’t want to.”

“He can’t know,” she snapped, her tone almost as vicious as it was panicked and desperate. “He can’t take this one. He can’t have it. It’s mine. I can’t lose another to him.”

“What?” I asked, confused as anything. “Have you had a scare like this with Robin before?”

Her gaze was faraway though and she didn’t seem to have an answer for that. I couldn’t figure it out.

“Regina please come back to me,” I pleaded. “I just need to know how I can help you here. You don’t have to say a word to Robin. Just let me know how I can help.”

“I don’t need _help_!” she nearly shouted, wrenching away from me and putting distance between us. “I don’t need anyone’s help!”

Regina’s violent resistance to my assistance caught me off guard. I didn’t want to crowd her or put to much stress on her—I only wanted to help her.

My eyes widened.

 _Shit_.

This wasn’t about Robin. This wasn’t about me. This wasn’t even about this baby.

This was about Leopold and the two she’d been made to miscarry.

I felt sick to my stomach. Regina was dealing with something so far beyond what I was able to deal with. I couldn’t help feeling like an ass knowing I’d thought she was overreacting at first. She was reliving a horrific period in her life and I’d thought she was overreacting. I kept my distance from her now, not wanting to make things worse. I’d already done a good job making a bad situation even more unpleasant, but I wasn’t going to risk touching her again when she didn’t want it.

“Regina, it’s okay,” I said, not knowing just where to start with something like this. “I’m here—Emma. I’m… I’m not going to hurt you. No one is going to hurt you.”

Her gaze flickered to my face and I saw the tension in her jaw as she grit her teeth shut. The vein in her forehead that only really stood out when she was stressed was prominent against her overly pale skin, and she glistened with sweat. Her eyes were still unfocused but I could see her brow furrowing as she tried to figure out what was happening.

“No one is here but me and I’m never going to hurt you,” I said. “He’s gone and he’s not ever going to touch you again. It’s just me, and I won’t touch you unless you want me to. You’re going to get to make your own decision about this pregnancy. If you want it then you’ll get to keep it. It’s your body and it’s your choice.”

She was struggling now, and I could see it in her face. Her eyes seemed to focus for a moment before the fog re-enveloped her, only for her to come back momentarily. I saw her jaw clench and unclench. She seemed to be pulling at her own hair but I wasn’t entirely sure that she noticed it.

How one person managed to hold so much tension and not burst from the pressure I couldn’t guess.

“I wouldn’t lie to you Regina,” I said. “It’s all going to be okay. This is going to go how you want it to go. This is all on your terms. You’re in control here.”

I kept talking to her like that, unsure if I was actually doing anything to pull her out of it or not. She seemed to get better at times but then worse at others, and I just kept talking, kept repeating everything I could think of to reassure her that she was the one in charge of her own life.

It took a long time, longer than her taking the pregnancy tests I thought. I talked and talked, and eventually she seemed to relax just a little more. I asked her if I could sit closer to her and she nodded, one of the first signs that she’d actually understood me and was present with me since she’d seen the tests. When we sat pressed up against each other she leaned into me just a little bit and I continued to speak. Eventually she agreed to let me put my arm around her. She curled herself into a ball before she let me though, her arms tight around her stomach and her knees drawn up as if to add an extra layer of protection. Still, she leaned into my side and let me wrap her up in a loose hug.

“I’ve got you,” I murmured. “I’m going to make sure that everything that happens from here on out is totally up to you. You’re not going to have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

As the tension melted away, she buried her face in my neck. It seemed uncomfortable because although she didn’t look as rigid, she still stayed curled in a ball. I felt her hot tears on my skin, felt the shuddering breaths as she tried to keep from making any noise.

“I can’t lose this,” she mumbled into my skin. “I can’t lose another.”

“You won’t,” I said. “We’ll get you to the doctor, they’ll check you up, and we can figure out what to do next. I promise, it’s all going to be okay.”

She stayed curled against me for a long time, her body trembling with exhaustion after the morning and early afternoon she’d had. I just held her until her trembling ceased. I realized not only had she stopped trembling but her breathing had evened out and she’d fallen asleep. I was grateful for it. I needed some time to process, and I knew that she needed the rest.

Slowly, carefully, I shifted the two of us so that she could lay down in the bed. She didn’t budge from her defensive ball but allowed me to move her so she rested with her head on the pillows.

When she was tucked in I stood up, grabbed my phone, made sure I had the room key, and went out on to the balcony.

I scrolled through my phone, hesitating over Neal’s name and then Ruby’s name, before continuing to search. I needed advice but I didn’t know who to talk to. I paused when I saw ‘Mr. Hopper’ in my address book. He’d given me his number a while back when I’d been in his office almost every other day, wanting to make sure if I needed him when I wasn’t in school that I’d be able to connect with him. I’d only used it twice, but I kept him in my phone just in case.

I didn’t know how it would go considering my last conversation about Regina with him but I needed someone right now and he was a smart man.

I hit the call button and listened to the ringing on the other end.

“Hello?” he answered. “Emma?”

“Yeah, it’s me,” I said.

“Are you okay?” he asked immediately after confirmation.

“Yeah, I’m—I’m fine,” I said.

“You don’t sound it.”

“I had a… one hell of a day so far.”

“Do you need to meet with me?”

“No, no, I’m fine. I needed advice.”

“About?”

“Panic attacks?” I said, sounding more like I was asking. I didn’t know if that was exactly what she’d just experienced. “Maybe? I’m not sure what it was.”

“Emma if you had a panic attack—“

“It wasn’t me,” I said quickly. “I was with someone—with that woman I told you about. She… she’s pregnant. And she had some issues in the past with pregnancy and keeping control over the pregnancies. I can’t tell you too much because I don’t want to share her private details but… I don’t know what to do for her if it happens again.”

“What happened exactly?” he asked. I was just grateful he was putting aside his personal feelings about the relationship to talk about this reasonably.

“It was like she wasn’t here,” I said. “I tried talking to her but she didn’t even seem to be seeing me half the time. I just kept talking and trying to calm her down. It took like an hour.”

“Well at least she had someone while she was going through this,” he said. “Where is she now?”

“Sleeping,” I said. “She was up most of the night and up sick this morning. I think she over-exerted herself by accident, too.”

“She might be disoriented when she wakes up again,” he said. “It sounds like she may have had a flashback—it’s common in cases where a person has experienced intense trauma though typically flashbacks happen closer to the time of the trauma. Whatever happened then and whatever’s happening now must have had a powerful effect on her. Depending on what happened in her past and the parallels she’s drawing between then and now she might have another episode when she wakes and remembers everything. Did she have an extreme reaction to the thought that she might be? Before she knew for sure?”

“Yeah, she panicked about it and took like… six tests,” I said.

“That may have had a hand in causing the flashback,” he said. “A high amount of stress combined with a remembered trauma can set something like that off. If she experiences it again, the most you can really do is convince her that she’s in the present. And try to get her to talk to a professional about her issues. There isn’t much you can do by yourself with no training. She really should see someone for something like that. If it has to do with pregnancy and if she’s pregnant it could be dangerous for her not to be treated for this.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Yeah, I’ll see if I can get her to talk about it. I just don’t want her freaking out again. She’s got a lot on her plate already and this is… a lot.”

“You’re awfully calm for a person dating someone who just discovered they’re pregnant,” he said, his voice sounding carefully calm.

“Not much I can do,” I said.

“No, not for the situation, but you can do plenty for yourself if you need to,” he said. “Whatever your partner decides here is going to have a huge effect on your life. She may be ready and willing to have this baby but that doesn’t mean you should put your life on hold to help her with it.”

“I’m not putting anything on hold,” I said. “I haven’t even thought about what I’m doing because we only just found out. I’m gonna do what I need to for me so relax. I’m not an idiot. I know a lot’s going to be weird.”

“Sorry Emma,” he said. “I just feel like you might see this as your problem to solve, but you carry enough of your own burdens on your shoulders to decide to carry someone else’s. The fact that you’re calling me for advice proves that you’re already taking on responsibilities for your partner.”

“I’ll be fine, Mr. Hopper,” I said. “I know it’s not my kid. I’m not going to dive into this headfirst. We’ve only been dating for like… two and a half months anyways.”

“Okay,” he said. “That’s all I can ask you to do, is to do what’s right for you. And if you or your partner need anything from me, please don’t hesitate to call or come see me in my office. Or if she needs a professional you can pass along my number to her.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I’ll let her know.”

I had no intention of letting Regina know that I’d spoken to Mr. Hopper about her more than once, or that I’d talked about her pregnancy at all. I couldn’t. She’d hate me for it.

I said goodbye to him and he wished me good luck. When I hung up I stood near the railing overlooking the parking lot. I stared out at the road, watching the few cars that traveled by, considering my options.

I hadn’t even begun to think about what I’d do. With Regina pregnant I had a lot I’d need to consider. I loved being with her and wanted to stay with her, but how reasonable was it for me to think about that? If I stayed with her then she’d eventually be a mom. She seemed intent on keeping the baby—she’d said it was hers and that he couldn’t take another from her, so it seemed pretty set that she wanted it. Whether she’d wanted it _now_ was another story, but she seemed to want the baby itself.

So it looked like either I stayed with her and became this kid’s other—third—parent, or we broke up.

And that was all assuming _she_ was going to stay with _me_. There was no guarantee that she would want to. She might have decided that she needed to get back with the kid’s dad.

I went back inside the room after a while and found her still sleeping. I settled on the second bed and just scrolled through my phone for a while. I was Googling pregnancy facts and information when she stirred. She shifted just slightly, just slowly waking up, then shot up in bed as if she were stuck with a hot poker. She threw back the covers and stumbled to her feet, but stopped dead when she saw me in the other bed. She stared as if I had ten heads.

“You’re here,” she said.

“Where else would I be?”

“I mean… you stayed.”

“Yeah.”

She seemed completely at a loss with that information. She slowly settled back so she was sitting on the edge of the bed. I didn’t think I’d ever seen her more uncomfortable and that was saying something considering how our relationship had started.

“I haven’t had an episode like that in years,” she said, not meeting my gaze.

“You were under a lot of stress,” I said, setting my phone down and sitting up to face her. “Besides, it’s obvious that a lot of shit went down back then and I can see how it would affect you now.”

Her mouth drew into a tight line and her hands kneaded the edge of the bed.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked carefully. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but it might make you feel better.”

“I just never got control over it,” she said softly. “I didn’t want to get pregnant back then but when I did I didn’t want to lose them either. And now… I didn’t want to get pregnant now. I was actively trying not to. I’ve been on birth control for years now. I know it’s not one hundred percent effective but the fact that it wasn’t at this point in time…”

“You have full control over what happens next,” I told her, trying to be useful. “You’ll get to keep this one if you want it—“

“I do,” she said quickly, finally looking up to meet my gaze. Hers was troubled and I knew that she wasn’t just thinking of the baby—she was thinking of me, too.

“Well then you’ll keep it,” I said. “You’ll keep this baby.”

“Will I keep you?” she asked.

It was my turn to look away. I didn’t know if it was a good idea to stay with her if I was honest. I was eighteen. I had been accepted to college and I was going to go do that in the fall. I was supposed to be worried about grades and hook ups, not my girlfriend getting pregnant and raising her kid with her.

At least it answered one question—she didn’t want to throw me away. That helped a little but I still needed to think.

“I don’t know,” I said after a moment. “I need to… sort my own shit out. But right now we’re not going to focus on that—we’re going to get you a doctor’s appointment to get you vitamins and we’re going to find you a place to live so that you can have this baby in a comfortable spot.”

She nodded a little.

“Before all that I… I have to tell Robin,” she said.

She must have seen the unhappiness I felt in my face because she started to reach across the divide between the beds for my hand before she let her own drop, seeming to lose courage halfway through the gesture.

“I can’t keep this from him,” she said. “I’m going to decide what’s best for me and for my body, but I can’t _not_ tell him. If he wants to be involved then he’s going to be involved. If not then I’m keeping it and raising it on my own.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” I said. “It’d be a dick move not to tell him.”

Silence stretched between us again. I hated it. I hated this. We had a good thing going and now her ex was coming back into the picture along with his baby.

“How about you go tell him and I’ll call the doctor’s to get you an appointment?” I suggested.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

“Yeah, just… just go deal with that,” I said.

“You know you don’t have to help me with this,” she said. “Considering what it all means… It’s not your job to be here for me.”

“I know it’s not,” I said. “But I’m here right now and like I said this morning, I’m not fond of the idea of leaving you in the lurch. I’ll figure out what I want to do but as long as I’m here I’ll do what I can to make you comfortable.”

She smiled a little but her smile didn’t quite meet her eyes.

“Okay,” she said. “I’ll be back in a little while.”

I nodded and watched as she got her things together, then headed out the door. She was still dressed way down and she looked so different than she usually did. I hated that I still found her beautiful. She was carrying a man’s baby and I still longed for her. It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair.

But still, I’d told her I’d do something so I was going to do it.

When the door shut behind her I pulled out my phone and went looking for a doctor’s office outside of Storybrooke that I could get her an appointment at. She was going to be well taken care of through this or I’d have something to say about it.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No notes or warnings here

I’d called Robin three times before he actually picked up the phone, and he obviously hadn’t been very receptive.

“What do you want, Regina?” he demanded before he’d even said hello.

“I need to talk to you,” I said.

“About what?” he demanded. “About how you cheated? Or about breaking my son’s heart?”

“I wanted to keep from hurting Roland,” I snapped. “I was going to find a way to tell him and let him down easily. You’re the one who barged in and started telling him I didn’t love him.”

“You’re the one who went face-first between some woman’s thighs, so forgive me if I have little sympathy for you,” he shot back.

I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration.

“Robin, this is important,” I said. “Whatever happened between us, I need to tell you this, and it’s a face-to-face kind of conversation. I’d like to come over and talk with you.”

He was quiet for a while but he had to know that I wouldn’t make this kind of request with no reason. I’d given him his space ever since we’d broken up, so he must have known that I would only reach out for something important.

“Only if you make it quick,” he said. “Roland and I are going to the park later.”

“It won’t take long,” I assured him.

We hung up and I drove from the parking lot of the motel into Storybrooke. I was dreading this, but I had to do it. I didn’t want to see him again considering I hadn’t exactly resolved all my feelings towards him or gotten the closure I’d have wanted, but I had to tell him. It was only fair. It was his kid, too, even if I was with someone else now.

Thinking about Emma made my chest feel tight. I wanted to be with her so badly but this wasn’t exactly something we could ignore. I was going to be a mother in what would probably be less than six months considering how long I’d gone without getting my period. Emma was eighteen. She probably hadn’t thought of kids, and certainly hadn’t thought of them any time soon.

Despite myself I wanted her though. Our time together was so special to me. I was so comfortable and happy with her. I felt more with her in under three months than I’d felt with Robin in the first year. I’d always liked Robin, but I hadn’t loved him until we’d gotten more settled and more comfortable. With Emma it was like I was hurtling through the typical timeline and loving every second of it.

I figured I would have the control I wanted over my pregnancy and my baby, but I’d have to leave everything else up to everyone else.

When I pulled into the familiar driveway, I immediately saw Roland’s face in his bedroom window. His expression was hard, as if he hated me and already wanted me gone. I sighed a little and went up the walkway to the front door. A few months ago I’d have walked in through the garage, but I knew I had no right to now.

Robin answered the door without really looking at me.

“Come in,” he said gruffly.

I followed him inside and he led me to the living room. Nothing had changed in the house except for the fact that some of my decorations were gone, and there wasn’t a single photo that had me in it left. Before there had been pictures of the three of us, of Robin and I, of Roland and I... Looking around it was like I'd never existed.

He gestured to a seat and sat down on the couch a fair distance away.

“You agreed to keep it short,” he said pointedly.

“And I will,” I said, trying to sound cool and collected. My heart was beating so hard I was surprised he didn’t hear it. “I’m pregnant.”

Whatever he had been expecting, it certainly hadn’t been that. His brow flew up and his jaw dropped.

“You’re… I’m sorry, what?” he demanded.

“I’m pregnant,” I repeated. “And you’re the father.”

“How do you know I’m the—“

“Because since I’ve been with you I haven’t been with a man,” I said. “And when I do the math the last time I got my period was before we broke up. There’s no way you’re not the father.”

He stood up, running his hands through his hair. He tugged at the brown locks for a moment before moving his hands down to rub his face.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “It could have been a false positive.”

“I took six tests,” I said. “I can show them to you if you’d like.”

“No, I’m all set with that,” Robin said quickly. “I just… don’t want this.”

My heart clenched.

“I know you don’t,” I said. “I didn’t want anything like this to happen either. But it did, and I’m keeping the child.”

“You are?” he asked, his eyes wide.

“I am,” I said.

“I’d have thought with—everything you wouldn’t want to,” he said.

“I never got to keep the children I wanted before,” I said. “I don’t care that it’s yours and that you and I aren’t together anymore. I don’t want to lose another.”

He sighed heavily.

“Then I guess you’ve made all the decisions,” he said bitterly. “What are you looking for here?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Money?” he pressed. “A place to stay again? We’re not getting back together if that’s what you’re looking for.”

“I don’t want anything from you,” I told him, angry he’d assumed that of me. “I only told you because it would be terrible of me not to. I’m not going to keep a human life a secret from you when you’ve had a hand in creating it.”

“Forgive me if I find that a little hard to believe,” he said coldly. “Because the last time I checked you didn’t have much of a problem with being terrible.”

“I made a mistake,” I snapped, standing up. “Although if I’m being honest here my only mistake was going for it while I was dating you. I’ve been with the same woman since you and I broke up and I’m happy with her.”

“Isn’t that wonderful?” he said sarcastically. “Maybe you and her can include me on your Christmas card list?”

“I didn’t mean that I’m happier with her than with you—I meant that I regret hurting you but that I’m enjoying my time with her.”

“Forgive me if I’m not very happy to hear that,” he shot back. “Now really, what are you expecting from me with this child? That I get involved? That I pay for your appointments? What do you want?”

“I don’t want anything,” I said. “I wanted you to know. And now that you know you can do whatever you’d like.” I picked up my purse and slung the strap over my shoulder. “If you want to be a part of the baby’s life then call me. If you don’t by the end of this week then I’ll have my answer.”

He watched me go for the door but made no moves to stop me. I spotted Roland standing on the second-to-last step on the staircase and froze. His eyes blazed with anger but he also looked confused.

“You’ve got a baby in your belly?” he demanded. “Daddy’s baby?”

I glanced over my shoulder at Robin who was seething.

“I have a baby in my belly,” I said. “But it’s up to your daddy whether it’s his or not. Right now it’s my baby. If he wants it then it’ll be his baby, too.”

“He doesn't need a baby,” Roland said. “He’s got me.”

“Like I said, it’s up to him,” I said, feeling exhausted all of a sudden. I didn’t want to upset Roland again.

“Regina, just go,” Robin said icily. “I’ll let you know what I decide but I don’t want you talking to Roland anymore.”

“Then tell him to stop eavesdropping and tell him not to talk to me,” I shot back. “Let me know when you’ve made up your mind.”

I stalked out of the house and back to my car. I had never thought I would be capable of hating Robin but I found myself hating him now. He’d always been such a good, kind man, but now he was so horrible I wondered if he was even the same person I’d dated. I didn’t deserve forgiveness for cheating on him but I was trying to do the right thing here.

I supposed that the right thing would have been not to cheat on him at all, but it was too late to go back to that.

I wondered what I would do if he said he wanted to be a part of the baby’s life. If he didn’t then everything would be simple—I would raise my child with no issue. Maybe Emma would be there, maybe I’d be a single mom, maybe I’d find someone else somewhere down the road. If Robin wanted to be a parent to this baby… I’d have to see him for one, and that didn’t exactly sit well with me. I still didn’t know exactly what I felt for him and I’d been shoving all my feelings towards him down because they were easier to deal with that way—not to mention it made being with Emma easier. There was less guilt that way.

My phone chimed with a text alert and I quickly read it while idling at a stoplight.

“Got you an appt. for today, hurry back,” it read.

I set my phone down and did as I was instructed to. The fact that Emma had gotten me an appointment for the same day was kind of a relief. This way I would know more about what was going on with the baby and I wouldn’t have to wait to find out whether it was healthy so far or not. I wanted to be sure it was totally okay in every way.

I pulled into the motel parking lot and texted Emma I was there. She was down a few moments later and she plugged the address of a hospital a few towns over into my phone’s GPS.

“How’d it go?” she asked.

“About as well as you’d expect.”

“And?”

“And I gave him a week to think about it,” I said. “It’s a lot to suddenly throw on your very recent ex. I won’t blame him if he doesn’t want to be a part of this.”

“And if he does?”

“Then I have to figure more things out.”

Emma turned to stare out the passenger side window as I drove.

“Have you thought about this at all?” I asked.

“Obviously,” she said. Her tone was clipped and that didn’t bode well.

I wanted to press her for more information on that but I kept quiet. I didn’t want her getting mad at me. She could have already been mad at me for all I knew. She was completely closed up and I couldn’t tell anything about how she was feeling. I hadn’t been able to figure her out since I woke up. All I knew was that she was still there.

The fact that Emma was still there was as much a curse as it was a blessing. I appreciated having someone there to be with me through it all, especially finding out the way I had. I liked that the person sitting next to me was Emma. If it had been anyone else I wasn’t sure that I’d have held up, and I’d barely held up upon discovering the baby. Had she been anyone else it might have been a much longer, much more devastating episode.

The fact that I’d had an attack the way I had was the most surprising thing about it. It was a little embarrassing if I was honest. Emma had seen me at my absolute weakest. For months after I’d escaped Leopold I had been prone to those kinds of episodes and it took seemingly endless therapy to get them to stop. Daddy had helped a lot with all of that, making sure I found the best therapist, got the best treatment, had a safe place to be, and received endless support. The episodes had waned and I was able to more fully live my life. The fact that I’d had another over a decade after my last one made me wonder if I’d just put a band-aid over it all and ignored it all these years. Maybe I hadn’t done as well in therapy as I’d thought. Maybe I’d slipped up.

‘ _Maybe it was just trauma resurfacing because of a related event_ ,’ I tried telling myself, but the idea that I’d screwed something up stuck with me.

I’d certainly screwed enough up lately.

“I don’t want us to break up,” she said suddenly, startling me out of my thoughts.

“You don’t?” I asked.

“No,” she said. “I don’t. I really like you. Like a lot. I’ve been having a really good time with you.”

“But?” I said, anticipating her next comment.

“But,” she agreed.

It seemed to say it all, and I wished she wouldn’t continue but of course she did.

“But I mean… if I’m with you when you have this kid,” she said, “does that make me a mom? Am I supposed to be your baby’s other parent? And if Robin wants in then what will that make me? A third parent in a really screwed up custody arrangement? Mommy’s little girlfriend? And what if Robin finds out about me before graduation? He could get you fired.”

“You don’t have to be my child’s parent,” I said. “There are plenty of single moms who date. Just because you’d be around for the pregnancy and birth doesn’t mean you’d have to be my baby’s mother. I wasn’t ever really Roland’s mother but I dated Robin for years. If you’re worried about having to be a parent you don’t have to accept that role. We can figure something out. And Robin… well, we’ll see what he decides. He hates me enough that he might not even want to be a part of this. We might not even have to worry about him.”

“I don’t know, Regina,” she said. “If I’m in your life at all then I have to be a part of your kid’s life, and if Robin’s in your kid’s life then he’s going to know about me. It just seems like a lot is stacking up against us.”

“I know,” I said, forcing myself to keep my gaze on the road. The sadness in her voice was almost enough to break my heart, so I definitely did _not_ want to see her expression.

We drove the rest of the way to the hospital in silence and checked in. I had to fill in new patient paperwork before I could be seen, but once I had we were directed to a waiting room. The room was lined with chairs and parenting magazines were scattered across the seats and the coffee table in the center of the room. Two heavily pregnant women already sat on opposite sides of the waiting room from each other.

I took a seat and looked to Emma. She’d followed me without saying a word through all of this but I was a bit relieved when she sat down next to me.

I idly ran my fingers over the armrests of the chair, my fingernails picking at the plastic. I felt a hand cover one of mine and glanced at it, seeing Emma’s hand there. I was a little surprised by it but turned my hand over and held her offered one.

One of the pregnant women saw and raised an eyebrow, looking us over for a second. When her gaze found mine and I read the questions in it I glared back at her, holding Emma’s hand a little tighter.

Thankfully that woman and the other one were called in shortly, one after the other. That left Emma and I in the waiting room by ourselves, and she rubbed the back of my hand with her thumb lightly.

“Regina Mills?” a nurse asked.

I stood with a shaky smile and was pleased to note that Emma didn’t let go of my hand.

“Right this way,” the woman said.

She led the two of us into an exam room and quickly went through my vitals. When all of that was set she went to fetch the doctor. I was worried they’d take a while and would leave us in yet another an uncomfortable silence, but the door opened not even two minutes later.

“Hello hello,” a short redhead said as she popped in. She wore a thousand-watt grin and I was sure that she was going to be insufferable. “I’m Dr. Marley Steele.”

“Regina Mills,” I said.

“It’s wonderful to meet you, Regina,” she said, reaching to shake my hand. She turned to look at Emma. “And this is…?”

“Emma,” the girl said quickly. “Emma Stone.”

“Oh, like the actress?” Steele asked excitedly.

“Yeah, just like her,” Emma said.

“Wonderful!” the doctor exclaimed.

She turned to retrieve gloves and look over her paperwork. As she did I shot Emma a look. Emma shrugged, looking sheepish, and she mouthed, “I panicked.”

“All right, ladies,” Steele said, turning back to me once she was set up. “First thing is first.” She looked me directly in the eye. “Are you keeping this pregnancy?”

“Of course I am,” I said quickly.

“Okay, wonderful!” she said. “I just needed to check. Let’s get down to the good stuff. We’ve got to get into the nitty gritty to make sure this baby’s cooking correctly!”

She started asking questions, going through when my last period was, how regular I was in that way, whether I had any recurring health problems, how often I exercised, what my diet was like… It was all a bit overwhelming. I’d already so much out on the information sheet but it seemed I still had an endless list of questions I had to answer. The fact that the doctor responded to nearly every answer I gave her with, “Wonderful!” began to grate on me after about five minutes and was damn near intolerable by the eleven-minute mark. Emma seemed to notice and took my hand.

“What about psychiatric problems?” Steele asked. “Anything going on there?”

“Some,” I said, my tone much colder than it needed to be. The casual way she asked that annoyed me to no end, especially after so long hearing how wonderful everything was. “I was abused as a teenager and I experienced a… panic attack upon discovering I was pregnant.”

Finally she seemed to get serious.

“Okay,” she said, scribbling some things down. “This abuse—“

“It happened a long time ago,” I said. “I’m fine now.”

“I don’t doubt that,” Steele said, sounding confident instead of condescending. “What I was going to ask was if you would be comfortable explaining to me why you had a panic attack when you found out you were pregnant. Was it because of the abuse you endured?”

I nodded. She paused for a moment as if waiting for more but when it was clear an explanation wasn't forthcoming she moved on. I was grateful she didn't press me for more.

“Would you be likely to have another?” she asked. “Something like that can put a lot of undue stress on both you and the baby. I’d like to keep you as safe and as relaxed as I can. If you’d like we can set you up with someone who can find ways for you to cope with what happened in the past and how it relates to you now.”

“I’ll be okay,” I said. “I was in shock.”

“Well if you ever end up needing someone, please don’t hesitate to call or reach out to someone,” she said. She gave me a soft smile before turning back on the thousand-watt. “Those are all the questions I have for you. Do you have any for me?”

“I have one,” I said. “I was on birth control pills when I conceived and I’ve been taking them since then. Will everything be okay with the baby?”

“Everything will be fine,” she assured me. “There haven’t been any real, clinically-studied links between birth control pills and issues with pregnancies themselves. If you experience anything out of the ordinary just get in touch.”

“Okay,” I said. “That was my only question.”

“Then let’s get cracking on seeing this baby!” she said excitedly.

I glanced at Emma and she must have seen how utterly irksome I found this woman because I saw a flicker of a smile on her face. I couldn’t help but smile back and she squeezed my hand.

In a few moments time, I was laid back with my shirt pulled up and tucked beneath my bra, my stomach on display. It was still flat so it was a bit strange to think there was a baby in there, but I figured that six pregnancy tests couldn’t be wrong.

Steele had set up the ultrasound machine and warned me how cold the gel was going to be before squeezing it onto my stomach. I just wanted her to get on with it and I stared at the currently blank monitor.

“Now with the projected due date that we’ve come up with based on the possible dates of conception,” she said slowly, bringing the wand over to my stomach and moving it around, “you should be at about ten weeks. I usually like to get moms in around week eight but this just means we’ll get to see more of the baby!”

She moved the wand a little bit and I saw the image change on the monitor. It went from being fuzzy black and grey with no discernible shapes to a clear image of a small, curled up fetus. My jaw dropped at the sight and Emma’s grip on my hand tightened.

“There it is!” Steele said excitedly. “A bit over an inch long, starting to grow fingernails and hair, and the major organs are all settled in there and starting to get to work! Here, let’s get a better look.”

She moved the wand over a little to change the view and I nearly screamed.

“Oh, we’ve got a stowaway!” she exclaimed, moving the wand to focus on the second fetus. “How wonderful is that? Two babies for the price of one.”

“Two?” I practically rasped, clutching Emma’s hand tightly. I was terrified she was about to run, but when I looked at her she seemed just as stunned as I was. I looked back at Steele.

“Two,” she confirmed. “It just means we’ve got to keep you that much more relaxed! You’ll be fine though. A lot of mothers of twins say that they love it—it can get hectic of course but there’s just so much love!”

I let her chatter on and on for a while but I wasn’t exactly paying attention. Twins. I wasn’t carrying _a_ baby—I was carrying _babies_. Two children.

Two children to make up for the two I’d lost.

I was paying so little attention that I didn’t realize Emma had taken over talking to the doctor, taking the sonogram pictures Steele printed, getting all the information packets and paperwork I’d need from her, and discussing how to set up my next appointment. I barely flickered my fingers in goodbye when Dr. Steele slipped out to let us get settled and head home.

“Regina?” Emma asked. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I’m going to throw up,” I said.

She grabbed for a small trashcan nearby and held it practically at the ready.

“And?” she asked.

“And… and… two…” I said. “There’s two of them. I lost two and now there are two more.”

My hands went to my stomach and I held it protectively.

“You’re not going to lose these two,” she said confidently. “She gave me all the prescriptions you’ll need for your prenatal vitamins, she gave you a load of paperwork and tons of information… We can Google anything you want later on. You’re gonna have these babies, Regina.”

I nodded but bit my lip hard, feeling it start to tremble. I couldn’t stand that I’d lost those babies and now having these two… It felt less like a miracle and more like a pointed reminder of what I hadn’t been able to keep, the two lives I hadn’t been able to keep safe.

All it took was a touch of her hand on the back of one of my own—resting on top of my still-flat stomach—to do me in. Tears tracked down my cheeks without my permission and I started to turn my head away so Emma wouldn’t see.

“Regina, it’s okay,” she said. “This is all—“

“No it’s not okay,” I snapped. “These two babies are… they’re everything I’ve wanted. I’ve always wanted children, even after everything. I’ve always wanted to be a mother. But they’re coming _now_ and in _this way_. They’re coming after I got dumped by their father and when I’m with you and—and I want them so badly but I _shouldn’t_ have them. I lost the others—“

“You didn’t lose them,” Emma interrupted. “You had them taken from you. No one’s trying to take these two from you. Those others… There’s no replacing something like that, but there wasn’t anything you could have done.”

“There was,” I said. “I could have been better. I could have shown him I deserved to keep them. He’d have let me keep them if I hadn’t been so—“

“Regina, he was a monster,” she said. “Letting yourself think that he’d have been anything other than a monster will only eat you up inside. What he did—he would have done whatever he wanted and ignored everything you wanted.”

“He said it was because—“

“He said what he had to in order to keep you in line,” she told me. “Nothing more than that. He wanted to control you—every part of you. You made that really clear when you told me about him. But he’s in prison and you’re out here with your two babies who are gonna be so excited to meet their mommy in six months.”

I stared at her for a long time. I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve someone like her in my life. It seemed like I’d been screwing up left and right, screwing everyone around me over, and here she was, the most screwed over out of everyone, and she was still trying to take care of me.

“Emma…” I said softly. “Emma, I love you.” Her eyes flew wide but before she could say anything I hurried on. “I know, I know, it’s barely been any time at all, but I do. I feel so strongly about you and so sure that I love you that sometimes it scares me. But this is exactly what I was talking about when we first talked about dating—I’m hurting you again, and like I said then, we have very different lives. I’m at a very different point in my life than you are. I want these babies and I’m going to be their mother. If you stay with me then… then you’ll be something to them, too. I can’t put you through that.”

“Are you dumping me?” she asked incredulously. “Seconds after you say you love me you’re dumping me?”

“No, that’s not what I’m doing,” I said. “I need you to know that you have an out. I need you to take that out if you’re not comfortable. I don’t ever want there to be an imbalance here—I want you to know that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do with me, and that especially means stay with me while I have these two. I love you too much to put you through something you don’t want to go through.”

“Regina, I haven’t even decided what I’m doing yet,” she said, sounding almost angry. “I don’t want to be apart from you but I’ve got to come up with some kind of plan for myself here. So… don’t start thinking that I’m gonna leave until I actually say I’m leaving, okay?”

“I can’t—“

“You can’t hurt me, I get it,” she said. “But you’re not hurting me by having this happen. It wasn’t planned. You didn’t get pregnant and then screw around with me just to upset me. It happened and you’re doing what’s right for you. I get that. I’m gonna do what’s right for me, too.”

I supposed that was the best I could have hoped for then. My shoulders slumped just slightly.

“I’ll figure myself out soon enough,” she said. “All you need to do is focus on keeping those two safe and healthy.”

She laid a hand over my stomach and smiled at me. I tried on a smile as well and she leaned in to kiss me before helping me up off the table.

“Let’s get you back to the motel,” she said. “We’ve got to find somewhere for you to take those babies home to, right?”

I followed Emma’s lead but I couldn’t help but be unnerved by it all. I’d told her I loved her. It was true—I did love her—but she hadn’t said anything back. I tried to tell myself that I didn’t expect her to say anything back considering it had only been a handful of months, but it still stung a little bit.

“Before we go,” I said, remembering a moment earlier in the appointment.

“What?” she asked, sounding nervous.

“Emma Stone?” I asked.

She cracked a smile at that.

“Like I told you, I panicked,” she said. “I didn’t want to give her my real name. If we’re keeping this hush-hush then I can’t go around using my real name, even if we are way outside of Storybrooke.”

“So you went with Emma Stone?” I asked, a brow raised and a smile on my face.

“I wasn’t thinking straight, Regina,” she said, blushing a little now. “God can you just forget about it?”

“I don’t think it’s likely I will,” I teased.

We got in the car and headed back to the motel while I texted Robin the news.

“Twins.”

His response came quickly.

“Are you serious? You’re not pulling my leg right now, are you Regina?”

I sent a picture of the sonograms.

“Not exactly something to joke about, Robin,” I shot back.

He didn’t respond after that and I sighed. I’d just have to wait it out. It seemed like the two people in my life who I needed to know the most about at the moment were the two who would be holding out on me the most. It was enough to drive me crazy, but I had to put that aside for now. I had to focus on staying stress-free like Steele had said. I wanted these babies to be healthy no matter who was standing at my side when they were born.

If anyone was going to be standing there at all.


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished the story about two weeks ago or something but I went through it and I'm re-working some parts/adding chapters/editing others. I'm unemployed so I've got plenty of time to do that, and I'm not anticipating it getting in the way of the regular Wednesday/Saturday update schedule, but if something does come up then that's what's going on.
> 
> No warnings for this chapter.

We’d spent two hours searching through apartment listings after we got back from the doctor’s and Regina had made a list of things that she’d wanted in a place, as well as a list of places she kind of liked. The two things she said she absolutely could not live without were in-unit laundry and a dishwasher. She said Roland had used to leave behind enough dirty clothes for four children, so having two children would make that laundry pile outrageous without in-unit laundry. The dishwasher was simply because she preferred not having to do dishes by hand.

When we wound down from that there was an awkward couple of moments where I’d gathered my things and said goodbye to her. I had to head home for a late dinner with my parents, but I felt like she half expected me to stay with her that night. I wanted to but I’d also promised to be home for Mom and Dad, and I didn’t want to break that promise—not when I’d been sneaking around so much the last few months.

When I’d finally gotten home, Mom had just put the finishing touches on our meal and was setting the table.

“Oh, good, Emma’s home!” she called through the house.

“Hey Em!” Dad yelled from somewhere upstairs.

“Hi Dad!” I called up. “Hi Mom. Whatever you made smells delicious.”

“A pot pie,” she said, beaming. “Go wash up and we’ll get going on this. We’re eating much later than normal.”

I nodded and hurried to dump my bag in my room, then head to the bathroom to wash my hands. When I got back down to the dining room, Dad had already joined Mom and they sat in their spots—Mom at the head of the table, Dad on her left, my spot vacant on her right.

I settled in and we started eating, my parents regaling me with stories about their weekend. I tried my hardest to keep focused and respond normally but it was difficult. I couldn’t exactly be my usual self when I’d spent the day shuttling my pregnant girlfriend around. I was sure that both of them noticed, but Mom was the one to call me out on it.

“You seem off tonight, sweetie,” Mom said after she’d let the conversation lull for a few moments. “Is everything all right?”

“Yeah, I—I’m fine,” I said.

“You don’t seem fine,” Dad pointed out. “Come on Emma, you can tell us anything, you know that.”

“Yeah, I do.”

A few seconds passed.

“Obviously you don’t have to if you don’t want to—“ Mom started, but something about her giving me the option gave me the courage to say it. They never forced me to talk to them about things that bothered me because they wanted me to be comfortable with them. They’d always wanted me to be comfortable with them, and that made me feel like I really could tell them almost anything. They’d never hated me for anything else I’d told them in the five years since they’d adopted me.

“I’m gay,” I blurted out, cutting Mom off. I knew it was rude but I had the burst of courage I’d needed to say it and I hadn’t wanted to back down.

They stared at me, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, looking as if they’d expected anything else to come out of my mouth.

“I figured it out right after you adopted me,” I said, not looking at either of them. I could feel their combined gazes on me and it felt like they were going to burn a hole right through me. “I never wanted to tell you because I was scared you wouldn’t like that about me. You guys act weird when the topic comes up. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to—to—“ I broke off, unable to finish the sentence.

“To send you back,” Mom finished for me. Her voice was so horrifically sad that I wanted to get up and run.

‘ _Here it comes,_ ’ I thought. ‘ _She sounds so sad because you’re not what she wanted. She didn’t want a gay kid. Now they’re gonna chuck you out. They can’t send you back but they can get rid of you another way. You’re eighteen. You can be thrown out of the house and no one will even bat an eyelash at that. They won’t have to answer any questions about it either, no one will look at them like they’re horrible, they’ll just say you went off to college or something and they’ll never have to deal with you again—_ ‘

Mom’s chair squeaked as she pushed it back and Dad rose out of his chair, too. The fact that they both did it at the same time had me shrinking down into my own chair, but Mom took my hand in hers. She did it so gently that I wanted to pull away. It had to be a trick. I’d been hit by enough foster parents to know when a hit was coming and I began to brace myself.

Instead of hitting me she pulled me in, dragging me up and into a tight hug. Dad wrapped the two of us up in his arms, his hand cradling the back of my head lightly.

“Emma, we are _never_ going to even _think_ about something like that,” Mom said, her voice harsh with emotion. “You are our _daughter_. Don’t ever think that anything you tell us about you will change that.”

“We wouldn’t dream of letting you go,” Dad said. “We waited so long to find you Emma—we spent years waiting for a child to be placed with us and once we met you… We could never let you go, not for anything.”

I stood stock-still, stiff as a board between the two of them as they hugged me. I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“You… you don’t mind it?” I asked.

“Mind it?” Mom asked. “Why would we mind it?”

“Because it’s… I mean it’s not a normal thing,” I said. “I’m already this messed up kid from the foster system. Adding this on top of it—“

“Don’t you dare say that you’re messed up,” Mom said. “Your time in the foster system was hard on you and we know that, but you aren’t messed up. You’re an amazing girl, Emma. We couldn’t love you more no matter what your sexuality is.”

“You really don’t have a problem with it?” I asked.

“It’s not what we expected,” Dad admitted. “You’ve never said anything about this before. But like your mother said, we love you. Nothing is going to change that. Your sexuality is your business, and we can figure it out if it means making sure you’re happy and comfortable with us.”

I finally relaxed into their hold, returning their hugs with such an intense relief I couldn’t help but cry. I’d spent the last five years worrying that I’d be disowned when they finally knew and it had all been for nothing.

My relief was cut short and turned into confusion as I heard giggling. I glanced up and saw Mom barely holding back a smile.

“What?” I asked, worried again. Of course it was too good to be true.

“Nothing,” she said. “It’s just… here I was worried that you were off with Neal all the time and I kept giving you talks about being safe with him. Those talks were always so awkward and I just chalked it up to you being embarrassed!”

I laughed.

“Yeah, I mean, I was still embarrassed,” I admitted. “But now you know I was embarrassed for a different reason than you thought.”

“What about Neal?” Dad asked. “Does he know?”

“Dad, he’s my best friend but that’s it,” I said. “We’ve never actually dated. He’s known since I was thirteen, and Ruby’s known since then, too. Neal isn’t actually my boyfriend either—I just blurted it out when I panicked when Mom asked one day and he’s a good enough friend he stuck by it.”

“Then I have some menacing father stuff I need to apologize to him for,” Dad admitted.

“What?”

“Well, sometimes when he’d get here to pick you up and you were still getting ready I’d do the whole… protective father shtick,” he said sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. “I didn’t go over the top with it—“

“You once threatened to bring some of the rescued German Shepherds from the animal shelter and sic them on him if he hurt Emma,” Mom interrupted, grinning delightedly.

“Dad!”

“I wasn’t going to let some punk hurt my daughter!” he protested.

I had to laugh at that. It was good to know that my parents had always tried to protect me, even if they were protecting me from something they didn’t need to.

“What brought this out to the open?” Mom asked me. “Was there a catalyst or did it just bubble over?”

I considered lying, but I couldn’t. Not now. Not when they were being so supportive. They still stood by my side, no longer hugging but each still finding a way to touch me. Dad held one of my hands as mom cupped my cheek lightly, searching my eyes as if she’d find the answer. I reached up and took her hand, holding it as well, then took a deep breath.

“I have a girlfriend,” I said. “I’ve had a bunch since I started high school. But this one’s different. Normally I’d get with senior girls who were leaving soon and they were all just into girls but… this one is a bit older than me, and she was with a guy before she was with me. She’s… she’s pregnant. And she and I have only been together about three months, but she’s about three months pregnant and she’s keeping them—the twins. I can’t stop her and I really don’t want to stop her from having them but I don’t know where that leaves me.”

What I’d told them before had surprised them, but this clearly stunned them. I knew it was a lot to take in—hell, I was still catching up and processing. I just hoped that they’d have advice.

“How much older than you is she?” Dad asked.

“She’s thirty-three,” I said.

“She’s fifteen years older than you?” Mom asked, looking pale—which was saying something considering she already had incredibly fair skin.

“Yeah,” I said, not quite meeting their gaze anymore. “So she’s ready for this kind of thing. I don’t know if I am.”

“Emma, you’re eighteen,” Dad reminded me. “You shouldn’t be thinking about taking care of children. You’re supposed to be thinking about going to college.”

“Yeah, I know, and I got into Colby to stay close to you guys,” I said. “If I end up staying with her then I’ll be close to her, too.”

“I think you need to take into consideration that you’re still practically a child yourself,” Mom said. “I know that legally you’re an adult, but you can’t pretend that you would know how to raise a child. This woman… she’s obviously got a lot of things going on with her that I don’t know that I’m comfortable with you dealing with.”

“I can handle it, Mom—“

“I know you _can_ , but I don’t know if you should have to,” she said. “I won’t try to sway your decision either way because I know you’re going to do what you want to do. In a few months you’ll be leaving home to be your own person, and I shouldn’t hold you back from that. But I think that you should give it a lot of thought, okay? An older woman has a much different life than you do.”

“That’s what she says all the time,” I said with a roll of my eyes.

“Well then I like her,” Mom said. “For that. Not for the fact that she’s dating my daughter. I’m always going to be a little annoyed with people who think they deserve my daughter.”

She squeezed my hand lightly and I smiled a little at her.

“We know you’ll do what’s right for you and for everyone,” Dad said. “But we’d appreciate if you make sure it’s right for you _first_.”

“Thanks,” I said. “And… thanks for not hating me.”

“Like we said, we love you,” Mom said. “We could never hate you.”

“Yeah, you’re our kid,” Dad added. “Plus you’re the best kid out there.”

“You’re just saying that because I’m _your_ kid,” I said.

“Maybe so,” he said with a grin. “But it’s still true.”

They enveloped me in another group hug and I buried my face in the crook where their shoulders met. It was strange. I’d grown up knowing that I was physically cared for but never really loved. Here I knew I was more loved than I’d ever dreamed of being. It had taken a _long_ time to get used to it but now it was such a perfect situation I felt like nothing bad could ever really happen again.

“I gotta go think for a bit,” I said. “I need to figure out what I’m doing.”

They pulled back and nodded.

“Not until you’ve finished your dinner,” Mom said. “Big thinking can’t be done on an empty stomach.”

I readily agreed to that and wolfed down the rest of my meal. Mom and Dad made idle small talk though I could see the questions brewing. They wanted to know so much more but I couldn’t tell them any more until I knew what I was doing and until I graduated.

When I was done with my meal I ran upstairs. I was going to just lay around and think but I ended up just making a list of pros and cons. It seemed like the simplest way to go about it. I grabbed a sheet of paper and just started scribbling.

When I was done, the ‘Con’ column had substantially more in it. I was going away to college, I was much younger than Regina, I wasn’t ready for one baby never mind two, the father could come back for them, I still had a lot I wanted to do in my life, I couldn’t financially support two children, I didn’t know if I could actually make it work with Regina long-term, and there was the fact that we were only three months into this relationship.

The ‘Pro’ column had just one thing on it:

I loved her.

I hadn’t said it back because I had been scared. How was I supposed to react to all of it? She was pregnant and saying she loved me but what if it was just because she needed someone? What if it was just hormones? Besides, it was true what she’d said—it was really fast for that kind of feeling. But I felt it, and she said she did, too. Maybe the timing of it didn’t matter? Love could happen to anyone at any time. Love at first sight was a thing, right? Sure it wasn’t at first sight—I mean I had a crush on her but I hadn’t loved her—but it was still possible to love someone quickly.

I looked at the list for a long time before going to my bed and flopping over on it. The list hadn’t helped at all, so I just left it on the desk.

I loved her, but would I be able to be there for her like she’d need me to be? I was graduating in a week and going to college in just a few months. I’d already paid deposits to live on campus, too, so it wasn’t like I’d be able to see her a whole lot unless she came and visited. She wouldn’t be wild about sleeping over in a dorm room either.

And when the babies came would I be able to give them what they needed? I liked kids a lot but I had never thought of having my own. In fact I’d always kind of hoped that if I did end up having kids then my eventual wife would take care of carrying them. I supposed that had worked out if I stayed with Regina but I’d always thought of it as an eventuality, not an immediate thing.

But I still loved Regina.

I couldn’t get away from that thought. That one single item in the ‘pro’ column was still right there at the front of my mind, no matter how many more items were listed in the ‘con’ column.

Maybe it wouldn’t work out in the long run, but at that moment I loved Regina, all the cons be damned. I’d practically had to wear her down for weeks to get her to open up to me and to be open to a relationship. Now that she was in this relationship and actively wanting to be with me more—actively loving me—I shouldn’t throw it all away.

I grabbed my phone and pulled up her contact, hit the call button, and waited. The phone rang three times before I heard the line get picked up. It took everything in me not to hang up with how nervous I was.

“Em—“

“I love you, too,” I said before she could say anything. “And maybe you’re right and it’s too soon to say stuff like that but I do. I love you and you love me, so we’re in love and we’re gonna stick together. It’s gonna get weird and it’s probably going to be stressful but we’re gonna do this. I’m on board.”

There was a long moment of silence and I the longer it went on the more dread I felt building in the pit of my stomach. Had she decided to go another way while I was mulling things over? Had Robin called her and they were getting back together? Was she offended I hadn’t said I loved her back earlier?

Finally, I heard a tentative, “Really?”

“Yes, really,” I said. “I mean it Regina, I love you and I want to be here with you.”

“I don’t even know what to say,” she said. I wasn’t sure if I was imagining I could hear the smile in her voice. I hoped I wasn’t.

“Say you’re happy?” I suggested nervously.

She laughed and the sound was filled with so much joy that I was able to relax.

“Emma of course I’m happy,” she said. “I’m over the moon happy. I expected I’d scared you off saying that after everything that happened today.”

“It’s gonna take a lot more than an insanely hot woman saying she loves me to scare me off,” I boasted. “I’m a newly outed lesbian with a stupidly hot girlfriend I love to take care of. I feel like I can face anything.”

“Newly outed?” she asked.

“To my parents at least.”

“You told them?”

“About me being gay,” I said.

“Emma, I’m so proud of you!” she exclaimed and I could hear the delight in her voice. It was enough to make me feel like I was about to burst with happiness. “How did they take it?”

“They were glad I told them and told me that they love me no matter what my sexuality is,” I said. “Mom said I’m their daughter no matter what and Dad said all this stuff about how they waited forever to have a kid. He also said some stuff about how he apparently used to threaten Neal when he thought Neal and I were dating, so I’ve got to apologize to him for that. But other than that it went really well.”

“I’m so happy to hear that!” she said. “I didn’t even know that you were planning on telling them.”

“It was kind of a spur of the moment thing,” I admitted. “I figured with… everything that’s been going on then I should start telling them what’s up.”

“Did you tell them anything else?”

“That I’m dating someone,” I said. “I told them I was dating an older woman who’s pregnant, but nothing else but that.”

“They don’t know I’m your teacher?” she asked.

“No, they don’t,” I said. “I’m sure they’ll want to meet you eventually but I figure we can wait a little longer like we had planned?”

“That’s probably the best idea,” she said. “I don’t want them thinking badly of me. I mean… they’re probably going to, but I don’t want them—“

“Thinking you took advantage of me, blah blah blah,” I said. “You’ve gone over this before, babe.”

“Babe?”

“Yeah, do you mind if I call you that?”

“Well, you said I’m your girlfriend a few minutes ago,” she shot back playfully. “I suppose you can call me whatever you’d like.”

“And that’s okay too?” I asked. “The girlfriend thing?”

“More than okay,” she said. I could picture her beaming based on her tone. “I’m delighted to be your girlfriend.”

“Then that’s settled,” I said with a slight nod even though I knew she couldn’t see me. “You’re my girlfriend and we’re gonna be girlfriends from here on out.”

“I love you, Emma,” she said.

“And I love you, Regina,” I said. “Now rest up because you’ve gotta take care of those babies.”

“Yes ma’am,” she said with a laugh. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Sure thing,” I said. “I’ll call you in the morning. Then just one more week left of school and graduation hits and we’re free as birds.”

“Good night,” she said.

“Night, _babe_ ,” I said, emphasizing the last word pointedly.

I hung up to the sound of her chuckling and I felt good. Surprisingly good. If anyone had asked me a few months before whether I’d have ever thought I’d hook up with the hottest teacher at school, I’d have laughed them off, but now here I was agreeing to date her long term and help her through a pregnancy. It was more than a little wild to think about.

She made me happy though. That was the major thing with it all. She made me happy, we trusted each other, and we would figure things out from here. It wasn’t like I was locked into a relationship with her for the rest of my life. We were just dating. We weren’t married. If it ended up not working out then I’d be able to leave her or she’d be able to leave me. So what if she was pregnant? That didn’t mean she wasn’t still dateable.

I considered telling Neal and Ruby but figured that worst came to worst I could wait a week for that. I would have to clear it with Regina first anyways—I didn’t want to leave her in an uncomfortable spot, and my friends didn’t need to know everything.

Neal did need to know one thing, though.

I called him as well, this time on FaceTime. He answered quickly.

“What’s up, my beautiful princess?” he asked playfully. “Why are you calling upon your gallant knight so late at night?”

“I actually needed to talk to you about that,” I said with a grin that matched his own.

“Am I getting the ‘we need to talk’ talk?” he asked.

“Afraid so, Cassidy,” I said. “I’m breaking up with you.”

“And why’s that? Found some other sucker to date totally seriously and legitimately?”

“Not a sucker, but in a way,” I said. “And I don’t need to hide it either.”

His brow shot up and he looked as if he were trying to contain his delight, seeming hopeful.

“Are you saying you finally did it?” he asked. “Did you tell your parents?”

“At dinner tonight,” I said.

“Hell yeah, Swan!” he exclaimed, pumping his fist. “How did it go? They cool with it? They’d have to be, right? They’re chill.”

“Yeah, they were really understanding,” I said.

“You seem relieved,” he said.

“I mean you know what I saw growing up in foster care,” I said. “But they were really understanding of it and really happy that I was honest with them. They were confused as all hell about you though. Dad asked if you knew.”

He laughed.

“What did you say?”

“That you knew and you were in on the boyfriend thing but you knew it was fake,” I told him with a grin. “He also apologizes for… what did he call it? Menacing father stuff?”

“You mean the time he threatened to drag me behind the truck for a couple blocks if I ever brought you home late again?” he asked.

“He _what_?” I nearly squeaked. “Mom mentioned him threatening to sic a German Shepherd on you but neither of them said anything about dragging you behind a truck!”

“Yeah,” Neal said. “He’s actually pretty creative. He had the truck one, the dog one… There was one time he said he’d feed me to the dogs in the kennel. He said he’d get your mom’s miner friends to bury me in the mines once. Oh and the one where he said he had a friend at the docks who would make my drowning look like an accident.”

“Jesus, I mean I knew he was protective but now he sounds like a sociopath,” I said.

“He seemed like he was joking most of the time,” Neal said good-naturedly. “Seemed like it. And besides, I knew I was in the clear—I was never gonna hurt you.” He winked at me and I laughed.

“Guess you’re right.”

“So you told them you like women,” he said. “You tell them which woman you like?”

“Not by name or occupation,” I said. “But they know I’m dating an older woman and the basics of our relationship. They’re not thrilled but they said that I’m legally an adult and I’m gonna be going out on my own soon, so they can’t exactly tell me no. They did tell me to put myself first though.”

“As you should,” he confirmed. “So when are introductions happening?”

“Probably a few weeks after graduation, depending on how everyone’s feeling,” I said. “I just don’t want to do things until after then, you know?”

“I know,” he said. Thankfully he didn’t elaborate. I’m sure he realized I wasn’t wearing headphones so both sides of the conversation would be heard by anyone passing by. “I’m happy for you, Emma. Devastated that our totally legitimate relationship came to such a heartbreaking end just one month shy of our first anniversary, but I’m happy for you.”

We chatted for a bit longer before we hung up and I settled in to start looking into summer jobs. I figured if I was in it with Regina I could start thinking ahead a bit more. I’d be going to college in the fall, but I could try to earn enough money to buy myself a crappy little car to go back and forth from Storybrooke and the college, and I’d also want to put aside some money for when the twins were born. Sure I wasn’t totally certain what the future held, but there was no harm in starting to prepare for anything.


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

The day of graduation dawned and I was practically over the moon about it. Emma was graduating that day and once she had done so I wouldn’t have to worry so much about whether or not we’d get caught at the school. We hadn’t fooled around there, but she had a habit of stopping by my office and talking for a long time whenever she had a free period. We always kept the door open so no one could accuse us of anything, but I would be happy to put the stress of it all behind us.

I had slipped into a nice dark red dress and some matching heels that morning and I noticed I was turning a few heads in the crowd at the ceremony. It was being held out on the football field and the stands were jam-packed with parents, siblings, relatives, friends—hell, basically the whole town was there. It was such a small, close-knit community.

I didn’t mind that people were looking at me that day—my figure would be disrupted soon enough in the coming months and I wanted to look my best for as long as possible.

Being pregnant wasn’t quite as bad as I’d thought it would be. I had a few queasy days and only two more mornings where I’d woken up to be sick, but I felt rather lucky on that front. I’d read most women started getting morning sickness around six weeks and some could be much sicker than I had been—of course had I started getting morning sickness symptoms earlier I might have known earlier, but I wasn’t going to grudge my body for not making me vomit frequently.

I made my way to the faculty seating area and spotted Kathryn already relaxing in a chair. I went to her side right away and sat down next to her.

“Exciting day,” she said with a smile. “Once these kids are off then it’s just a few days to pack up our stuff and we’re home free for the summer.”

“I’ll be happy to get some time off, that’s for sure,” I said.

“Yeah, you in particular have to relax and get yourself sorted,” she said with a grin.

I’d told her that I was expecting and that I had not only begun dating the woman I’d slept with but that the woman was willing to stand by me while I had the twins. Though she still disapproved of how I’d started my new relationship, Kathryn was more than happy for me.

“How are my godchildren anyways?” she asked. “Keeping you up? Finally getting you sick?”

“They’re very well behaved and not doing anything much,” I replied. “I was a little queasy this morning but I’ve only been sick a handful of times since finding out.”

“I know a lot of women who would be ready to strangle you if they heard that,” Kathryn said. “Aurora in particular—she was practically bedridden when she had her son.”

“I remember,” I said. “But these babies haven’t been upsetting my body too much. I almost wish they had. I wouldn’t have been so surprised and upset if they had announced their presence a little sooner.”

“Maybe you’re right and they’re just well behaved babies,” she said. “They’ll pop right out of you with impeccable manners.”

“I can only hope,” I said with a laugh.

“You’re pregnant?”

I glanced up and saw Archie Hopper in the row of chairs in front of Kathryn and I.

“I am,” I said. “I just found out last week.”

His brow furrowed for a split second, so quickly I almost missed it, but his face broke into a smile.

“Congratulations, Regina,” he said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but—“

“You couldn’t help it?” I interrupted.

“To be fair, we’re not exactly being quiet and it is a public place,” Kathryn said.

“I suppose,” I said. I looked back at Archie. “It was a surprise.”

Archie’s face contorted in sympathy and I wanted to slap him for it. Everyone at work had heard about Robin and my break up at that point—there was enough interaction between the high school staff and middle school staff that word had gotten back to my workplace that Robin had dumped me.

“I hope you’re doing well though?” he asked. “And that you’re excited for this?”

“I’m doing very well and I’m very excited,” I said. “They’re one of the biggest bright spots in my life right now.”

“They?” he asked.

“Twins.”

“That’s incredible,” he said, beaming. “I’m really happy for you, Regina.”

“Thank you, Archie,” I said, hoping he caught on I didn’t really want to talk about it with him. It wasn’t that I disliked him—he was actually a very kind person and not bad to talk to—but we weren’t exactly friends.

“If I don’t see you after, have a good summer,” he said, giving a little wave and going to a seat nearby.

I said goodbye to him and turned back to Kathryn. I couldn’t help it when I rolled my eyes a little. I didn’t exactly like other people knowing my business like that but I supposed it was harmless and I could deal with it.

“You might as well get used to everyone asking you about it,” Kathryn said with a bit of a smirk. “Once you start showing people are going to have a million questions. And not all of them are just going to give you the look of pity—some are just going to ask you outright what’s going on with the father.”

“As far as I know right now he’s not in their lives,” I said. “He hasn’t called.”

“You haven’t heard _anything_?” she asked incredulously.

“Not a word. Which is the answer right there—I told him I would give him a week to mull it over and he hasn’t said anything, so they’re just mine.”

“Yours and this secret girlfriend’s,” she said.

“Hers as well, but… the relationship is still new,” I said. “I’m not going to put pressure on her to be their parent. Maybe if we last longer we can revisit the topic of her caring for them as well, but I don’t want to put the stress on her shoulders if I can avoid it.”

“She must be an amazing woman if she’s sticking by you through this,” Kathryn said warmly. “I can see why you like her so much.”

“I love her,” I said, unable to help the smile on my face. “There’s a lot of… strangeness in our relationship but… She’s the most incredible woman. I don’t want to hold her back from living her life. I really do love her and want the best for her.”

The crowd finally seemed settled in the audience and music started up. The seniors all paraded onto the field, all smiling and goofing off with each other as they marched in alphabetically.

It was a small class, so it didn’t take long for me to see Emma walk on to the field. I saw her looking around and followed her gaze to a man and woman in the stands who were waving at her, saw her wave back, and then saw her look towards the faculty seats. She caught my eye and I almost expected her to wave, but instead she just beamed and looked away quickly. It was the most either of us could really do considering the circumstances but it still completely delighted me.

Once the students were sitting, the speeches began. This was the worst part of graduation every year—the principal, the superintendent, the mayor, and then the valedictorian of the year always all seemed to think it was the most important event and the one they had to say the most during. Each speech was supposed to be short and sweet, but every year they ran long. It took about thirty-five minutes to get through it all and by then I was bored out of my mind.

Finally though it was time for the students to walk and receive their diplomas, and they started to work their way through the alphabet. This was the part that I truly enjoyed, seeing all my students getting the diploma they slogged through so many years of school for. Sure it wasn’t a final stop for a lot of them, but most of them had worked to get there.

When Neal Cassidy walked across the stage I heard whooping and hollering from two places in the line of students and caught Ruby Lucas and Emma cheering loudly amongst the polite applause. I almost laughed when it was Ruby’s turn, and the loud cheers came from Neal and Emma.

The line moved up quickly with such a small graduating class as it always did, and Emma mounted the stage to the cheers of Neal and Ruby, but I heard Archie behind me as he clapped harder, and the man and woman Emma had waved to earlier screamed, “Go Emma!” I found myself clapping harder for her than any of the others though I tried to keep my excitement for her contained. I was so intensely proud of her in that moment that I couldn’t help it. The fact that she had a handful of other people who loved her enough to cheer for her like her friends, her parents, and Archie also delighted me to no end, knowing how much it meant to her to have people on her side.

The rest of the ceremony passed relatively quickly. When the closing remarks were made and Mr. Gold congratulated the class, a roar went up, starting from within the class itself before spreading to the rest of the audience. The first graduation cap flew into the air and was quickly followed by dozens of others while the marching band started up.

“Wanna get out of here before they all start trying to talk to us?” Kathryn asked me with a smirk. That was our typical routine after the ceremony was over. The first year or two we’d hung around a bit and ended up staying for hours while the new graduates introduced us to their families, chattered on excitedly, and lingered on their farewells. It was always nice to see they appreciated us enough to want to talk and say goodbye but it always took forever for us to get home afterward.

I considered it for a moment, thinking about getting back to the motel to rest up, using the babies as an excuse even though I wasn’t even that far along, but I wanted to see Emma.

“I might stick around,” I said.

“Really?” she asked, surprised. “Normally you’re the first one out of the parking lot.”

“True, but this year’s class stuck with me a bit more than the rest.”

“Do you want me to stay?”

“No, I’m all set,” I said. “Get out of here before the deluge.”

“I’ll see you for clean up days,” she said with a smile before waving and hurrying out of there.

I began to slowly make my way out of the faculty section of chairs and found there was no shortage of graduates who wanted to say goodbye. A number of the girls came by to hug me and chat for a few moments. The boys were a bit more reserved but I was aware how they eyed me before they came over to shake my hand—I was just glad they weren’t going to be gross about it considering what Emma had told me about how they thought of me.

“Miss Mills!” I heard after saying an oddly touching goodbye to Killian—he’d sought me out and sheepishly thanked me for not giving up on him despite how annoying he could be at times—and I worked hard to restrain my delight at the sound of Emma’s voice.

I turned to face her and saw the man and woman she’d waved to behind her, smiling happily and unknowingly as their daughter approached me.

Emma didn’t hesitate to run and hug me, being careful at the last possible second not to crash into me.

“Congratulations, Miss Swan,” I said, remembering myself even though all I wanted to do was hug her tight enough that she’d be crunched.

“Thanks, Miss Mills,” she said, and I felt her give a light squeeze before she pulled away. I saw the reluctance in her movement and took as subtle a step back as I could, hating having to do it but knowing that it had to happen.

“Miss Mills?” the woman with the pixie-cut behind Emma asked. “I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Mary Margaret, Emma’s mother. This is my husband, David.”

“It’s wonderful to meet you,” I said with a smile, reaching out to shake both of their hands. It was odd and more than a little terrifying to speak to them in this way. I supposed it was better to meet them happily now than with them furious at me sooner than now though. “Your daughter is a remarkable young woman. Her papers were always a pleasure to read. One of my favorites was actually one that totally ignored the topic I gave her, but it was one of the more enlightening papers I’ve ever read from a student. I hold it very dear.”

“What was it about?” Mary Margaret asked.

“An unspoken and unacknowledged relationship in a Shakespearean text that no one I’ve ever taught had considered before,” I said. “She insisted that Hamlet and Horatio were lovers throughout the entire text, and while I had wanted to say she was wrong, she was incredibly convincing and engaged with the critics very well.”

Both her parents seemed to burst with pride at the praise and they grinned at a suddenly bashful Emma.

“It was just a paper,” she said with a shrug. “Besides, you gave me a bad grade on that one and forced me to re-write it.”

“I gave you an A on the re-write and I’ve been helping you publish your original one, haven’t I?” I shot back. I tried not to be too playful but it was hard around her sometimes.

“Which we can’t thank you enough for,” David said. “Emma told us all about it and how much you’ve been helping her. You seem to be a very positive influence on her, and that kind of support in her education and life means the world to us.”

“Emma is a very special young woman,” I said, smiling at the two of them. I knew if I looked at her I would soften too much and questions would undoubtedly be asked.

“We think so,” Mary Margaret said proudly. “But we’ve got to get her home to give her the graduation present we’ve had waiting for her.”

“Don’t let me keep you,” I said. “It was good to meet you both. Emma, I hope to see you doing great things.”

“Thanks, Miss Mills,” Emma said. Her eyes sparkled with delight at the shared secret and she leaned in for another hug. I didn’t deny her it and when she pulled me in close she whispered, “Love you, babe,” in my ear so quietly I almost missed it.

I managed not to show any kind of outward response though my first instinct was to kiss her. I let her go and she waved before heading off with her parents.

“Regina, can I talk to you?”

I turned towards Archie’s voice and raised my brow.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Privately?”

I was sure my confusion showed on my face but I followed him as he headed off of the field and into the school. He led me to an abandoned hallway and glanced around quickly before he spoke, his voice hushed.

“You’ve got to be careful with her,” he said, sounding almost urgent.

“I don’t know what you mean,” I said immediately. My blood ran cold at the way he was speaking though and I was sure he could hear my heart threatening to beat out of my chest.

“Emma,” he said. “She’s… She’s got a long history of being jerked around. She’s not delicate by any means, but she’s not made of steel.”

“She’s a smart, tough young woman, but I don’t see what—“

“I know you’re dating her,” he said, cutting me off before I could continue.

I looked around hurriedly, up and down the hallway, panic rising in me. He was keeping his voice down but I was terrified someone else would hear.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Hopper,” I said. I could hear the coldness in my voice but couldn’t help it. He had information that could destroy me if he wanted to do so and it scared me. I couldn’t help but try to shut him down.

“I can’t prove it,” he said. “Not definitively—she never said your name. Even if I could prove it, she’s over the age of consent in this state and now no longer your student. But I can piece it all together.”

“Why do you think that she and I are anything?” I demanded.

“A few months ago she asked me about dating an older woman who was struggling with her sexuality,” he said. “Emma said this woman was fighting who she really was, but that she wanted to be there for her. Then she called me a week ago talking about how this older woman was pregnant by her ex and how she wanted to be there for her again. Now you’re pregnant and all the timelines are converging pretty perfectly. You were left by your long term boyfriend… three months ago was it?”

“I’d be careful if I were you, Hopper,” I said, stepping forward into his space. “I don’t know who you are throwing around these kinds of accusations, but if you’re trying to threaten me I’ll have no problem squashing you like a bug.”

“Relax, Regina,” he said. “Like I said, I can’t prove anything. And I don’t even know if I’d want to. I overheard what you said to Kathryn earlier—about how much you love her. Besides, shortly after she said she wanted to help that older woman she... she seemed happier, so much happier than she’d been in a while. Sure she's been okay, but she was  _happy_. I care about her a great deal and want to see her happy. But because I care about her I need you to be careful. I’ll keep my mouth shut. You just treat her the way she deserves to be treated.”

I was stunned into silence. He wasn’t going to say anything? I could hardly believe that. I couldn’t believe he wouldn’t want to report it to the school board or even the police. She was eighteen and a legal adult, but that didn’t mean things like this would be considered okay. But he was going to keep his mouth shut. It didn’t seem real.

“That’s all I wanted to say,” he said. “That and… If you need anything, please call me. I know you had some trouble when you found out about…” He gestured vaguely to my stomach and I brought a hand up to hold it almost protectively. “I know it’s unorthodox of me to offer that after this particular conversation, but I know how important it is to her that this older woman she cares about is okay.”

He gave me a tight smile before he slipped away, leaving me standing in the hall, totally shocked. He’d figured it out. He’d figured it out because Emma had told him about me, sought his advice over me—not once, but _twice_. And sure he said she hadn’t mentioned my name, but she’d talked to someone about my issues more than once. What else had she told him? Had she told him about Leopold? What about my panic attack had she described to him? How weak-willed and how pathetic did he think I was now because of what she’d said to him?

I felt a sudden pang of nausea and for the first time in a week I knew it wasn’t because of the babies.

I stayed where I was for a moment or two, mulling over what had been said before I stormed down the hall to head to my car. I heard a chime from my purse and yanked out my phone to see an excited text from, ‘E. S.’ and my eyes narrowed at the phone.

“ _Mom and Dad said they got me a car!_ ” it read. “ _I’ll be able to see you more now!!_ ” She finished the message with a beaming emoticon and a heart but the thought of her wanting to see me only infuriated me.

I didn’t respond to the text and instead threw open the door to the Mercedes and slid into the driver’s seat. I threw my purse into the passenger seat and began pulling out of the parking lot, ready to go screaming down the street back to the motel. I slammed on the brakes and saw the seemingly endless line of cars and swore. Everyone was still leaving the graduation. This was another reason Kathryn and I left early every time, to avoid this. I couldn’t help getting angrier at Emma even though I knew that I’d been the one to intentionally hang back.

The cars slowly crept forward more, the countless relatives and faculty members apparently turning to morons as they attempted to leave the parking lot of the school. I could feel my temper rising and tried to calm myself down, knowing this amount of stress wouldn’t be good for the babies but also knowing I would be hard pressed to actually calm down now.

As if on cue, my phone rang. I flinched but ignored it as it played through my ringtone. Silence settled for only a second before it rang again. I snatched it back out of my purse and hit the button to answer it.

“What?” I snapped.

“Good to speak to you, too,” Robin’s voice answered.

I bit my lip, forcing myself to take a breath through my nose and let it out through my mouth.

“What do you want Robin?” I asked.

“A place in my children’s lives,” he answered. “I know I’m later than the deadline you gave me but I can’t give them up. They’re mine, too.”

“You couldn’t have decided this sooner?” I demanded.

“I had thought I would leave you to it and avoid you,” he said, “but the longer I thought about that the more I regretted the idea of not being there for them. So I’m going to be a part of their lives.”

“Fine,” I said. “We’ll work it out later.”

“Later?” he asked.

“I’m a little busy at the moment,” I said. “I’m trying to drive home from graduation.”

“Don’t you and Kathryn leave early every year?” he asked.

“Normally yes, but I stayed behind to speak with the students a bit.”

“That’s new.”

“It’ll be the last time,” I said.

“That’s more like you.”

“If you’ve called to insult me I’m going to hang up. I don’t need this right now.”

“No,“ he said, sounding suddenly nervous. “No, I’m sorry. I—I had meant to call about the babies and—“

“And got distracted?” I supplied.

“You don’t exactly make it easy to talk to you anymore. If it weren’t for the twins I wouldn’t have bothered calling at all.”

“And I’m sure if it weren’t for the twins you wouldn’t have bothered apologizing just now either,” I shot back.

“Well you had no problem taking my dignity, I wouldn’t put it past you to take my children as well.”

My jaw dropped at the accusation. I was suddenly dizzy with anger and I knew that had he been in front of me nothing would have stopped me from slapping him, no matter how terrible an idea I knew that would have been.

“I’ll talk to you about this later,” I snarled.

“Don’t you—“ he started, but I pulled the phone away and hit the button to end the call.

I threw my phone, hearing it clatter off the passenger side door instead of thumping on to the seat. I couldn’t exactly find it in myself to care.

I’d thought today would end up being a good day but now I found that someone knew about my relationship with Emma, that same person had been told by Emma about some of my most private and personal issues, _and_ now Robin wanted to be a part of the babies’ lives. If I’d been watching someone else deal with this I would have laughed, but as it was it only made me want to throw up.

And all I could do was sit in traffic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When it rains it pours lmao.
> 
> Kudos to anyone who's actually sticking through all the angst!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of anger and fighting in this one because I love writing it lmao.
> 
> I'm considering taking prompts at some point because I'm almost done with the extra chapters I'm writing for this (yeah this fic's gonna be a beast--I'm at 140k words in the doc so bless y'all who are sticking with it) and I don't wanna stop writing Swanqueen. My roleplay buddy's having some tough times right now so I don't want to put pressure on her to constantly roleplay, but I'm dying for more Swanqueen. SO, I might be dropping an email address in a future chapter in case anyone's interested in sending prompts to me. I promise not all of the fills will be behemoths like this one.

I was halfway home when I managed to needle the nature of my graduation present out of Mom and Dad. They’d tried to hold off on it but I started listing off possible gifts and when I’d said ‘car’ as a joke, Mom had gotten a look on her face like she was trying to hold back how excited she was. I grilled them on what kind of car it was the whole rest of the ride home, sending off texts to Regina, Neal, and Ruby to tell them the good news. Regina didn’t respond, but Ruby sent back how jealous she was and Neal weirdly sent back a winking emoticon.

When we got home the car was waiting in the driveway, a bright yellow Volkswagen Beetle with a huge red bow on it. It looked old and a lot different than the VW Beetles I’d seen, but I loved it right away.

“That’s mine?” I asked, practically ready to barrel roll out of the car.

“It is,” Dad said with a grin. “Your mother and I have been saving for it since you were a freshman.”

“That’s practically the year you adopted me,” I said. “How could you have been sure that I’d deserve it?”

“We had a hunch,” Mom said with a smile. “And besides, it wasn’t actually buying the car that was the expensive part—it was paying Neal to fix it up for us.”

“Neal fixed it up?” I asked.

“When we thought you were dating him we said it’d be a good way to show you how much he cares about you,” Dad said with a laugh. “He went along with it, and I’m pretty sure he undercharged us, too. If you were interested in boys I’d probably want you to date him.”

“Sorry, Dad,” I said, grinning. “He’s gonna stay just a friend.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he said quickly. “I don’t want you dating anyone. But if you were going to date a guy, I’d be okay with you dating someone who gave me discounts on car repair.”

“Speaking of dating,” Mom said, “why wasn’t your girlfriend at your graduation? I would think it’s something you’d have invited her to.”

“She had some stuff she had to do,” I excused quickly. It was a bit thrilling to know that not only had my girlfriend been there but I’d actually introduced them to her, but I couldn’t say anything yet. I had to keep quiet another couple months. I’d planned to tell them before I left for college. That way I’d seem that much more mature—I hoped.

“That’s just too bad,” Mom said. “I’d hoped to catch a glimpse of this woman and get a read on her. I want to see what she’s got going for her that she’s got you so interested in her despite everything.”

It was something that had come up at least once a day since I told them. Both badly wanted to meet the woman I was dating—well, they wanted to do that while knowing that she was the woman I was dating. I could understand it for obvious reasons: they knew she was older and that she was pregnant, so they wanted to know why I would want to be with her. I just kept telling them that they’d have to wait a little bit longer, that I didn’t want to jinx it, and that I wanted to be sure it wouldn’t fizzle out. I didn’t think it would but I didn’t want to tempt fate.

We went to the car and my parents demanded I let them take pictures of me with it. I indulged them, too excited and too grateful to say no to them. After they’d taken a bunch, I had them send them to me and I sent them along to Regina.

“ _Isn’t she cute?!_ ” I texted along with the pictures.

I put my phone in my pocket as Dad handed over the keys.

We spent a while just driving it around and talking. I couldn’t believe I was sitting in my own car and I couldn’t stop smiling if I tried. We drove to Granny’s so I could get my favorite meal—I loved Granny’s burgers and her onion rings were to die for—and we ate there before heading home. I was getting the hang of the car and luckily for me Neal had taught me how to drive standard when I’d first gotten my license so the old car wasn’t that difficult to get used to.

We pulled back into the driveway just as the sun was setting and we headed into the house. I checked my pocket for my phone and saw I didn’t have any new messages. I found it kind of odd. I’d texted Regina _ages_ before, and normally she responded within an hour, maybe two if she was busy. To get nothing but radio silence was just strange.

After thanking Mom and Dad for an amazing gift and a great dinner, I ran up the stairs to my room to call Regina.

I listened to the other line ring and ended up getting her voicemail. I frowned and hung up, then called again to the same response.

I couldn’t deny I was starting to get worried. Regina didn’t ignore me like that, and I couldn’t imagine what could have happened since I saw her out on the football field. Had she gotten into an accident? Had she gotten sick? Was she okay? Were the babies okay?

I called one more time, starting to collect my things to go back downstairs and get in the car. I had half a mind to go find her and figure out what had happened to her when the other line finally picked up.

“What?” she demanded.

I was shocked by the fury in her voice.

“I texted you earlier and you didn’t answer,” I said.

“Forgive me for not dropping everything to look at pictures of you with a car,” she said.

“I don’t mean you have to drop everything,” I said, starting to get annoyed. Why was she attacking me? “I just thought you’d have responded by now. I was getting worried about you. You—Wait, you saw the pictures and just didn’t respond?”

“So?”

“So I thought you would be excited for me,” I said. “I thought you’d at least say _something_ in response.”

“Congratulations on getting a car,” she nearly spat. “Are you good now?”

“No I’m not,” I said. “I’m confused. What the hell is wrong with you? You were totally fine when I saw you earlier. Why are you so mad at me all of a sudden?”

“Maybe because you’re telling the whole world all of my problems without asking me if that’s okay,” she said. “Maybe it’s because I found out today that you blabbering about my problems has given our relationship away to someone who could ruin me. Maybe it’s because I don’t think I can trust you anymore.”

“What?!” I nearly shouted. “What the hell are you talking about? Who have I told about you? Who’s trying to ruin you?”

“Come on Emma, you’re a smart girl,” she said patronizingly. “I’m sure you know who you’ve been chattering on and on to about how much stress I cause you and how badly you want to help some poor old pregnant woman who can’t keep her head on straight.”

“Regina—“ I started, but the line went dead and cut me off.

I stared at the phone for a long moment, shocked. Who had I talked to about her? I told my parents, but they didn’t know who she was. Neal and Ruby knew who she was but I hadn’t told them about the pregnancy and I hadn’t told them anything about her past. Who on earth was she talking about?

I froze as I realized exactly who she meant: Mr. Hopper.

He knew everything. He knew about her struggles with her sexuality, about her pregnancy, her panic attack. Had he pieced it together? How had he pieced it together? And what was he doing now?

I started to scroll through my phone to get to his number but stopped myself. I didn’t want to make this worse. What if I said the wrong thing again?

Instead of calling him, I kept getting ready to go. I hurried downstairs and grabbed my new car keys off the key hook.

“Emma?” Mom called from the living room as I rushed past the doorway. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going out,” I said hurriedly. “Going to see the girlfriend.”

“Oh good!” she said delightedly. “I hope she’s got a nice gift for you to make up for missing the ceremony.”

I could see in her face she was just trying to be as supportive as possible—her discomfort was clear in her eyes. She probably wouldn’t ever like my girlfriend until she met her properly, and then she probably wouldn’t like her more.

Although with how Regina was acting she might not have to worry about it at all.

“I’ll be back a little later,” I said.

“Not too late I hope?” Dad asked from the spot on the couch next to Mom.

“I have no idea,” I said. “I’ll let you know whether I’m coming home or not.”

Neither of them looked very pleased by that, but they didn’t fight me. I knew they were wondering if I was going to stay with my girlfriend over night. I’d been honest when they’d asked if I was sexually active, and though they hadn’t liked that thought they had just done their best to give me a support system and all the information I needed to stay safe—after some Googling on how to give a sex talk to a child with a different sexuality than their own.

I put that thought out of my mind. I most likely wasn’t going to be having sex with Regina if she was mad at me.

I got into the bug and started to drive, heading for the edge of town and the road to the motel. I tried not to panic but the longer I drove the more worried I got. What if Mr. Hopper told someone? What if she was right and she did end up being ruined? What if Regina was mad enough at me to leave me?

I made it to the motel in about twenty minutes. Ignoring the fact that it meant I’d definitely broken a few speed limits, I parked next to the Mercedes, jumped out of the car, and ran up to the second floor. I went straight to Regina’s room and banged on the door.

“Regina!” I called. I didn’t get an answer and I banged again. “Regina, let me in!”

“Go away, Emma!” she shouted from inside.

“No!” I yelled back. “I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me!”

She didn’t respond again and I banged on the door incessantly. I didn’t stop knocking for nearly five minutes, trying to get her to open up.

I was about to give up and go to the front desk of the motel to see if they would give me a spare key when the door was flung open. She stepped into the doorframe, blocking me from going inside.

“What do you want?” she spat.

“To talk to you,” I said, trying to sound calm and collected, though I knew I looked scared. “I don’t know what I did and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“You’re really going to try to tell me you don’t understand what I’m upset about?” she asked incredulously.

“No, I know that Mr. Hopper knowing about us isn’t a good thing, but what the hell are you jumping down my throat for?” I demanded.

“It’s not just the fact that he knows about us,” she hissed, advancing on me. Unconsciously I took a step back before stopping and attempting to stand my ground. She just got in my face. “It’s the fact that you seem to be under the impression that I need a white knight to swoop in and save me. That I can’t deal with my issues myself. That the whole world needs to know that I went through hell in my youth and still deal with the effects of it today. You’ve deluded yourself into thinking that I don’t know how to protect myself and that you need to be there to ‘help me’ all the time. I don’t need you though—I don’t need some half-baked savior who doesn’t understand the meaning of discretion.”

“You found out you were pregnant and cried for an hour!” I exploded. “You weren’t seeing me, you were seeing some shit from your past! And I get it, I get that you had a shit time of it and that what you went through was devastating, and I get that you’ve figured out how to get yourself back up and through it, but you weren’t doing anything but sobbing and fighting with yourself for so long I was scared you’d had a full mental break from reality! I was scared for you and wanted to—“

“Wanted to help, I know,” she snapped. “You _always_ want to help me. Have you ever considered that I don’t need help? That I don’t need someone to pick me up and coddle me?”

“Seemed like you needed someone when you were curled up in a ball crying your eyes out,” I shot back.

Regina looked ready to burst and seemed to be fighting to control herself.

“I’m not here to fight with you,” I said as she seemed to be struggling to find the right words to insult me with. “I wanted to know what was wrong. Now that I know what I did I can try to fix it.”

“Fix it how?” she demanded. “What are you going to say to him?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “What did he even say to you? How did he know we were together?”

“He pieced it together when he overheard me talking about the babies with Kathryn,” she said. “You’ve apparently divulged so many details of my personal life that he was easily able to put it together.”

“Can you blame me for talking to someone?” I asked. “I was stressed out thinking that you were hurting. And you were hurting. You can’t deny that.”

“Most of the time when you talk to a guidance counselor it’s about your own problems, not someone else’s,” she said curtly.

“Look, Regina, can we talk about this inside?” I asked. “It’s hot as balls out here and we’re out in the open.”

“I don’t want to talk to you right now,” she said.

“You just want to sit around and be angry with me?” I asked.

“No, I don’t!” she snapped. “I don’t _want_ to be angry with you! I want to relax and enjoy the thought of my upcoming summer, but instead I’m furious with you!”

“Then tell me what I can do to make things better,” I pressed. I needed a way to fix this. I couldn’t have her angry and upset with me—not only was stress not good for a pregnant woman but if she got angry enough she might dump me and I couldn’t handle that thought.

“You can leave me the hell alone for now,” she said.

“I can’t,” I said. “Not when I know you’re like this.”

“Why don’t you ask Mr. Hopper how to fix me then?” she said. “Apparently that’s what you do. You drag everyone else’s problems out to put on display so you can pretend to be the hero.”

“I was just trying to—“

“I know!” she snapped. “I know, you were just trying to help me. Even when people don’t want you to, you do whatever you can because it’s easier for you to think people will want you more if you can help them. You should know that doesn’t work by now.”

I stared at her, sure that if she’d slapped me it would have stung less. My brow furrowed a little and I went silent, not sure how to react. I felt my eyes watering and blinked rapidly to try to clear them. She seemed to recognize what she’d said and her eyes widened.

“Emma, no, not like that,” she said. “I didn’t mean I don’t—“

“Save it, Regina,” I spat. “I’ll see you later.”

“I didn’t mean that I don’t want you,” she tried again. “I meant that—“

“I said save it!” I practically shouted. “You don’t want me around. Whatever. I’ll go. I shouldn’t have come here anyways.”

I turned to leave but she grabbed my shoulder.

“Don’t pull this,” she said angrily. “Don’t shut down because you misunderstood what I said.”

I tried to shrug her off but she shifted her grip to hold my shirtsleeve tightly.

“How the hell am I supposed to take what you just said?” I asked. Accusing me of trying to help because it made me feel wanted and then saying it didn’t work wasn’t exactly hard to understand. She thought everything I did was to try to get people to want me around instead of just because I loved her.

I pulled harder to get out of her grip but she still didn’t let go.

“You’re supposed to take it at face value, like a normal person,” she said. “Incessantly offering advice and assistance isn’t what’s going to make people want you around—“

“Well what is?” I demanded. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly enough to hurt her fingers just a little and she finally let go of my shirt. I didn’t leave though. “What’s going to make someone want me if I don’t?”

“Maybe who you are as a person?” she said incredulously. “I’m dating _you_ , not just your support.”

I scoffed.

“It’s true, Emma,” she said. “You can’t think I’m just in this because I want you to come to my aid any time I have a tiny little problem. How shallow do you think I am?”

“I don’t think you’re shallow.”

“Then why do you think I’m lying when I say I’m dating you for you?”

“Because why would you?” I asked. “Why would you want to date some stupid kid who screws you over like this? Who breaks up your relationship and messes up your life and gets you into trouble? Why would anyone want someone like that? I have to fix this. We have to talk it over and I have to set things right because—because why—why would you—“

I broke off, unable to finish what I was saying as my throat closed up with a hard lump and tears battled their way back up.

Why would she want to stay with me if I kept screwing her over? Why would she ever want me if all I did was mess things up?

Regina’s whole demeanor softened then and I couldn’t tell if I was relieved or infuriated by it, but it was clear she knew what I was thinking.

“Emma,” she said, but she clearly didn’t know what to say next. She stared at me, her mouth opening and closing a few times as she started but then stopped.

I couldn’t help but let the tears that built go, but I forced myself not to drop my angry and almost defiant expression, though I could feel my lip trembling and the corners of my mouth turning down. I bit my lip to stop the feeling.

She finally sighed.

“If you want to come in then come in,” she said, holding her arm out to usher me into the motel room.

I stayed where I was for a long time, debating. I wanted to turn and run. I wanted to leave and not look back and let her deal with her own shit for a while.

But I also wanted her.

I moved past her, making sure I didn’t brush against her as I did, going into the motel room and heading straight into the bathroom to collect myself. I ran the cold water and splashed my face a few times, wiped it with one of the hand towels, and then turned back to the main room. She’d gone to the bed she slept on and was waiting for me.

“We need to talk about this,” she said and my heart dropped. She must have seen my dread in my expression because she quickly shook her head. “I don’t mean in a typical ‘we need to talk’ kind of way. I mean it in a ‘we should have a discussion about what happened and what we’re feeling’ kind of way.”

I let out a soft breath and went to the opposite bed, sat down across from her, and just waited. I didn’t know where to start so I’d let her do so. She seemed to be figuring out exactly that.

“I didn’t mean that I don’t want you when I said that earlier,” she said. “I meant that you seem to use helping others as a way in, a way to feel worthwhile, and sometimes that assistance isn’t always desired or warranted. The more you push to help someone who doesn't want the help, the less likely it is that they're going to take it. That’s what I meant when I said you should know it doesn’t work.”

“Why do you want me around then?” I demanded. “What else have I done except screwed things up?”

“Because I love you,” she said simply. “Because you make me laugh, you make me think, you’re an incredible comfort, when we get food delivered you know to always order me a salad but you don’t mind that I steal your French fries, we fit together like we were made for each other when we cuddle, you introduce me to new things… I could go on, but the list will only get longer and more obscure and it all just boils down to the fact that I love you.“

“Then why did you say you didn’t want to talk to me?” I asked. “Why did you ignore me all afternoon and why did you tell me you didn’t want to talk now?”

“I’m upset with you,” she said. “When I get upset with people I tend to lash out in vicious ways as you just saw and as you saw before we started with this relationship. I didn’t want it to get to this point where we’re both miserable and upset with each other. Not to mention I just don’t find it very useful to talk to someone when emotions are running high anyways.”

“I wanted to talk it out,” I said.

“I get that, but when I get as angry as I did I don’t particularly want to talk,” she said, sounding like she was admitting to something absolutely terrible. “It’s something that Robin used to hate. Whenever we’d fight I’d try to tear him apart because that’s all I want to do when I get upset with someone.”

I looked down at my hands. Me pushing her to talk had very obviously backfired but I hadn’t realized her saying she didn’t want to was because she was trying to keep from hurting me in her own way.

“Sorry,” I mumbled.

“Emma, don’t apologize,” she said. “I could have been better about it. I was just so _angry_ with you.”

“I am sorry though,” I said. “I got you all swept away in all this crap and now I’m just upsetting you and making you angrier and—“

“You didn’t sweep me away in anything,” she said.

“You can’t say that you would have slept with me if I hadn’t pushed you,” I said. “If I hadn’t done that then none of this would have happened. You’d still be with Robin and you’d be happier.”

“We don’t know any of that,” she said. “My relationship with Robin was good and we were happy, but there’s no guarantee that it all would have worked out.”

She wasn’t doing a very good job of convincing me. What would have changed in three months that they wouldn’t be happy? When she discovered she was pregnant she’d probably have had an easier time of it because Robin already knew what to do or something.

“Besides that, I refuse to allow you to take any blame for anything that has happened,” she said. I raised an eyebrow and she nodded. “You heard me correctly. You may have been interested in me and you may have pushed me a little, but I could have resisted. I could have told you off and showed some self-control. Nothing that has happened has been entirely because of you. I had my hand in it all as well.”

“But—“

“No buts,” she said. “You’re appealing and interesting and I didn’t say no—that was a choice I made, not you. And if we’re being honest here, I should have said no.” I was sure she saw panic in my gaze because she quickly shook her head. “No, I’m not saying I regret it. I’m simply saying that considering our positions I should have been the adult and put my foot down. You’re still young—I should have known better. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

I couldn’t help it as I frowned. I still felt like it was my fault all of this had happened. Maybe if I hadn’t sent that email that night everything would be okay. I hated that so many things had gone wrong in her life after I had done that.

“Emma, no matter what happened the last few months, no matter what I should have done, and no matter what happens from here on out, I don’t regret a single second or a single decision I made,” she said. “I love you. I’ll never regret anything that brought me to you and to us.”

I didn’t know how to respond. I loved her so much but I couldn’t see why she loved me back. She was putting so much on the line here. And sure I wasn’t her student anymore, so theoretically we could hide it a bit longer and then make something up about how we got close after I graduated, but enough people knew we were dating or that I was dating an older woman that it would come out eventually.

“You don’t believe me,” she said.

“How can I?” I asked. “You were so angry.”

“Being angry with someone doesn’t mean that I don’t care about them,” she said. “As a matter of fact, it’s _because_ I love you that I was so mad. I trusted you with information about myself I don’t share with anyone and you told someone else. I felt betrayed, and for good reason.”

I flushed with shame.

“Oh.”

“I told you those things in confidence,” she said. “And my pregnancy in particular… I would have liked to have been able to figure myself out before you told someone. But those things are in the past now. Archie knows about us and he’ll do with that information what he pleases. He’s said he won’t do anything but I don’t know for sure how trustworthy he is.”

“He’s never lied to me,” I said. “He’s always been a good guy and he’s never told anyone anything that I’ve said to him. He never told my parents I was gay, never told anyone about what happened through foster care… He’s not going to tell anyone if he says he isn’t.”

“I can’t be sure of that,” she said. “Legally he’s a mandated reporter and legally what we’ve done is a crime. I could be imprisoned.”

“Are you serious?” I asked, shocked by the idea. “I thought it was just something people wouldn’t approve of! I was eighteen when we started it up—that’s two years past the age of consent in Maine!”

“I was your teacher,” she said simply. “If he wants to he could report it, I’d have my teaching license taken away, and I’d be sentenced to prison.”

“Jesus Regina, why didn’t you stop me then?” I asked. “I never wanted to get you into this kind of trouble! I just thought it was going to be a couple quickies and then you’d get bored of me, not something that turned into this and then got you into trouble with the law.”

“That’s exactly what I was saying before,” she said. “I should have stopped you.”

“Well we’ll just make sure he was serious when he said that he wasn’t gonna tell,” I said quickly, starting to reach for my phone. “I’ll call him and explain and—“

“Emma, don’t call him when you don’t know for sure what to say,” she said, cutting me off. “And besides that, it will be much more complicated than that. Robin knows that I slept with a woman a few months ago and that’s why we broke up—if he pieces it together then that’s one more person who knows. Your parents know you’re with an older woman—if they figure it out, that’s two more. Neal and Ruby both know. Kathryn knows I’m with a younger woman. If any one of these people put together all the pieces and talk about it then we’ll be caught. Had I known how easy it was to piece it all together I wouldn’t have told anyone anything, but now that I know how easily it can be unraveled I’m getting a little nervous.”

“So what are we doing about it?” I demanded.

“I don’t know,” she admitted with a sigh. “There isn’t much we can do if I’m honest here. We could break up. For a while at least. Talk to Archie about it and figure out what’s going on, keep our distance, make a show of us getting together in public a few months from now when we’re a bit further away from graduation. Or we could stay together and risk it.”

“I don’t want to risk it but I don’t want to break up,” I said, my voice thick as I battled back tears at the thought of not being with her. “I just want to make this right.”

“I’m afraid it’s going to be a lot harder to make right than we might have thought,” she said.

I dropped my gaze, looking at my hands. The only way to protect her for real would be to cut off contact with her for a while but I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that. Maybe there would be a way that I could convince everyone that it wasn’t that big of a deal. My parents seemed understanding about everything lately, Archie wasn’t saying anything, Neal and Ruby were keeping their mouths shut… Robin and Kathryn were the ones who I wouldn’t be able to predict.

I heard Regina shuffling a little and glanced up as she got up and moved to sit next to me. She put her arm around my waist and tugged me a little closer. I almost instantly leaned into her, resting my head on her shoulder.

“Like I said, I wouldn’t trade a single second of the last few months with you for anything,” she told me. “I love you, Emma. Nothing about what could happen will change that. The only thing we have to do if we want to stay together is be very careful with our next moves.”

“I want to be with you,” I said immediately.

“Then we’ll figure this out,” she said. She tightened her hold on my waist.

We were silent for a long couple of moments. Neither of us had been as careful as we should have been, but the fact that it was my slip up that had someone fully piecing together the puzzle upset me. It felt like a nail in a coffin that was slowly being put together, and the fact that the coffin wasn’t even for me scared me. I couldn’t hurt Regina, not after everything.

After a few minutes passed I peeked up at her, trying to catch a glimpse of her face to see her expression. I needed to know what she was feeling.

She must have caught the movement—why wouldn’t she when I was leaning on her the way I was?—because she looked down at me, a small smile flickering across her lips. It looked particularly weak and I felt terrible.

I was sure I looked upset because she shifted away so that I had to pull back a little, but she caught my chin in gentle fingers and tilted my face up. She leaned back in and pressed her lips to mine.

Her kiss was soft, almost delicate, and I sank into it gratefully. I hadn’t expected her to want to kiss me after how mad she was and after how devastating the conversation had been.

“We won’t break up,” she said quietly, her lips barely brushing against mine. “But we will hide it better. I’ll tell everyone I broke up with the person I’m dating, including Robin and Kathryn. We’ll figure out how to approach your parents about this. Your friends won’t be much of an issue, but Robin and Kathryn in particular need to think that we’re not together.”

“And Archie?”

“I don’t know about Archie,” she said. “We may just have to talk to him and hope for the best.”

“Okay,” I said. “When can we do that?”

“The sooner the better,” she said.

“Let’s call him now then,” I said quickly. “I’ve got his number. We can talk to him and figure that part out now. I want to be sure we’re okay.”

Regina hesitated for a moment before nodding.

“Let’s do it,” she said.

I took a deep breath and took out my phone, praying this would go the right way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed to address how often Emma talks to people about things and wanted them to understand each other just that lil bit more :D
> 
> PS, y'all don't seem to realize I'm Swanqueen trash until the day I die. It's gonna be rough but it's gonna work out.


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings: discussion of "gold star" lesbianism bullshit, bathtub sex, a massage, and a vibrator.
> 
> Think of this as a reward for all the angst and anxiety I've caused/will cause you.

Watching Emma make the call set me on edge. I was certain that this was going to blow up in our faces but at that point I was rather resigned to my fate. I’d most likely destroyed my own happiness the moment I’d kiss her. I could have just ignored my feelings or even put them off until she graduated, but instead I had dived headfirst into this thing with her.

Maybe she was right and I’d still be with Robin. It would certainly have made things easier with the babies, too. But I was so happy with Emma, I didn’t want to give her up, and I had meant what I had said about not being willing to trade my time with her for anything, even if that meant being happy—happy-ish—with Robin.

She held the phone in a white-knuckle grip in her lap, the speaker echoing out the ringing of the other line. We’d put it on speakerphone so that both of us would be able to hear Archie and speak if we needed to.

When he finally answered it was with an almost resigned, “Hello, Emma.”

“Hi, Mr. Hopper,” she said. “I uh… I spoke to—someone. And I think we all need to talk about it.”

“Maybe we should,” he said. “Is Regina there with you?”

“I’m right here, Archie,” I said, trying to make my voice as confident as possible.

“Good,” he said. “This way we don’t have to plan to arrange something to talk. What would you like to talk about?”

“About you not saying anything,” Emma said. “You said you weren’t going to say anything to anyone, but we just… we need to know that you’re sure you’re not going to. Regina said it’s against the law.”

“It is,” he said. “The two of you could face some very serious consequences if you’re found out. Regina most of all.”

“So what do you want to keep quiet?” I asked. “I don’t have much but—“

“Regina, I meant what I said when I told you that I wasn’t going to say anything,” Archie said.

“How can we be sure that you’re not going to go back on that?” I asked.

“You can’t be,” he admitted. “All you can do is trust me.”

“Why wouldn’t you though?” Emma asked. “Aren’t you supposed to report stuff?”

“I am,” he said uneasily. “Legally I’m meant to.”

“So if this gets out and it gets out that you knew you’ll be in trouble, too,” I pointed out.

“How will it get out?” he asked. “As far as I can tell you’ve both been extremely careful. You haven’t shown any signs of inappropriate conduct at the school. Your door is always open when you’re both in your office, you stayed fair in your grading of Emma’s work, you haven’t been spotted around town together. It’s only because I overheard you talking to Kathryn about your pregnancy that I was able to piece it together.”

“The father of my children knows I slept with a woman,” I said. “It’s why we broke up. And Kathryn knows that I slept with someone as well. It wouldn’t take much to put it all together if I start parading around with Emma.”

“And my parents know I’m dating an older woman who’s pregnant,” Emma added. “Plus two of my friends know but they’re not saying anything.”

Archie was silent for a long time, to the point where I was worried we’d dropped the call.

“Archie?”

“I’m still here,” he said with a heavy sigh. “I’m just amazed. It’s as if you _want_ to get caught. That’s a _lot_ of people who know about something that could get you into a _lot_ of trouble.”

“I know,” I said grimly. “Which is why we’d like to be sure that there’s one less person who might be likely to say something.”

“Understandable,” he said. “Look, honestly, I was very worried about how a relationship with an older, seemingly-unstable woman would affect Emma.”

“Watch yourself,” I cautioned him, though I know I had not right to threaten him about anything. I wasn’t going to take the implication that I wasn’t stable lying down though.

“I _was_ worried about it,” he said, ignoring me for the moment. “And I _thought_ she seemed unstable. Now that I know, I know that you’re perfectly healthy mentally and I’ve seen just how well you’ve both adjusted. Neither of you have had any real problems that I’ve seen other than your panic attack, Regina.”

Emma seemed to pull away from me for a moment when he mentioned that but I looped my arm lightly around her once more and held her close. I wasn’t going to get angry with her again now, not after we’d just talked it over.

“She also mentioned in the beginning how every time you two talked you fought,” he added. “But after that I didn’t hear another word about fighting from her. In fact I heard very little from her. Emma turned to me for a lot over the years but I stopped hearing from her at all the last three months except when you discovered your pregnancy.”

“Which means?” I asked.

“That I think she’s happy,” he said. “That I think she’s in a good place and not too stressed or upset about anything in her life that she truly needs me—or any kind of help. Obviously she knows when she needs to turn to someone, but she hasn’t done so, which to me indicates she doesn’t need to. I feel pretty confident saying she’s happy.”

“I am,” Emma said. “I’m really happy. When I’m with Regina it’s… it’s amazing. And my parents are happy for me that I’m dating someone.”

“They know you’re dating?” he asked. “Actually, correction—they know you’re _not_ dating your friend? That you’re dating a woman?”

“They do,” she said. “I told them last week.”

“And?”

“And they’re happy I told them,” she said. “We talked it all over and they support me. Both in terms of my sexuality and being with an older woman who’s pregnant.”

“Do they know she—“

“No, they don’t,” Emma said, knowing what the question would be.

“Everyone knows bits and pieces, but excepting Emma’s friends, no one knows who each of us is dating,” I supplied.

“Well congratulations on coming out to your parents,” Archie said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. I saw a flicker of a smile on Emma’s face and squeezed her lightly around the waist.

“We’re just worried what will happen when it all comes out,” I said, steering the conversation back towards where we needed to focus it.

“Well to be honest, it’ll be hard to manage,” Archie said. “But at the same time, Emma never told me she slept with the woman she was with.”

“She didn’t?” I asked at the same time Emma asked, “I didn’t?”

“Not in so many words,” he corrected. “She said she was with an older woman romantically. That’s it. That could mean anything. As long as it seems to someone else that you weren’t engaging in anything untoward, it may be okay.”

“Robin knows that I slept with someone who wasn’t him,” I reminded him. “And Kathryn does as well.”

“Do they know the circumstances?” he asked.

I paused to think. What had I told everyone? What did anyone know?

“Robin knows it was someone at the school—he thinks it was a co-worker,” I said. “And Kathryn knows it was a younger woman.”

“As long as they don’t overlap I think you may be okay,” he said. “You just need to be extremely careful, both of you. I would hate to see this blow up.”

“So you’re really going to support this?” I asked.

“I am,” he said. “Despite everything that says I shouldn’t, I’m going to. I’ve spent too long working with Emma to find her happiness just to yank away something that might make her so.”

“Thank you, Mr. Hopper,” she said, the sincerity and relief flooding from her.

“You can call me Archie, Emma,” he said with a chuckle. “You’re graduated, and at this point you may as well.”

“Well then thanks, Archie,” she said.

“Yes, thank you,” I added.

“Thank me when you’re settled and everything’s out in the open,” he said. “And be careful.”

“We will,” Emma said quickly. “I’ll be in touch?”

“I’d love that,” he said. “About this and about anything else you want to be in touch over.”

“Talk to you later then,” Emma said.

We said our goodbyes and Emma hung up the phone. She looked at me and I saw her eyes shining.

“That’s one less person to worry about,” she said. “That’s three out of seven.”

“It won’t be a passing grade until we’ve got five out of seven,” I said. “And it won’t be a good thing until it’s seven out of seven.”

“Don’t be a dork,” she said. “We’ve at least gotten this far. We need to plan our next moves.”

“We’ll come up with something,” I said. “In the meantime, I think I need the greasiest take out order I can find and to watch the most terrible romantic comedy with a good ending.”

“On it!” Emma said.

Considering how high tensions had been since she’d showed up at my door, I felt a little odd to suddenly be trying to relax. Still, I didn’t stop her when she ordered a pizza with sausage and a side order of onion rings. She started going through my drawers and found me a pair of pajamas, bringing them over to me.

“Get changed,” she said. “It’s time to de-stress. You’ve had a shit day and you need to put your feet up a little.”

“I don’t need—“

“Then the babies need it,” she said. “Whatever it’ll take to get you to shut up and let me take care of you.”

“After I snapped at you like I did you still want to take care of me?” I asked pointedly.

“You snapped at me for good reason,” she said, not quite meeting my gaze. “But regardless, you should relax. _We_ should. And don’t worry, I will once we’re all settled in.”

It felt a little like she was trying to make up for everything that had happened earlier but I was so exhausted from the high emotions of the day and knew she had a point. I did need to calm down and relax for the twins.

I changed into the pajamas while she found a movie to watch on TV. When that was done we both settled on the bed over the covers. She seemed to hesitate before she leaned into me, but once she’d done that we easily tangled up in each other. I was glad the anger from our argument was faded and that we could do this.

“I’m sorry,” she said as the introductory music began playing on the screen.

“For?”

“For making things so complicated.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

“What are you even sorry for?” she asked.

“For attacking you the way I did,” I said. “I shouldn’t do that. I let my anger get the better of me and I explode in ways I shouldn’t.”

“To be fair—“

“No, Emma,” I said. “I need to control myself. It’s not the first time I’ve bubbled over around you, and I’ve done it plenty of times before you. I need to work on it.” I had never truly felt the need to work on it but now knowing I was pregnant and what high-stress levels could do to a fetus, I was seriously thinking about what to do to fix my anger issues. Not to mention the incredible amount of hurt I’d seen in Emma’s face—I never wanted to do that to her again. I should have taken a look at my anger problems a lot sooner, but at that point I really needed to figure something out.

“Well I’m not gonna say you shouldn’t,” she replied, and I saw a cheeky smile on her face. I shoved her lightly.

The movie started up and we quieted to watch. When the food came I got up and made sure she wouldn’t be seen from the door as I paid and took our order from the delivery girl. When I settled back on the bed with it all we tucked in, polishing off the whole pizza without an issue. I even managed to eat the majority of the basket of onion rings.

I heard giggling as I finished up the last few scraps of food and glanced up as I licked the tips of my fingers before I grabbed a napkin.

“What?” I asked when I’d swallowed.

“You went to town on that,” she said, laying back with a hand on her stomach. “It was funny to watch.”

“Most pregnant women eat for two,” I said airily. “I’m eating for three.”

“You ate for a whole football team,” she teased.

“Shut up!” I said, swatting at her playfully.

“Oh but look, it looks like you popped your baby bump!” she continued, gesturing to my stomach. “It really is twins!”

I couldn’t deny that the meal had left me with a little bit of a belly, but that didn’t stop me from narrowing my eyes at her playfully.

“And what’s your excuse?” I asked. “You look like you could be brewing something in there.”

“Yeah but no one would ever expect it to be a baby,” she said with a laugh. “I’m a gold star.”

“A gold star?” I asked.

“Yeah, it’s some stupid thing some lesbians put a lot of stock in,” she said. “That you’ve never been with a guy before. It’s this shitty way lesbians judge other women.”

“It does sound remarkably idiotic,” I said. “What about women who didn’t know they liked women until later in life? Or women who slept with a man to see if they were right about not liking men?”

“Like I said, it’s shitty,” she said.

I cleaned up the trash from our meal and felt her eyes on me rather than the TV.

“What?” I asked.

“I’m just thinking, I kinda can’t wait until you do pop,” she admitted. “It’s kind of exciting. Plus you’re gonna look gorgeous.”

“Miss Swan, I feel like every time we speak I discover a new kink of yours,” I teased.

“It’s not a kink!” she said. “I don’t mean it’s gonna be hot and I’m gonna want to have sex with you more. I just mean… I dunno, you’re already beautiful but you’re gonna start glowing and all that stuff. And I see how happy it’s made you in the last week to know you’ve got them growing inside of you despite everything bad that’s happening so I’m sure it’s gonna make you even happier seeing it so obviously.”

I stared at her for a moment before smiling and going back to the bed. I climbed in, moved to straddle her hips, and kissed her.

“What did I say?” she asked, clearly confused.

“Nothing but good things,” I answered. I moved to the side and dropped down onto the bed next to her, cuddling into her. She easily looped an arm around me and pulled me in close.

We watched the rest of the movie in relative silence, occasionally chatting about what was happening on screen. When it was over we were both still wide awake and I took the remote to flick through the channels.

“You ever taken a bath in this place?” she asked.

“Plenty of times,” I said. “It’s one thing I refuse to give up, even if I’m staying at a motel. I even bought cleaning supplies to ensure I wouldn’t have to worry about it being gross. Why?”

“Strip down,” she said. “I’m gonna keep this relaxing night going.”

I arched a brow but she got up and went to the bathroom. I heard the sounds of the water running and decided to just follow her directions. I took off the pajamas she’d only just given me a few hours before and headed in to watch as she fidgeted with the knob to get the right temperature.

“I have salts and scents under the sink,” I told her.

“Pick your favorites,” she said with a smile. “Do you like your baths hot? You like showers super steamy so I kind of assumed.”

“You guessed right,” I said, going to the sink and ducking under it to grab a lavender scented bath salt. I handed it over to her and she eyeballed it for a moment before grinning.

“You know the smell of lavender is one of the things that reminds me of our first time together,” she said.

“Does it?” I asked.

“Your shampoo,” she replied as she set to work getting the bath fixed up. “I noticed it when we first kissed.”

“It’s my favorite smell.”

“It became mine.”

I blushed a little but when she stood and faced me she just smiled contentedly. I started towards the bathtub but she blocked my path.

“Not yet,” she said. “It’s missing the most important ingredient.”

I was about to ask what that was but she pulled her shirt up and off, throwing it to the ground. She hurriedly stripped off the rest of her clothes and climbed in, spreading her legs as wide as they’d go in the tub. She gestured for me to get in then, and I fought a grin as I did so.

I settled between her legs and she drew me in, pulling me back so that my back was against her chest. The water was steaming it was so hot and the lavender scent was already starting to relax me. She ran her hands over my body, scooping water up to pour it over my skin where it wasn’t submerged. Though it fit me perfectly fine when I was alone, the tub wasn’t particularly large and we were a little cramped, but somehow I didn’t mind that at all.

Her hands started to roam after a few moments, starting at my own hands before moving up my arms. She began a light massage around my forearms, then moved up to my upper arms and shoulders. Eventually she brought her hands to my neck, gently pushing me away from her chest so she could start to massage my back.

I groaned softly at her attention. She really did know the best way to relax me. She’d given me a massage or two before, but never in the tub like this.

Her hands were firm as she caressed and kneaded my back. She seemed to find every knot in every muscle and spent as much time as she needed to soothe it away.

“You could do this professionally,” I told her after a few minutes. I felt boneless and I was leaning on my propped up legs to stay up, my head resting lightly on my knees with my arms wrapped loosely around them.

“Thanks but I think I’m gonna follow the path I’ve already picked,” she said with a light chuckle.

“Which is?” I asked. I was amazed we hadn’t actually ever talked about her going to college before. I knew where she was going but I didn’t know what she’d be doing there.

“I’d think you’d already know what I’d want to do,” she said teasingly. “I’m going to be a social worker. Make sure other kids don’t deal with the same crap I did.”

“That’s very—“

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” she said. “I know. I’m thinking about minoring in psych too. I just have to be sure I can keep up with the workload.”

“You’ve never had a problem with it that I’ve seen,” I said.

“Yeah, but college is different,” she said with a shrug. “I’m not gonna get too ahead of myself. Besides, I’m gonna have a lot going on by the end of my first semester.”

“Oh?” I asked.

“The babies due date is in November.”

“Oh. Good point.”

“Don’t tense up, I just got you relaxed,” she said, annoyance tinting her voice as she moved her hands back to previously relaxed muscle groups. “Why are you tensing up anyways?”

“Because it’s not your job to take care of them when they’re born,” I said. “I don’t want you throwing away your college career to take care of my children.”

“I won’t be throwing it away,” she said confidently. “I can do the work and help you out. I’ve even gotten a job for the summer so that I can—“

“No, you’re not using any of your money on my children,” I said quickly. “Emma, please just focus on bettering yourself through your education. I’ll love having you around and I’m sure the twins will as well, but I don’t want you giving up anything for me or for them. I can handle it.”

She sighed.

“If you’re sure,” she said. “I just thought with us dating you might be more open to it. I mean you’re fine with it when I pay for dinner and stuff.”

“But paying for our dinner and paying for my children are two very different things,” I said. “They’re not your responsibility right now. Especially considering Robin wants to be a part of their lives.”

“He does?” she asked.

“He called me when I was on my way home.”

Emma went quiet but her hands never stopped moving. When my neck, shoulders, and back were all loose and comfortable, she pulled me in to rest up against her again, moving her hands down to my sides, stomach, and thighs.

“He has a right to,” I said.

“I know,” she said. “I just… I mean I thought we were worried about him because he might figure us out. The fact that he wants to be a part of the twins’ lives means…”

“Means a lot,” I said. “For us, for them, for me... But I can’t keep him from them. He deserves to know them.”

“Yeah, I guess he does,” Emma said. “It just complicates things even more.”

“Believe me, I know,” I said.

She took a breath.

“Whatever,” she said. “We’ll just add it to the list of things to figure out.”

I frowned but didn’t say any more on the subject. The list of things to figure out was getting longer and longer and I couldn’t deny that it was worrisome.

“What are you doing this summer?” I asked. “Job-wise?”

“I just got a waitressing gig,” she said. “I’ll be making crap money per hour but I can just bust out the girls in a low cut top and earn some good tips.”

“The girls?” I asked with a raised brow.

“Yeah, the girls,” she said. I could hear the grin in her voice and was about to look at her to ask when she cupped my breasts in her hands. “You know, the _girls_.” She gave a little squeeze, making sure to be incredibly gentle.

I couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“Is that what you call your breasts?” I asked.

“When referring to them directly,” she answered. “Unless I’m calling them by their names. Emily and Georgia.”

“Where the hell did you get those names from?” I asked.

“Emily Dickinson and Georgia O’Keeffe,” she said with a shrug. “An ex of mine thought she was super artsy knowing about their work and all that even though everyone knows who they are. But Emily being a secret lesbian and Georgia not even trying to hide all the vaginas in her work… I dunno, it made sense when that ex named them and then it kinda stuck.”

I couldn’t help but grin through the explanation.

“I had no idea people named breasts,” I said.

“People don’t,” Emma said. “She did. She was a weirdo. But she was cute and she was graduating so I went for her. She’s in art school now. She’s still super weird but her work is pretty spectacular.”

“Well good for her I guess.”

I realized then that Emma’s hands hadn’t left my chest. She was still massaging just a little, but it had turned into something less for relaxation and more for stimulation. I grinned and arched just slightly, pushing out my breasts into her hands. Her fingers tightened just slightly and I gave a small moan.

“Sorry,” she said, pulling her hands away. “I got distracted from relaxing you.”

“Don’t be sorry,” I said. “I never mind when you get distracted in that way.”

I took her hands in mine and laid them back on my chest. She hesitated a moment before taking the hint. Her touch turned gentle as she ran her fingers over my breasts, pausing to flick at slowly hardening nipples. She was careful when she touched me there—my breasts were overly sensitive lately and I knew that wouldn’t be changing any time soon.

I felt her breath on my neck for only a moment before she started leaving hot, open-mouthed kisses on my skin. She used one hand to pull back my hair and give her more space to work while the other stayed at my chest.

It was a little absurd sometimes how quickly her touch got me going. After so long of being terrified of it, I found that I enjoyed sex and had a rather healthy appetite for it, but I’d never experienced anything with Robin like I did with Emma. The moment she touched me I felt like I was on fire, and it was often embarrassing how quickly she could get me off.

When I was fidgeting and moaning, my fingers digging into her thighs where they were wrapped around me, she finally slid her hand from my chest down the still-flat plane of my stomach. She didn’t hesitate to slip her fingers between my legs and across my clit. I bucked into the touch and I could feel her grin as she pressed another kiss to my shoulder.

“A little eager today?” she asked.

“Always am for you,” I shot back.

“I thought I was supposed to be relaxing you,” she teased. “This doesn’t seem very relaxing.”

“If you stop I’m cutting your hand off,” I informed her.

“Then who’s gonna do this for you?”

“You’ll still have a mouth.”

She laughed and kept going, rubbing small, light circles on my clit. I knew what she was doing then. She wasn’t going to let me get off too easily. She was going to drag this out. A part of me loved being built up and built up until I couldn’t take it anymore because that always led to a fantastic orgasm, but I didn’t want to wait for it tonight.

I pushed up and away from her, flipped onto my knees, and covered her body with my own. She was surprised by it and tried to hold me, but I moved too quickly for her. She pouted as I settled one of her thighs between my own.

“I was gonna make you come eventually,” she said, reading the annoyance in my gaze. “You know I’m always gonna make you come.”

“I do, but you taking your sweet time about it isn’t going to relax me,” I said. “It’s just going to have me plotting my revenge.”

I caught her mouth in a heated kiss and she moaned against my lips. I brought my sex down on her thigh and pushed against her, trying to get the right amount of friction. It was too slippery though and I couldn’t find the right angle or enough purchase to really get anything out of it. She seemed to realize it because she slipped her hand down to where I was rubbing against her. I lifted my hips only for a moment, let her get situated, and then settled back down on her hand. Her fingers rubbed against me as I rolled my hips once more and I broke our kiss to try to suck in a breath.

The water had cooled significantly since we’d gotten in but that was a bit of a blessing considering how hot I felt now.

I kept moving, grinding against her hand while as I kissed her lightly. On one particular thrust of my hips her fingers brushed against my entrance and she met my gaze, the question obvious in her eyes. I nodded and she slipped two fingers into me right away. I moaned and rode her harder while she brought up the heel of her palm to rub against my clit. It set off sparks and I pulled away from her face to bury myself in the crook of her neck.

The heat rose from low in my belly, spreading slowly and then all at once as I came. I bit down lightly where her neck met her shoulder, my fingernails digging into the skin of her shoulders. She didn’t stop moving her fingers or her hand and she kept me up until it was almost too much. She seemed to know exactly when I was right on the threshold between pleasure and pain because she slowed and then stopped just before it became unpleasant.

I slumped against her, still buried in her neck. Aftershocks shuddered through me and I could feel my muscles still clenching around her fingers. She kissed the side of my head lightly as she let me come down from the high.

“Relaxed yet?” she teased.

I laughed and shifted upwards, freeing her hand. She slid her fingers out of me and then let them rest on my backside, holding me against her. I felt almost cradled with the way she was holding me and I did feel a _lot_ less tense than I had a few hours ago.

“You’re too young to be that good at that,” I informed her.

“Nah, you’re too old to not have had good orgasms,” she countered.

“I’ve had plenty of good orgasms,” I said.

“You never act like it,” she teased.

I rolled my eyes.

“It’s okay, I know that men can be a bit disappointing at times,” she said.

“Robin was good,” she said. “Maybe not incredible, but he was good. He always made sure I came when we were together.”

“I’m sure he did,” she said. “But let me just have this, okay? Let me think I’m the best you’ve ever had. It’ll do wonders for my ego, and my ego could use it after the fight we had today.”

“Fine, you’re the most incredible lover I’ve ever had,” I said. “You know every inch of my body better than I or anyone else could ever hope to and know exactly what to do to leave me a trembling mess.”

“You know with you saying it like that while you’re still laid out on top of me collecting yourself I can almost believe it,” she said playfully. She squeezed my backside lightly and I couldn’t help but giggle at that.

I didn’t want to admit it—I didn’t want to be cruel to Robin—but she was a bit better than him. I wasn’t sure if it was because she was a woman and knew things a man wouldn’t when it came to sex or if I just meshed better with Emma, but she never failed to make me feel incredible.

After a few minutes of relaxing together, I straightened up.

“All right, you’ve had your fun, now it’s time for mine,” I said decisively. “I’m going to go dry off. You stay here a bit longer, drain the tub, dry off, and come meet me outside.”

She arched a brow and watched as I got up, grabbed a towel, and wrapped it around me, heading out of the bathroom.

I went directly to the nightstand and retrieved a small box. Inside was my vibrator, a collection of condoms that hadn’t needed to be, and some lube. I took out the vibrator and set it out. I quickly dried myself and tossed the towel away to deal with later. I climbed into bed and arranged myself to look as appealing as possible.

I heard the sound of the drain as the last of the water went down, and Emma appeared in the doorway only moments later. She looked ready to barge right in but she stopped dead when she saw me. Surprise colored her expression but was quickly replaced with delight. She practically dove for the bed and clambered up to straddle me.

She kissed me with as much fervor as she could muster and then began to pepper kisses down towards my throat, clearly of half a mind to head further south. I grabbed her and pulled her back up.

“No,” I said.

“No?”

“No. Like I said, it’s my turn.”

“Can’t I have a longer turn?”

I laughed.

“Look at the nightstand,” I ordered. When she did so her eyes widened. “Is that okay?”

“Hell yeah it is,” she said excitedly. “I mean I’ve always wanted to try a strap on with you but—“

“I meant for me to use on you,” I said.

She pulled back for a moment, looking a little shocked.

“I know you said that you’re a… a gold star or whatever that is,” I said. “And I know you said it means you’ve never been with a man but I don’t know if that means you haven’t done anything penetrative? But I thought it might be fun. It’s not that thick and I’ll go slowly, but I don’t want you doing something you don’t want to do.”

“Yeah, I’ve… never actually… you know, done _that_ ,” she admitted. “Not with toys or anything. The most I’ve taken is like… two fingers. But I’ve never…” She shrugged.

“At all?”

“Never,” she said. “I never really thought about any kind of—penetration or anything. I mean I’ve done it plenty to someone else. I’m actually pretty good with a strap on and harness and all that. But I’ve never had it done to me.”

“You don’t have to say yes,” I said. “I just wanted to see if you’d want to.”

She glanced up at the toy for another moment and I could see her doing the mental calculations as to whether it would even fit. Finally she looked back at me and nodded.

“Only if you really do go slowly,” she said. “And if you stop if I need you to.”

“Of course I’ll stop,” I said quickly. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

She nodded and I pulled her down for another kiss.

“Get on your back,” I said against her lips. “Spread your legs for me.”

She kissed me once more before complying and I saw her glance at the vibrator a bit nervously. I smiled a bit sympathetically. I hadn’t planned on starting with that right away but now I definitely wasn’t going to.

Instead, I dropped my lips to her throat and brushed my fingers across her stomach, loving the soft gasp she let out. I felt her stomach shudder under my touch before she arched up just slightly off of the bed to try to bring our bodies flush.

I slowly kissed my way down her body until I reached her breasts and when I got there I took a nipple into my mouth, swirling my tongue around it. Her breasts weren’t as sensitive as mine tended to be—even before pregnancy—but I never could resist. I nipped and sucked until each nipple was pebbled and hard and her breathing was ragged. That accomplished, I moved further down her body.

When I’d told her to lie down with her legs spread she’d done so easily but now her legs were spread obscenely wide in anticipation. I had to resist teasing her about it, instead glancing up at her from between her thighs. She was watching me with her eyes wide, her pupils dilated to the point where I couldn’t see much of the green in them. Her hips shifted just slightly upwards and she didn’t blink as I lowered my head to them.

The first touch of my tongue on her _always_ made her moan but I never tired of hearing it. She arched off the bed, her eyes fluttering shut as she bit her lip. I watched her as I set in on her, licking, sucking, kissing, even nipping here and there. I didn’t touch her clit for a long time, not until her hips were gyrating against my face, shifting this way and that to try to get me where she wanted me. I wondered why she didn’t just grab me by the hair to move me where she needed attention but I enjoyed watching her grab at the sheets desperately.

Finally I wrapped one arm around her thigh to keep her in place as best as I could and brought two fingers to her entrance. I turned my focus to her clit as I slid both fingers in and she bucked into me. I followed her movement as best as I could, starting up a kind of rhythm that she interrupted on occasion as she twitched and moaned.

As I toyed with her clit, I slid my fingers back and forth, pressing deep into her while I made scissoring motions inside of her. I was careful to make sure that she was enjoying it, pausing as I stretched her out bit by bit to press against her g-spot. I’d found that spot inside of her a few weeks into our relationship and she’d come nearly instantly, only taking a few strokes to get there. If I kept pressing against that spot inside of her she’d be done in seconds, so I only went after it briefly and occasionally—it drove her crazy when I did that.

“I’m adding a third finger,” I told her after a few moments, pulling my two fingers out to the tips and starting to position a third. She mumbled something back at me and I stopped. “What was that?”

“Just fuck me, Regina,” she said a little louder. “You don’t have to tell me, just do it.”

I smirked up at her as she worried her lip, her hips searching for me again. I pressed the three fingers in slowly and she hissed. I stopped immediately and watched her carefully. The stretch wasn’t obscene but I’d only ever used two with her, and with her saying she’d never done any penetrative stuff with toys I wondered if it would be too much for her. The vibrator was smaller than the width of my three fingers, but I was scared of upsetting her, especially after how high tensions had run since earlier that day.

“Don’t stop,” she said.

“Are you hurt though?” I asked, running my free hand up over her stomach.

“It’s—it’s weird,” she said. “It’s just pressure though. No pain.”

“Are you good for me to keep going?” I asked. I was in her up to the first knuckle and I felt her clenching and unclenching around me. She nodded but I hesitated a moment. “Talk to me through it, okay?”

I wanted so badly to experiment with her, to try all sorts of new things, but I was terrified that I would hurt her or upset her. I needed to be on the same page as her, and the fact that she’d agreed to this while seeming so nervous made me wonder if I should stop and try this another time.

“God Regina, please just fuck me,” she whimpered, sounding totally wrecked.

I raised a brow and bit my lip to hide a smirk. I pushed my fingers forward just slightly and her hips stuttered back and forth.

“God—fuck!” she said. “So full—Regina—god—“

“Good?”

“So fucking good,” she said. “I need all of you.”

I rubbed her stomach lightly as I slid my fingers forward the rest of the way, then brought my other hand down to gently stroke her clit with a careful thumb. The sound she made was almost feral.

“I’m gonna—“ she started before she broke off.

“Already?” I asked, bewildered. I’d wanted to take my time with this and get her used to a bit more of a stretch but if she was going to come already I wouldn’t deny her. I circled her clit just four times and she was arching off of the bed, her body locking tightly around the three fingers I had inside of her. She would have shrieked had her teeth not been buried in her lower lip, and I heard the sound of fabric ripping just slightly as her hands fisted in the sheets and yanked.

“Holy shit, Emma,” I murmured.

I didn’t keep touching her clit as she rode out the orgasm, not wanting it to be too much. She’d never done anything like that before. It seemed almost too easy to get her off that way.

When her body finally relaxed back onto the bed she was panting heavily.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

She nodded tiredly, her hips pushing towards me, taking just a millimeter more of my fingers.

“More,” she said, sounding almost hoarse with how low and rough her voice was.

“Do you want the vibrator now?” I asked.

She nodded once more and I gently removed my fingers from her clenching heat. She whimpered at the loss and cracked her eyes open to watch me as I took the vibrator from the nightstand. I placed the tip at her entrance and looked up at her.

“I won’t turn it on until you’re ready,” I told her.

She stared at me as I pressed the tip into her. She’d been stretched enough and she was certainly wet enough that she took it without much issue. I kept an eye on her face as I moved the vibrator further into her body, watching out for any signs of discomfort.

I stopped it at the three-quarters spot and her hips pushed forward to take a tiny bit more. I slid it out and then back in again and she groaned, letting her head drop back again.

“Can you—your mouth—too?” she panted.

“Do you want the vibrations?” I asked.

“Please!” she nearly sobbed. “Please Regina, I want all of it.”

I kept the vibrator slowly sliding in and out of her and quickly pressed the button on the end to turn on the vibrations. Her hips jolted upwards as the sensation passed through her and she let out the shriek this time. I followed her motions and grinned a little. If I’d known she’d be this much of a mess while using toys like this I would have started using them a lot sooner than I had.

I waited until she seemed more able to handle the vibrator thrusting in and out of her before I lowered my mouth to her clit. It took only a few swipes of my tongue for her to be sent shooting over the edge and I was rewarded for my efforts by a rush of arousal. It got slightly harder to keep pushing into her with the vibrator but I kept it up, just making sure to be careful with each thrust.

Deciding to take a chance, I wrapped my lips around her clit and sucked, flicking over the tip of the tight bud with my tongue. She went bone-snappingly rigid and I heard what must have been a groan before she stopped breathing. I felt a tremble in her body as she came again so quickly, particularly in her thighs around me. She collapsed back on the bed in a heap shuddering and twitching.

I quickly turned off the vibrator and gave her a moment or two, leaning up to press light kisses to her thighs and stomach, making sure to avoid her wet, swollen, most likely hyper-sensitive sex.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

She mumbled something incoherent and my brow creased with worry.

“I’m going to need a little more than that, Emma,” I said.

“ _Fuck_ , Regina,” she said, sounding as if she was forcing the words out. “Just… _fuck_.”

“Good fuck or bad?” I asked.

“ _Good_ ,” she said. “So good.”

I grinned as she stayed boneless on the bed.

“I’m going to pull it out now,” I told her. She didn’t budge as I slowly began to pull the vibrator from inside of her. It was impressively wet and I grinned. “So you enjoyed that?”

She didn’t answer with words, just moaned and stayed where she was.

I kissed her once more on the stomach before getting up and going into the bathroom. I quickly cleaned the toy and left it on the counter to dry before heading back out to find Emma in the exact same position I’d left her in.

I climbed onto the bed next to her and watched her as she heaved for breath even still. Her body was clearly pulsing with aftershocks because she twitched every once in a while.

It took a long time for her to recover and I delighted in that long time. She’d been more experienced with everything to do with sex up until that point so I was glad that I’d gotten to show her something new that she would enjoy.

She rolled to face me suddenly and burrowed into me. Her body was cooler than before but she was still damp with sweat. I smiled and brushed her hair back from her face as she settled in. When I could see her face I kissed her forehead and kept my fingers carding through the long, blonde hair, admiring it as I often did.

“I love you, Emma,” I murmured lightly. “No matter what happens, I love you.”


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: sleepy morning sex.

I woke the next morning with Regina curled around me. I stayed snuggled into her warmth for a long time, not wanting to budge. If I could just stay in Regina’s arms then I could stay in our little bubble a while longer. After everything that had happened the last week, all I wanted was to be with her in this bubble.

I’d heard what she’d said as I’d fallen asleep, that she’d love me no matter what, but it was easier to love someone when things weren’t falling down around you at all times.

The fact that Regina loved me was so wild to me sometimes I almost didn’t believe it. She’d said it only recently so it was still a new concept that I didn’t quite understand. I was determined at all times to ensure she kept loving me—at least as long as the relationship realistically lasted.

That was the one thing that worried me the most—how long we lasted.

We’d only been dating three months, and were still kind of in the honeymoon phase. Admittedly the honeymoon phase had been cut remarkably short with the realization that she was pregnant and that we could be found out, but we were as solid as a three-month-old relationship with as many hurdles as we faced could be.

That didn’t mean we were going to last though. We could end up having worse fights than the one we’d had, we could drift apart when I went to college, we could end up getting caught by someone who wasn’t going to leave us alone… Anything could happen to ruin this.

I supposed all I could do was make the most of the time that I had.

With that thought, I slowly inched my way out of Regina’s grasp. She held me tightly, like I was a teddy bear and she was a small child who couldn’t sleep without her stuffed animal, so getting out of her arms was a bit of a challenge sometimes. I did it slowly and carefully, making sure not to disturb her while I moved.

When I lay next to her, a few inches away, I watched her sleep for a moment. Where I was gone, she grabbed the blankets around her and pulled them up, holding them tightly to her chest instead.

I smiled and got up.

I hurried to the bathroom and brushed my teeth quickly, getting the taste of sleep out of my mouth. I took a moment to brush my hair—it had gotten tangled and I know how she liked it loose but easy to run her fingers through.

All that done, I returned to the bed and lay back down next to her.

I gently trailed my fingers across her cheek, stroking back dark hair from her face. Her brow knit together and she was clearly fighting having to wake up.

“It’s morning, beautiful,” I said softly.

Her eyelids flickered as if she were about to open her eyes but then stayed shut and I almost laughed. She was already getting so tired all the time, I couldn’t imagine what she’d be like when she was closer to her due date.

“Come on, we’ve got to wake up,” I coaxed.

“It’s Sunday,” she mumbled, her voice raspy and thick with sleep. “Leave me alone.”

“You know that I’m a teenager so logically I should be sleeping later than you, right?” I teased.

She hunkered down deeper into the covers.

“Leave me alone,” she said again.

I leaned down and gave her a light kiss on the cheek before checking the clock.

“It’s 9:45,” I told her.

“I’ll get up at 10,” she said. She was fighting so hard to stay asleep I almost wanted to let her but I had to go soon. I had my first shift at work in a few hours and I had to get home to shower and change. I didn’t want to just leave her there.

I kissed her on the lips then and she responded easily to the kiss.

“Why do you taste good?” she asked blearily.

“I brushed my teeth.”

“I haven’t brushed mine yet.”

“How can I resist, even when you stink like that?”

“Don’t be mean to me,” she said, pouting. “Just kiss me again.”

A sleepy Regina was a special kind of adorable. She was so poised and elegant, always in control, sometimes downright terrifying, but especially nowadays she was just this cute, pouting little lump in bed when she first woke up on a day she didn’t have to get up.

I leaned in and kissed her once more. She kissed me back, her movements slow and languid as if she really were still half asleep. I scooted a little and moved so I was hovering over her, and she easily rolled from her side to her back. Her eyes were still closed but her lips were pursed just the slightest bit as if she was waiting for me to kiss her again.

I wasn’t one to leave my girlfriend waiting.

Even though my smile was threatening to split my face, I kissed her again, melting against her. The blanket between us annoyed me a little and I began to pull it down bit by bit. Eventually she got annoyed with that, wrapped one hand around the back of my neck to hold me close, then pushed my body up and away with her other hand. That done, she shoved the blanket down, exposing herself to me.

I pressed our bodies back together the moment she was bare and she groaned softly.

“How’s a morning quickie sound to you?” I asked.

“A quickie?” she asked, sounding put out.

“I’ve got to get home,” I said. “First day of work.”

“Already?”

“I don’t mess around,” I replied. “Gotta buy textbooks somehow. Now about that quickie?”

“You could have just instigated something,” she pointed out.

“Yeah, but I’d rather ask and be sure.”

“I’d love a quickie then,” she said.

I grinned and kissed her one final time before I quickly descended her body. I didn’t spend much time on her breasts like I wanted to—she’d complained she was too sensitive most of the week and I didn’t want to hurt her—and instead went straight down between her legs.

I began scattering kisses all along her thighs, lapping lightly at her sex here and there before moving back to her legs. I went out of my way to leave a hickey on her right inner thigh and her hand dropped to my head, burrowing into my hair as usual as she moaned. When I nipped the newly formed bruise her grip tightened for a moment before relaxing.

I worked her up slowly and steadily, teasing, licking, sucking, never staying in one spot for too long, keeping my touches gentle. The longer I was down there the more aroused she got until her hips were rocking, searching for more. It was only then that I turned my attention to her clit.

She swore when I took her clit between my lips and sucked lightly. I glanced up and saw her eyes were still closed and her brow was furrowed almost in concentration. I stepped it up a little, flicking my tongue out over the hardened bud. Her hips bucked just the slightest bit and I wrapped my arms around her thighs to keep her where I wanted her.

It didn’t take very long for her thighs to tighten around my head. I could hear the vibrations of her muscles as well as feel them against my cheeks and I pushed her just a little bit harder. When she came it was with a low moan, and her body didn’t jerk as it normally did. She twitched just a little and her hips bucked into my mouth twice, but she lay back in a heap much sooner than usual. I went back to licking and sucking, trying to catch every little bit of her before I sat up.

Her thighs eventually loosened and she finally— _finally_ —cracked open her eyes as I pushed up to sit on my knees.

“Give me a second and I’ll get you,” she said, but she sounded tired still.

“Nah, I’m good,” I told her. I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand and crawled up to kiss her.

“But—“

“I mean it, I’m okay,” I said. “I just wanted to wake you up to something really good.”

“Mission accomplished then,” she said with a small smile.

“You still look tired,” I said. “Why don’t you go back to sleep while I head out?”

“No, I should get up,” she said. “I’ve got to figure out what I’m doing today and start thinking about getting my act together.”

“What do you mean getting your act together?”

“I need to find a place to live,” she said. “I want to move and be settled into a place before the babies come. Besides, I won’t be able to pick anything heavy up soon.”

“That’s when you call your strong, young, hot girlfriend to help you move boxes,” I countered.

“As appealing as that does sound,” she said with a grin, “I’ve got to set up and be ready for them to come. Plus I think I’ve lived in this motel room long enough.”

“Where are you thinking of going?”

“I’m not sure,” she admitted. “I was maybe thinking something halfway between Storybrooke and Waterville?”

“Where Colby is?” I asked, a grin forming.

“I found there are some places up for rent about half an hour away from Colby,” she said, looking a little sheepish. “And that means it’s about half an hour away from Storybrooke. If I stay teaching in Storybrooke then we’d be able to see each other more.”

“You’d really move half an hour away just to see me?” I asked.

“You drive half an hour away from your house to come see me,” she pointed out.

“I guess you’re right,” I said. “Then I approve of your apartment search criteria.”

“Glad to hear it,” she said, and she did actually sound a little relieved. “I was also thinking of meeting up with Robin today.”

“Oh?” I asked.

“I want to iron out what he wants as quickly as possible,” she said. “We can figure out what to do and I can get some kind of agreement in place now so that I don’t have to fight with him when I’m more hormonal.”

“That sounds like a good plan,” I said with a shrug. I didn’t like that he had decided he was going to be a part of everything now after blowing Regina off all week. I felt like if he’d wanted to be involved he should have said so right away.

“I’m going to tell him I broke up with the person who I’d been dating before,” she added.

“Oh?” I asked.

“To throw him off a little,” she said. “I want to tell him I broke up with the random colleague I’d slept with so I can pave the way for you and I to start inching forward a bit. I’m going to tell Kathryn the same. Maybe if I seem single everyone will be more understanding when we bring things into the open. We can just pretend we started up after graduation instead of during the last few months of the school year.”

“Yeah,” I said. “I—I guess that’s a good idea.”

“Do you really think so?” she asked worriedly.

“I mean I guess it’s the best thing we’ve got going for us right now,” I said. “Should I tell my parents the same?”

“What do they already know about me?”

“That you’re older and that you’re pregnant.”

“Then no, don’t tell them that,” she said. “It might actually be a good idea not to lie to them at all. If we’re totally open and honest with them they’ll hopefully trust me a lot more later on down the road. Assuming they don’t immediately press charges.”

“I’ll just start buttering them up or something,” I said.

“Probably a good idea,” she said with a small smile.

“Can we tell them soon?” I asked. “I want to get it all out in the open quicker when it comes to them. If they support us then everyone else will have to. Who’s going to argue with my parents? Everyone in town loves them and calls them a fairy tale couple. It’s kind of sickening. But if they’re all for us then people might go easier on us.”

“Sure,” she said. “We’ll find a good way to tell them.”

I kissed her cheek and got up, hunting for my discarded clothes. I put them in a pile to take home and went to the dresser, sliding open a drawer. I had a stash of two outfits in there just in case, and I certainly didn’t want to show up at home this morning wearing the same clothes as last night.

Once I had collected my things I said goodbye to Regina. She got out of bed to hug me and I gave her a squeeze, picking her up a little before setting her back down. I headed out the door, glancing over my shoulder once, catching her stretching as she went for the bathroom. I couldn’t help feeling insanely lucky as my eyes lingered on her backside.

My drive home was largely uneventful. I played out what had happened the night before and this morning, wondering where everything would go from there. I hoped Regina would keep Robin at a bit of a distance from everything for a while. I knew it was his right to be involved with the twins but I still didn’t like Regina’s ex having a spot in her life. I didn’t worry she’d go back to him but… a part of me did worry. Especially with Regina telling him that she was single again. What if he tried something? What if she decided it would be easier to be with the father of her babies?

I shoved that thought away. She didn’t seem to want to be back with him. We were still happy together.

Of course we were still in the honeymoon phase and still being forced to hide.

I reminded myself of what she’d said as I fell asleep the night before. We had fought, but we’d made up and recovered from it. Now we were good. There was no reason for her to want to leave me to go back to Robin.

I got home and parked in the driveway behind the truck. Heading up to the door I was still thinking on Regina but I was in good enough spirits. We had a game plan and were going to work it out.

I walked through the front door and barely had time to call out, “I’m home!” before they were on me.

“Where were you last night?” Mom nearly shrieked as she came barreling down the hall. “We were worried sick!”

“What do you mean?”

“You said you were going to tell us where you were,” Dad reminded me. “That was actually one thing you made a point to say before you left for the night. We didn’t get a call or a text—not even a carrier pigeon—saying you were staying somewhere else and that you were alive.”

“I was just out with my girlfriend,” I said, surprised. “I slept over her place.”

“Look, we get it that you could get caught up in your girlfriend, but you ignored all of our calls,” Dad said.

“What calls?” I asked. “You never called me.”

“We called you at least ten times, Emma,” Mom said certainly.

I reached into my pocket and took out my phone, holding it up so they could see it and pressing the button to open the display. I hadn’t gotten a single call last night and I was going to prove it to them.

It stayed black.

My brow furrowed and I pressed the home button again, but still nothing happened. I clicked the power button and held it to try to start it up but it glowed for only a moment, flashed an empty red battery logo, and then powered down again.

“Oh.”

Both Mom and Dad looked so disappointed I couldn’t help but be shamed.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I hadn’t meant to—I didn’t even notice. We—”

“I don’t think I want to know what distracted you,” Dad said quickly.

“No, it’s nothing weird,” I said. “We got into a fight and then had to talk some stuff out.” I wasn’t going to let him think we’d had sex all night. We had gotten around to that of course, but I didn’t want him thinking that was all we’d done.

“You got into a fight?” Mom asked. “What about?”

“Just some shit hit the fan yesterday,” I said. “The babies’ dad decided he wants to be in the picture and… and someone who she didn’t want knowing about some of her past issues told her that he knows some stuff about her she’d rather keep buried.”

“That sounds… extremely sketchy,” Dad said. “What past stuff?”

“Some stuff that she doesn’t want me to talk about,” I said simply—I’d learned my lesson and wasn’t going to tell them, even if they were my parents. “It’s nothing bad she did. It was stuff that happened to her. She doesn’t like people knowing about it.”

That didn’t seem to put them at ease, but they didn’t ask any more.

“And the father of her babies?” Mom asked.

“I dunno, he’s gonna be a part of their lives I guess,” I said with a shrug. “She’s meeting with him today to talk it over apparently. But I can’t really focus on that. I’m starting my first shift at Granny’s today.”

Both of them looked like they had more they wanted to say but they backed down to let me go get ready.

“I love you both,” I said. “And I promise next time I’ll make sure my phone is fully charged before I go anywhere.”

I hugged each of them, kissed their cheeks, and then ran up the stairs to shower and change. It was nearly 11 and I started my first shift at noon.

By the time I got back downstairs, Mom and Dad seemed pretty caught up in some TV show, but they both waved and told me to have a good first shift. I was just relieved that they weren’t ready to ground me after not getting back to them. I figured they could tell it wasn’t on purpose but I would have to be a lot more careful.

I hopped in the bug and drove to Granny’s, a bit nervous but mostly excited about my first shift. Ruby worked there too considering it was her grandmother who owned it, so she was there to greet me.

“You ready?” she asked with a grin. “We’re getting hit with our typical lunch rush.”

“I’m game as long as everyone goes easy on me,” I said. “I’ve never waited tables before.”

“Just follow me around and I’ll show you how it’s done,” she said, shooting me a wink before handing over an apron with a small note pad and a pen to take orders stashed in the pocket.

I hurriedly tied the apron and got to work, tagging along behind Ruby like a puppy dog. It seemed easy enough. All I had to do was go to a table, introduce myself, ask for drink orders, get them back to the table, ask for meal orders, put the meal order in, deliver the meal, check in once or twice, then deliver the bill. By the time it hit 1, Ruby and I had taken care of five tables together and I was feeling like it was easy money.

“Can I try one by myself?” I asked.

“Yeah, sure, if you really want,” she said. “It means I get to keep all the tip that’s left behind instead of having to split it with you. Just call me if you need anything.”

I nodded and when the next customers came in, I let the two elderly women settle in before I approached and got to work. The two women were delighted when I told them they were my first ever table I covered by myself and swore up and down they’d go easy on me. They got their whole order in with no problem and I felt pretty good about myself.

The bell rang as the door opened and a man entered with a boy. When they sat down in the booth directly next to the two elderly women I glanced over at Ruby and gestured that I’d take them. The man sat next to the kid, which I thought was a bit weird but I put it aside.

“Hi, my name is Emma, I’ll be your server this afternoon,” I said with a cheery smile. “Would you like to get started with some drinks?”

“Sure, that would be nice,” the man said with a smile. “Could I have a cola, and… What do you think, Roland?”

He turned to look at the boy and the boy—Roland—balked a little as I looked at him as well. I smiled almost encouragingly and the boy smiled shyly.

“Can I have an apple juice?” he asked in a tiny voice.

“Of course, kid,” I said. “One cola and one apple juice, coming right up! I’ll give you some time with the menus.”

“Thank you,” the man said kindly.

I headed towards the counter and pulled out a regular sized glass as well as a child’s cup and went to grab the drinks. I heard the jingle of the bell that indicated another customer had walked in and I couldn’t help but hope they’d sit in a seat near where the elderly women and the man with his son had sat so that I could grab their table as well. Ruby’s mention of tips had me kind of excited, so I was planning on kissing ass as much as I could to get as many tips as I could.

I finished pouring the drinks and capped the boy’s cup when I heard him nearly shout.

“What’s she doing here?” the boy exclaimed, his voice furious.

I turned to see what he was angry about and saw him glaring at a woman who walked towards their table. She hadn’t noticed me yet, but when I saw her I nearly dropped the drinks.

Heading directly towards the table of the man and his young son was Regina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See y'all on Wednesday! :D


	25. Chapter Twenty Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some talk of breastfeeding but that's about it for content warnings.

I pulled up short when Roland glared at me.

“Daddy and Regina have to talk,” Robin said to Roland. “It won’t take long, Roland, I promise you.”

“I don’t wanna see her,” the boy said, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “She’s mean.” He looked between his father and I. “Is she eating with us?”

“I’m not eating with you,” I said, trying to placate him. “Roland, I don’t want to upset you, I just need to speak with your father and then I’ll leave.”

“You’d better,” he snapped. “Because you’re not a nice person and daddy says that if someone’s not being nice I shouldn’t have to spend time with them.”

I wanted to scream, hating how much Roland hated me now. I knew that despite everything I still loved him quite a bit—I’d practically been a mother to him for the last few years. I’d seen him grow so much, been there through so many games, tantrums, stories, dreams, nightmares, fevers… To have him hate me now was almost more than I could bear.

“I promise I’ll leave as soon as we’re done,” I told him.

He eyed me suspiciously but nodded once. With his approval, I sat down across from them.

“Thank you for meeting us,” Robin said. “I want to get everything out of the way with the twins so we know where we stand.”

“Believe me, so do I,” I said dryly. “It’s why I suggested we meet in the first place. Roland knows?”

“I told him when I decided I wanted them,” he said. “He’s excited for babies but he also knows that it’s not going to be an ideal situation.”

“You can say that again,” I said sourly. “What are you thinking for custody?”

“Obviously I want it 50/50,” he said.

“And for the first year?” I asked.

“What about the first year?” he demanded. “I’ll want my time with them the first year.”

“I get that but if everything goes to plan I’d like to breastfeed them,” I said, trying to keep a level head and a calm tone.

“Breastfeed?” Roland piped up, his hatred of me clearly not getting in the way of a young child’s curiosity.

“Mommies feed their babies with milk they produce from their breasts,” I told him.

“Or they use formula to make it easier on everyone involved,” Robin said, his voice hard. “Honestly Regina, what’s wrong with bottle feeding?”

“Nothing is wrong with bottle feeding or formula, but I was hoping to do it one way,” I said.

“So you could keep them away from me longer,” he said. “So I can’t feed them when you’re not around. Roland was bottle fed because it was important to his mother that I have a chance to bond with him over feedings as well. I won’t stand for it if you’re trying to keep me from that.”

“No, that’s not what I said,” I said, getting frustrated. “I said I wanted to breastfeed. Not that I wanted to keep them from you. The only problem is that when we go that route, I’m the one with the breasts.”

“Can you not talk like that in front of my son?” he asked.

“I’m not being vulgar,” I pointed out. “I’m using the proper terminology here.”

“There’s no need to—“

“Here are your drinks.”

The two drinks—one for Robin and one for Roland—came into my peripheral vision first and I glanced at the waitress who brought them over quickly before looking back at Robin.

When it clicked into place, I jerked, doing what had to have been a dramatic double take as I gaped at Emma.

“Hi, Miss Mills,” she said, her face carefully guarded. “It’s good to see you again so soon. Would you like anything to drink?”

“You work here?” I nearly squeaked.

“Yeah, it’s my first shift,” she said. “I just got the job the other day and Granny—Ruby’s grandmother said I could start whenever I wanted, so I picked right after graduation.”

Her expression was so innocent and so sincere that I couldn’t help but be impressed. I realized suddenly how openly surprised I’d been upon seeing her and knew it had to look strange.

“That’s wonderful, Miss Swan,” I said, using the name to try to sound slightly distanced from her. “I’m glad to hear that you’re working hard.”

I fell silent, struggling to keep my panic under control. I couldn’t talk to Robin with Emma around. I couldn’t have _this_ conversation in particular with Emma around. It was all well and good that I had both in my life in the ways I had them both, but to have them in the same room was more than I thought I could handle.

No, I had to handle it. I had to pretend that I was okay and that I wouldn’t screw this up.

“Did you want to order a drink?” she asked.

“A water is fine,” I said quickly. “Thank you.”

She nodded and headed off while I turned back to Robin, struggling to remember what we’d just been talking about.

“One of your former students?” he asked.

“She just graduated yesterday,” I said. “She was one of the best in my class.”

“You seem surprised to see her,” he said.

“It’s odd seeing a student outside of class,” I said, waving my hand dismissively, though I knew my reaction had been enough to make anyone suspicious. “Where were we?”

“You were trying to keep my children to yourself for the first year of their lives,” he said, almost conversationally.

“I was trying to say I’d like to nurse them and you were accusing me of that,” I said. “It’s proven that nursing through the first year is really good for the child.”

“So isn’t having a good relationship with their father.”

“That’s true but from what I’ve read of typical custody agreements generally there’s one primary caregiver and home base, which is typically the mother and her home,” I said. “Robin, I’m just trying to do what I think is best.”

“You don’t exactly have a long track record of doing so though, do you?”

“If you’d like I can look at sole custody,” I threatened, having heard quite enough of it. “In case you didn’t realize, I didn’t exactly _have_ to tell you about them in the first place. If you’re going to be intentionally overly difficult we can do this through lawyers.”

“I’m the one being difficult?” he demanded. “How am I being difficult? You’re the one who took off—“

“Are we ready to order food?” Emma cut in, setting my glass of water down in front of me.

I was kind of relieved that she’d interrupted because I was ready to slap him already and I knew his next comment wasn’t exactly going to be kind.

“Sure,” he said. His tone was icy as he glared at me for a moment before looking up at her. “I’ll have a Reuben and a basket of fries, and my son will have chicken tenders.”

“Okay,” she said, scribbling that down on her pad. “And you, Miss Mills?”

“I won’t be eating,” I said.

“Are you sure?” she asked. I saw her gaze flick to my stomach and I looked at Robin to be sure he didn’t see that. Thankfully he was back to glaring at me.

“I’m sure,” I said, trying to sound firm. I knew what she was getting at. I needed to eat for the twins. I just wasn’t quite in the mood to eat, and I didn’t think I’d be able to stomach waiting for food to be made or spending any more time in the diner with Robin and his son while they glared at me so angrily.

“Reuben and chicken tenders, coming right up then,” she said.

When Emma left, I looked back at Robin.

“Look, I just want to do something a certain way,” I said. “I’m not attempting to keep them from you. I want you in their lives. I wouldn’t have told you if I didn’t want you to know them. I want this to work out for you as well. I want you to be happy.”

“Sure you do,” he said. “That’s why you took off with some woman.”

“She and I broke up.”

He froze. He clearly hadn’t been expecting that at all and his brow furrowed for a moment as if he were weighing my words, trying to decide if they were true or not.

“You did?” he asked.

“We did. I felt guilty for what I’d done to you and I knew it would only complicate the twins’ lives if you and I had that point of contention constantly over our heads, so I ended it with her.”

“Oh.”

Silence settled over the table as he sized me up. Roland looked between us, clearly not quite understanding what was going on.

“Did you leave her to try to get back together with me?“ Robin asked. “Because if that was what you wanted, you’ve—“

“It was just because I felt badly and didn’t want to hurt the twins,” I said, cutting him off. “I’m not looking to try to do anything with you except for raise them.”

His eyes narrowed.

“Good,” he said. “I didn’t want—“

“Yes, yes, I get it,” I said, trying not to sound too tired with him. “Please Robin, can we just figure this out? I’d like to go home.”

“Fine,” he said.

“What do you suggest we do if I want to breastfeed?” I asked him.

“If you do that, then you pump,” he said. “You can freeze breast milk, so you’ll do that and you’ll give me frozen packs so that I can feed them, too. That way they won’t see you as their only caregiver for something like that.”

I wrinkled my nose, but I figured that would have to do. I’d have liked for them to only have to do things like get frozen and reheated milk at daycare, but I supposed I’d have to make sacrifices if I wanted to let Robin be in on his children’s lives.

“Agreed,” I said. “I want them at my house for the first few months, maybe even the first year. I shouldn’t have to give up my newborns to someone else after I’ve just given birth. And besides that, it will just be a mess trying to bring twins back and forth with everything that they’ll need. They’ll sleep at my house but we can have them visit your house some days.”

Robin’s jaw set and he looked ready for a fight but after a moment he nodded.

“Only if I can spend time with them,” he said. “I’ll get very frequent visitation rights. Maybe once a day with Roland after I pick him up and time on the weekends.”

I glanced at Roland who seemed to be losing interest in the conversation and was now fidgeting with the silverware he had in front of him.

“I’ll only accept that if you’ll stop talking poorly of me in front of him,” I said, gesturing to the boy. “If I’m to be the mother of two of your children, your other one has to respect me. It won’t do for the twins to hear that kind of anger either.”

“Do you think that I’d talk about you—“

“You already have, Robin,” I snapped. “Just agree not to talk poorly of me in front of them and you’ll have as much time with them as you’d like those first few months, and then once they’re old enough we can actually have them go back and forth between us.”

“When we go to splitting time, I want more than just a night here and there,” he said.

“What are you thinking then?”

“One week with me, one week with you, then switch off,” he said.

“A week?!” I could hardly believe it. “You expect me to hand you my children for a week at a time?”

“ _Our_ children, and yes,” he said. “You’ll get them for a week as well.”

“Robin, I’m growing these children in my _body_ ,” I said. “I’m not going to want to give them up for a _week_. I don’t even think that it would be reasonable for them to be apart from me for that long.”

“But it doesn’t matter how I won’t want to give them up,” he said. “It doesn’t matter if I don’t want to be apart from them.”

“It does, but a week at a time is absurd,” I said. “If you want to talk about doing it so that we get three days on and three off with a rotating seventh day, maybe I get a certain couple of days while you get the other and we rotate weekends, fine, we can do that, but I’m not giving them up every other week.”

“Fine,” he said, glaring.

“When they get close to turning one, we’ll talk more about that,” I said. “We’ll figure out a schedule closer to then. Until then, they’ll stay at my house, you’ll visit me, and they’ll visit you. Every day so that they know and love you.”

“Good,” he said. “They go to Roland’s daycare when they can enroll.”

“What?” I asked incredulously.

“I’ve used it since he was little and it’s excellent,” Robin said firmly. “They’ll have teachers we’re both familiar with, they’ll be close to Storybrooke where we both work, and we’ll get a discount if we have more than one child enrolled.”

I had thought it was a ploy to somehow get more time with them or something but his reasons were actually solid, so I nodded.

“Here we go,” Emma’s voice said, sounding overly chipper.

I glanced up and saw she had two plates and a basket of fries balanced on a circular serving tray. She set the chicken tenders in front of Roland and the sandwich and fries in front of Robin, then smiled at us all.

“Is there anything else I can get you guys?” she asked.

“No, I think we’re all set, thanks,” Robin said.

Emma looked at me then. Her eyes held so many more questions than just what she’d actually asked. I nodded in agreement with Robin.

“Thank you,” I said.

Emma hesitated a moment before saying, “Okay, well if you need anything, just let me know,” before heading off again.

I watched her for a moment, knowing full well that she had probably heard every bit of what Robin and I had discussed. I wondered if she would have any opinions on any of it. It wasn’t like they were her children though—of course, she’d been fully ready to take on the financial burden of them before, so I was certain she’d have something to say if she already felt that much a part of the situation.

“Is that all we need to discuss?” I asked.

“I think it’s about as much as we can talk about now,” Robin said. “Other than I want to be there for more doctor’s appointments for you when you’re pregnant. If you’re single you won’t have anyone taking you, and they’re my kids so I want to do it. I want to know what’s going on.”

“If that’s what you really want,” I said. “I’ll text you the information for my next appointment. Thank you for meeting with me.”

I got up from the booth and nodded once to the two of them in goodbye. Robin nodded back but Roland just stared. Instead of going for the front door I turned towards the back hallway where the bathrooms were, feeling an intense need to go. I had known women had to pee more often during the last few months of pregnancy, but some of the literature Steele had given me said women also did so a lot in the first few months as well. The single glass of water I’d just had clearly had already passed right through me.

I went to the bathroom and after peeing washed my hands, taking a moment to stare at myself in the mirror.

I wondered sometimes how fate had conspired to put me in this position, but I wasn’t about to let it kick me around. Robin deciding to be a part of the babies’ lives was a wrench in my plan but at least now it was understood their home base would be with me for the first year at the very least.

I opened the door to leave and was startled to find Emma waiting for me, looking anxious.

“Are you okay?” she asked immediately.

“I just bartered on various aspects of my babies’ lives,” I said, my voice practically dripping with sarcasm. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

“I mean, I know that can’t be fun—“

“Why didn’t you tell me you were working here, anyways?” I asked. “I’m amazed I didn’t give us away earlier when I saw you.”

“I dunno, it just didn’t come up,” she said with a shrug. “You didn’t ask where I was waitressing, just what I was doing.”

I heaved a sigh.

“I just wish I’d known,” I said. “I would have asked him to go anywhere else.”

“Well yeah, but now I know the important stuff,” she pointed out. “I can plan around when he’ll want to be there so he won’t catch me there at the same time as him. We can keep us a secret from him a bit longer.”

“He knows that I’m ‘single’ again,” I said. “I’m telling Kathryn tomorrow at work that I broke up with the person this weekend. After that I think we should make a point to be seen interacting in public in a friendly way, then after a month we can move it on to a flirtatious way, then by the time August hits we can actually date openly and people will think it all started around now.”

“Are you sure?”

“No, but it’s the best I can come up with,” I said. “Like we discussed, we can be honest with your parents.”

Emma watched me for a long moment before she finally nodded.

“Should we do it soon?” she asked. “If we want to be able to be open about it by August we should probably tell them sooner rather than later.”

“Let’s give it… a week or two,” I said. “Some time to come up with what to say might be a good idea.”

“Yeah, definitely,” she said. She glanced up and down the hallway before saying, “I love you. And I hope that wasn’t too terrible.” She gestured out to the dining room.

“It wasn’t fun,” I said, “but it needed to be done.”

“Well just think, now it’s out of the way,” she said. She smiled but I could see it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Nothing,” she said. “Why does something have to be wrong?”

“Because you look like something is wrong.”

“I’m worried about him being a jerk,” she said, but she didn’t meet my gaze and I knew she wasn’t telling the truth.

“Don’t lie to me Emma,” I cautioned her. “Especially not today. I’m not in the mood.”

She hesitated a long moment.

“Are you sure that you don’t want to get back with him?” she asked. “Like… it’d be easier than all this planning and lying and… it’d just be simpler.”

“Do you honestly think I’d want to get back together with him now?” I asked. “After all the terrible things he’s said? I have plenty more respect for myself than that.” Realizing it made it sound like his rejection was the only reason, I dropped my voice and added, “And besides, I’m in love with this incredible girl who made me happier faster than he ever did.”

Her worry was instantly gone and she grinned cheekily.

“Okay, okay, you don’t have to butter me up,” she said, but I could tell she was pleased with my response.

“Text me when you’re done here,” I said. “Maybe we can FaceTime tonight and you can tell me about your first shift.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll be the first person I’ll talk to,” she promised me. “I don’t wanna risk kissing you goodbye in public right now but imagine I’m doing that.”

“Then imagine I’m backing you against the wall, pressing my thigh between yours, and kissing you until you can’t breathe,” I teased.

She groaned.

“Come on, that’s not fair!” she protested. “I gotta work now!”

“Hopefully that thought will just make our FaceTiming tonight more exciting,” I said, grinning ear to ear.

“And now you’re promising a dirty video chat,” she said, making sure to keep her voice low. “You’re the worst.”

“But you love me.”

“You got me there.”

“I love you, too.”

I wished we could have kissed goodbye but knew I only had to wait a few more months. It was going to be worth it in the end, I was sure of it.

I headed out, going back out into the main dining room. I didn’t even look over at Robin or Roland as I crossed to the door, but I felt both their eyes on me as I walked past the table. I hurried out into the warm afternoon, went to my car, and headed back to the hotel to keep searching for a place. I had just a handful of days left of work and they were all just clearing out the offices in case we were shuffled around for the next year, so they would be easy enough.


	26. Chapter Twenty Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lil bit of flirtation, lot bit of sex. Some lingerie, some BDSM elements (spanking, choking, Regina's called 'Miss Mills' during) and use of a double sided dildo.

The rest of my first day of work went off without a hitch, and afterwards I celebrated with Ruby and Neal. Neal had snagged a bottle of champagne from his house and we went to the old well in the forest to drink it from red solo cups Ruby took from her apartment. It was kind of a hang out spot for teenagers who didn’t want to go home but didn’t want to hang around Storybrooke’s various playgrounds, so we saw plenty of other recent graduates and had a good time.

True to her word, Regina had given me a dirty little show over video chat. I’d had to wait until my parents went to bed, but that just built the anticipation more. I definitely made sure to be wearing headphones for that one, and she’d said all sorts of filthy things in my ear as she did a little strip tease. I held out for as long as I could before I had to take care of myself, and she didn’t hesitate to direct me through that, making me delay myself as long as possible until I wanted to explode before giving me permission to come. I hated how willing I was to obey her when it came to putting off an orgasm, but at the same time it was always satisfying in the end. After I’d come she’d let me watch her get herself off and I’d endlessly cursed the fact that I lived with my parents—I wanted to tell her what to do so badly but couldn’t risk being overheard saying something like _that_.

My second day at work was infinitely less eventful. It was a Monday so it was a bit slower than the previous day, and there certainly weren’t any custody battles being fought in the dining room. Tuesday passed in much the same vein.

I had Wednesday off and had hoped to spend it with Regina, but she had one more day of cleaning out her office and wrap-up meetings left. I sulked and pouted and told her to skip it but she’d never skipped a day of work by choice and wasn’t about to start now.

That didn’t stop me from wanting to see her though, which was why I found myself in the bug in the school parking lot with a small bouquet of lilies. I’d decided to bring her flowers to put a smile on her face and I’d gone with lilies because of their importance in _Imagine Me and You_. I’d thought it would be a cute little joke that would make them mean more to her, and I couldn’t wait to give them to her.

I got out of the car and headed up to the school, wandering through the halls until I got to her office. I heard two people inside—one was Regina and the other was Kathryn. I reminded myself I couldn’t call them by their first names, which would be significantly easier to do with Kathryn than it would be with Regina.

“I just can’t believe after everything you gave up for her you broke up with her,” Kathryn said disbelievingly.

I pulled back, not wanting to interrupt this conversation in particular. I knew Regina had told her friend that she’d broken up with the ‘other woman’ but I thought she’d said she told her on Monday.

“I didn’t want the strangeness of our relationship impacting the twins’ lives,” Regina said. “Robin would know I left him for her and he’d be upset around her and I. That would inevitably affect the babies.”

“True, but still,” she said. “You gave him up to be with her.”

“It was a young relationship,” Regina said, sounding like she was trying to be patient. “We’d only been dating about three months. It wasn’t like we were in love.”

I didn’t exactly like hearing her talk like that. I knew it was all a lie, but it still felt strange to hear it.

“Besides, the babies come first,” she continued. “They’re more important than almost anything else in my life.”

“Almost?”

“You know I can’t live without my shoes.”

I heard the smile in her voice and grinned a little myself.

“You’re going to have to when you start getting fat,” Kathryn teased. “You’re going to be all off-balance and you could fall.”

“Don’t remind me,” Regina said. I could practically hear the eye roll.

I stepped closer to be in the doorway and knocked on the open door.

“Excuse me, Miss Mills?” I said.

Regina turned to face me. Kathryn was practically reclining in Regina’s desk chair while Regina sorted through a pile of papers on the floor. She was settled with her knees tucked primly beneath her as she looked through everything and her heels had been cast aside. She wore her ‘casual’ work clothes, but her casual attire was still very business-minded. Her idea of casual was that she wore a white button down blouse with a vest and slacks, but her shirt wasn’t tucked in and she’d rolled up her sleeves.

She looked adorable—but then again, she always looked adorable.

“Miss Swan,” she said, her surprise clear in her expression. “First I bump into you at Granny’s and now you’re back to your old stomping grounds so soon?”

“How can I keep away from this place when it’s been so good to me?” I asked. I smiled at Kathryn then. “Hi, Mrs. Anderson.”

“Hello, Emma,” she said, looking perplexed by my presence. I didn’t blame her but I kind of wished she hadn’t been there.

“What actually brings you back to school just three days into your summer vacation?” Regina asked.

“I wanted to bring you these,” I said, holding up the flowers. “You were such a great teacher, I figured it was the least I could do.”

Regina got to her feet and came over to me with a smile I could tell she was fighting to keep small. I extended the flowers out to her and she looked at them, then looked at me, her eyes sparkling.

“Thank you very much, Miss Swan,” she said, trying to contain her delight. “I have a special place in my heart for lilies. They’re quite meaningful.”

She did get it then.

I beamed at her.

She took them from me, letting her fingers brush against mine. Her touch was electric, and I couldn’t help but think of every cheesy romance in every cheesy young adult novel where the two main characters feel like they’ve been jolted by one another’s touch.

“You’ve just been so amazing the last year,” I said, laying it on thick. “I know I kind of dominated class sometimes but you encouraged it and seemed to enjoy it. Plus all your help with getting my essay and all that published has been amazing.”

“That actually reminds me!” Regina said, looking thrilled. “I just got this delivered here today!”

She went to her desk and took hold of the single thing on it—a plain white envelope. She turned to me with an enormous smile and handed it over. When I took it she went back to admiring the lilies.

I checked the front of the envelope and saw it was for me, care of Regina Mills, with the school’s address. I raised a brow and looked at her before I turned it over and opened it.

A single paper was inside and I pulled it out, unfolded it, and started reading.

“ _Dear Miss Emma Swan,_

 _Thank you for your submission to ProtagMag._ _We are pleased to inform you that your submission will be featured in the September issue of our magazine._ ”

I didn’t even bother reading the rest of it. I looked back at Regina, wishing I could grab her and kiss her.

“I’m assuming from your expression it’s good news?” she asked me.

I nodded and wordlessly handed over the paper. She scanned it quickly and her face broke into an enormous grin.

“Congratulations on your first ever publication,” she said delightedly. I could tell she was trying her hardest not to be too over the top with her reaction.

“You looked happy when you handed it over,” I pointed out. “Did you know?”

“I had a gut feeling,” she said.

“I didn’t even realize you were still sending it out.”

“I promised you I’d get it out there, didn’t I?” she asked.

“Well it looks like I bought you those flowers just in time,” I replied.

“Is this the famous Hamratio essay?” Kathryn asked, putting a halt to our banter. Again I wished she were somewhere else. When I nodded she smiled. “Congrats, Emma. Regina’s been talking about it for months and has been sending it everywhere. Who took it?”

“ProtagMag,” I said.

“They’re new, but they’ve shown a lot of promise when it comes to giving young writers a seat at the table,” she said happily. “And their readership is pretty large despite being so new. That’s quite an honor. I’ll be sure to keep an eye out for that issue to see just what you have to say about Hamlet and Horatio’s relationship.”

“It’s quite a life changing piece of work,” Regina said, her eyes sparkling as she looked at me. “You’ll love it, Kathryn.”

I was ready to explode with happiness. I could see the pride in Regina’s eyes and I so badly wished Kathryn would leave so that I could kiss my girlfriend.

I realized suddenly that I’d overheard them talking about Regina being single. Maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to flirt a little now?

“I mean I had a lot to say about it,” I said. “The topic is very near and dear to my heart. But I also know I wouldn’t have gotten as far with it if I hadn’t had you helping me. You believed in me, and I can’t thank you enough, Miss Mills.”

“You’ve graduated, you can call me Regina now,” she said.

I wanted to laugh but I kept as straight a face as I was capable of keeping.

“Well then, thank you, Regina,” I said. “But seriously, I mean it. I might have to go out and get you more flowers.”

“Don’t think you need to go out of your way for me,” she said.

“Oh no, I do,” I said confidently. “After this I definitely do.”

“They _are_ beautiful,” she said, smiling as she looked at them again.

“Not as beautiful as you,” I said.

She looked up sharply and I saw Kathryn start at that. They both looked incredulous but Regina looked delighted. She caught on quickly what I was doing. I was laying the groundwork for later on. She could brush it off now, but when we started flirting more publicly Kathryn could reasonably say it started in that office after graduation.

“Miss Swan, I don’t think that’s very appropriate,” she said.

“You can call me Emma,” I teased. “If you’re going to let me call you Regina, the least I can do is let you call me Emma. And I’m sorry if it’s not appropriate, but it’s true.”

She bit her lip to keep from laughing at the familiar conversation. I was lucky she had her back to Kathryn.

“Well then, _Emma_ ,” she said. “I believe I’ve heard quite enough flattery for one day. You could have started that when I was grading your papers though—I remember a few Bs in there that could have been As if you had only told me of my beauty before.”

“I’ll try to remember that for when I go to college,” I shot back, sounding cocky as anything.

Her brow arched and I recognized that I’d essentially challenged her by bringing up the thought of other professors to impress. I’d be paying for that later, but I had a feeling I’d like it.

“Be sure you do,” she said. “I’ve got a bit more I need to do to clean up and be done by the end of the day. Thank you very much for the compliments and the flowers. I do hope you’ll keep in touch.”

“Oh believe me, Regina, I’ll stay in touch,” I said. “Have a good summer. You too, Mrs. Anderson.”

I waved quickly in goodbye, glancing at Kathryn and seeing she stared at me in complete and utter shock. I headed out the door, trying to look as casual as humanly possible as I played up the sway of my hips just a little bit.

The moment I was outside I looked up and down the hallway to check there was no one around before plastering myself against the wall near the doorway. I had to hear their reactions to all of that.

“Did she just—just—“ Kathryn spluttered.

“Just what, Kathryn?” Regina asked, sounding calm as anything.

“Did she just hit on you?” Kathryn asked. “Was that what just happened?”

“What are you talking about?” Regina asked. “She just brought me flowers and paid me a compliment.”

“She _definitely_ just hit on you. Not even subtly either.”

“She’s young,” Regina said. “She’s probably just hormonal. And besides, I can’t say I minded it.”

“She’s your student.”

“Not anymore. She was my student, but now she’s just a young woman headed off to college. I’m sure she’ll redirect those hormones to other young woman in the fall.”

“God Regina, I’d think you’d be a little more up in arms about this.”

“Hey, I can’t say I don’t love a good flattering,” Regina said. “Besides, these flowers really are lovely.”

“You said they were meaningful,” Kathryn said.

“They are in a way.”

“What way?”

“Well, in the language of flowers and florists, I’ve heard that they mean, ‘ _I dare you to love me_.’”

“ _What_?” Kathryn asked. “And you think she’s just—“

“As I said, Kathryn, she’s young and hormonal.”

“She was flirting with you.”

“And now she’s gone.”

“I just don’t understand how you can be so cavalier about this,” Kathryn said. “I’d have told her off.”

“Maybe I just needed a pick me up and that was exactly the right kind of pick me up,” Regina said. “Maybe not from someone entirely appropriate, but she’s not my student anymore and I’ll most likely never see her again unless she visits. I won’t see it as a problem until it actually starts being one.”

There was silence for a moment before Kathryn grumbled, “Well I don’t have anyone daring _me_ to love them. Jim’s barely daring me to make out anymore.”

Regina laughed and I delighted in the sound.

“Is that why you’re so incensed?” she teased. “Because you’re not getting any action?”

“Shut it, Regina,” Kathryn said.

I grinned as I started heading down the hallway, away from Regina’s office. I heard Kathryn ask, “How do you know the language of flowers and florists anyways?” as I reached the corner and I left them to it.

My blatant flirtation would be seen as the first time the two of us were together, and Kathryn would be able to vouch for it. Regina playing it off as nothing—but a pleasant nothing—was a good thing, too. She didn’t seem like she was interested in pursuing a former student but it wouldn’t seem entirely out of the realm of possibility with how she’d mentioned being flattered.

It seemed like enough for now. I’d have to figure out other ways to flirt and flatter her in the future.

I got into the bug and made it halfway home before I heard the chime of Regina’s specific ringtone. I grinned and just kept driving, but when I pulled into the driveway I practically snatched my phone up.

“ _You’re going to get it tonight. Come by at 8. Do NOT keep me waiting ;)_ ”

I grinned with delight and headed into the house, practically on cloud nine. I knew whatever Regina had planned as payback for my teasing would most likely blow me away.

The afternoon passed slowly, but when Mom and Dad came home we cooked together. Normally just one of them would do that—whichever of them insisted the hardest they weren’t tired from their workday and convinced the other one to relax usually cooked—but that day I meandered around the kitchen looking over their shoulders enough that I was invited to help.

By 6:30 we each had a heaping helping of chicken pot pie on our plates and were telling stories about our respective days.

“What about you, Emma, did you just laze around all day?” Mom asked with a smile.

“Of course not,” I said. “I brought my girlfriend flowers at work to brighten her day a little bit.”

“God you take after your father,” Mom said with a laugh. “Do you know I used to call him Prince Charming when we were dating? He was exactly like all the princes you read about in fairy tales and knew exactly how to sweep me off my feet.”

“Yeah, I learned from the best,” I said and winked at Dad as he grinned at me.

“Did she love the flowers?” he asked.

“Yeah, she did,” I said. “She’s a sucker for stuff like that.”

“The charming is wearing off now,” Mom teased.

“It’s true!” I countered. “We talked the other day about you two meeting her sometime soon.”

“How soon?” Mom asked, sounding like she was trying to contain her excitement at the prospect of meeting the woman she’d heard so much about.

“Like in the next couple weeks?” I said. “We both really want you to know her and for everything to be all out in the open. There’s just some stuff she and I need to talk over before we spill.”

“As long as I don’t meet her for the first time on the day of your wedding,” Dad said.

“We’ve only been dating a couple months,” I protested, hoping my embarrassment didn’t show on my face. “It’s not like I’m going to propose to her the second you guys see her face. We’re still taking it slow and steady, especially with her being pregnant.”

“We know, we know,” he said. “We’ve just heard so much good about her even with the handful of fights you’ve talked about. We want to size her up and see what about her makes her good enough for you.”

“She’s great,” I promised them. “And once we figure out what exactly we want to say I’ll let you know.”

“I guess that’s all we can ask for,” Dad said simply.

They seemed so easy-going about this as they tried to support me in whatever I did but I knew that their reaction could be totally different later on down the line. They could very easily blow up about this and turn everything sour.

“I’m headed over to hers at 8,” I said. “We were gonna watch a movie.” That was a lie, but I obviously wasn’t about to tell them that I was pretty certain my girlfriend was going to fuck me raw that night.

“Will you be home after?” Dad asked

“Nah, I’m headed to Ruby’s because I work tomorrow so I was gonna drive her there,” I said. That at least was the truth.

“All right,” he said. “Just make sure your phone is charged at all times.”

“I know,” I promised.

We finished our meal, all cleaned up together—really hitting the nail on the idyllic family in doing so—and then I headed upstairs to pack an overnight bag. I knew I had clothes at Regina’s but I needed something to wear at the diner the next day.

I was in the car by quarter past 7 and parked outside the motel by about a quarter to 8. I grabbed my bag and hurried up the stairs to Regina’s motel room. I knocked and the door opened only a few seconds later as if she was ready for me.

The doorway was empty when the door swung open and my brow furrowed.

“Babe?” I asked.

“Just walk in,” she said from her spot behind the door.

“You’re being super weird.”

“And you’re delaying your surprise.”

The news that it was for a big reveal had me hurrying into the motel room and throwing my bag down. Regina was blocked by the door but I could see her face and she smirked at my eagerness, then let go of the door handle, letting it shut by itself.

When the door swung closed I saw what she was wearing and was fairly certain I was about to pass out.

I would always be the first to say my girlfriend was sinfully hot, but the outfit she’d picked out for me was almost too much for me to handle. The lingerie set was to die for, all black lace and sheer fabric. The cups of the bra were all lace so I could see the faint outline of her nipples beneath the fabric where the floral designs didn’t quite cover everything. The pattern continued down onto the corset piece that cinched her waist in just the slightest bit, and as I let my eyes drag down her body I saw the tiniest scrap of lace that only just might still reasonably be called panties. The corset connected to the garters by thin suspenders, and she wore sky-high black heels. Her make up was considerably darker than usual and she’d gone with a blood red lipstick for a single pop of color.

I didn’t know how long I gaped at her, but she clearly got tired of waiting for me to speak as she approached.

“I’ve got some ideas for tonight,” she said, her voice low.

I was nodding before I could think of anything else.

“Good to see that you’re interested,” she said with a laugh, stepping into my space and pressing up against me. She dropped a quick kiss on my lips before she pulled away abruptly and walked past me.

I spun to watch her as she went to the bed and settled down on it, crossing her legs and leaning back just a little bit on her hands. The position put her breasts on display and I walked towards her without a thought.

“Ah-ah,” she said, shaking her head.

I froze where I was, confused.

“You’re not touching just yet,” she explained. “See I’ve had this planned for a while. I have something very special for you tonight but you were more than a little bit out of line today.”

My hands clenched and unclenched at my sides as I fought the urge to go and just take her. It was stupid how quickly something like a lingerie set got me going, but the fact that Regina had gone through all this effort just to appeal to me was thrilling. Not only did she want to have sex with me but she wanted to make herself more delectable to me. She should have known that she herself was delectable enough for me to never want anything or anyone else, but the fact that she was spicing herself up a little bit for tonight made me want to bury myself between her thighs and never come up for air again.

“I appreciated the flowers you brought me,” she said, gesturing to where they were set up in a small vase she must have bought on her way home. “But you did flirt with me in front of another person. That was dangerous. We could have been caught and called out.” I opened my mouth to speak and she held up her hand to silence me. “That wasn’t my real issue though. My real issue was that when I told you that you could have gotten better grades by complimenting me sooner, you said you’d remember that for your college professors. It won’t do for you to be looking elsewhere. You’re going to learn that you shouldn’t even think about doing so.”

I was still shocked by what I’d walked into. She was so cool and collected but I was certain she was probably already soaked and ready for me. It never took long for her to get aroused, and the fact that she’d clearly been planning this since I left her that afternoon meant she’d probably been thinking hard on it and working herself up.

“Come here,” she ordered. “Sit in my lap.”

I hurried to do what she asked and straddled her lap. When I moved to wrap my arms around her she shook her head just the slightest bit.

“No touching,” she reminded me. She suddenly dropped the sexy seductress vibe and got really serious. “I want to play with you a little tonight. I told you the first time we had sex that I’ve played with punishment in the past and you seemed interested in it. You’ve responded positively to having your ass smacked and being choked. I was hoping to dabble in that a little bit tonight.”

“Yes please,” I said quickly, my voice slightly higher pitched and rough.

She laughed, a soft, melodic, happy sound that seemed totally at odds with the outfit she wore.

“I have rules with it though,” she said, very obviously delighted by my eagerness. “You’re to do what I tell you when I tell you. You’re only to speak when asked a question and only to address me as ‘Miss Mills’. And most important of all, if at any point you’re uncomfortable or unhappy with what’s going on, you’re to say the word ‘apple’ or tap either of my shoulders three times. Are those rules okay with you?”

“Yes, Miss Mills,” I said.

She bit her lip to hold back a laugh.

“I’m serious, Emma,” she said. “I want this to be fun for you. I’ve dabbled in this before but I want to be sure it’s something you’re interested in before we start. I don’t want to overwhelm you.”

“I’m serious, too,” I said. “I really want this. You kept saying we’d come back to those things and we haven’t yet. I really, _really_ want to.”

“Okay then,” she said. “Do you have any questions before we start?”

“None, Miss Mills,” I said.

“Good,” she said. “If you can take all of your punishments for your smart mouth earlier today I have a surprise planned for you.”

“Another?” I asked. I tacked on a quick, “Miss Mills?” just in case.

“Yes, another,” she said. “Now remember the rules.” She waited for me to nod that I would before she went on. “Get up on your knees. I want you to pull your jeans and underwear down to your thighs.”

I hurried to do as she asked and waited with baited breath for the first smack. Instead, her hands simply drifted to my backside, kneading my flesh lightly. She leaned up and kissed me. I started to put my hands up to wrap them around her when I remembered the no touching rule and let them fall back to my sides. She rewarded me by deepening the kiss, her tongue flicking out just a little to lick into my mouth when I gasped.

Her mouth wandered then, moving down to my jaw and my throat. She paid special attention to a spot just beneath my ear, licking and sucking and kissing there until I was moaning. I tilted my head to give her more room to work.

The first smack landed then and I jerked into her, letting out a noise of surprise. It hadn’t been overly hard, just enough to leave a bit of a sting, like she was testing me. The way my hips rolled into her body, searching for some kind of friction had to clue her in to how much I liked it.

She pulled back and looked at me for a moment, checking over my expression. When I realized she was trying to see if I was game to keep going I nodded.

She grinned wolfishly and her hand flew again while her mouth reattached to my skin.

She slapped me in different spots on my backside, constantly raising and lowering the power behind each smack. I wanted to badly to grab on to her, to hold on to her for dear life as each hit landed and reverberated through my body. I could feel heat pooling low in my belly and my arousal skyrocketing.

Her mouth continued to move across my neck and the part of my chest revealed by the V-neck of my shirt. She kissed my collarbone, sucked where my neck met my shoulder, licked up the column of my throat, bit down on an earlobe, and while she did all of that I desperately tried to thrust my hips into her body for some kind of stimulation while also pressing my backside out for more of her hands.

When the pain of her smacks began to border on unpleasant, she must have glanced up in time and caught me wincing after a blow because her hands went soft, smoothing over the reddening, smarting skin.

“You didn’t make half as much noise as I expected you to,” she observed.

“Is that okay, Miss Mills?” I asked.

“Of course it is, dear,” she said. “I’m just impressed.”

I was relieved by that.

“I’m not pleased you’ve already forgotten you’re not to speak unless you’re asked a direct question,” she said, slapping me one more time. I jerked into her and hissed softly. “But I am still impressed by how well you held up under that. Stand up and strip for me—slowly.”

I stood, trying to ignore the stinging left behind by her hands in favor of potentially getting what I wanted—which, to be fair was just ‘more’ in a vague sense. I removed my shoes and socks before I began to slowly undress while she watched me.

I knew Regina was attracted to me and that she loved me, but sometimes I could _feel_ her desire just based on how she looked at me. When I had discarded my shirt I caught her licking her lips, but by the time I had tossed my pants and underwear away she was rubbing her thighs together just slightly, most likely to relieve some of the ache she felt between her legs.

When I stood naked before her, she sized me up for a moment or two before beckoning me back towards the bed.

“Lay down on your back and spread for me,” she ordered. “I want to see what being smacked does to you.”

I followed her direction but I could feel a blush creeping up in my cheeks. I knew I was wet already. No, not wet. I was as soaked as I imagined she was. I was pretty sure I could feel traces of my arousal on my inner thighs.

She smirked when she saw me.

“You really do like that, don’t you?” she asked.

“Yes, Miss Mills,” I replied. “I like it a lot.”

“Have you done it before?”

“Once or twice,” I admitted. “But I wasn’t as wet before, Miss Mills.”

“God Emma, you’re so delicious,” she practically moaned, her careful mask of control slipping for just a moment.

She climbed between my legs and leaned over me, stretching for a kiss before putting her mouth all over the newly bared skin. She let her lips and tongue wander across my chest, my throat, my breasts, my stomach, and I realized she was heading directly between my legs. I had thought she was going to punish me more, but I supposed that the smacking was all she was going to go for. I couldn’t deny I was a little disappointed by that, but I wasn’t disappointed for long as she put her mouth on me.

Regina was good at a lot of things. She had perfect diction, she could make me laugh, she had a knack for putting together gorgeous outfits, she was incredibly intelligent, she had an amazingly accurate memory, she’d shown me videos of her riding horses when she was younger and she was good at that… She was really good at all sorts of activities.

She was fucking _phenomenal_ at eating pussy.

For someone who had been afraid of this side of her and so avoidant of this kind of thing for so long, Regina seemed to excel at giving head to a woman.

She almost always started with just her lips. They were always soft at first, placing gentle kisses here and there to warm me up—even when I was already warmed up enough that I was desperate for her.

When she brought her tongue into play I could swear I’d gone through my first religious experiences. I often thought about how I’d known she had a sharp tongue to begin with so I should have expected her to be able to do a lot with it, but I never expected her to be so precise. Even when she’d first started with that kind of thing she’d been able to easily keep her speed and pressure perfect.

By that point I was pushing my hips into her face, searching for more. All thoughts of this being a punishment were gone from my mind as she ate me almost ravenously. She readjusted to wrap her lips around my clit and she sucked, her tongue flicking out against the sensitive nerves. I tensed, feeling myself getting closer and closer to orgasm. Just as I was about to come she pulled away suddenly.

“Regina please,” I moaned.

She grabbed my hip, pushing it so I rolled just slightly to the side, and before I could be sure what was happening her hand was flying. It landed on my ass and I yelped, more out of surprise than pain—it wasn’t a blow to hurt me, just one to remind me of the rules.

“You just broke two of my rules,” she said. “Would you like to apologize?”

“Yes, Miss Mills,” I said, my eyes wide. “I’m sorry for breaking your rules.”

“Would you like to tell me why you did?”

“Because I was going to come and you stopped, Miss Mills,” I said.

“You want to come now?”

“Yes, Miss Mills.”

“You just have to be patient, dear,” she said.

I caught hint of a grin on her face and delight dancing in her eyes as she leaned up to kiss me. I tasted myself on her and tried to entice her to stay with me and kiss me longer but she moved back down again.

She picked up from the beginning again, starting with her lips, then moving to using her tongue, then sucking my clit once more. Again she built me up, slowly, carefully, getting me right on the edge, and just as I was about to come she pulled away. This time I was sure not to say anything but I couldn’t help the needy whine as I pushed my hips towards her almost hopefully.

She smirked up at me.

“You’re cute when you’re frustrated,” she said. I didn’t respond and her smile grew. “Good girl, not speaking when I’m not asking questions. You catch on quickly.”

I nodded, glad I’d pleased her with that, hoping it meant that I’d get to come soon. Instead she went through the whole process again. As she pulled away for a third time, the groan I let out was nearly agonized. She laughed as she wiped her mouth quickly and moved up to kiss me.

I met her kiss, my hands fisted in the sheets to ensure I didn’t try to grab her and grind against her. Her thigh was between my legs now and I could easily get a bit of stimulation before she pulled away, but I knew I’d just get held off even longer.

“Sit up,” she said softly, drawing away just slightly to allow me to do so. She stayed in my lap, straddling one of my thighs, her smile growing as I breathed heavily through my nose and out through my mouth, trying to keep calm.

“Spread your legs a little wider.”

When I was situated the way she wanted me to be, she let her fingers drift between my thighs. She stroked lightly and carefully over my overly sensitive sex and my eyelids fluttered shut at the sensation. She purred quiet compliments in my ear and I felt myself rapidly building towards orgasm yet again. I just prayed she’d let me go through with it.

Her fingers danced across my clit and down to my entrance. She pressed two in to the first knuckle and then removed them, rubbed my clit, pressed her fingers in again, thrust them harder for a few moments before stopping and rubbing the heel of her palm against me. It was driving me insane how she wouldn’t just focus on anything and I rocked into her hand, hoping to catch some kind of relief.

She hooked her fingers suddenly inside of me, pressing against the spot I knew would make me come almost instantly. Instead of thrusting against it she paused there, holding her fingers still inside of me. With my eyes closed I didn’t notice her other hand come up until it was resting on my throat. She squeezed lightly before loosening her grip and my eyes flew open in surprise.

She stopped moving, her gaze softening instantly from the seductive smirk it had held before. Now she checked in, taking in my expression. I nodded to her, letting her know I was enjoying it, and she looked relieved before she squeezed again.

I gasped and my hips pushed into her hand, causing her fingers to press against my g-spot again. I swore my eyes would roll into the back of my head if they could.

She didn’t pay full attention to the spot inside of me, instead focusing more on restricting my airflow. I was aware of how strange a situation it was, to get choked by a lover and to enjoy it, but she was careful with it and I didn’t feel nervous. I was gasping for air and grinding into her hand at the end of a minute.

I had thought that I would lose patience before she did, but Regina’s hand tightened suddenly on my throat, cutting off my air completely. Her fingers moved inside of me again, hitting that spot perfectly before burying themselves inside and rubbing it with careful strokes.

My eyes went wide and my mouth opened to shriek but the sound was caught by her hand. My own hands came up to her wrist, clutching it tightly, my fingernails digging into her skin. Heat spread through every inch of my body and I went rigid, my hips nearly flying off the bed. I couldn’t control the way I trembled and shook as I came, wave after wave of delicious sensations rolling through me.

She watched me carefully, continuing to hold my throat and press against my g-spot until I felt slightly dizzy. I knew she knew I was struggling because she slowly eased off of my throat and off of that spot she knew made me come harder than I thought possible. I sucked in a deep breath and without intending to let it out in a loud, shuddering moan. My eyes fluttered shut once more and I fell back on the bed, nearly spent.

I heard her moving near me and ignored that thought for a few moments, just riding out the aftershocks of the orgasm she’d just given me. She’d discovered the wonders of a g-spot orgasm pretty quickly and she seemed to truly enjoy giving them to me. It always left me weak and ready to pass out.

“Are you good?” she asked, and I could hear the worry in her voice.

“I am, Miss Mills,” I practically croaked.

She laughed at that.

“You don’t have to call me that anymore,” she said. “We can be done with that. I don’t want to spend all of tonight playing with punishment and control. I promised you other things anyways.”

“You sure?” I asked.

“Yes, I’m sure. Now we can move on to your other surprise.”

“Is it a comfy cuddle buddy?”

“Not quite,” she said. “But it’s something you mentioned a long time ago as being one of your fantasies about me and I’d like to bring it to life if I can.”

That had me opening my eyes again and sitting straight up in seconds.

“Which fantasy?” I asked—demanded.

“I think you already know,” she teased.

She rose from the bed and went to the desk in the corner where a plain plastic bag sat on the desk chair. She reached inside and pulled out a strapless strap on. I was pretty sure she would be able to hear my heartbeat from across the room.

“I thought maybe you might like to try this?” she asked. “I had thought to get one with the harness and all that but this seemed like a good one—you get something out of wearing it, too. You come really hard from having your g-spot stimulated and you seemed to enjoy when we used the vibrator. I thought maybe…” She trailed off, looking at me curiously and almost hopefully. She was clearly wondering if she’d assumed too much.

“Bring it over,” I said eagerly. “Is it all set to go?”

“I’ve already cleaned it.”

“And I’m definitely wet enough to take it,” I said. “Are you?”

“More than,” she admitted.

She brought the toy over to me and I leaned back, propping myself up on my elbows and spreading my legs. She grinned at how ready I was but didn’t hesitate to press the end of the smaller side into my entrance. It slid in easily and I let out a soft gasp as it settled inside of me. She gave it a little tug and I yelped as it pressed against my g-spot.

“Oh god it’s going to be hard not to come when I use this,” I said, grinning, my breathing already a little labored.

“Maybe you’ll just have to work on your own control,” she teased, her hand still running up and down the shaft of the toy.

“You’re still wearing underwear,” I said.

“And?”

“And you should take it off so I can fuck you.”

“Oh no, I’m taking my time about this,” she said. “This is your reward portion for lasting through three rounds of edging.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just be patient, Emma.”

I sighed but the sigh was caught in my throat as she lowered her mouth to the tip of the toy and licked it. I stared, wide-eyed as she began to blow the toy, her eyes on me. She wrapped her lips around it and I watched as she bobbed up and down, her red lips really popping against the black of the silicone. Every time she pulled back the part inside me rubbed against my g-spot again and I had to work to keep from thrusting into her mouth.

She didn’t keep at that for long, for which I was obscenely grateful. If she kept going like she was I would come too quickly and I was pretty certain if I came again I’d be totally wiped out after that first one.

“Are you ready, Emma?” she practically purred.

I gulped and nodded.

“Then come here and fuck me.”

I grabbed her then and shoved her down onto the bed. I didn’t hesitate to unsnap the suspenders connected to her garters and slide her panties down her legs, throwing them away when I got them past the heels she still wore. I lined the toy up with her entrance and pressed forward, managing to remember I couldn’t just start pounding away.

She moaned as I split her open, her back arching and bringing her chest closer to me. I leaned forward and took a nipple into my mouth, sucking and licking as she adjusted to the length now inside her.

“Fuck,” she muttered. Her brow was furrowed and shot up when I jogged my hips lightly. I smiled as she gasped and moaned. “God Emma, I’m ready enough, just fuck me.”

I didn’t need to be told twice.

I started with full, slow thrusts, sliding in and out of her easily. She wrapped her legs around me and locked her ankles behind my back, not letting me get too far from her. I picked up the pace slowly but surely, and I felt her thighs tightening around me.

Every time I slid out the toy was pulled by her clenching heat, causing it to rub against my g-spot. She really could not have picked a better toy for me knowing how easily I came with that kind of stimulation. I focused hard on not giving in to my growing orgasm but the faster I moved and the harder I thrust the harder it got to hold off.

“Fuck Emma, you’re so good,” she moaned after a few moments.

I jolted forward at the sound of her voice and she moaned again.

“You feel so perfect. I always want you like this. I always want to be this full of you.”

“Regina,” I groaned. “Don’t. I’m gonna—you can’t talk—“

“Come in me,” she said—nearly _begged_. “God Emma, come in me. Please.”

I couldn’t help it. My eyes closed and I thrust into her harder. Remembering myself—or rather how I didn’t want to come without making her do so as well—I pressed my thumb to her clit, rubbing it in fast, tight circles. Her hips snapped up into mine, thrusting the toy inside of me at just the right angle.

My orgasm overtook me. I tried to keep my hips moving but I was thrown out of my rhythm and jerked a bit harshly into her. She didn’t seem to mind though and her back arched again, her mouth falling open as she let out a cry of pleasure. The fact that we were coming together wasn’t lost on me and I leaned down to kiss her neck, still thrusting lightly into her.

I rode the waves of my orgasm until it was nearly painful. Regina was gasping for breath by then and when I stopped she moaned with relief.

I couldn’t help it as I collapsed, but luckily I had enough sense to roll us. The toy stayed inside of her and as she came down on top of me she rolled her hips on it. I grabbed her and held her still.

“No more,” I said.

“Are you okay?” she asked, leaning down to rest against me then.

“Fine, just sensitive,” I said, trying to catch my breath. “I dunno if I’d be able to do more.”

She nodded and settled against me, not moving from where she was impaled on my cock. I liked the thought of it. Even if it hadn’t been inside of me I still would have come easily while fucking her like this—I always loved wearing strap ons with previous girlfriends and came hard with just the slightest stimulation when it was paired with the visual of fucking a woman in that way.

“We’re doing that again though,” she said with a tired chuckle. “When you can handle it we’re definitely doing it again.”

“Fine by me,” I said, wrapping my arms around her to hold her close. “Hey Regina?”

“Mhm?”

“I thought you said all that time ago you weren’t a domme.”

“Hm?”

“A dominatrix,” I said. “I asked you if you were after we first had sex and you said no. But you’ve got all those rules and stuff.”

“I just like being in control. And I like having a title when I’m being in control.”

“And the safe word?”

“For safety,” she said obviously, laughing a little. “I won’t go into detail, but I had those same rules with Robin. We’d play around like that sometimes but we made sure to have an out just in case. Either of us could use it. It made me feel more like we were in control and made me less anxious about hurting him or being hurt.”

“Oh,” I said. “Good to know you like doing that though. I’d definitely be game to do that again, too.”

“Oh believe me, we will,” she said. “But for now how about we clean up? This corset is on its loosest setting and it’s still a little too tight. I don’t want to crush the babies.”

“God, please don’t mention them when I’m buried six inches inside of you,” I complained.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m all up in their space. It’s weird.”

She laughed.

“I can assure you they don’t mind it,” she said. “They’re going to be perfectly fine.”

“Yeah but maybe I’ll be traumatized.”

She laughed again as she lifted herself up off of the toy. She spread my legs for me and slowly pulled it out, being as careful removing it as she’d been with inserting it. I groaned at the loss but let her take it and hop off the bed. She brought it to the bathroom and I heard the water running as she cleaned it.

I realized I was in a puddle of sweat and arousal and got up out of the bed, moving to the other one. I plopped down in the clean one and cuddled up, shutting my eyes. She joined me only moments later, wrapping herself around me from behind.

“Hey Regina?” I asked.

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“That’s good,” she teased. “Otherwise the last few hours would be pretty awkward.” She kissed my shoulder blade. “I love you too, though. No matter what.”

I’d noticed she kept saying that and it made me feel lighter than air.

Regina’s love was all I really wanted anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else forgot that they came together over publishing that essay because I sure as hell did lmao


	27. Chapter Twenty Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a request for four chapters this time. I hesitated because I wanted to finish writing the extra chapters I was adding and didn't want to fall behind my update schedule, but I finished, so here's four chapters!!
> 
> I'm still editing the rest though and I'm doing NaNoWriMo, so I'm still sticking to an update schedule!
> 
> No content warnings in this one!

“You know I can go out to meet you around your place sometimes,” Kathryn offered as we pulled up to the diner.

“I know, but I love Storybrooke,” I admitted. “This place has become my home even since I started working here.”

“You don’t have to totally abandon it,” she said. “I just feel badly that you’re always driving in to meet me here. It’s not like you’re in the area all the time and can just drop what you’re doing to come meet me. You have to drive for close to half an hour.”

“True,” I said. “But if you’re really that upset about how much I’m spending on gas, you can cover the bill today for lunch.”

I grinned at her as she laughed.

“You know what?” she said. “I’m going to. As long as you’re not planning on ordering for three. I don’t know that I can afford _that_.”

“I had a snack on the drive over to your place so I might be okay on that front,” I admitted with a sheepish grin. She shot me a look and I could feel the teasing judgment. “What? I was hungry! I’m housing human life.”

“Let’s head in,” she said with a shake of her head.

I double-checked my mirror to make sure no cars were coming before I opened the door. I met Kathryn around the car on the sidewalk and we headed into Granny’s.

I couldn’t deny half of the reason why I was so insistent that I visit Kathryn in Storybrooke was because it meant I’d be around the town to see Emma. I had never eaten at Granny’s so frequently as I did when I knew Emma was working. She sent me her schedule so I’d be able to time it perfectly.

We’d been finding ways to flirt with each other in public in the month or so after she had graduated. I would find reasons to go into the town and putter around and she would “randomly” show up whenever she could. She even went as far as to ask me to go somewhere alone so she could show up and flirt, always making sure it would be somewhere that we’d be seen.

When we met up at the park she very openly flirted with me in front of a group of miners who were out relaxing for their lunch. Belle French worked summers in the local library and saw when Emma plopped down next to me and made a point to brush against me while she teased me as I pretended to try to read. She even found a way to run into me during my weekly shopping run so she could follow me around and comment loudly on how nice I looked even doing something as simple as shopping.

I couldn’t deny I enjoyed the attention. I couldn’t turn up to where she was as easily, but I did go to Granny’s more often when I knew she was working and always requested to sit in her section. I started by being normal, but by the end of every meal there I did my fair share of flirting when she showed up so the various patrons would see it was reciprocated. Ruby’s grandmother—the Granny behind the name—tended to scowl at me when I took up a lot of Emma’s time by teasing her and going out of my way to touch her, but Ruby always gave us a sneaky thumbs up and redirected her grandmother’s attention.

That day was yet another time we’d decided to “happen upon” one another.

We walked into the diner and I saw Emma’s face light up as she spotted me. I’d told her when I was meeting up with Kathryn so it was obvious she’d kept an eye on the clock and had been waiting for me.

“Miss Mills,” she said happily. “Miss Anderson. May I help you?”

“I’ve told you that you can call me Regina,” I playfully reminded her. “Would it be too much to ask for my favorite table?”

“Not at all, Regina,” she said. “Right this way.”

The reasons it was my favorite was that it was consistently in Emma’s section and I could watch her while she worked as it was in the corner—the chair I usually took faced the dining room, giving me a perfect view of everything.

Emma led us to the table and I took my spot. She handed the menus to each of us and beamed.

“Do you have an idea of what you’d like to drink?” she asked.

“Water for me, thanks,” I said.

“Iced tea, please,” Kathryn added.

“Coming right up,” she said. “I’ll give you ladies a few minutes to look over the menu and decide what you want.”

She smiled and hovered for just a moment before winking at me and turning away. I bit back a grin and looked at my menu. She wasn’t exactly subtle.

Kathryn waited a minute or two, making sure Emma was far away before she leaned forward a bit. We spoke quietly to avoid being overheard, but luckily there weren’t too many people seated near us.

“See?” she asked. “She’s flirting with you. She’s been flirting with you since she dropped off those flowers.”

“She might be,” I said, pretending it took a lot to admit as much. “I have noticed it a bit.”

“She’s so obvious about it, Regina!” Kathryn said with a bit of a laugh. Kathryn was usually the person I met up with when I was in Storybrooke, so she’d seen Emma at work a number of times. “How have you only noticed it a bit? I’m sure if you told her to get on her knees and beg for your favor she would.”

I arched a brow, fighting a laugh. It was like Kathryn truly knew what was going on between Emma and I—I’d had Emma in a very similar position a few nights before when I’d been pretending not to want her attention before I “gave in” and let her have her way with me.

“You’re exaggerating,” I said.

“Thing is, I don’t think I am,” she said, sounding slightly amused. “You don’t think it’s weird?”

“Not particularly,” I said, scanning my menu. “It’s… flattering. And she is kind of cute.”

That drew Kathryn to a full stop. She gaped at me. I’d told her on a handful of occasions that Emma’s attention was endearing and a bit delightful, but I’d never expressed interest in front of my friend before.

“Cute?” she asked. “What do you mean cute?”

“I mean she’s adorable,” I said. “Cute isn’t a word that takes too much to understand.”

“When it’s a former student it does,” she pointed out.

I sighed a little.

“I know,” I said, sounding forlorn. I lowered my voice a bit more. “I do find it odd sometimes, but… I mean, she isn’t my student any more, right? I should be allowed to find her cute.”

“Are you saying—“

“I’m not saying anything,” I said, holding up my hands a bit defensively. “I’m just saying that she’s cute.”

Kathryn’s brow furrowed a little.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when Emma arrived with drinks and a chipper, “Here we go! Water and iced tea.”

“Thank you, Emma,” I said as Kathryn recovered.

“No problem,” she said. “I made sure to put a ton of ice in there for you, Regina.”

“Oh?” I asked, my brow furrowed in confusion, wondering where she was going with this.

“Yeah, I figured you’d need to cool off considering you’re so hot,” she said simply.

I couldn’t help but laugh at that and even Kathryn snorted.

“Emma, please,” I started, but Emma pulled out a small notepad and pen.

“I’m just saying,” she said with a grin and another wink. “Have you two decided what you’re eating?”

“I’ll have a chicken Caesar salad please,” I said, trying to contain my glee at her behavior.

“Health nut as usual,” she commented. “You sure you don’t want anything else? Anything tastier?”

“Caesar dressing is hardly healthy, dear,” I shot back. “Besides, Kathryn has very kindly offered to pay, so I’m not about to abuse her generosity.”

“All right, fine,” she said. “I just figured you might want something more. You do tend to like our onion rings. And besides, you _are_ expecting. You should be eating more.”

She gestured to my stomach which had gotten steadily bigger and bigger, and it was clear to everyone that I was carrying. Emma had made a point to make it clear she thought it was ‘wonderful’—a word she’d chosen very specifically because she constantly liked to remind me of Dr. Steele—and she was carefully toeing the line between friendly and overly invested in someone else’s pregnancy.

“I’m quite all right,” I said. “I promise you, these babies are well fed.”

“If you’re sure,” she said. She turned to Kathryn. “And for you?”

“Grilled chicken sandwich,” Kathryn said, seeming disoriented.

“Anything else?”

“No thanks.”

“All right, I’ll put your order in,” Emma said, taking the menus from us. “Just yell for me if you need anything else.”

“Believe me, I will,” I said, smiling at her.

I watched her go for a moment before my gaze slid back to Kathryn. I saw the disapproval in her expression and smiled tightly.

“Is this because you like women now?” she asked. “Are you… I don’t know, going through some kind of crisis?”

“I’m not going through a crisis,” I protested. “And it’s not just because of my sexuality that I’m flattered by her. I can’t help but be flattered by compliments like that.”

“I’ve seen you take down guys just for looking at you funny at the Rabbit Hole when we’ve gone for drinks,” she pointed out.

“That’s different,” I said.

“Because they’re men?”

“No, because they were gross men.”

“Are you attracted to her?”

The question hung in the air for a few moments. I stared at her, struggling to figure out what I could say. It had been over a month since graduation and we’d been open enough about our flirtation. Maybe it was time to “come out,” as it were.

“Honestly?” I asked. She nodded. “Yes. I am. Like I said, she’s cute. And she’s charming. Her flirting is sweet and a lot of fun. Not to mention she’s brilliant. Working with her on her essay was enjoyable because she’s got a lot of clever ideas.”

“She’s also fifteen years younger than you,” Kathryn pointed out. “Even if she isn’t your student any more she’s still fresh out of high school.”

“You don’t need to remind me of that,” I said. “I know how old she is. I know it’s strange. I can’t help but like her though. She’s… she’s a catch if we’re being frank.”

Kathryn sat back in her chair, staring at me incredulously.

“You think I’m a pervert,” I said.

“No,” she said quickly. “Not a pervert. I’m just… really confused here.”

“And you think I’m not?” I asked.

“I’m sure,” she said. “But I’m just confused.”

Silence descended on our table. I worried that this would turn sour, that Kathryn would think something more about the flirtation. If she pieced it together as well we’d be in trouble, but Kathryn didn’t seem to be heading down that route just yet. I had a feeling my plan to keep Emma and my true relationship a secret was working. Kathryn was clever, and if she suspected anything she would have said as much before that moment.

“Are you going to pursue her?” she asked finally.

“No,” I said. “I’m pregnant with my ex’s children. Why would I pursue an eighteen year old?”

“What if she pursues you?”

“I’m pregnant with my ex’s children,” I repeated. “If she pursues me then she’s more interesting than I thought.”

“What if though?”

“Then… I see how I feel then,” I said. “I’m not saying I’m going to cradle snatch her, but… if she pursued me and I wanted it I might say yes.”

“Really?”

“Like I said, I’m attracted to her. It’s not really anything I would have expected a few months ago, but luckily it’s not a few months ago. The age difference and my current life status are certainly things to take into consideration, but if something happened between us it’s not like it would truly be an issue.”

She was quiet for a long time before she finally sighed.

“I guess you’re right,” Kathryn said. “Thank god you didn’t get like this when she was in your class. That would have been an absolute nightmare.”

“Believe me, I’ve been grateful for that since I realized how I felt,” I admitted. “But really, I don’t have much to worry about or consider. She’s still only flirting. It’s not like anything more is going on than that.”

I caught sight of Emma with our plates and sat up a little straighter.

“She’s coming,” I said quietly. “Don’t give her any hints about what we were talking about.”

Kathryn sucked in a sharp breath but nodded.

“One chicken Caesar salad and one grilled chicken sandwich,” Emma said, carefully setting each plate in front of us. “Can I get you ladies anything else?”

“I think we’re all set,” Kathryn said, looking at her only momentarily.

Emma turned her attention to me.

“Anything?” she asked. “Any side dishes?”

“If you’re trying to tempt me with onion rings again, I’m putting my foot down,” I said with a smile. “I promise you, if I really wanted them I’d order them, but if you keep at this you’ll wear me down. You know I can’t resist for long.”

“Okay, okay,” she said, holding her hands up as if she were trying to placate me. When she dropped her hands again she let one rest on my shoulder briefly. “Just looking out for my favorite customer.”

I covered her hand with my own for just a moment and beamed at her. She squeezed my shoulder before heading off, acting like nothing was amiss. I had to hand it to her, she was really good at playing it cool.

“You know what?” Kathryn said, drawing my attention back to her. “If that goes any further… it might not be the worst thing.”

“Really?” I asked, surprised as anything.

“Even with just this little puppy love stuff, it’s obvious how happy you are,” she said. “You seem happier than when you were with that other woman. It’s like when you first met Robin all over again. She’s not your student anymore so… I guess if you can look past all the other weird stuff… be my guest.”

I took a moment to take that in but when I did I laughed.

“There’s still plenty that could get in the way of her and I being anything,” I said, “but now that I have your blessing I feel a lot better about it.”

She laughed at that and I was relieved. Not only was she seemingly accepting of the idea of Emma and I, but she clearly didn’t think anything of the timing of it. She seemed to trust completely that we’d started this flirtation after graduation. If we could get people close to us believing that, it might be easier to get others to believe that later on down the line.

After that we dropped the subject, moving on to Kathryn and her husband, then on to my apartment search. The few times Emma came over to check on us and our meal, Kathryn didn’t say much, but she didn’t bring up the obvious hurdles again, so I considered it a win.

When Emma brought the check over, Kathryn paid as she’d told me she would, handing over her card before Emma could even ask whether we needed to split the bill. She came back quickly with the receipt and as Kathryn took it to sign Emma made a show of leaving a folded piece of paper on my side of the table before bidding us goodbye and leaving.

I watched her go, surprised and a little confused. Why wouldn’t she stick around to say a real good bye? I felt a little slighted until I picked up the folded paper and looked inside.

“ _Hope it isn’t too forward_ ,” she’d written. “ _Meet for a picnic by the docks tomorrow at noon? Only text if the answer is no_.” Under her note she’d written her phone number. I wanted to laugh. Now I’d be able to say I had her phone number because of this note instead of from before.

“What is that?” Kathryn asked.

“She asked me on a date,” I said, showing her the note.

Her eyes nearly bulged out of her head.

“Are you going?” she asked.

“I haven’t decided yet,” I said. “I only just got asked. But… I might.”

“You’re insane,” she said. “Completely insane.”

“Oh come now, you just finished saying that it wasn’t the worst thing.”

“True, but this is insane,” she said. “You have to see that.”

“Don’t worry, I see it,” I reassured her. “But I’m feeling a bit insane lately so why not? It’s not the craziest thing that could happen right now. It’s no crazier than cheating on a good man with a woman you barely know.”

Kathryn took a moment to contemplate that before nodding slowly. She gathered up her purse and stood up.

“Well if you do end up going, you’re going to tell me every detail,” she said finally. “This is practically a soap opera.”

I laughed and got my own purse, nodding in agreement.

“Don’t worry, if anything happens tomorrow, you’ll be the first person I call.”

We headed out of the diner and back out to the car. I drove Kathryn to her house, we said goodbye, I assured her again that I would call her if I saw Emma the next day, and then drove off. I got around the block before I pulled over to the side of the road and parked.

Grabbing my phone, I texted Emma.

“K believes we’re starting now,” I wrote quickly. “Doesn’t suspect a thing. Told her I’d tell her if I went on that date with you. I hope you were serious about it—sounds like fun.”

“Serious as a heart attack babe,” she wrote back. “I’ll see you tomorrow at noon.”

“Tonight?”

“Plans with friends tonight. None tomorrow night though. Maybe if our first date goes well we can take things back to your place ;).”

I laughed and stowed my phone away, delighted with Emma’s idea to ask me out in front of someone after laying down the groundwork the way we had.

It was a bit of a relief. After months of hiding we’d finally get to go on a real date. If anyone asked I wouldn’t be able to deny just how excited I was. I had to figure out what to wear though. I needed something Emma would like but something that wouldn’t be too scandalous. Enough scandal would grow out of the two of us being together in public, so we’d have to be careful.


	28. Chapter Twenty Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all are gonna hate this lol.

I showed up to the docks a bit earlier than noon to make sure I could scope out a good spot to sit. If this was going to be our first date out and about we needed to do it correctly. I wanted it to seem simple and sweet to everyone else, but I wanted to make sure Regina had fun with it and that it wasn’t just some goofy stunt we’d pull because we had to do so.

I picked a spot that overlooked the harbor but where the smell from the cannery didn’t linger _too_ much. The bench would be uncomfortable if we stayed for too long, but that was why I’d planned on walking on the beach for a bit. I’d told her to wear sandals and I hoped she remembered.

The choice of the docks as our first public date had been pretty intentional on my part. It was open enough that a handful of people would see us and in such a small town word would certainly spread, but it was also somewhere not a ton of people went. We wouldn’t be too bothered by a ton of people gawking—we’d probably have just enough people catch sight of us to start spreading the rumors.

I texted her where I was, sat back to wait for her, set the picnic basket to the side, and watched the boats and the water. I was trying to look casual and relaxed but I couldn’t help but feel a little nervous, like it actually _was_ a first date.

Regina showed up at noon on the dot because of course she did. She walked over with a smile, clearly trying not to look too delighted.

“Hello, Miss Swan,” she said a bit playfully.

“Miss Mills,” I said, ducking my head a bit. “I thought we were on a first name basis? I figure a first date deserves first names?”

“I suppose you have a point there,” she said. “I do have to ask though… why on earth would you ask me on a date?”

“Apart from the obvious reason?” I countered, playing along for the smattering of people around us.

“What are those obvious reasons?” she asked, a brow arched.

“You’re hot and you’re interesting,” I said simply. “Thought that would be enough.”

“I suppose it can be,” she said with a laugh. “Although dating your teacher—“

“You aren’t my teacher anymore,” I said firmly.

Regina paused for a moment before nodding and moving to sit next to me on the bench on the other side of the basket.

“So what have you brought for us?” she asked, gesturing to the basket.

“I wasn’t sure what you’d like, but I’ve noticed you’re big on salads at the diner,” I said. “So I brought a couple.”

I’d gone out of my way to get her all her favorites. I could play it like I wasn’t sure what she liked, but I obviously knew basically everything she loved to eat. I’d packed typical salad making ingredients, but I’d also packed a small fruit salad and chocolate-covered peanuts as a dessert.

I set to work, putting together a little plate from what I’d packed in the basket, making sure she had enough of everything healthy. She watched me, looking fairly impressed. She knew my game.

“You guessed correctly with everything,” she said as she watched me. “I knew you were clever from class, but this is a bit much, Emma. I’m beginning to think you’ve been spying on me.”

“I’m just observant,” I said with a shrug. I handed her the plate I’d made up for her. “And I like to make a good impression on a first date.”

She thanked me and waited for me to make myself my own salad before she began to eat. We sat quietly for a few moments, just watching the waves. I was so comfortable even just sitting in silence with her that I was a little worried—we needed to seem awkward and unsure of ourselves for it to look like a first date. Some of the sailors and fishermen who worked at the docks had spotted us and I saw a few glancing over every once in a while. A few of them were clearly talking about us with the way they were looking over. They needed to think this was just the beginning of our relationship.

Luckily Regina was on top of things.

“So you started hitting on me almost immediately after graduation,” she said. “But when did you start liking me?”

“About a month before school ended,” I told her, just pulling something out of thin air. “And I decided last week that the next time I saw you I’d ask you out. It just worked out you showed up with Miss Anderson yesterday.”

“So you’ve been building up to this for… two months?” she asked.

“About that,” I said with a grin.

This was all so stupid. I wanted people to think that this was a first date but I also wanted to grab her and kiss her. She looked so cute that day. She’d clearly tried to dress for a first date but also dress comfortably, and she’d worn a sleeveless purple dress that showed off the hint of her belly. I had seen it a couple of times and I always loved purple on her.

“You’ve got a lot of courage, Emma,” she said. “Not many people would think it’s wise to ask out a teacher.”

“Not many teachers would take up a student on the offer.”

“Touché.”

“Why’d you show up?”

“I was curious,” she said, and I could tell she was trying her hardest to sound like she was admitting something strange. “As I said, not many people would try to ask out someone who had been their teacher. I wanted to see what you had in mind.”

“Nothing about how cute you find me?” I asked.

“How do you know I think you’re cute?” she shot back.

“I overheard you talking to Miss Anderson.”

“Then you heard that you’ve been catching my attention since you left Storybrooke High.”

“Exactly,” I said. “It’s why I thought I’d get lucky.”

“Excuse me?”

My eyes widened as I realized what I’d said.

“Wait, no, not that way,” I said quickly.

“Normally when I go on a first date the other person doesn’t automatically assume they’re going to ‘get lucky’,” she said, looking like she was trying to sound stern, but her eyes sparkled with delight.

“Regina, come on,” I said. “You can’t think that I’d seriously—“

She laughed outright at my protests and her laughter drew more attention to us. I glanced over at the fishermen and saw they were watching us.

“Emma, it’s not actually our first date,” she said, lowering her voice a little. We were far enough away from others that I was pretty certain no one could hear her when she spoke so quietly but I was still worried. “Why on earth are you getting so worked up? It’s all for show. You know the kinds of things we do to one another. How could you possibly get worried about me saying things like this?”

“I don’t know,” I said, blushing. “We’re playing it so real I got confused or something. Jeeze, Regina.”

She reached over the basket and took my hand.

“Well don’t worry,” she said, and I saw her trying to reel in her glee. “I didn’t take offense to it. In fact, I’m quite flattered that you’re trying to get lucky with me.”

“Regina, we have to keep up that it’s our first date!” I said, my voice low and urgent.

“And not a single person can hear us right now,” she pointed out. “In case you haven’t noticed, they’re all giving us a wide berth so they can gossip amongst themselves about what the two of us are doing on a date.”

I looked around and saw she was right. Anyone who’d been even remotely close to the bench was gone and we were in our own little area far from anyone who could overhear us.

“As long as we _look_ innocent, we should be fine,” she said. “I saw one of them practically drop the lobster cage he was carrying when he overheard you talking about when you started liking me and when you found the courage to ask me out, so hopefully that’ll be enough fodder for a bit. We just have to keep looking like we’ve just started and the town’s rumor mill will most likely do the rest.”

I nodded slowly, still a little uneasy. I didn’t want anyone to jump out of nowhere, but Regina was the one who was really on the line here. She had the most to lose out of the two of us, so she’d be the one screwed over if we weren’t careful.

“Well as long as they’re all giving us some space,” I said, “can I just say you look absolutely delicious today?”

“You can always say that,” she said. “I always like hearing how attractive you find me.”

“I just can’t be over the top or else people will think I’m trying too hard,” I said with a grin.

“You mean like Kathryn does?” she asked. “She thinks you’re obsessed with me.”

“Well I mean she isn’t wrong,” I said. I squeezed her hand lightly. “Want to move on to our next course?”

“I’d love to,” she said.

I took out the fruit salad and the chocolate covered peanuts. I’d made sure to put plenty of strawberries in the fruit salad considering she loved them so much, and she practically dove in when she spotted them. I loved how such a simple thing could make her so excited—especially since she’d gotten pregnant she’d been so easily delighted by her favorite foods considering she was practically _always_ hungry.

When we’d finished everything that we were going to eat I left Regina for a minute or two to stow the picnic basket in my car and then returned to her side. I didn’t hesitate to take her hand and lead her down away from the docks to the small strip of beach nearby. I took off my flip-flops and was delighted to see Regina had remembered to wear sandals like I’d told her to.

Hand in hand, we wandered on the beach, chatting together. We were mostly alone but for the random jogger or beach-goer that wandered past and got a good ogling in, but whenever we got close to someone we pretended like we were just getting to know each other and were shy. It was a bit hard because I couldn’t just act comfortable, but I’d be able to be as comfortable as I wanted to later on that night when we got back to her hotel room. I’d probably also get to make up for all the kisses I wasn’t able to steal while on our ‘first date.’

The beach wasn’t that long, and we got to the end of it fairly quickly. When we reached the point where it became too rocky to walk on comfortably we turned around and headed back towards where we’d started, figuring we could part ways when we got back to our cars, make a show of a “first kiss” if there were enough people around, and then meet each other at the motel to spend some real time together.

“So how do you like working at Granny’s?” she asked me lightly as we walked back along the beach towards where we’d left our cars. “Mrs. Lucas such a kind woman but I’ve seen her jump down your friend’s throat a few times in the past. Is that reserved just for Ruby or is that her managerial style?”

“That’s just for Ruby,” I said. “She’s actually Ruby’s grandmother, so she gets to talk to her like that. She’s perfectly fine to me. A bit sassy, but not so bad.”

“Sassy isn’t the worst trait,” she said. “It can be fun.”

“Sometimes her sass is wrapped up in her pretending to scold me though,” I admitted, grinning at Regina. “She thinks it’s funny to—“

“Shit.”

Regina’s hiss caught me by surprise but I saw her expression change from light hearted and happy to almost scared in seconds. I followed her gaze and tightened my grip on her hand.

They hadn’t seen us yet, but Robin and Roland were walking down the sand from the sidewalk, clearly looking around for a good spot to set up shop. Robin was loaded down with an umbrella, a cooler, a beach chair, and a huge bag that looked full to bursting with beach gear, and Roland had a small bucket with a shovel in one hand as he ran ahead of his father.

“I know we wanted people to know about us but I don’t know that _Robin_ finding out about us now is the best thing,” Regina said, starting to try to pull her hand out of mine. It hurt a little but I let go after a moment, understanding her hesitance.

“He’s going to find out eventually,” I pointed out.

“He’s another teacher,” she said, starting to track towards the sidewalk. We’d been walking close to the water, so Robin and Roland were roughly between us and the sidewalk, just a few dozen yards ahead of us. They were both looking towards the water so there was hope they wouldn’t see us at all, but if they sent just a single glance in our direction they’d see us clear as day. There were enough people on the beach to suit Regina and my needs in terms of being seen, but not enough people to hide us from view.

“Kathryn is, too,” I said.

“He’s my _ex,_ Emma,” she said. “And he’s currently furious with me. He’s going to get angry if he sees me out on a date. _Especially_ with you.”

“Wouldn’t you rather him know sooner rather than later?” I asked.

“Maybe, but I’d prefer to be able to control him learning about us instead of just— _shit_!”

I looked ahead and saw Roland staring directly at us—well, at Regina. He’d stopped dead and was facing us, glaring pointedly at Regina. Robin saw his son’s expression and followed Roland’s gaze, his own hardening when he caught sight of his ex-girlfriend. He looked down at Roland again then seemed to suddenly collect himself and his face softened just a little. His eyes were still hard but he put on a bit of a smile. I remembered Regina had told me she’d asked him to try to be kinder towards her when around Roland so he wouldn’t hate her quite so much with the babies coming.

“Hello, Regina,” he said a bit tensely.

“Robin,” she said, trying on a smile. “What brings you here?”

“The good weather,” he said. “Roland and I thought we’d try to build some sand castles.”

“That sounds like fun,” she said.

“No girls are gonna be allowed in them,” Roland declared suddenly, still glaring at Regina.

I wasn’t still holding her hand but I could feel the tension emanating from her when Roland looked at her and spoke to her. She’d told me a few times about what the kid had meant to her, so to see the anger he clearly felt towards her displayed so openly had to destroy her.

“I’m sure you’ll build some pretty fantastic sand castles,” she said, trying to act like the boy’s behavior didn’t bother her.

“We can let some girls in,” Robin said after a moment, his gaze on Roland. “What if the babies are girls?”

“Then maybe the babies can come in,” Roland said. “But no other girls.”

“Well the babies will need Regina, so she’ll need to come in,” Robin tried.

That threw Roland off. He gaped at his father. From what Regina had told me and what I saw of Robin in the diner, Robin had pretty consistently and openly been angry with Regina. This obvious olive branch was clearly throwing Roland for a loop.

“But Regina is mean,“ Roland said.

“Regina has said she was sorry for being mean,” Robin said slowly, as if he were weighing every word before he said it.

“And I am sorry,” Regina said. “For everything that I did to hurt you. Both of you.”

Roland’s brow knit together as he looked between the two of them. He couldn’t seem to figure out whether or not he was still supposed to be angry with her.

An awkward silence descended on the four of us and I wondered what sick supernatural jerk in charge of fate had connived to make this meeting happen.

“So… what brings you to the beach?” Robin asked. “With… Emma is it? From Granny’s?”

“Yeah, that’s me,” I said, wishing he hadn’t recognized me. I’d only met him a handful of times—that one first time during my first shift and a few more after that—but who the hell ever remembered their waitress?

“You two are… friends?” he asked, still trying to keep a smile up.

“Yeah, we are,” I said. “We worked together on getting an essay of mine published and we got close.”

“Close?” he asked. “That’s—that’s nice.”

“Yeah,” I said.

Silence again. I wished he’d just leave well enough alone. It was all well and good that he’d seemed less aggressive towards Regina but this still wasn’t an ideal situation. He was looking between us a bit oddly.

“Is something wrong?” Regina asked him.

“No, nothing’s wrong,” he said, but he spoke too quickly and it was clear Regina caught on. She arched a brow and he hesitated a moment before he blurted out. “It’s weird.”

“What is?”

“Spending time with a former student like this?” he said. “Walking on the beach together? It might seem like—like you’re—well considering why we broke up—the two of you strolling on the beach and you liking… you liking women now—someone might think…“

He trailed off and had his arms not been full I was sure he would have gestured vaguely between us. I glanced at Regina and saw her eyes widen the slightest bit.

Robin clearly saw it too because his own eyes widened.

“Wait,” he said. “Wait, no. Don’t tell me that—that you—“

“I didn’t say anything,” Regina said quickly.

“You think after how long we were together I can’t read you?” he asked, his voice rising. “That I don’t—“

“Robin, don’t be unreasonable here—“

“Unreasonable?” he demanded. “Are you really telling me not to be unreasonable? I don’t think you have much right to say anything like that to _anyone_ , never mind _me_.”

“What did we talk about at Granny’s?” Regina demanded, shooting a pointed look at Roland while she pressed her hand to her stomach.

Robin looked livid for a few moments but finally looked down at his son and saw Roland watching him. He took a deep breath and exhaled harshly.

“I think it’s best you head out,” he told Regina. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“So you can fume a bit longer about an assumption you’re making?” Regina asked.

“Are you telling me my assumption isn’t correct?” he asked. Regina hesitated and he had his answer. “Christ Regina, you’re really going all in on the bad decisions, aren’t you?”

“A first date with someone new isn’t a bad decision,” she countered.

“A first date while you’re pregnant with my children with someone nearly half your age that used to be a student isn’t a bad decision?” he demanded.

“You have no right to judge—“

“I have every right to judge when you’re pregnant with my children!” Robin snapped. “How am I supposed to trust that they’ll be okay when you’ve clearly had a breakdown?”

“A breakdown?” she asked. “What breakdown am I experiencing?”

“First you cheat with a _woman_ , then you dump her, then you make all these decisions about having children without bothering to ask what anyone else wants—“

“I gave you a choice on whether you were going to be involved and you chose to be a part—“

“ _Then_ ,” he continued as if she hadn’t spoken, his volume rising, “you take up with an eighteen year old? Is this a midlife crisis? Can I trust that my babies will be safe with you when you have them? Have you given any thought at all to what kind of life you’ll be giving them while you’re like this?”

I noticed now that Regina’s eyes were red despite her furious expression and knew she was battling back tears. She seemed to have shrunk since he’d started practically shouting at her. I’d never seen her like this, not even when we had fought. She looked as if she were trying to make herself smaller, her breathing coming in short huffs as she tried to keep from crying.

I’d been annoyed and then angry with his reaction, but now seeing what it was doing to Regina I was furious.

“She’s perfectly sound of mind and perfectly capable of taking care of those kids,” I snapped. Robin turned to me, bewildered, and I wondered if he’d even remembered I was there. His shock was to my advantage as I set in on him. “She’s doing her best. I’ve been seeing her around town and she’s been doing everything she can for _her_ kids. Yeah, not _your_ kids, _her_ kids. Because she’s the one carrying them and she’s the one that decided to keep them and if you’re going to go back on what I heard you say in the diner that day about being a halfway decent human being to her, then you can back off.”

I made sure to watch my language considering Roland was there, but I wasn’t about to censor myself in terms of my anger.

“She told me she gave you the option of whether you wanted them or not and you blew off her deadline before you demanded access to those babies, so don’t pretend you can sit up on your high horse and lord over her like you clearly think you can,” I continued. “She’s her own person with her own thoughts and her own desires. She’s not going through a crisis. She told me all about how she had a lapse in judgment and how you completely and utterly demonized her for it. If you’re not going to accept who she is and you’re not going to forgive her for what happened between you two, you’ve just got to accept she’s moving on. Just because you don’t approve of who she’s moving on with doesn’t mean she doesn’t get the chance to.”

All three of them stared at me, stunned into silence, and I realized they weren’t the only ones staring. The handful of other people who had chosen that day as their beach day were getting quite a show.

“Now, you agreed to be civil,” I said, lowering my voice but not my intensity. “If you’d like to do so, you’re more than welcome to ask your questions again, but if you’re planning on continuing to accost my _date_ after we’d had such a nice time, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Robin looked as if he wanted a hole to open up beneath him and swallow him whole. Clearly being scolded by an eighteen year old was the last thing he’d thought he’d go through that day.

I gave him a solid minute, but when he didn’t say or do anything I took Regina’s hand.

“We’ll be going now,” I informed him.

With that, I pulled Regina along, leading her away from her ex and his son. She held on to my hand tightly, and I could practically feel her staring at me. I didn’t stop until I found the bug and the Mercedes, and I turned to face her, feeling a bit sheepish.

“Sorry for exploding like that,” I said. “He was just being such an ass and I couldn’t handle him talking to you like that. He has no right—“

I was cut off when Regina practically lunged for me. She kissed me hard, still clutching my hand with one of hers while she held me tightly to her by the shirt collar. I couldn’t deny being surprised by it, but I sank into her kiss eagerly.

She held me there for a long moment and I felt my cheeks were wet though I knew I hadn’t been crying. When she pulled back she stayed close, leaning her forehead against mine, and I felt as well as saw her take a few deep, steadying breaths.

“You okay, babe?” I asked quietly. I didn’t want to use that pet name for her too loudly—despite everything I was still very aware that it was supposed to be our first date, and pet names like that were too familiar.

She nodded just a little.

“I am,” she said. “What you did—what you said to him—I can’t even begin to thank you for that.”

“He was out of line,” I said simply. “I know you hurt him but he’s been acting like such an ass since you told him about the babies. Him saying that _your_ behavior will hurt them while he’s acting like _that_ is so hypocritical I’m amazed you’re still letting him be near them.”

“He’s their father,” she said.

“He’s being an ass.”

She was quiet for a few moments and I wrapped my arms around her to hug her. She leaned into me, not wrapping her arms around me but letting me hold her for a moment, her head resting on my shoulder.

Regina was the one to break away again, this time pulling out of my grasp. I didn’t want her to but I knew how intimate a gesture it had been.

“As first dates go, this one certainly could have gone better,” I said, trying for a joke.

She gave me a half smile.

“As first dates go, I think it went pretty well,” she said. “At least I know you’ll fight for me and be there when things get rough.”

I laughed at that.

“Maybe we should head out,” I said. “It might be best for us to head home and we can cool off a bit, then maybe we can talk about a second date.”

“Are you really going to ask for a second date when you just had to deal with my ex like that?” she asked, sounding a bit shocked. I knew she was only talking about the second date to go with our story, but her question was genuine.

“It’s going to take a lot more than that to scare me away from you,” I told her confidently.

She smiled and leaned in, giving me a light peck on the cheek.

“Well then I suppose I’ll talk to you soon,” she said. “Thank you again, Emma. This has been… a very strange but very memorable first date.”

“I’ll text you later,” I told her.

We parted, each of us heading for our own cars. The plan had always been to get into our cars and go in separate directions like we were going home, and then meet up at her motel room later.

I made my way through town, making sure to take the long way around before looping around to get to the motel. When I arrived there Regina was already up on the balcony, getting out her key to get into the room. I parked and hurried to meet her. Regina waited until I got up the stairs to open the door, smiling a little to herself as she held it open for me.

The moment we were both inside she grabbed me and kissed me again. It wasn’t a very good kiss in terms of how people are supposed to kiss each other, but it was also was a good kiss because I was getting a whole lot of Regina’s teeth with how she was grinning through it. I laughed and pulled away.

“You really liked that then?”

“I did,” she said. “My favorite foods, a walk on the beach, you telling off my ex-boyfriend for being a jackass… What wasn’t to love?”

“So I guess this means it was a really good first date.”

She rolled her eyes.

“We can drop the ‘first date’ act now,” she said. “What I want to do with you right now is decidedly not first date behavior.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time,” I teased.

We kissed again and she began to back me towards one of the beds. The backs of my legs hit the edge and I held on to her, pulling her down on top of me as I fell back on the covers. She straddled my hips and began to kiss my jaw and throat.

“I do need to ask though,” I said, sucking in a sharp breath as she nipped the spot on my neck she knew made me shudder.

“Right now?” she asked.

“Yes, right now.”

She straightened up a little and looked me in the eye. It was clear she wanted to keep messing around and I promised myself I would make it quick.

“You’re okay, right?” I asked. “What he said and… when he started yelling. I’ve never seen you like that.”

She frowned and sat back a little bit on her heels, bringing herself to rest sitting in my lap. I sat up and wrapped my arms around her to keep her from falling back.

“I don’t like when men yell,” she said simply. “It scares me. I don’t know, it’s…”

“Triggering?” I supplied.

“In a way,” she admitted. “He’s never raised his voice to me like that. He knows what it does to me.”

“He’s also a complete tool,” I said. “Honestly I don’t know why you ever dated him.”

“He was never like this,” she said, sounding sad. “He was never so angry.”

“Well him being angry doesn’t give him any right to do and say the things he’s coming up with,” I said. “He can go at things like a real adult every once in a while. God, I’m eighteen and even I act better than that when I’m angry.”

“If we’re being fair here, you act better than most people do when they’re angry,” she said. “You act better than I do in any case.”

“Not really,” I started but she smiled tightly.

“I do remember a time I found it reasonable to choke you because I was mad,” she said, faking thoughtful.

“Yeah but look at what that’s done for our sex life,” I shot back cheekily.

“I’m serious,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “You’re much more mature than you have a right to be.”

“I always had to be,” I said with a shrug.

She knew what I meant by that and leaned down to kiss me lightly.

“Thank you for checking in with me,” she said softly. “I was just shaken up by his reaction. But I’m okay now, and I’d really like to be with you.”

“Who am I to say no to that?” I asked, brushing her hair back from her face a little before pulling her back down to kiss again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe not THIS but I'm sure now you all really hate Robin :D Had to give him some kind of comeuppance.


	29. Chapter Twenty Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might get uncomfortable. Talking about cheating and lost love and very briefly touches on Regina's past abuse/how it affects her in her present.

I’d gotten a text from Robin a few days after the meeting at the beach. I’d put off looking at it for a while and Emma had told me I should just delete it, but eventually I’d read it.

“ _I think we should talk._ ”

That was it. That was all it had said. Just that he thought we should talk. I didn’t want to talk to him considering what our previous encounter had been like but I couldn’t help feeling like it was something that I had to do. He wanted to be a part of the babies’ lives, and even if I didn’t want him to be, he might piece together that the beach date hadn’t been our first. I was still worried he would find a way to get us into trouble.

“I still think it’s stupid to go,” Emma said as I readied myself for meeting up with Robin. “He’s a jackass.”

“He is, but he’s a jackass who might try to dig a little deeper into what’s going on between us,” she said. “He could get us in trouble.”

“It’d be better if we got a hit man.”

“That’s not funny.”

“Who said I was going for funny?” she sat up from where she lounged on the bed. “I don’t want you going and getting hurt. He was awful last we saw him and he might be awful again. What if he hurts you? What if he shouts at you again?”

“You don’t think I haven’t thought of that?” I asked. “I know he could very easily go off like he did before. But I also know that whatever steps we’ve taken to make it look like our relationship is a recent thing aren’t exactly all that strong. I need to make sure that we don’t have a problem with him.”

“So you’re just going to go into this blind,” she said. “With no idea what’s waiting for you or what he wants out of this.”

“It’s all I can do,” I said simply. “I’ve got to iron this out with him. If I don’t he might go to the courts and drag me through a custody battle. And if I’m honest here, my actions of late do seem like those of a crazy person. I won’t risk losing these kids.”

It was my biggest fear, the one that was truly driving me to try to smooth things over with Robin. If he sued for custody, it wouldn’t exactly take much to spin it so I looked insane and incapable of raising children.

Emma sighed heavily and got up from the bed, coming over to me and kissing my cheek.

“Call me if you need me,” she said. “I’ll hang here until you’re back.”

I smiled at her and kissed her on the lips, then grabbed my purse and headed out. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to this, but I felt like it had to be done.

I drove to Storybrooke and wound my way through the town to get to Robin’s. I couldn’t help thinking that it might have been a better idea to meet away from his home court, but I’d also lived there long enough it was a bit of my own as well.

I parked on the street, went to the front door, rang the doorbell, and waited. It felt like ages before the door opened and Robin stood there.

“Thank you for coming,” he said.

“I told you that I would,” I said coolly.

He stepped back to let me inside the house and I walked past him. I heard him close the door behind me and looked around.

“No Roland?” I asked.

“He’s at a play date,” he replied. “I thought it might be best if we did this privately.”

I nodded. I was relieved by that. With how often Roland had seen his father and I fighting I was worried he’d hate me until the end of time. He’d seemed slightly thrown off by Robin being kind to me before the explosion at the beach, but afterwards had looked angry as anything. He mirrored everything his father did considering how much he admired Robin, but that would be a problem if I was going to have his father’s children if Robin couldn’t calm the hell down.

“I’m glad, considering I asked you to be kinder about me in front of him,” I said.

“And you sprang it on me that you’re dating an eighteen year old,” Robin shot back. “If the roles were reversed you can’t tell me that you wouldn’t be furious about that as well.”

“If the roles were reversed I would have tried to understand that you were moving on.”

“Oh come on, Regina, you can’t honestly—“

“If you asked me to come so that you can have another go at me then I’m leaving,” I informed him quickly. “I haven’t even gotten past the front hallway and you’re already trying to fight with me. Now tell me why you asked me here and let’s get this over with.”

Robin’s jaw clenched but he nodded and walked past me into the living room. He sat down in his armchair. It was a deliberate move so we wouldn’t share a piece of furniture. I sat on the couch nearby, facing him, upright, ready to get up at a moment’s notice.

We sat in relative silence, both looking at each other, almost waiting for the other to speak. He’d called me there for a reason so I assumed he had something to say, so I was determined that I wasn’t going to be the first to speak.

The silence stretched out longer and longer though, and the longer it went the more uncomfortable it was. Still, I stuck to my guns on my decision.

Finally Robin spoke.

“Why a student?” he asked.

“Former student,” I corrected. “And it just… happened. She began flirting after she graduated and… she wore me down. I know it’s unorthodox—“

“That’s putting it lightly,” he said dryly.

“—but at this point it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Except it is,” he said. “You’re pregnant.”

“She knows.”

“And she’s okay with it?” he asked. “Because I’m not sure that I’m okay with you dating a teenager while you’re pregnant with my children.”

“I’m not okay with you thinking you can make decisions for me based on that fact,” I shot back. “Emma is aware of and fine with my pregnancy. I’m not pushing her to be a part of their lives though. This is an incredibly new relationship and it would be unfair of me to do so.”

“And what happens when they’re born?” he pressed. “Is she going to be there with them?”

“Maybe,” I admitted. “If she and I last that long then she’ll have to be around them if she wants to be around me. She knows that. But as I’ve said, I don’t know whether we’ll be together when they’re born.”

“Since when have you been attracted to women in the first place?” he asked. “When you first slept with that co-worker I was surprised, but now that I know it’s not just a one-off…”

I was glad to hear he still believed I’d been with a co-worker. Clearly he wasn’t thinking any further on my relationship with Emma. I knew he was just insanely trusting—which I couldn’t help but be surprised by considering what I’d done.

“I know it must have come as a shock,” I admitted slowly. “Which I’ll admit was my fault. I never told you _why_ my mother sent me off to Leopold.”

His eyes widened the slightest bit.

“You mean—“ he started but he broke off.

I nodded.

“My mother caught wind of me being interested in a girl and sent me away to… to fix me,” I said. “She thought that I’d change. And I did for a while.”

“So you never—did you ever—were you ever actually attracted to me then?” he asked. “Or was it because… because of all that?”

“I was,” I said quickly. “I don’t want you to think it was some kind of… symptom of past abuse. I was with you because I _wanted_ to be. I’ve spoken to someone and they’ve suggested I might be bisexual.”

He was visibly relieved by that.

“Good,” he said. “I don’t know what I would have done if it came out now that you’d just… That it was just because of…”

“It wasn’t just because of that,” I assured him. “But that’s why you never heard of me liking women before. It was something I didn’t want to say, and considering we were okay it was something I didn’t feel like I had to say.”

“You could have,” he said. “And maybe you should have. Maybe we could have figured something out and you wouldn’t have cheated.”

I took a deep breath and nodded a little.

“Maybe,” I said. “But maybe that wouldn’t have helped either. Either way we can’t exactly change any of it.”

“I suppose you’re right,” he said.

Silence settled between us once more but it was less intense than the previous one. This felt much more somber, almost sad as he went over all of the new information.

I decided to be the one to break the silence this time.

“I’ve apologized for what I did to you before,” I said, “but I do still feel terrible for it, so… I’m sorry for all the hurt I caused you. I never should have done something like that. If I was thinking in that way I should have broken up with you.”

“You should have,” he said. “I’ve never felt so betrayed in my life.”

“And I’m sorry I did that to you,” I said.

“You’ve mentioned.”

“But you don’t forgive me.”

“I don’t know how I’m meant to.”

“I don’t know how you are either.”

He grinned ruefully.

“Well at least we’re on the same page about _something_ then.”

“Will you try to?” I asked. “Forgive me?”

“I will,” he said after a moment. “We can’t co-parent without me forgiving you.”

“And will you actually try to work on being civil around me?” I added.

“You can’t deny my anger was justified,” he said.

“I can’t, but I also can’t tolerate you treating me like that,” I said. “I don’t need us to be friends, but we at least have to be kind to each other. It will only come back around to hurt the twins if we openly hate each other.”

“I don’t hate you,” he said with a sigh. “As a matter of fact, I still have feelings for you.”

“What?”

“Why do you think I was so upset?” he pointed out. “I loved you so much, Regina. You doing that to me… that nearly destroyed me. And it’s really hard to stop loving someone you’ve loved for nearly two years.”

“I know,” I said softly.

“You do?”

“Of course I do,” I said. “I wasn’t the one who ended our relationship.”

He hesitated for a long moment before he blurted out, “Then maybe we try again?”

I was shaking my head before he finished his sentence.

“Not after everything,” I said. “Not after what you’ve said about me and how you’ve acted.”

“I was angry then—“

“I don’t care,” I said firmly. “Angry or not, that was unacceptable. Not only was everything you’ve said out of line, but… how you were acting on the beach the other day… You were acting like a monster. You know what a man shouting does to me and you’ve been incredible about that kind of thing for the most part, but the other day—I’ve never seen you like that and I don’t care to again.”

His eyes widened. It occurred to me he hadn’t thought about my reaction in so many terms, but my pointing it out was obviously shaming him. I felt like it was kind of a good thing.

“And besides that,” I plowed on, “you just got through saying that you still haven’t forgiven me. It’s not going to go away overnight if we started dating again.”

He stared for a moment before he heaved a sigh.

“So you’re just going to keep dating this kid?” he asked.

“Young woman,” I said. “And I’m not sure. I’ve only been on a single date with her and we have plans for another. If it gets any more serious then that’s what I’ll do.”

“Then I’ll want to talk to her,” he said. “At some point. If it lasts. Or rather… if it doesn’t and you find someone else… I’ll want to talk to them.”

“What about?” I asked. “And what would give you the right?”

“I would just want to be clear with whoever you settle with that I’m a part of the twins’ lives, too,” he said. “You offered to let me have a place in their lives and even though I accepted that place late, you’ve still made it clear that I do have a place. I don’t want anyone moving in and attempting to shove me out.”

“Robin, I wouldn’t have offered to give you that place if I wasn’t going to let you keep it,” I said. “No matter what happened between you and I, you’re their father.”

“I’m amazed you even gave me that chance,” he said.

“I am, too,” I replied simply. His brow quirked and I smiled tightly. “I had to do something right by you considering what I did. Offering you that spot in their lives was the very least of what I could do.”

“I suppose,” he said. “I’m glad you thought to. I had thought that I’d wanted to give Roland siblings someday. Maybe this isn’t exactly the way I’d thought to do it, but it’s something.”

We sat in a rather companionable silence for a few moments. The conversation had eased some issues and some of my own fears, and I had a feeling it had for Robin as well. He seemed less hostile in any case.

I took a short breath and stood up.

“I should be going,” I said. “I have some errands I need to run.”

“Of course,” he said, standing up.

He walked with me to the door and hurried a bit to get in front of me before we got there. He put his hand on the knob and paused, turning to face me. I was more than a little confused by the action. Wouldn’t he want me to leave as soon as possible?

“Regina,” he said, sounding uncertain. “I—I’m sorry for how I’ve acted lately. I loved you so much and I felt so betrayed. I was so angry with you for how things ended between us and I felt so… threatened by the idea of you moving on. That doesn’t mean I should have reacted the way I’ve been reacting. You were right—if we’re going to make this co-parenting thing work I have to be kinder to you. I’ll work on it.”

Out of everything I could have expected, that was the last thing I had thought would be coming. I smiled a little and stepped into his space, giving him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. He let one arm wrap around me to give me a small squeeze before releasing me almost immediately.

“Thank you, Robin,” I said. “We’ll do what we can to put all of that in the past from here on out. I’ll keep you updated on appointments and such.”

“Thanks,” he said with a smile. “Oh, and Regina?”

“Hm?”

“Tell Emma that I’m sorry about the other day,” he added. “I’m sure that kind of interruption on a first date was… rather alarming to an eighteen year old. But it was partially what she said that got me to think about how I’ve been acting lately.”

“I’ll pass along the message,” I promised.

He opened the door and held it for me. I headed for the Mercedes, more than a little amazed by how well that talk had gone. The idea that Emma’s defense of me on the beach having helped the situation was delightful, and I was even more grateful for it now. He’d clearly been thinking about it for a few days and it had clearly helped a little. I just hoped he and I could truly be civil. He was always a man of his word when we’d been together and the fact that we’d talked it out boded well for the future.

I drove back towards the motel, feeling infinitely lighter than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed there to be some change and growth in his character. Also Regina needed a real apology. 
> 
> I don't like Robin in the show (I find him an annoying damsel in distress with no real personality--which works for this because I can use him however I want/mold him to suit my needs for the story) but I won't lie and say I can't empathize with him in this story. Just a dude who lost a really good thing and reacted like any other mediocre white dude would. At least this version of the mediocre white dude realizes how much of a twat he was being.


	30. Chapter Thirty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emma is a dumb and nervous baby with abandonment issues and low self-esteem, and there isn't sex but there's a moment when sex is mentioned and Emma's awkward about the baby bump. Other than that there isn't anything to warn about.

I was nervous for Regina’s return.

The idea that she’d gone to see Robin didn’t sit well with me. What if he lost his temper again? What if he made things more difficult for Regina? What if he’d figured it all out? I wanted Regina back in the motel room with me but I was terrified she’d bring terrible news.

So much could have gone wrong at Robin’s.

The fact that it was at his _house_ to begin with made me uncomfortable, too. It had been Regina’s house once. What if she got nostalgic? What if—

I tried to break myself of that thinking but it lurked—as it always did—just under the surface. The insidious little voice that continuously reminded me that Regina was pregnant with kids that weren’t mine and had been from a previously-stable long-term relationship was always there, pointing out how much easier things would be if Regina just went back to Robin.

Sure he was an ass and sure Regina seemed to be over him, but what if?

Things weren’t getting any easier for Regina and I. We’d thought after graduation we’d be home free. And sure in some cases we were kind of okay—in terms of Mr. Hopper and Kathryn at least—but there were still so many other ways we could go wrong.

I heard the sound of the key and the door handle turning. My stomach lurched and I sat straight up in bed, looking to the door. Regina walked in and I saw her smiling.

“Hey,” I said. “I’m guessing things went well?”

“Very well,” she said. “We got everything all figured out.”

“Everything?” I asked. She was in such a good mood. She’d never been in that good of a mood after talking to Robin—even thinking about him got her upset half the time.

“Everything,” she said with a nod. She set her purse down on the desk and went to the other bed, plopping down on the edge to kick off her heels. “He apologized for how he’s been lately. He explained it and when I pointed out it didn’t matter _why_ he was acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum he apologized.”

“Really?”

“Really,” she said happily. “He even asked if we should try again.”

“He what?” I asked. If I’d felt sick before I felt even worse now.

“He said how he’d loved me so much that he hasn’t really gotten past it and suggested we try to get back together,” she said. She shook her head and rolled her eyes, but she grinned a little as if she found it amusing.

“And you told him…”

Regina looked at me quizzically.

“What?” she asked.

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him no,” she said obviously. “What else would I tell him?”

“I dunno, I just thought maybe you’d wanna say yes,” I said with a shrug. “It’d be easier.”

Regina stood, moved to the bed I sat on, shoved me down, straddled me, and kissed me hard.

“I love you,” she said. “And I’m not leaving you. Not for Robin and not for anything. Don’t be ridiculous.”

“It’s not ridiculous,” I protested, but she put her finger over my lips.

“It is,” she said. “I want _you_. Okay?”

I grinned a little sheepishly and nodded a little.

“I just thought maybe it’d be something you’d want to think about,” I admitted.

“It isn’t,” she said. “I made my choice. I like my choice. You’re everything to me, Emma. I wouldn’t trade you for anything.”

“I just get worried sometimes,” I said.

“I know you do,” she said softly. “Just let me know when you do so I can remind you how dumb you’re being thinking that I’d ever go for anyone else when you’re around.”

I leaned up and kissed her again, resting my hands lightly on her hips.

“So what else did you guys talk about?” I asked.

“You,” she said honestly. “How I’m dating you and the story we came up with that we only started dating recently. He wanted to know if you’d be involved with the babies.”

“Well obviously I will be,” I said.

“He wants to speak with you,” she said. Maybe she sensed my protest bubbling up because she quickly added, “Someday. Not soon, obviously. He’s under the impression that you and I are light-hearted and carefree. He doesn’t know how serious we are. But when we do start to be honest about that, he’d like to speak with you so that he can be reassured you aren’t going to try to replace him as a parent to the twins.”

“I’m not going to try to replace him,” I said with a roll of my eyes.

“I know you’re not,” she said, moving to lie on her side next to me. I rolled a bit to face her. “But he’s worried. I suppose it’s because I cheated on him. He’s probably nervous I’ll cut him out.”

“He should know you’re a better person than that,” I said.

“I didn’t give him much proof that I am,” she said honestly. “I _did_ cheat on him.”

“You also left when he asked you to, gave him his space, was honest about being pregnant with his children, gave him the option to be a part of the babies’ lives, _and_ didn’t cut him off when he came back to you on his decision too late,” I pointed out. “Not to mention you went over to talk to him even though he was being an ass. He should know you’re a better person than that.”

She seemed surprised by that. I had a feeling she didn’t see herself as anything but the villain here and wasn’t even thinking about any of the good things she had done when it came to her ex.

“I guess you’re right,” she said slowly.

“I am,” I said, and I was glad when she laughed.

“So what about me being in the babies’ lives?” I asked. “I know we’ve kind of… skirted around that.”

“Well I’m planning on staying with you,” she said. “I love you and I want you around for a good long while. But twins is a lot of pressure.”

“Pressure that you know I’m game to take on.”

“Pressure that you won’t need considering you’re starting college in the fall and will have other pressures that you need to consider first,” she said firmly. “You’ll be in their lives because you’ll be in my life, but I’m not asking you to act as a parent to the twins. Not this soon in our relationship.”

“I don’t know, they kind of feel like they’re…” I started but I trailed off. I gave a little shrug with one shoulder. “I dunno.”

“Like they’re what, Emma?” Regina asked.

“It’s stupid.”

“I can assure you it’s not. Just tell me how you feel.”

“Like they’re kinda mine,” I said. “And it _is_ stupid. Obviously they aren’t mine. We’ve only been dating like… what? Four months or something? But I’m in it with you so I’m in it with them. I know that’s the trade off and honestly? I’m not that bothered by it. If it doesn’t work out between you and I then I won’t kick up a fuss about the twins or anything if that’s what you’re worried about, but as long as you and I are in this then I’m gonna be here for those two.”

I laid my hand on Regina’s stomach and she stared at me so intensely I was amazed I didn’t catch fire. She seemed to be trying to work things out in her head and I hated that she looked so concerned.

“It’s just so much to put on an eighteen-year-old’s shoulders,” she said. “I can’t do—“

“You can though,” I said. “And honestly, what about this relationship isn’t ‘so much’ for me? After all the crap we’ve waded through together? I can handle it.”

“You’re taking on so much responsibility and it’s going to be hard,” she said. “I’ll be raising two children. With _Robin_ as a co-parent. I can’t see it being easy for you. Putting aside all the responsibility that comes with having children, what about him? If you’re this worried about Robin and I getting back together now how will it be when he’s over my house with Roland every single day to spend time with the babies?”

“You just got done telling me that you’ll remind me when I’m being stupid,” I countered. “And I’ll do my best to remember that. The babies thing… I’ll be able to handle it, and I’ll tell you if I can’t. I promise you I will. I just… I feel like they’re something I should be a part of, so I want to be.”

She hesitated for a long time, so long I felt like she’d only be able to say something awful or heartbreaking when she finally did speak. Instead, she leaned forward and kissed me again.

“I love you,” she said.

It didn’t feel fully like she’d accepted my decision. I knew she wanted me to be in her life and I knew I wanted to be, but she just couldn’t bring herself to be okay with having me be more a part of the twins.

I knew where she was coming from. I _was_ eighteen—as everyone seemed keen on reminding me—but that didn’t mean I didn’t know what I wanted. I wanted Regina, Regina had two kids on the way, if I wanted Regina that badly then I’d want the kids.

And honestly, the more I thought about it the more I liked the idea. I knew it wasn’t entirely typical and that I’d be signing myself up for some stressful times, but I kind of liked the idea of being a younger mom. I would be able to keep up when they were young and wouldn’t be ancient when they got older.

I realized I’d jumped from saying I wanted to be involved to saying I wanted to be a mom and put a halt to that line of thinking. I had to keep it reasonable, and I still needed Regina to accept that as my role. Besides, we’d only been dating a short while. Things could still change. But until they did, I was in it. I’d said I would be, so I was.

“We should go on more dates,” I decided. “I really enjoyed our first date even with that hiccup. But this time you should be the one to plan it.”

“Oh?” she asked.

“Yeah. It’s only fair. I came up with a really good first date, so now you have to come up with a really good second date.”

“I will then,” she promised with a grin. “It’ll knock your socks off.”

“Why do you insist on saying things that remind me just how much older you are than I am?” I teased.

“What did I say?” she demanded.

“Knock your socks off?” I said pointedly.

“It’s an expression people use!” she protested.

“Yeah, when they’re ancient geezers.”

“Well it’s your fault for dating a geezer then,” she said almost primly.

I laughed and tugged her in for another kiss.

“You’re the cutest geezer I’ve ever met,” I told her, trying to sound as sweet as possible.

“Enough with the geezer thing,” she said, giving me a shove.

I pushed her back so that I could roll on top of her, being careful to settle on her hips and avoid her stomach. I stared at her stomach for a second before I shifted a bit further down to straddle her thighs instead.

“What was that?” she asked curiously.

“I was going to try to make a move and be sexy but… I mean your stomach was right between my thighs and it felt super weird.”

She laughed loudly and sat up, looping her arms around me.

“You’re so weird about them,” she said. “They’re not offended by you when we have sex. They’re not even aware. They’re still basically blobs.”

“They’re blobs that are gonna come out of you and be people though,” I complained, resting my arms on her shoulders and playing lightly with her hair. “And I’m gonna have to look at them and be like, hey kids, I screwed your mom while you were in the womb!”

“You don’t _have_ to tell them that,” she pointed out, trying to hide a grin.

“I mean obviously I’m not gonna tell them that but I’m gonna be thinking about it,” I said. “I think about it every time we’re together like that.”

“Believe me, I know you do,” she said. “You avoid my stomach like the plague now.”

“Not like the plague,” I protested. “Like the living babies in your body who might get offended if I’m all up in their business.”

“You’re the one who keeps saying that you’re all in with these kids,” she teased.

“That doesn’t mean I want to be thinking about babies when I’m fucking you,” I shot back.

“Fine, fine,” she said. “But they’re only going to get more in the way. What are you going to do then? I know my sex drive might drop off but if it doesn’t and you think that’s too gross because of them I’m going to be extremely cross.” Her voice was light and teasing but I had a feeling she’d actually be upset if I rejected her in that way because of her baby bump.

“I’ll figure something out,” I promised. “I would never leave you high and dry like that.”

“You’d better not,” she said. “But you were also just talking about trying to be sexy and make a move?”

“I was,” I said with a grin.

“Maybe you should go back to that.”

I leaned in and kissed her again. She hummed lightly against my lips and I pulled back with a chuckle.

“You might want to hold on tight,” I said. “I’m about to knock your socks off.”

She laughed and yanked me down on top of her.


	31. Chapter Thirty One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some pregnancy talk and an explosion of anger.

While Emma and I went on a few more dates, I found a new place. It was about halfway between Storybrooke and Waterville and was a decent size. The two-bedroom set up would be perfect for when the twins came, and it was on the lower end of the price range I’d had. I managed to buy a ton of relatively cheap furniture to be delivered to the new apartment and it hadn’t taken long for me to pack up my things from the motel. I was moved in within a week of finding the place, getting the key to the apartment part-way through June. Emma had assembled all my furniture as she insisted I couldn’t do any heavy lifting or hard labor.

Settled in at a new place made me feel like I had one more thing in my life that was going to go well.

Unfortunately I did still have the issue of Robin. We’d spoken and seen each other a handful of times and every time was more than a little uncomfortable as he attempted to be supportive. He was overly kind and caring now, which made it seem strange and fake. I knew he was just trying to make it up to me how he’d been acting so I just grinned and bore it. During my doctor’s appointments Steele had caught on to the odd behavior and been even more chipper than before, which had only made me even more annoyed with it all.

By the 18-week mark I had well and truly ‘popped’ and I felt enormous. I’d had to switch out my slacks for ones with elastic waistbands. Emma had tried to turn me on to leggings but I flat out refused to wear them. I relied heavily on the dresses I had that were made of fabrics that could stretch but that rather limited my wardrobe. Considering I was only going to get bigger, I was a little sour while getting dressed each morning, but I made do with what I could.

The day of my 18-week appointment was going to be a long one. I’d meet with Robin in the morning, go to the appointment, and then go to meet up with Emma. We’d decided we’d finally been doing this long enough that we could tell her parents and were praying it would go well.

The idea of telling Emma’s parents looming over me was half the reason I was so tense as I sat in the waiting room of Dr. Steele’s office with Robin and Roland. Things were better with Roland. Robin told me he had talked to his son, and he’d clearly been kinder about me in front of the boy. Roland was also slowly getting excited about the idea of his two siblings to the point where even though he was confused about the fact that he wasn’t supposed to be angry with me anymore, he didn’t mind me so much considering I was carrying them.

A nurse called my name and I headed in with Robin and Roland tagging along behind me. Steele arrived shortly with a huge smile on her face.

“And how is everyone feeling?” she asked. “You all look wonderful!”

Robin smiled easily when she entered. He didn’t seem to mind her overly happy demeanor.

“We’re good!” Roland answered for everyone. “Daddy says we get to see the babies again.”

“You do,” Steele told him. “We’ve got to see how they’re cooking in there!”

Roland looked thrilled and glanced at me.

“Daddy said Regina’s been taking good care of them,” he said. “She got them a room and cribs and everything already.”

“I’m just waiting to see what color schemes to decorate the room with,” I said pointedly, hoping we’d be learning the sexes that day.

Dr. Steele grinned widely.

“I think we can take a peek,” she said. “If they’re open about it at least. They might be shy. But we’ll take a look!”

She went through the basics with me again before she had my lift my shirt. I tucked it under my bra as usual and looked down at my swollen stomach. It seemed like it had happened so suddenly that I’d begun to truly look pregnant, but I’d been assured that was normal. Comparing myself to images on the internet of other women at 18 weeks I’d been horrified at how huge I was in comparison until Emma had reminded me I was carrying two and had changed the search criteria.

Steele got the machine ready and plopped the gel onto my stomach. I winced a little at the chill and Robin put a gentle hand on my shoulder when I did. I looked up at him sharply and he seemed to realize what he’d done. He quickly pulled his hand away, looking almost embarrassed.

After clicking on the screen, Steele ran the wand of the ultrasound across my stomach and the image appeared quickly. Roland stretched up on his tip toes to look.

“All right, we’re looking good,” Steele said. “Baby A looks a bit bigger than Baby B but they’ve been bigger than B since the start. Their hearts are getting to work for real, and they’re growing toenails now.”

“Toenails?” Roland blurted out. “Won’t they scratch inside Regina’s tummy?”

“They won’t,” Steele assured him. “The toenails and fingernails the babies have are really soft so they won’t hurt her.”

“Oh, good,” Roland said. “That wouldn’t be nice.”

I couldn’t help but smile a little at that, and I heard Robin chuckle. It seemed weird that we were actually having a nice little moment together after everything, but I wasn’t going to question it.

“Are we ready to find out what you’re having?” she asked.

I nodded eagerly.

“Yes please,” I said. “I’ve been wanting to know for ages.”

She moved the wand back and forth a few times before her face broke into a smile.

“Baby A is a boy,” she said, “and Baby B is… Another boy.”

The small smile on my face grew.

“Twin boys?” I asked.

“Get ready for a rowdy house,” Steele said with a laugh. “They’re looking healthy as horses. But at least you’ll be able to tell the two of them apart.”

“But they’re twins,” Roland said. “Won’t they look the same?”

“No, they’re fraternal,” Steele explained. “They’re developing in two different sacs. They’ll look similar because they’ve got a bunch of your daddy’s genes and a bunch of Regina’s genes in them, but they won’t look identical.”

“Weird,” Roland said, wrinkling his nose a little. “But good, because if they looked the same I might mix them up.”

“Yeah, you guys lucked out on that front.”

She handed me paper towels to wipe the gel off and shut down the machine.

“I’ll have the nurses get you the print outs for both boys,” she said. “And I’ll see you next month. Call me if you have any questions or concerns.”

“Of course,” I said. “Thank you for everything.”

Steele smiled and headed out while I sat up and collected my purse. We left the exam room and picked up the images from the ultrasound, then headed out to our cars. We’d parked next to each other and after Robin had gotten Roland buckled in, he turned to me.

“Twin boys,” Robin said, a grin plastered all over his face. “I can’t wait to meet them.”

“I know,” I said, a little preoccupied looking at the pictures of the two of them.

“Did you want two boys?” he asked curiously.

“I’d kind of hoped for at least one of them to be a girl,” I admitted. “But twin boys is fine by me as long as they’re healthy and happy.”

Robin nodded a little, looking strange.

“What?” I asked. “You look like you’re thinking hard about something.”

“I’ve just been thinking lately,” he said slowly. “About you and Emma.”

“What about us?” I asked him.

“Are… are you sure about her?” he asked. “That she’s a good idea?”

“No,” I admitted easily enough. “She’s young and things are strange but she’s fun to be around. I thought that keeping it light and easy might be fun, and she agrees.”

“So you’re staying with her,” he said.

“For now. A lot can change.”

It felt odd to be talking about Emma like this. She meant so much to me in so many ways, and here I was saying that she wasn’t a sure thing. I didn’t know if we’d stay together in the long-haul but I loved her and wanted us to make it.

He sighed heavily.

“I really wish this had played out differently,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I know you do,” I said, smiling tightly. “But this is the way it is, and we’ll figure it out.”

“I suppose you’re right,” he said. “Are you all set getting home?”

“I’m actually headed to Emma’s,” I said. “I’m meeting her parents.”

“You’re already meeting her parents?” he asked in surprise. “Isn’t that a little soon? I didn’t meet your father until we’d been dating nearly half a year.”

“I know, but it’s… it feels right,” I said with a shrug. “And besides, something like our relationship… we should probably tell her parents sooner rather than later.”

“That’s a fair point.”

“I’ll text you with information about the next appointment.”

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll see you then.”

"Oh and Robin?"

"Hm?"

"Thanks for talking to Roland and being nicer," I said. "I can tell you've been making an effort. He seems... more mellow when it comes to me."

"It's the least I could do," Robin said honestly, scratching the back of his head a little sheepishly. "I shouldn't have acted the way I did in front of him to begin with. But I'm hoping that if I keep talking you up and talking about how we've all smoothed things over he'll go back to how he was."

"I don't need him back to how he was," I said. "Just as long as he doesn't hate me. That... that hurt a lot."

Robin frowned and took my hand, giving it a light squeeze. I could feel the apology in that and I smiled tightly at him as he dropped my hand again.

"I'll see you soon," I said. "I'll send you updates if anything comes up."

He nodded, gave a little wave, and then got into his car and drove off. I got into the Mercedes and picked up my phone, dialing Emma. She answered on the third ring.

“Hey babe,” she said. “You done at the doctor’s?”

“I am,” I said. “Are you at your parents’?”

“Yeah,” she said. “You can come over any time now. Mom’s getting out food to make lunch for us all. She’s really excited to meet you.”

“I hope she’s as excited when she figures out how we met,” I said.

“Well we know that she won’t be able to physically fight you with you being pregnant at all,” Emma joked.

“Am I supposed to laugh now?” I asked.

“I’m just nervous,” she said. “I just want this to be over so we can see what their reaction is going to be.”

“I know the feeling,” I said, smiling a little. “I’ll probably be at yours as soon as I can be.”

“Okay good,” she said. “Oh, by the way, did you find out?”

“They’re both boys,” I answered.

“Awesome!” she said excitedly. “That’s gonna be great!”

“I wanted a girl,” I told her. “But I can’t really complain. They’re going to be my little princes.”

“And hey, now you can start shopping for them,” she said. “I know you’ve been dying to start.”

“I really have been,” I said with a laugh. “I have so many children’s clothing store pages bookmarked just waiting for me to pull out my credit card.”

“You’re going to spoil those boys rotten before they’re even out of you,” she said.

“You know it,” I shot back. “And besides, it’s not the worst thing in the world to spoil your sons. They’ve got to know they’re loved.”

“They’re going to know they’re loved even if they’re dressed in burlap all day,” she said confidently. “You’re gonna be a great mom and they’re gonna have plenty of people to love them up at all times.”

I beamed.

“I’ll see you in a little bit,” I said. “Try to get to the door before your mother. I don’t want to explain myself on the doorstep.”

“I’ll make them hang in the living room. See you soon, babe.”

I hung up at that and began to drive. I got to her house quickly and took a moment or two in the car to take a deep breath. This was either going to go well or terribly and there was no real in between.

I got out of the car and headed up to the front door. There was barely any time at all between when I rang the doorbell and when Emma opened it.

“Hey,” she said, leaning out of the doorway to peck me on the cheek. “So they’re in the living room and I’ve told them they’re probably going to be surprised and confused and all that but I’ve also been telling them how beautiful and smart and kind and totally amazing you are so they should be okay.”

“And if they’re not?”

“Then… we get lunch at Granny’s and figure out how quickly I can move my stuff out of this house,” she said.

“Comforting.”

“Come on in.”

She stepped back to let me inside and I glanced around. The house was tidy and there were pictures of Emma and her parents everywhere. I saw there were only a handful of baby pictures, but there had to be dozens—if not hundreds—of pictures of the three of them together where Emma looked to be a young teenager. It made me smile to see how much love her parents had for her.

“Mom? Dad?” she called ahead, taking my hand. “You remember what I said?”

“That you love her and just want us to give her a chance,” her father’s voice came from the living room.

“Can you please just bring her out so we can meet her?” her mother said.

Emma glanced at me and squeezed my hand, then led me towards the living room.

“Truth is you’ve actually met her before,” she said as we crossed the threshold into the room. “I know you all made introductions at graduation but… Mom, Dad, this is Regina Mills. Regina, this is my mom and dad, Mary Margaret and David.”

“It’s good to see you again,” I said, trying on a smile.

To say the two of them looked shocked was an understatement. Mary Margaret was staring at me with open-mouthed dismay and David just looked confused.

I still held Emma’s hand but my other hand came to rest on the swell of my stomach. I’d taken to resting my hands there lately and I realized this was a mistake as Mary Margaret’s eyes dropped followed the motion. Her eyes widened and I dropped Emma’s hand to cover my stomach with both hands, almost instinctively trying to hide it.

“She’s—“ David said, sounding stunned.

“She’s everything that I told you about before,” Emma said. “She’s just also—“

“Your _teacher_ ,” Mary Margaret said, her shock fading. Her face adopted a hardness I wouldn’t have expected from someone who looked as if she’d never frowned before in her life.

“Not anymore,” Emma said. “Now she’s—“

“You started talking about this girlfriend months ago,” Mary Margaret said. “You were still in school when you started dating this girlfriend.” She rounded on me. “And you were her _teacher_.”

“I will admit that the timing of it wasn’t ideal—“ I started but Mary Margaret stood up.

“Did you two honestly think that I would—“

“Mary Margaret, calm down,” David said, standing up and grabbing his wife’s hand. “We could at least let them explain themselves.”

She wrenched her hand out of David’s.

“No!” she said. “She—she was her _teacher_! Her high school teacher! And she—she—“ She turned to face me again. “You took advantage of my daughter!”

I’m sure that I winced at that. It was what I’d always worried about underneath it all, that I’d taken advantage of Emma. Emma swore up and down that I hadn’t but I never could shake that worry.

“Anything that happened between us happened because I was interested in her,” Emma said, moving to stand slightly between her mother and myself. “She didn’t take advantage of me. I pushed her into it and… and she liked me.”

“Oh she _liked_ you?” Mary Margaret demanded, her voice rising in pitch. “Oh well that solves everything then! As long as she _liked_ you! Emma, she was your teacher at the time! She was supposed to be teaching you, not—“

She broke off, very obviously unwilling to say the words that were clearly in her head. David looked a little unsettled at that.

“We were smart and she was fair,” Emma said, trying to soothe the two of their worries. “She never put me in a position that I was uncomfortable with.”

“Whether you were uncomfortable or not isn’t the point, Emma,” Mary Margaret said. “She’s not supposed to be rubbing up on the students or flirting with them or anything like that. She’s supposed to have respect for you as a _student_ , not try to start dating you.”

“Mrs. Swan, I know that this is probably the last thing you thought you’d hear but—“

“No,” Mary Margaret snapped. “No, I don’t want to hear it. God, I’d heard from Leroy that you were flirting with an older pregnant woman at the park a few weeks ago and I knew it was your girlfriend but I never thought—she was your _teacher_!”

With Mary Margaret starting to repeat herself, I took a deep breath, trying to keep from getting annoyed. I couldn’t snap at her. If I did I would only make it worse. She had to like me if I wanted to stay with Emma.

“I know she was my student,” I said. “It was unprofessional of me in every sense of the word. But now she’s not my student and now I—I love her. I love your daughter. I haven’t been this happy in a long time—“

“I don’t care about your happiness,” Mary Margaret snapped. “I care about the fact that I sent my daughter to that school and she was taken advantage of by someone I’m supposed to trust!”

“Mary Margaret,” David said suddenly, his voice hard. “Let her speak. She’s trying to explain herself here.”

“Aren’t you upset, David?” Mary Margaret demanded.

“Of course I am!” he said almost defensively. “But before when we knew she was dating an older woman we were fine with it! I’m confused about the fact she was her teacher but I thought there was a hell of a lot stacked against them before.”

“And now?” she demanded.

“Now I want to know how it happened,” he said. “I want to know why this was worth the risk.”

“I don’t think you want to know how it happened,” Emma said. I shot her a glare and she held up her hands defensively. “What?”

“Oh god, don’t tell me how it happened,” Mary Margaret said, covering her eyes with one hand, looking almost as if she were about to swoon.

“No, I need to know,” David said firmly. He turned to look at me. “Tell me how this happened between you. Not in specific details if you think they’ll upset us but… I need to know.”

I nodded a little, glad that one of them was at least going to let me explain myself.

“Emma came to me to discuss her grades one afternoon,” I said. “We talked and she agreed to re-write her paper. Later that night she sent me links to stories written about the topic she’d written her original paper on and she sent a few flirtatious messages. I started thinking about her and realized I was attracted to her. I fought it because it felt wrong—“

“It _was_ wrong,” Mary Margaret growled.

“Mary Margaret,” David said, his tone almost a warning.

She scoffed but went quiet again.

“I fought it because it was wrong,” I said, amending my comment to suit her. “But I couldn’t stop thinking about her. We met a few more times and one of those times I was upset and distant. Emma tried to get me to talk and the more she pushed me the more she wore me down. We kissed that day. We met to talk a few more times before we decided we were attracted enough to each other that we could try it out. We kept it a secret for months and recently Emma has been seeking me out to flirt with me in public to try to put it out there that our relationship started post-graduation.”

“I’m really happy, Mom,” Emma said, clearly trying to get her piece in before her mom could explode at me again. “Regina’s not taking advantage of me. She’s been really good to me and I love her. And not in the stupid high school fling way either—I really love her.”

“You’re eighteen, Emma,” Mary Margaret said.

“Yeah, which makes me an adult,” I said. “I can date who I wanna date and I wanna date Regina.”

“I mean that you’re _eighteen_ ,” Mary Margaret said. “You don’t know what real love _is_. You’ve barely started your life.”

“Which is something Regina said over and over,” Emma said, clearly getting frustrated. “I wore her down, why can’t you just get worn down and accept this?”

“Because it’s ridiculous!” the woman nearly shouted. “I’m not going to be _worn down_ enough to get over your teacher preying on you—“

“She didn’t prey on me!” Emma interrupted. “She never did that. She and I went into this knowing full well what we were doing. She never held anything against me or over my head. She’s been supportive and loving and careful and kind this entire time.”

“You said you got into a fight with her the night of graduation.”

“Yeah, because I was stupid and I told someone else about something really personal she trusted me with,” Emma said. “I deserved to get yelled at then. I had no business telling other people about her life.”

“But—“

“No, no buts, Mary Margaret,” David said suddenly. “I don’t like it as much as you do but… but Emma’s right. She’s eighteen. If we’re willing to treat her like an adult with everything else we should be willing to treat her like an adult with this.”

She looked absolutely floored.

“So we’re just going to let it happen?” she asked. “We’re going to let this woman—“

“Yes,” David said simply. “Because Emma can make her own decisions and because… because it took a lot of guts for them to come to us with this. They both clearly wanted us to know about them and their relationship. I’m sure Emma wants us to support them, too.”

“I do,” Emma said quickly.

“You can be angry and upset all you want, but we’re letting this go,” David said.

I had to admit I was stunned. The way I always imagined it, it was Emma’s father going ballistic and her mother giving us a chance. With all the stories I’d been told about them I assumed her father’s protective streak would surface. The fact that he was the one lending the support now was more than a bit of a shock.

Mary Margaret was just as surprised as I was. She stared at her husband, her mouth opening and closing a few times as she struggled to find something to say. Finally she shut her mouth and stalked out of the room. I heard her feet on the stairs and then in an upstairs hallway before I heard a door slam.

David sighed.

“I’m sorry, Emma,” he said. “I’m sure you wanted that to go a lot better.”

Emma nodded, biting her bottom lip to keep from crying. I wanted so badly to reach out and hold her but I felt like it would be too much at the moment.

“I meant what I said,” he said. “I’m not comfortable with this at the moment but… I’m going to try to be. Your mother is just going to have to try to come around to it because I’m going to make sure that neither of you gets in trouble for this.”

“Are—are you serious?” Emma asked.

“I am,” he said. “I want you both to know that I think this was a bad idea that could have gotten the two of you into a lot of trouble, but at this point there really isn’t any reason to stir up trouble. As long as you’re both safe and you’re happy Emma, I can’t see a reason to put an end to this.”

“Thank you, David,” I said, surprised to hear the intense sincerity in my voice.

He faced me fully and looked at me for a moment.

“I know you’re probably not going to take this seriously,” he said, “but I promise you that if you hurt Emma I have absolutely no problems hitting a woman.”

“Dad!” Emma said, sounding exasperated. “Can you please just lay off?”

“No, I can’t,” he said. “You’re my daughter and I’ll protect you until the day I die.”

I saw Emma looked frustrated but a small glimmer of delight remained in her eyes at the way he got so protective. I was sure that with the way she’d wanted a home for so long, David saying things like she was his daughter and that he’d protect her would always make her happy.

“I’m going to go talk to your mother,” he told Emma. “Try and get her to relax and accept this a bit more.” He turned to face me. “It was nice to meet you officially though, Regina. I’m sorry this couldn’t have been an easier talk.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “I understand what a shock it must have been. But I mean it when I say I love her. I don’t have any ill intentions here.”

“I hope that’s true,” he said. “We’ll figure this out.”

He headed out of the room and I heard his footsteps up the stairs and overhead. Emma and I waited as we heard him knock on a door, then open it and walk inside, closing the door behind him.

“That could have gone better,” I said dryly.

Emma sighed and looked down before she looked at me.

“Yeah but at least now they know,” she said. “And Dad’s gonna try to talk Mom down. It’s a bit better than I expected. I thought he’d be the one freaking out and she’d be more open.”

“As long as we have one on our side maybe the other will follow soon enough,” I said. “If not we’re going to have a bit of a rough time on our hands.”

“But we’ll deal with it together,” Emma said, reaching out to take my hand. “Mom will come around eventually. I mean… she’ll have to. I’m not planning on bailing on you any time soon and you don’t seem like you’re going to bail on me.”

“I’m not,” I assured her. “I’m in this.”

“Then she’ll have to come around,” Emma said, sounding a bit hopeful.

“She will,” I said. “But I think I should go for now.”

“Do you want me to come?”

“It might be best if we aren’t together for a bit to let your mother calm down,” I said. “I’ll text you when I get home though. We can chat a little later tonight if you’d like.”

“You know I always want to talk to you,” she said with a smile. She tugged me in and kissed me on the cheek. “I love you, babe.”

“I love you, too,” I said.

“Drive safe.”

I nodded and she walked me to the door, stealing another kiss before I headed out. I wished that had gone better, but at least everything was out in the open. We’d been building up a relationship in public and we’d been honest with her parents. It was all we really could do for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toyed with which of them I wanted more accepting and eventually decided that I've read more fic that has David be more stiff and stern, so I ended up going with Mary Margaret being the one to explode :D


	32. Chapter Thirty Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some mild PSTD type behavior, very brief mentions of past abuse, a very brief and lighthearted joke about handcuffs in the bedroom.

With Regina gone I was left alone downstairs. I could hear Mom shouting at Dad and heard Dad’s voice answering at a lower and calmer register, but I couldn’t make out a whole lot of what they were saying. It was nerve racking, knowing what they were talking about and knowing that they could very easily rip Regina and I apart if they really wanted to.

I was surprised by Dad’s reaction if I was honest. I’d thought with how protective he was that he’d never have allowed something like Regina and I. The fact that it had been Mom to lose her mind and Dad to say that he’d try to calm her down was more than a little shocking.

I hovered in the living room for a few moments before I went to the stairs and sat down on the bottom step, straining to hear what was being said. It was a little painful when I did catch a few words here and there. I heard things like “predator,” “monster,” and “report,” and I felt a bubbling up of dread in the pit of my stomach.

We’d wanted to be open and honest with my parents but it seemed like being open and honest with them was only going to get Regina into a _lot_ of trouble. I was terrified for her, sure that if Dad wasn’t able to talk Mom down from her anger soon then Regina would end up in jail despite everything we’d done to prevent that from happening.

I wanted to call Archie, to ask him for help somehow. He was on our side and he was smart. He’d be able to help, right? But then again, dragging him into this probably wouldn’t be the best idea either—he knew about us, and if Mom found out he knew about Regina and I and hadn’t done anything she might try to take him down, too.

Considering everything that had gone wrong with me and Regina when I started talking about her to other people, I figured it would be best not to drag more people into this than I needed to. Right now it would just be Regina, me, Mom, and Dad.

Hopefully it would stay that way.

I don’t know how long I sat there, but eventually the shouting lessened and I heard the two of them speaking in normal voices. I didn’t for a second believe that it was over, but when they fought—which was rarely—they eventually settled into a discussion that was less of an argument and more of an outpouring of feelings. It had been hard to get used to after being in foster care for so long. I’d always thought any conversation that involved any kind of shouting inevitably ended with being smacked or having food withheld. The idea that two people could get angry and shout, then immediately discuss the situation without resorting to punishments was so far beyond my comprehension even still. I knew it was why I always expected Regina to leave me when we fought and why I was so tense when I heard the door upstairs open again.

I heard the two of them walking through the hallway, their footsteps heading for the stairs. I got up and started to move away from where I’d sat trying to eavesdrop but I heard my Mom call down to me.

“We both know you listened to us, Emma,” Mom said, sounding exhausted.

I froze in my spot. When they came around the corner at the top of the stairs and saw the look on my face I saw both of my parents’ faces fall. They hated when I fell back on always assuming the worst, and that didn’t help me at all in terms of looking less ready to bolt.

“You’re not in trouble,” she told me quickly. “We need to talk though.”

I hated that phrase. A lot of people used it when breaking up with their significant others, and I’d heard it enough times used in that way, but I’d also had a few families break the news that I was going back to group homes or to a new foster home with that phrase.

I saw the recognition of what she’d said in my Mom’s face and she hurried down the stairs. I stayed where I was even though everything in me told me to run, and I was glad I didn’t when she paused, looked at me for permission, and then moved in for a hug when I nodded.

I melted into Mom’s arms, beyond relieved. She held me tightly, squeezing my ribs just a bit too much, but I didn’t care about that. I buried my face her shoulder.

“We’re always going to love you,” she reassured me. “No matter what. I was angry and scared. But… we’re going to talk about this whole situation.”

I lifted my head up off her shoulder and she took that as her cue to move back a little, though her hands rested on my shoulders.

“Let’s go sit down,” she said.

Dad followed behind us as Mom led me to the couch. She settled on one side, I settled on the other, and Dad took an armchair. I glanced between them for a moment, wondering which one of them was going to speak first. Instead of one starting to talk the silence just stretched out between the three of us.

After what felt like an eternity—but was probably only about two minutes—I couldn’t take it anymore.

“I love her,” I said. “And I know you said that you don’t think I know what love is, but I do love her. She’s—she’s everything I want in a partner. Before you guys didn’t care and you even supported me. You knew she was fifteen years older than I am and knew she was pregnant. The only thing that’s changed is now you know she was my teacher.”

“It’s more complicated than that,” Dad admitted.

“How so?” I asked. “It’s not like she went after me when I was still a kid. She didn’t even come after me—I was into her and _I_ pursued _her_. But I was eighteen when we started it. I was above the age of consent. And if we’re being honest here, I’ve been with other people who were older than me. Sure no one as old as her, but I _have_ been with other people who were older than me. Senior girls and even a girl who was in college, just last summer.”

“Seniors in high school and girls in college aren’t the same as a woman in her thirties who’s being paid by the state to teach you English, Emma,” Dad said.

“I thought you said you were going to let it happen,” I said, bewildered by his sudden change of heart. “Why are you—“

“I said I’d allow it and wouldn’t do anything to harm either of you,” he said before I could work myself up. “And I’m going to stand by that. But your mother was right—it was inappropriate considering the positions the two of you were in.”

“But _how_?” I pressed. “It’s not like she treated me any differently when we started dating. I still had to work for my grades.”

“It still goes back to the fact that she was your teacher at the time,” Mom said. “She was meant to teach you. She was meant to make sure all your focus was on the material, not on her. And if we’re really looking at things, you were having a lot of trouble a few months ago. You came home angry a lot and you were sneaking out of the house. She shouldn’t have been putting anything on you except for what she was assigning for homework.”

“It’s not like any of it is still affecting me—“

“It doesn’t matter, Emma,” Mom said firmly. “She knew what she was doing was wrong and she did it anyways. It’s against the law. She knew that. The fact that she went ahead and started a relationship with you despite that tells me a lot about her character.”

“It doesn’t tell you anything except that she thought I was worth the risk,” I said.

Mom was silent for a long moment and I felt like my stomach had turned to lead. Was I worth that risk? Regina thought so but Mom hesitating so long felt like a slap in the face. She must have been able to read the hurt in my face because she reached across the couch and took my hand.

“You’re worth everything,” Mom said gently. “But I still can’t believe someone in her position would do what she’s done. It’s inappropriate, that’s it. That’s all there is to it. She shouldn’t have done what she did, she shouldn’t have entertained the notion of being with you, and she definitely shouldn’t have slept with you in any capacity, _especially_ when you were still her student. There are things that need to be considered when choosing a partner, and one of those things is balance. There was an imbalance of power in your relationship together. She’s an older woman in a position of power and you were a young student. I can’t even begin to describe to you how much she could have taken advantage of you.”

“But she didn’t,” I said. “Everything that happened only happened because I wanted it. That’s what you aren’t admitting to. Sure we fought, but she never intentionally put me in an uncomfortable position. I wore her down with everything.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Mom said. “She should have said no.”

“If she said no I wouldn’t be so happy now,” I pointed out.

“If she said no you might have found someone else,” Mom countered.

I rolled my eyes.

“Maybe, but I’m happy now,” I repeated. “I love her. You might not think I know what love is, but I love her.”

“I’m sure you think you do—“

“ _No_ , Mom,” I interrupted. She looked surprised but I kept going. “I _love_ her.”

“You’re eighteen,” Mom reminded me.

“And plenty of people meet and fall in love at eighteen.”

“With other eighteen year olds.”

“The age didn’t matter to you before you knew she was my teacher.”

“The age did matter to us,” Mom said. “We were trying to be supportive but it made us incredibly uncomfortable. The fact that she was your teacher only made it worse.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me that then?” I demanded. “God, you could have just talked to me and we could have smoothed this over ages ago.”

“Because we want you to be happy,” Mom said. “And you were happy with this woman, even with the age difference. But her being your teacher is the problem. We trusted that when you went to school you would be taken care of and taught. And you were, but you were also—“

“Don’t say taken advantage of,” I said. “I wasn’t. She never did that.”

“But she _did_ —“ Mom started.

“ _No_ , she didn’t,” I interrupted. “Everyone says she took advantage of me, even her. She worried about that constantly for so long and I think she still does at times. I’m sick of people thinking that. She didn’t do anything I didn’t want her to. And didn’t Dad just say that you guys treat me like an adult in a ton of other ways? I’m the same age now as I was back then, so if you really want to treat me that way then you have to respect that I made a decision for myself. Maybe it wasn’t the best decision to pursue her while I was still in her class, but I won’t take it back. Like I’ve said, I love her. That isn’t changing. And you can say I don’t know what love is all you want, I know what I feel, and I feel so much for her that I’m practically ready to explode with it half the time.”

I’m sure neither of them expected me to react like that, and they both stared at me for a long time. I wondered when I’d become the person to just launch into a tirade and leave people stunned, but I’d done it with Robin and now with my own parents. As long as it worked I wasn’t sure I cared.

A full minute passed before Mom finally spoke again.

“There’s no dissuading you from this, is there?” she asked, sounding resigned and practically exhausted.

“Nope,” I said simply. “She’s my girlfriend, I love her, and we’re going to stay together, no matter what happens. If something comes up in the future that we actually can’t face then yes, we’ll break up, but for now we’re going to be together.”

Mom was silent for another long moment before she finally said, “Fine. But the moment she hurts you I’m ripping her to pieces.”

“Mom, she’s not going to hurt me—“

“Maybe not, but no one is ever going to be good enough for you in my eyes,” she said. “Or your father’s. And with all the heartache you’ve had to go through so far with this woman, she’d better be careful.”

“So you’re not going to report her or anything?” I asked, hoping I didn’t sound as scared as I felt.

“No, I’m not going to,” Mom said. “Your father talked me down from that anyways. But I’m also not going to try to talk you out of dating her. I don’t want that to come between us. You’re already going away to college in the fall—I don’t want more distance than that.”

“You’re serious?” I asked.

“I’m serious.”

I shifted across the couch and gave her a tight hug.

“Thank you, Mom,” I said. “I know it’s… not normal, but she makes me so happy.”

“As long as she keeps making you happy,” she said with a sigh, holding me tight to her.

“I’ve already taken care of threatening her if she hurts Emma, too,” Dad offered.

He’d been going for the joke to bring some levity to the situation and it worked. Mom laughed, I grinned, and the tension dissipated.

“Now that I’ve met her properly I’ll need to really get to know her,” Mom said, sounding almost businesslike.

“You want to get to know her?” I asked.

“I may not like the fact that you two are dating, but I want to know everything about her the same way I knew everything about Neal,” Mom said. “If she’s willing to overlook my earlier reaction, I’d like to have her over for dinner sometime soon.”

“You mean you want to grill her,” I said, too nervous not to voice my suspicions.”

“In a way,” Mom admitted. “But seriously Emma, if there’s nothing I can do about you two dating then I’m going to get to know her. Your father mentioned he thought we should give her a chance, so I’ll try.”

I could see clearly in her expression how much she really didn’t want to do that, but she wasn’t going to go back on her word. She wasn’t the type. I leaned in and gave her another hug, dropping a kiss on her cheek.

“Thanks, Mom,” I said softly. “I promise you, you’ll love her.”

“I promise you I won’t,” she countered. “But I’ll be nice for you.”

I laughed a little and she kissed my forehead.

“Tell her to clear her schedule for Sunday night dinner.”

“Will do,” I said.

I stood and paused before giving her another kiss on the cheek before going over to do the same to Dad. He smiled at me tightly. I knew neither of them liked this, but the fact that both of them were at least going to try meant the world to me.

I ran up the stairs to my room and took out my phone, typing out a quick text.

“ _How’s dinner at my house Sunday night? Mom’s cooking._ ”

My reply came quickly.

“ _There won’t be cops waiting at the door?_ ”

“ _Nope. None. Mom wants to get to know you._ ”

“ _That was awfully fast._ ”

“ _She knows she can’t do anything about me dating you. Be warned dinner won’t actually be that fun—I’m pretty sure they’re both going to grill you the entire time you’re here about your intentions with me._ ”

“ _As long as I don’t end the night in handcuffs._ ”

“ _Shoot, that was what I’d hoped for._ ”

“ _Don’t be fresh. You wouldn’t even know what to do with me in handcuffs._ ”

“ _Is that a challenge?_ ”

“ _Potentially._ ”

I grinned. Regina had gotten her chance to call me on my challenge before when I’d gone to bring her those flowers. Maybe I _would_ actually go through with it.

First we’d have to wade through a dinner with my parents.


	33. Chapter Thirty Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's only four more chapters including this one. I'm not gonna lie, I just couldn't write much more if I tried lol. This was going to be a smutty one-shot for myself and ended up being a ridiculously long heavy plot line. Once this is all posted and NaNoWriMo is done, I've got another Swanqueen fic in the works, so if you liked the writing in this, I'll have more eventually!
> 
> Warnings: Sex. Lots of it. Gratuitous, explicit, sexy sex. It's the last time I'm writing a sex scene in this so I went a little crazy lol. Oral, handcuffs, a dildo, some grinding, some queening. I went a little crazy with this one, even I'll admit it. There's legit no point to it, I was just kinda feelin' it when I wrote the chapter.

As I walked up the front steps to the door I wondered again why I was doing this.

Well, I knew why I was doing it—for Emma—but I wasn’t exactly a fan of the idea of what the night would entail.

I took a deep breath and smoothed out my dress, almost unconsciously pausing to rub my stomach. The twins were at least keeping to themselves for the moment, which was a relief. Had I shown up for this stress-inducing dinner with the two of them making me sick or acting up somehow I was pretty sure I wouldn’t last five minutes.

I rang the doorbell and heard Emma yell that she would get the door. That was more than a bit of a relief and when she opened the door I smiled at her.

“You look incredible,” she said, grinning.

“I had to dress to impress,” I said.

“And every other day you dress this nicely?”

“That’s for your benefit.”

“Good to know.”

She pulled me in for a light kiss, her hand resting on my hip for a moment.

“You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

She moved her hand from my hip to my hand and pulled me inside, shutting the door behind us. We walked through the house to the kitchen where her mother and father were just putting the finishing touches on a roast chicken.

“Regina,” David said with a smile. “It’s good to see you.”

“Hello,” I said, waving a little. “It smells incredible in here.”

“My wife’s an incredible cook,” he said.

Mary Margaret shot me a smile but I saw right away it was tight and didn’t quite meet her eyes. I pretended not to notice. I’d expected as much anyways. David seemed to be able to pretend, but with how she’d reacted when we'd first revealed our relationship, I had a feeling Mary Margaret wouldn’t be able to that well.

“If you and Emma wouldn’t mind setting the table?” Mary Margaret said, and though she phrased it like a suggestion, I wasn’t even thinking of saying no.

I smiled and nodded, following Emma’s lead to a cabinet and taking the plates she handed to me. I brought them to the dining room table and Emma showed me where to put them all. The table had enough room for six people, so Emma had me put one plate at the head, one to the left of the head of the table, and two on the right of the head of the table. I didn’t know where I was expected to sit, but the spot furthest down the line—the one that wouldn’t be next to where I expected David to sit at the head of the table or directly across from where I expected Mary Margaret to sit—looked appealing.

We got out glasses and silverware, Emma hurried to find napkins, and Emma’s parents began bringing out the serving dishes. Mary Margaret and David had prepared a bit of a feast. The roast chicken looked delectable, and they’d made so many sides I was sure I’d never be able to eat it all, even with my increased appetite thanks to the pregnancy. A bottle of red wine was produced along with a bottle of sparkling apple cider.

“Wash up first,” David reminded Emma.

“I know,” she grumbled.

“Regina, the bathroom is just down the hall to the left,” David said. “Emma will show you.”

“And will be back quickly,” Mary Margaret said.

There was a moment of silence as we all recognized that it had tumbled out of Emma’s mother’s mouth before she’d really been able to stop herself. I understood, and I didn’t make a big deal out of it.

“Come on,” Emma said.

I followed her out of the room unable to avoid overhearing David muttering, “I thought you said you were going to try,” and Mary Margaret’s answer of, “I _am_ trying but I don’t want them _alone_.”

I sighed softly but Emma and I washed our hands as quickly as we could. Emma shot me an apologetic look and I smiled back at her with a shrug. I hadn’t expected this to go smoothly in any case.

We returned to the dining room and I saw Mary Margaret was seated at the head of the table with David on her left. I was surprised by that arrangement—even my mother allowed my father to sit at the head of the table when we ate dinner. Something told me it wasn't that David allowed it though. It seemed almost like an unspoken agreement that Mary Margaret had the head.

I sat down in the seat furthest from Mary Margaret, something Emma maneuvered us into anyways as she explained, “I always sit here,” gesturing to the chair directly next to her mother’s.

When we were settled we all sat silently for a long moment, clearly unsure of how to start this particular dinner.

David filled Emma’s glass with the sparkling cider, then took his wife’s glass and the wine bottle, poured her a drink, and handed it over. She thanked him quietly as he poured his own glass.

“Wine, Regina?” David asked.

“Please,” I said, hoping I didn’t sound too eager as I passed the glass over. I had a feeling a glass of wine would definitely help me get through the night.

“Is that okay?” Emma asked in confusion. “I mean—alcohol and pregnancy…”

“One glass isn’t going to hurt anyone,” I said. “And I haven’t had any since I found out anyways. Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, I haven’t since before I got pregnant.”

“Are you sure it’s not a bad idea?” Emma asked.

“The doctor says its fine,” I assured her.

She nodded and shrugged.

“I guess if Steele says its okay,” Emma said. “Actually, she probably said it’s ‘wonderful’.” She grinned.

I couldn’t help but laugh at that and David passed my glass back to me.

“What’s so funny?” he asked with a smile.

“My OB, Dr. Steele, is the human personification of sunshine,” I said. “And every little thing that happens is completely ‘wonderful’ to her. She says the word so often I’m pretty sure she’s getting paid every time she does.”

“And Emma knows your OB?” Mary Margaret asked suddenly.

“Yes, she came with me to—“ I started but I realized the awkwardness of the situation. Emma knowing my OB was pretty heavy for a relationship that was barely half a year old. My pregnancy in general was heavy for a relationship that old. Still, I carried on. “She came with me when I first found out.”

“And your OB thought it was normal?” the other woman pressed. “To have a teenager with you in the room?”

“Mom, come on,” Emma said.

“I’m just asking.”

I swallowed but nodded.

“She seemed okay with it,” I said. “And she’s been kind to me about Emma. She asks about her occasionally.”

“So you haven’t gone with Emma since then?”

“No, I haven’t,” I said. “Obviously it’s a lot to put on someone else’s shoulders this early in the relationship.”

“Mhm,” Mary Margaret said.

Silence settled once more. Both David and Emma looked completely at a loss and I couldn’t stop staring at Mary Margaret. She seemed nonplussed by the awkwardness she’d just caused and instead reached for the chicken, beginning to carve it as if she didn’t have a care in the world.

I realized what she was doing. She was still bitter and she was trying to get to the bottom of my intentions with Emma.

“You could just ask me you know,” I said.

“What?” Mary Margaret asked, sounding a little surprised. She looked up from the chicken and paused what she was doing to look me in the eye.

“What I’m doing with Emma,” I said. “You could just ask me flat out what I’m doing with her. I’ll tell you everything that you want to know if you just ask me directly.”

Mary Margaret’s brow quirked and she went back to cutting up the chicken.

Emma and David gaped at me, but I figured I may as well face this head on.

“So what do you want with her?” Mary Margaret asked simply. She finished cutting up the chicken and reached her hand out to me. I realized she was indicating I should pass her my plate—she didn’t like me but I was still a guest in her house. I passed the plate over.

“I want to date her,” I said. “So far that’s all I’m looking for. Our relationship is young, as is Emma, so I’m not looking to lock her into some intense kind of commitment. I want her to live her life.”

“And your pregnancy?” she asked as she loaded some of the chicken on to my plate.

“My pregnancy was a surprise, but Emma has said she doesn’t mind it,” I replied.

“How much are you asking of her in regards to that?” Mary Margaret asked.

“I’m not asking her for anything,” I said. She offered my plate back and I took it, watching as she took Emma’s plate to do the same. “I’m paying for everything for the twins, I’m not asking her to go to the appointments with me, and she’s not going to be responsible for the boys when they’re born. The way I wanted to go about it is as if Emma were dating any other single mother.”

“Emma has said their father asked to be a part of their lives.”

“He has.”

“And he’s not a part of yours anymore, correct?”

“Not in any way Emma needs to be worried about,” I said. “Robin is their father but he’s nothing but a co-parent to me now. I love Emma and would never do anything to hurt her.”

Mary Margaret had served Emma, David, and herself from the main dish and she sat back for a moment.

“Everyone take what you like,” she said, gesturing at all the sides.

Both David and Emma shifted uncomfortably, but I reached for a dish of asparagus without hesitation. Mary Margaret went for the potatoes, and after that it seemed like the other two were forcing themselves to move and take food even though they seemed to want to be anywhere else.

“You love my daughter?” Mary Margaret asked.

“I do.”

“How long have you two been together?”

“Since February.”

“That’s only about six months.”

“I know,” I said. “I know it seems fast, but I’ve never been more sure of something in my life. I know I love her. Whatever happens between us will happen. We might stay together forever, we might break up, but right now I love her.”

“Right now.”

“Yes.”

“But things could change.”

“If Emma doesn’t want me then I won’t try to force her to keep me, but considering how hard and fast I fell in love with her, I don’t see myself walking away on my own.”

I glanced at Emma and she was blushing, but her smile was bashful and more than a bit delighted.

“The day after graduation Emma came home from her girlfriend’s place—your place—saying that you two had gotten into a fight,” Mary Margaret said, calling my attention back. “She said it was because your ex wanted to be a part of the babies’ lives but she also said that someone found out about your past issues. She didn’t specify what they were. Do I need to worry about those issues or that kind of fight coming up again?”

I saw Emma’s delight fade immediately and she looked at me worriedly. The fact that Emma hadn’t told her parents what the past issues were confused me, but I realized our fight had been about Emma sharing my problems with others and she’d clearly been careful not to tell more people. I couldn’t have loved her more if I tried, and I shot her a reassuring smile before looking back at her mother.

“I was abused as a teenager,” I said. “My mother discovered I had feelings for another girl so she essentially sold me to a man to try to fix me of those attractions. While with him, I got pregnant twice and he made sure I lost both pregnancies. When I discovered I was pregnant with the twins I had a panic attack—the first I’d had in a long time. Emma talked me down from it but she called someone to ask them for help in case I had another. She’d told this person other things about me as well, and I didn’t like someone I didn’t trust implicitly knowing so much about me. Emma and I fought but we settled things. I haven’t had any more panic attacks and she and I haven’t had any more fights like that.”

It was very obvious through my story that it was definitely not what either Mary Margaret or David had expected. I almost saw a bit of regret in Mary Margaret’s eyes as she heard what I had to say, as if she wished she hadn’t asked. I wished she hadn’t either, but I wasn’t going to beat around the bush in my answer when so much was on the line.

“I’m sorry,” the other woman said softly. “I hadn’t meant to pry.”

“I know,” I said. “You just want to know your daughter is safe. I understand that.”

Mary Margaret eyed me for a moment or two before nodding.

“Okay,” she said.

“Okay?” I asked.

She nodded.

“You were honest with all my questions,” she said. “And you’ve both made it clear that this is happening no matter what. As long as I know you aren’t going to put more stress on her than you already have, I’m not going to do anything to get in the way of that.”

She began to eat and I still felt some tension in the room. Mary Margaret seemed slightly content—not warm, but content—but the rest of us were very clearly confused.

I glanced at Emma for a moment before I shrugged one shoulder and began to eat, too.

“So Emma’s told me that you two own a shelter and a kennel?” I asked Mary Margaret.

“That’s mostly David’s thing,” she answered. “I help with some of it but it’s mostly him. I teach in a preschool classroom.”

“She’s selling herself short,” David interrupted. “She helps me with the shelter and kennel more than she’ll ever let on. She’s the reason that business is doing so well.”

Mary Margaret smiled at her husband and the whole room seemed to relax.

The rest of the dinner was all idle chitchat, small talk just made to get to know one another better. Mary Margaret wasn’t quite happy with my presence, but she was polite, and I knew it was the best I could hope for considering everything.

Our conversation continued through the meal and the dessert, and by the end of it all I was more than stuffed. I’d eaten enough I was wondering if I would have to roll home.

By the end of the night, things seemed almost comfortable between the four of us. Emma was the most delighted of all of us and I liked seeing her more at ease.

After helping her parents to clear the table, pack up leftovers, and load the dishwasher, I began to make my excuses to head home. Emma fretted over the idea, harping on the fact that I’d had wine as I gathered my things.

“Are you sure you can drive?” Emma asked worriedly. “You had something to drink.”

“Emma, one glass of wine isn’t going to impair me enough I can’t drive,” I said. “Besides, with everything I’ve eaten since then I’m sure it’s more than soaked up.”

“I know, I just don’t want you to get into any trouble,” she said.

“I’ll be fine,” I said. “I’m perfectly sober.”

“Still, I’d be more comfortable if I knew for sure,“ she said.

“Well what do you suggest then?”

“Stay a bit longer?”

“I don’t want to overstay my welcome,” I said, shooting a look over her shoulder at her parents. Mary Margaret looked relieved and I knew for sure that I wasn't going to stay longer.

“Then I’ll drive you,” she said.

“And then I’ll have to drive you home,” I pointed out.

“Or I could stay over?”

I paused, not sure if I could—should—accept that. I wouldn’t mind Emma staying over at my place. I had gotten a king sized bed and having someone else in it with me made it seem less ridiculous to own. My gaze shifted past Emma to her parents once more. David was blank and Mary Margaret looked uneasy.

“Maybe it would be best if you stayed home,” I said. “I’ll be fine, I promise.”

“No, it’s fine,” Emma said.

“Emma—“

“Let her drive you home, Regina,” David finally said. “She’s not going to stop worrying about you if you don’t. Just drive her back tomorrow morning before she has to go to work.”

Emma grinned a little sheepishly but looked between her parents as if trying to double check that it was really all right to go.

“Are you sure you want to?” I asked Emma. It was partially to give her parents a few more minutes to change their minds. I wanted Emma to stay with me but I didn’t want to make things uncomfortable for the family.

“I’m sure,” she said. “I’ll go grab my things!”

She bolted up the stairs as if afraid everyone would actually change their minds.

“Thank you for a lovely dinner,” I said, trying to distract from the fact that I was taking their daughter home with me. “I really appreciate you inviting me over.”

“We’re just glad we were able to settle everything,” David said honestly. “We’re especially glad that you were so honest with us.”

I smiled tightly at that but thankfully Emma was back down the stairs in a flash. I had a feeling she’d already had a bag packed.

“Ready to go,” she said.

She went to her mother and father and hugged them both, kissing each on the cheek.

“I love you guys,” she said. “Thanks for everything tonight. Seriously.”

They smiled at her and kissed her back before letting her go. Emma took my hand and led me out the door as I said a hurried goodbye over my shoulder.

When the door shut behind us she let out a huge sigh of relief.

“God that was uncomfortable,” she complained. “All I’ve wanted to do this whole night is be done with it.”

“It went better than I anticipated it going,” I admitted.

“Yeah but she had to dig in and make it all so weird at first,” she said with a huff. “And she still wasn’t that nice to you after it all.”

“But she was better than I expected her to be,” I said as she led me to my car. She opened the passenger side door for me and I paused. “Both your parents were. They’re giving me a chance here, and I’m grateful in a way. They could have called the cops instead.”

“True,” she said. “Like she said, there isn’t much else that they can do about this. I’m not gonna stop dating you just because they’re weirded out by it.”

“Here’s hoping you don’t stop at all,” I teased lightly.

“Heavy,” she shot back with a wink.

I realized what exactly I’d said and the implications of it and laughed a little awkwardly. She pecked me on the cheek and then went to the rear passenger door to toss her bag into the back seat. She then walked around and climbed in the front seat.

“Your bag is huge for a single night,” I pointed out as we both buckled.

She just hummed in agreement and turned on the car.

We chatted about the dinner, going over almost every single thing that had been said the whole night, trying to figure out what her parents’ truly thought of me beyond the fact that I was dating their daughter. By the time we pulled into my apartment building’s parking lot we’d decided that I at least wasn’t hated, which was something.

We headed up to my apartment, went inside, and almost the second I closed the door Emma was on me. She didn’t dive straight in for a kiss, instead grabbing me by the hips and pulling me close to her. I arched a brow at her and she grinned.

“I didn’t just invite myself over to keep my hands to myself,” she admitted.

I had to laugh at that.

“You weren’t just doing that out of the kindness of your heart?” I asked. “And here I thought I was more to you than someone to use for sex.”

“I was more hoping I could blow your mind a bit to make up for the horrible awkwardness of tonight,” she said.

“Oh? Explain.”

“Well I got something delivered to my house,” she said. “Something I thought you might like. I was going to save it for a special occasion, but making it through that dinner feels special enough.”

“Well then, by all means,” I said.

I leaned forward and captured her lips in a light kiss that she quickly deepened. We moved deeper into the apartment and I tossed my purse on the table as we passed it while she tossed my keys to join it. I pulled her towards my bedroom, a bit glad that I had an apartment instead of a house—it took all of thirty seconds to cross from the front door to the door of my bedroom and to get inside.

“You’re still wearing your backpack,” I pointed out.

“Because it has what I got delivered inside,” she said. “Take off your clothes and get on the bed.”

I nodded and hurried to do as she’d asked. I was only wearing a dress, underwear, a bra, and my heels having foregone stockings considering it was August and was hot out. I was naked in what was practically seconds, and I crawled on to the bed, settling myself on the side closest to her, leaning on my elbows to watch her with my legs crossed.

I watched Emma as she fumbled with the box she’d pulled from her backpack. She’d already stripped herself and she was digging through the box for something. She’d clearly already opened it and checked over its contents before, and as she pulled out a harness and dildo attachment I grinned.

“You know we already have a dildo, right?” I asked.

“Yeah but it’s that strapless one,” she said. “I can’t fuck you as hard as I want to with it—it makes me come too hard and then I’m useless.”

“But it’s fun watching you turn into a sweaty mess,” I said, faking a pout.

“I promise this will be just as fun as that,” she said with a grin as she pulled the harness over her hips. She kicked the box to the side of the bed and as she came closer I looked over the toy. She tightened the straps and the dildo jutted out from her pelvis a good seven inches.

“Did you intentionally get something longer than the other one?” I asked her curiously.

“No,” she said. “I just saw this one had a lot of really good reviews. I won’t use all of it if you don’t want me to.”

“I’m sure I can take it,” I said. “I was just wondering if you were trying to one up my strapless one.”

“I was just trying to order something I knew was high quality and safe,” she said with a grin and a wink. “And don’t worry, it’s already been sanitized.” I was always so careful to keep the other one clean, and she appreciated it but made fun of me for how often I left the bed immediately after we’d come down to clean it.

She climbed on to the bed and crawled up it to join me. The moment she was close enough she kissed me on the lips. I immediately dropped back, taking my weight off of my elbows so that I could bring my hands up to run my fingers through her hair. I felt her smile into the kiss. Sure I was predictable but I still loved her hair.

We kissed slowly, languidly, letting our lips slide over one another’s and darting our tongues out playfully to brush against each other on occasion. I didn’t ever want to stop, not even to use the toy she’d brought with her, but eventually air became a necessity and we broke the kiss to pant.

“I also brought something else,” she admitted.

“Oh?” I asked, keeping it short so I wouldn’t sound so breathless.

She moved to the side and leaned down to reach into the box again, pulling a pair of handcuffs out. She held them up and looked at me questioningly.

“I’d thought we were joking about that,” I said, not looking at her anymore. I couldn’t keep my eyes off the handcuffs.

“We were?” she asked, dropping the hand that held them, looking concerned. “I thought it was… I dunno, playful banter or something.”

“It was, but I’d thought it was joking playful banter,” I said. I looked her in the eyes now and I could see the worry in them. “Do you really want to use them?”

“Only if you do,” she said. “I’m not gonna force you to.”

I bit my lip, chewing it lightly as I thought it over. It had been a misunderstanding but if she’d gone as far as to buy them she was clearly interested in the idea.

“I’ve never really thought of being tied up,” I admitted. “I’ve never done it—or… I’ve never done it willingly at least.”

My meaning was clear and she paled.

“We don’t have to then,” she said, starting to lean down to toss the handcuffs back into the box.

I grabbed her arm to stop her.

“Emma, wait,” I said. “If you’ve gone to all the trouble of buying those then you’ve clearly thought about this before.”

“Yeah but I’m not gonna give you a panic attack because I want to try something new,” she said.

“You’ve tried things for me,” I pointed out, feeling guilty.

“Yeah but those things weren’t things that reminded me of abusive assholes who tortured me,” she said. “We don’t have to use them. I’ll return them.”

“No,” I said. “Don’t. We can… We can try it.”

“Regina—“

“I promise you, if it gets to be too much I’ll tell you,” I said. “You know I will.”

“I don’t want—“

“You’ve tried things for me so I’ll try something for you,” I said. “We’ll just… have to have rules. It worked out fine when we played with spanking and choking when we had rules.”

Emma hesitated a long time. She seemed to war with herself, clearly torn between listening to my offer and putting away the idea entirely. I leaned up and gave her a kiss.

“If there’s anyone that I’d trust with this, it’s you,” I assured her.

I watched her as she thought it over for another moment or two.

“What are the rules?” she asked finally, settling back on her knees and watching me.

“Put them on slowly,” I said. “Give me time to get used to one before you put both on. You don’t handcuff me to anything—no running them through the slats of the headboard or handcuffing me to a chair or anything. Behind my back will be okay. But if I say I want to get out then you get me out.”

“I’ll put the key right on the nightstand,” she said, leaning down to fish through the box for the key. She found it and placed it on the nightstand, then sat back again. She stared at me for a long moment before she asked, “Are you actually sure you want to? I won’t be offended if you say no.”

“I’m sure,” I said. “We’ll just go slowly. And… don’t use _that_ while I’m handcuffed.” I gestured to the strap on.

She nodded, and I saw the understanding was clear in her face. I felt badly having to give her so many rules but she seemed to see the guilt in my expression because she leaned in to gently kiss me.

“I’m going to ask you one more time,” she said softly. “Are you _sure_ about this?”

“I trust you,” I replied sincerely, looking her in the eyes.

She leaned in and pressed another light kiss to my lips before she moved down to my jaw and throat. I felt the weight of the handcuffs as she set them down next to us. She seemed to forget about them as she reached down between us and tugged the dildo a few times. I caught the motion out of the corner of my eye and glanced down in time to see her pull it out of the harness and set it aside as well.

“What—“

“Making sure this is easier for you,” she said simply, her breath hot on my throat. “Now there’s no risk of it bumping you in the middle of it all.”

I smiled, knowing I’d been right to trust her.

She scattered kisses across my neck and shoulders before moving down to my chest. She paid gentle attention to my breasts but avoided my nipples, knowing they were still sensitive. She held herself up on one elbow while her free hand roamed along my body and thighs.

I was a little surprised that she’d come with toys and a plan but was so quickly setting them all aside. That thought was quickly growing less and less important as her mouth moved further down across the swell of my stomach. I grinned as she actually kissed my stomach this time. Clearly she was less uncomfortable with the fact that the twins were there—of course there was little avoiding them nowadays considering how huge I was.

She made a beeline down between my legs and I spread them, bending my knees slightly. The big problem with being so heavily pregnant even at this stage was now I couldn’t see Emma’s face while she was down there. I could still certainly feel her, but I did so love the visual.

I laid back on the pillows as she took a few moments to explore, letting her tongue run over my inner thighs and outer folds, kissing and sucking lightly at the flesh she found there. Finally she licked right up my center, her tongue flicking across my clit at the end of the lick. My hips jerked into her face and I heard her chuckle.

I blushed but didn’t apologize for it, just leaning back and enjoying her attention. She lapped at my clit more than anything now, providing stimulation but not quite enough. I rotated my hips, trying to press them harder against her mouth, trying to get more out of her, but she didn’t give me more for a long couple of minutes.

I felt rather than saw her reach for one of my hands, and I smiled as she laced her fingers with my own, her tongue still laving along my soaked skin.

“I want to put the first cuff on,” she mumbled before going back to what she’d been doing.

I glanced down but saw my belly in the way of her face again. I hesitated a moment before I reached down and grabbed the handcuffs myself with my free hand. I started to pass them over but felt her shake her head.

“Why don’t you do it?” she suggested, popping her head up from behind my belly to look me in the eyes. “Put the first one on yourself?”

It was an odd request but I found I kind of approved. I’d have that much more control over it and be able to decide then if I liked the idea or not.

I took the cuffs, opened one side one handedly, and slipped it over the wrist of the hand that she still held. I didn’t tighten it all the way but made sure that it wouldn’t slip off.

It wasn’t so bad.

And Emma was back between my legs, her tongue back on me. I felt her finger probing my entrance and I spread my legs a little wider to open myself further for her. She slipped the digit in and sank it inside of me before pulling back, starting a slow thrusting motion.

I lay back again, soft moans falling from my lips as I threaded the fingers of my free hand through her hair. We continued like that for a long time, Emma just building me up and up until I was trembling from head to toe, nearly delirious with pleasure. She still wasn’t paying enough attention to my clit though, and I whimpered as I pushed my hips forward towards her mouth.

“Getting impatient?” she teased.

“Please, Emma,” I said.

“Since you asked so nicely,” she mumbled.

With that she attached her lips to my clit, her fingers moving slightly faster and more purposefully inside of me. She moaned softly against me as her movements sent another rush of wetness between my legs and that only pushed me higher.

The heat built up and built up until it bubbled over and I moaned as steady flicks of her tongue on my clit brought me over the edge. My thighs trembled around her head as I came and her fingers continued to stroke inside of me.

She eased off slowly and pushed herself up to pepper kisses up my stomach, moving back up the way she’d come down until she kissed my lips. The wetness that had covered her lips had mostly come off as she’d kissed up my body, but I still tasted myself just a little bit on her and I groaned at the thought of it.

“Sit up on the edge of the bed,” she murmured against my lips.

She had to help pull me into a sitting position considering my bulk and awkward balance thanks to my belly, but I scooted to the edge of the bed with no problem. She clambered off the mattress and got on her knees on the floor. I was glad I’d gone with a shag area rug underneath my bed so her knees wouldn’t ache.

She stood on her knees and gently took each of my hands, held them for a moment, then guided them behind my back. I knew what she was going for and didn’t resist. It wasn’t just the post-orgasm lassitude that kept me from worrying about this—I knew she wasn’t going to hurt me or make things uncomfortable.

She brought my hands together behind my back and fumbled for a moment before she managed to get the opened cuff around my other wrist. She didn’t tighten it immediately, instead looking into my eyes questioningly, waiting until I nodded to close it.

When I was bound, she leaned up and kissed me again.

“You good?” she asked.

“I’m good,” I reassured her. “More than good. Much better than I thought I’d be actually.”

“Good,” she said, sounding overly relieved.

“Now is this the part where you have your way with me?” I asked, trying to sound innocent.

“I believe it is,” she said, grinning.

She didn’t take her eyes off of mine as she let her fingers drift across my stomach and back down to the apex of my thighs. The first touch of her fingertips on the heated flesh had me moaning again. She grinned as my eyes fluttered shut.

I spread my legs a little wider to give her more space to work. Space was a premium with my belly in the way which I had a feeling was why she wasn’t still using her mouth with us in this position.

Her lips suddenly came into contact with my breast and I moaned raggedly at the sensation. She was gentle but firm as she sucked and licked, moving slowly but surely towards a nipple. I groaned as her tongue flicked across it for the first time, moving in a light circular motion over the rapidly hardening bud. I danced between pleasure and over-sensitivity while her fingers traced the same movements over my clit.

She built up the speed and pressure of her tongue and fingers slowly, occasionally moving her mouth from one breast and nipple to the other. She never pushed me too hard with that, knowing she had to be careful not to tip the feeling over into pain.

I tried to reach for her head to hold her to my chest after a while and groaned when the handcuffs held me back. I’d nearly forgotten about them with what Emma was doing. I heard her chuckle and I cracked open my eyes to glare at her. She winked, her lips closing around my right nipple as she flickered her tongue over it, and my eyes closed tightly as I sucked in a sharp breath. It hadn’t hurt but it bordered on too much in the most perfect way.

I felt a familiar heat flickering in my belly and pulled at my arms again, flexing my shoulders as if that would help. I needed to hold on to her, desperately wanted to grab her hair or grab her and tug her onto the bed so I could straddle her, but I couldn’t move beyond what the handcuffs allowed and it was a little infuriating. I’d been worried I wouldn’t like them because they’d scare me—instead they annoyed me because I couldn’t grab her when I wanted to.

I rocked my hips into her fingers and she must have sensed my annoyance and urgency because she moved her fingers more purposefully against me, pushing me closer to the edge. She removed her lips from my breast and used her free hand to wrap around the back of my neck and tug me down to kiss me on the lips.

She did so at the exact perfect moment to muffle the moan I let out as I came in her hand, my hips jerking slightly and my hands pulling the chain between the cuffs taught. I fidgeted, trying desperately to find a way to grab at her, wanting to hold her to me as she kissed me. She wasn’t going anywhere as I shuddered and twitched through my orgasm, but I hated not being able to hold her.

Once more she slowly eased off with her fingers and then pulled back.

My eyes slowly opened and I watched her with a half-lidded gaze as she got the key to the cuffs off the nightstand.

“You don’t have to—“

“I want to,” she said softly as she climbed onto the bed behind me and undid the cuffs. “I don’t want to push it the first time we use them. We’ll try them again another time.”

I smiled a little. I was glad for it, but not for the reason I’d assumed. This way I’d be able to do more, play a more active role in this.

I turned to face her and saw she was reaching for the dildo. She squeezed the base and fit it back into the harness where it had been before, tugged it a few times to make sure it was secure, then glanced at me.

“Hands and knees?” she suggested.

I liked the way she was thinking and I nodded, pulling my feet back up on to the bed and taking a moment to grab her and kiss her again.

“You sure you don’t want me to take care of you?” I asked her.

“Nah, I can wait,” she said, grinning as she wrapped her arms around me. “I like getting you off just as much as I like getting off.”

I grinned as I melted into her hold, resting my arms lightly around her shoulders, playing with the ends of her hair. We were pressed tightly against one another, which meant the very tip of dildo was resting just between my thighs and I rocked against it a little. My stomach pushed against Emma and she laughed.

“This is so weird sometimes,” she said, running a hand over my stomach.

“You point it out nearly every time we have sex,” I said with a roll of my eyes.

“It doesn’t stop being weird,” she said. “Can you hold yourself up or do you need a pillow under you?”

“I think I can manage to hold myself up for a few more minutes.”

“Okay, just making sure,” she said, bopping my nose with a finger. “Hands and knees, Miss Mills.”

I kissed her once more before I turned around, facing the headboard as I got comfortable. I felt her hand on my back between my shoulder blades and she pressed lightly, slowly lowering me down. I shivered lightly as I braced my hands on the mattress.

She ran the head of the dildo over my slit a few times, the slow passes torturous. I groaned as she pressed it against my clit, my hips bucking of their own accord. I sucked in a sharp breath as she placed the tip at my entrance and groaned when she angled it down and ran it along the length of me again.

“Will you just fuck me?” I growled.

I could hear the grin in her voice as she said, “So demanding.”

“About to be so blue-balling you so to speak if you don’t hurry it up,” I shot back, not caring that the phrase didn't exactly work for a woman.

She lined the toy up and slowly thrust into me then. I moaned as she pressed inside of me, the whole length sliding in easily. She went almost glacially, and I realized that she was double-checking that it wasn’t too much for me. I bit my lip as the care in that concept—as well as basically every other action she’d taken that night—hit me all at once.

I pushed my hips back against her as she began to withdraw and she didn’t hesitate to fill me again, thrusting inside after only pulling out a little bit. She started up a lazy rhythm, keeping it easy for now. Her hands grasped my hips, pulling me into her on each thrust in and keeping me from getting too far away a she pulled out.

“God, Emma,” I murmured under my breath, dropping from my hands to my elbows. The angle change made the toy hit that perfect spot at just the right angle and I moaned loudly.

Egged on by my vocalizations, she picked up speed. Her thrusts were strong, and as she moved faster I began to hear the sound of her body as it hit mine. After a few moments the sound of her skin slapping against mine and her soft grunts of effort were all I heard and all I wanted to hear. Her fingers were tight on my hips for a little bit but she moved them to grab my ass, palming and gripping my cheeks.

I buried my face in the mattress, muffling my moans for a moment.

“Nuh-huh,” I heard her mumble. “I want to hear you when you come on me.”

She leaned forward over me, not stopping her thrusts for a second as she grabbed my hair and turned my head so my mouth was uncovered.

I smirked a little when I realized how much she liked hearing me and played it up a little. I moaned and gasped as her hands slipped back to my hips and pulled me harder against her. I was damp with sweat and her fingers dug in to hold me more firmly.

“Fuck, Emma,” I groaned out. “Fuck, you feel so good. Just like that. Please, I’m so close.”

She nearly growled as she kept her pace and the strength of her thrusts in that absolute perfect rhythm. One hand drifted from my hip to between my legs and she rubbed my clit in fast, tight circles.

Though I’d been playing up the noises I was making before, the noise I made then was much more real and was incredibly rough, pulled from my throat without warning. My hips bucked forwards and she yanked me back on her cock as she pinched my clit.

I nearly screamed her name as my orgasm crashed over me this time. She didn’t stop thrusting and kept her fingers moving over my clit even as she leaned over. I felt her teeth on my back for a moment as she nipped at my skin. I jerked against her, my body almost beyond my control as waves of pleasure raced through me. If I’d been sweating before I was sure I was drenched now as the heat that had sprung up flooded my body along with the pleasure the orgasm brought me.

Her lips came into play then, dropping open mouthed kisses up my spine as she slowed the pace of her fingers and her hips. She didn’t stop as I shuddered and moaned beneath her, just slowed back down so everything was gentle and easy. The aftershocks that kept me twitching got to be too much eventually and I grabbed her hand, shoving it away. With that, her hips stopped, the toy buried inside of me.

“Still good?” she asked.

I nodded and heard her chuckle lightly.

“Good,” she said. “I’m gonna pull out, okay?”

I nodded again and she began to back her hips up, one hand on my hip, her thumb rubbing lightly on the skin there soothingly. When she’d pulled the toy out I felt her weight shift off of the bed.

I flopped over on my side to watch her as she shimmied out of the harness. She took the dildo out of its spot and winked at me before heading into the ensuite bathroom. I heard the water running and I laughed.

She came back out of the bathroom and climbed back into bed with me.

“What about you?” I asked.

“You look exhausted,” she said. “I’ll be all set.”

I couldn’t imagine I looked particularly energized, but I didn’t want to leave Emma to deal with it herself.

“I want you to get off though,” I said. “Come here.”

I tugged at her, pulling her over me. She settled so that her thighs straddled one of mine and I kissed her lightly. She didn’t rest her body on me, still—always—aware of my baby bump.

“Straddle my head,” I told her.

She shook her head though and her hips pushed down against my thigh. I gasped when I felt how utterly soaked she was. She really _did_ like getting me off.

“I don’t need you to do that,” she muttered. “This is actually just fine.”

“Just fine?” I asked. “I can give you better than just fine.”

“You know I like doing this,” she said, her voice a little strained as she continued to rock her hips against me.

“I know, but I’m happy to do more if you’d like.”

“Gimme a minute,” she said, leaning down to kiss me again.

She rocked her hips on my thigh, groaning lightly and occasionally pulling back from kissing me to breathe, her breath coming in short gasps. I wondered how she was getting anything from it considering how slippery my thigh was getting—she couldn’t be getting much friction anymore, right?

Eventually she pulled away.

“Can I?” she asked.

I didn’t need clarification. I nodded and she moved up the bed to straddle my face. I wrapped my arms around her thighs and tugged her down on my mouth, getting to work immediately.

She was so drenched she was nearly dripping, and her clit was hard and ready. I pressed my tongue inside of her, thrusting it a few times as deep as I could before I moved it up to her clit. I barely got started licking and sucking before she was moaning my name, her thighs trembling in my grasp.

She didn’t last long with me lapping at her and she pulled away from me. She collapsed next to me and as I wiped my mouth and chin on the back of my hand I grinned.

“Are you seriously telling me that I went three rounds and I’m fine but you have one orgasm and you’re done?” I teased.

“I had one huge orgasm after getting crazy turned on watching you have three,” she said. “Plus all that thrusting tires me out.”

“Oh the poor baby,” I said.

She pouted.

“I’m not a baby,” she whined. “You’re just so sexy you knocked me out.”

“Ooh, good answer,” I said with a laugh. “Very good answer.”

I pulled her into me and we fidgeted for a moment to get comfortable.

“So do you think your parents are lying awake torturing themselves thinking about what I’m doing to you?” I asked playfully.

“My mom is at least,” she admitted. “Mom’s definitely sure that you’re taking advantage of me. She said as much.”

“Do you think—“

“Nope, I don’t,” she said simply. “Not at all. If anything I took advantage of you all night.”

I couldn’t deny that I was soothed by that thought—or rather, Emma’s assurance of that thought. I never wanted there to be a point where I was taking advantage of her and she definitely knew that.

“I hope they end up coming around to us,” I said. “Your father seems more relaxed about it but your mother doesn’t trust me as far as she can throw me.”

“My mom will come around eventually,” she said. “Maybe not to the point where she’ll be comfortable thinking of us doing stuff like this, but she’ll come around to you.”

“Maybe someday,” I said with a short laugh.

“She will,” Emma said certainly.

She cuddled up to me and I smiled as she yawned against my chest, burying her face against my skin. Her hold on me tightened. Whether her mother came around to me or not, Emma certainly wasn’t going anywhere and neither was I.


	34. Chapter Thirty Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings!
> 
> I threw in a time jump because I was getting bored to be completely honest, and this thing was getting way too long.

“I can’t believe we’re really here,” Mom said softly, staring at the buildings of the college as we approached. “I don’t want to drop you off.”

“I mean we can turn around and go home but that’s a solid fifty-thousand you’re flushing down the drain if you do,” I said.

“Don’t remind me,” Dad grumbled. He pulled into a parking lot near the dorm I’d be staying in. “So that one’s Hillside?”

I looked at the building in front of us and shrugged.

“Your guess is as good as mine,” I said. “We followed the directions right so it should be. And there are other people unpacking cars.”

He parked in an empty space, making sure there was a second space directly next to the truck’s. Regina’s Mercedes pulled in next to the truck and I smiled at her through the window. She had said she didn’t want to get in the way of us as a family but I’d asked if she wouldn’t mind helping me decorate my dorm room.

I caught Mom glancing over at the Mercedes and tried to figure out if she was happy or not. Their relationship was strained, to put it lightly. Mom still didn’t agree with the fact that she and I were dating but she didn’t stop us. When Regina came by for dinner Mom was polite and kind, and she actually seemed genuinely interested in getting to know Regina. For her part, Regina took the awkwardness in stride and didn’t sass my mother the way she did everyone else. It was a relief that they were both doing their best, and I knew it was all for my benefit, which only made me love them more.

Mom, Dad, and I got out of the truck and I rushed to get to Regina’s door and open it for her. She shot me a small smile as I held out a hand and helped her out of the car. She was slowly but surely realizing that at seven months she couldn’t really refuse help anymore.

Regina’s pregnancy was going pretty much perfectly. Every time she went in for a check up, her doctor said the babies were developing well and that Regina herself seemed healthy as anything. She complained the twins never stopped kicking, but even though it was unpleasant for her I knew she liked the signs that they were in there and that they were still okay.

She heaved herself out of the front seat with my help and tried to straighten out her dress. With the twins growing so rapidly she had outgrown largely all of her clothes and was now forced to wear almost exclusively baggy or stretchy clothes. She had obviously tried to look nice that day—she’d worn a navy blue dress that went down to her knees and showed off a fair amount of cleavage—but for the most part she was in yoga pants and over-sized t-shirts until she went back to work.

“Remember, you’re—“

“Not allowed to carry anything heavy,” she said, waving her hand to brush me off. “I know, I know. Let’s get going.”

I smiled and squeezed her hand, then went back to the truck where Mom and Dad were trying to figure out the logistics of how we’d be bringing everything inside. They’d brought a dolly so it would be easier but they’d still had me pack a lot into the back of the truck, and Regina had a few bags of my clothes in her car as well.

We started with unloading and headed up to check in. I stayed close to either my parents or Regina, always hovering near one or the other to make sure everything was all set with my stuff or that Regina didn’t need help.

“Hi, welcome to Colby!” a guy at a table in front of the dorm said as we approached. “I’m Billy. Are you in Hillside?”

“Yeah, I am,” I said with a smile. “Emma Swan.”

“Good to meet you, Emma,” he said. He had a pile of envelopes on the table in front of him and shuffled through them for a moment until he found one with my name on it. “Here you go. Your roommate has already checked in, so she’ll be in your room already.”

I thanked him and opened the envelope. Inside was a paper with typical welcome information, my room assignment, a key, and my school ID. I grabbed the ID first and squinted at my picture.

“God I wish they’d have let me look at the picture after they took it,” I said, wrinkling my nose at the image. My hair had clearly seen better days in the photo.

“I think you look cute,” Regina said, peering over my shoulder. I felt her belly brush against me and she shifted backwards a little bit. She was still getting used to her size and I couldn’t help but grin at her.

“You’re supposed to think I’m cute.”

“Well let me see,” Dad said, taking the ID out of my hands. He looked at it and showed it to my mother. “Beautiful, right?”

“Gorgeous,” Mom agreed.

“Not a single one of you can talk,” I informed the three of them. “Girlfriends and parents are _supposed_ to think you look good all the time.”

“We can’t help it that you do look good all the time,” Mom informed me.

“And girlfriends don’t have to think that _all_ the time,” Regina added. “You know I’m perfectly happy letting you know when you look like a mess.”

I rolled my eyes at the two of them and took my ID back from Dad.

“Let’s go in,” I said. “I wanna meet Jasmine in person. She seems super cool over Facebook.”

We headed into the dorm and quickly found my room. The door was propped open with a decorative door-stopper that upon closer inspection I saw was designed to look like a tiger. I peered inside to see a girl with her back towards the door and a boy lounging on the bed she’d already made. I knocked on the propped open door and the girl turned to face me with a smile.

“Emma?” she asked eagerly.

“Yeah,” I said. “That’s me. You must be Jasmine then?”

“In the flesh,” she replied. “And this is Al.”

“Hey,” the guy said, giving an idle wave.

“These are my parents,” I said, gesturing to the two of them. “And this is Regina.”

“It’s good to meet you all,” Jasmine said, beaming at them.

“When did you get here?” I asked. “You look like you’re totally unpacked.”

The half of the room Jasmine had claimed was already almost completely covered with posters and wall hangings, her bed was made, and I saw through her open closet doors that she’d already hung up a ton of clothing.

“I got here right at 9,” she admitted with a grin. “I’d rather be in early and all set so I can explore.”

“Emma just didn’t want to get out of bed this morning,” Dad said.

I shot him a glare but couldn’t help but smile.

“It was my last night at home!” I protested. “My last night in my own bed before I had to go back to a twin bed!”

“She was also up late,” Regina added. “I woke up this morning with seven texts sent at 2 in the morning stressing out about coming here.”

“Can you stop ganging up on me for like, ten seconds?” I asked, trying not to sound too exasperated.

“No, but we can go get the rest of your stuff so you can get to unpacking and get to know your roomie,” Dad said with a grin. “Regina are you coming back down with us?”

“I will in a minute,” she said. “I’ve got to figure out where exactly all of Emma’s stuff is going.”

Mom and Dad took the dolly and headed back out while Regina eyed my half of the room.

“You won’t have much space but I’m pretty sure I can make it work,” she said, her lips pursed a little. “And worst comes to worst I can get you some extra drawers from the Container Store.”

“Are you sure that isn’t just an excuse for you to go to the Container Store, babe?” I asked, poking her lightly in the side.

She swatted my hand away.

“I don’t need an excuse to go there,” she shot back. “And don’t poke me. It’s bad enough I’ve got the twins hammering away at my insides, I don’t need you pestering me as well.”

“They still acting up?”

“Pretty much constantly,” she replied. “They were so quiet and I was so happy the whole first trimester it’s like they’re making up for it now.”

I reached out and gently rubbed her stomach. Sure enough I felt one of them smacking against her stomach. She heaved a sigh at that but straightened her shoulders.

“I just realized I forgot the closet organizer in my trunk,” she said.

“I can go grab it—“

“No, no, I’ll get it,” she said. “I can handle that much at least, even if I can’t be more useful than that.”

“You’re plenty useful,” I said, pulling her in and kissing her cheek.

“Doesn’t feel like it when I’m practically a beached whale,” she said, but she smiled and headed out of the room to go get the closet organizer.

I turned back towards my stuff that we’d already dropped off and caught sight of Jasmine and Al staring at me.

“What?” I asked.

“Is she—?” Al started to ask but he broke off, clearly uncertain.

“Who’s the MILF that just walked out of here?” a voice from the doorway asked excitedly. I turned to look and saw the voice belonged to a skinny guy with a square jaw and a butt-chin who wore a baseball hat tipped slightly to the side.

“Who the hell are you?” I demanded, instantly on the defensive.

“Jefferson,” he said. “Jefferson Chapeau. And that pregnant woman? What’s her name? What’s her story? Is that your mom?”

“No, god no,” I said. “That’s not my mom, that’s my girlfriend, Regina.”

“She’s your _girlfriend_?” Al asked.

“No, I call random pregnant women ‘babe’ all the time,” I shot back.

“So what I’m hearing is she’s not single,” Jefferson said.

“No, she’s not,” I said.

“She’s pregnant?” Jasmine asked, clearly trying to keep her voice somewhat normal.

“It’s a long story,” I admitted. “One I’d kind of like to hold off on for a bit? Maybe after I’ve moved in? And maybe after my parents have gone home so they don’t overhear you all talking about her because they’re still a little weird about it?”

“Fair enough,” Al said, scratching the back of his head.

“She’s crazy hot though,” Jefferson said. “How on earth did you land a woman who’s still that crazy hot even when she’s enormously pregnant? Like what kind of witch craft do you have to do to land that kind of babe?”

“What kind of babe?” Dad asked as he and Mom reappeared in the doorway behind Jefferson.

“No kind of babe,” I said quickly.

“Who’s this?” Dad asked, looking at Jefferson.

“Jefferson Chapeau,” the guy said, reaching out to shake hands. “I live on the opposite side of the floor on the guy’s side.”

“I’m Emma’s father, and this is her mother,” Dad said, shaking hands with Jefferson. “It’s good to meet you. Would you mind scooting a bit?”

He stepped slightly out of the way and let my parents in with the dolly and the rest of my stuff from the truck. Dad stacked the boxes with the rest of them on the bed and put the dolly out into the hallway to get it out of the way.

“All right, let’s get to unpacking,” Mom said with a smile.

“Al and I were going to head down to check out campus,” Jasmine said. “I’ll catch you later on. Maybe we can get dinner together or something?”

“Yeah, that sounds great,” I said. “I’ll be here settling things for the most part.”

“Awesome,” Jasmine said.

“Peace,” Al said, waving as he and Jasmine walked out of the room. Jefferson disappeared with them and I had a feeling I’d be okay with it if he didn’t come back.

“They seem nice,” Mom said with a smile.

“Yeah, they do,” I said. “I’m just glad Jasmine seems as put together and normal in person as she did online.”

Regina showed up then, the closet organizer in hand. I beamed at her and when she smiled at me it looked tight.

“You okay, babe?” I asked.

She nodded, and I saw her nostrils flaring. She was trying not to pant so she could hide how winded she was from walking to and from the car. She was overly self-conscious about that nowadays, and instead of not exerting too much energy she just hid how tired everything made her.

“Why don’t you set that up in that wardrobe?” I suggested. “And I’ll start unpacking clothes and stuff.”

“Perfect,” she said with a smile.

With the four of us bustling around, all my boxes were unpacked within the hour. Regina was a master of organization as she’d promised, and when everything was away it was so neat and tidy it looked like I hadn’t had a thing to do with it.

I set three picture frames on my desk, one with a picture of Mom, Dad, and I at an apple orchard from two years ago, one with a picture of Neal, Ruby, and I in our graduation caps and gowns, and one with a selfie that Regina and I had taken in the park one day when we’d gone on a walk together as a date.

Mom looked at both and smiled tightly for a moment before looking at me.

“Do you want us to stick around?” she asked, sounding hopeful.

“I dunno,” I admitted. “I think Jasmine and Al might be back soon—it’s looking close to dinner time.”

Mom’s face fell and Dad put a hand on her shoulder.

“Come on honey, we’ve known this was coming for a long time,” he said with a smile. He looked sad despite the smile.

“God guys, can you not?” I asked. “I don’t need to cry on my first day here and be _that_ girl.”

“Plenty of people are going to cry today!” Mom said, her own chin trembling as she clearly fought off her own tears.

I hurried to her and hugged her tightly.

“I’m gonna be fine,” I said. “And besides, you and Dad are coming next weekend to bring me the bug.”

We’d taken the truck and decided that it would be simpler that way. The initial thought had been that Regina would drive my car up and drive home with my parents, but we’d nixed that idea when my mom had gotten all weird about it. Then we’d thought maybe I’d drive up in the bug, Mom and Dad would take the truck, and Regina would join in the Mercedes, but taking three cars seemed more than a little extra. Mom had decided then that it would be a good excuse to see me again to drive up the weekend after move-in.

“I know,” Mom said, squeezing me almost to the point of crushing me. “But it’s so weird to be dropping you off here. I feel like we only just became a family and now you’re off on your own in the world.”

“I’m an hour from home,” I pointed out.

“That’s still an hour farther than you’ve lived from us since we adopted you.”

“Once I get the bug up here I’ll be home practically every weekend, I promise,” I said.

“Now I don’t know that we want that,” Dad said with a laugh. “You’ve gotta give us some time to miss you. Plus your mother and I haven’t had an empty house in a while so we’ll definitely be able to take advantage of—“

“Okay, ew, god, stop,” I said. “You don’t have to make it weird.”

I heard a snickering and turned to glare at Regina as she laughed at my discomfort.

After a few moments Mom finally let me go and I turned to hug Dad. He did what he always did, one arm wrapping around me in a normal hug while the other seemed to cradle the back of my head. It always made me feel so safe and secure. I would be fine on my own but I was sure I’d be headed home a few times just for these kinds of hugs.

“Well I guess we’ll leave you to your first night on campus,” Mom said, her eyes watering and her voice thick.

“Call me when you guys get home,” I said. “I want to make sure you guys get there safely.”

“We will, believe me,” Mom said. She hugged me one more time before kissing my cheek.

Dad wrapped an arm around Mom’s shoulders and looked at Regina.

“I’m going to take a breather,” she admitted. “I need to get my feet back under me before I think about driving.”

“Drive safe, Regina,” Dad said.

Mom hesitated before saying, “You should text us when you get home.”

Regina’s brow rose just the slightest bit, but recognizing the olive branch she nodded.

“I’ll be sure to,” she said.

Dad looked delighted and waved to the two of us, heading out with his arm still around Mom. Mom looked back into the room before they left the doorway and waved. I heard her sniffling as the two of them headed out of the building.

“Well that was new,” Regina said, sounding genuinely surprised and a little delighted. “She must be emotional and not thinking straight sending you off to college.”

“Either that or she’s coming around to you more,” I said.

“We can only hope,” she said with a smile. “Either way, I’ll take your mother’s phone number so that I can actually text her later.”

I nodded and took Regina’s phone as she handed it over, plugged in my mom’s number, saved it, and handed it back. That done, I grabbed Regina’s arm and pulled her towards the bed, making her sit down on it.

“Your door is still open, Miss Swan,” she teased lightly as she settled down, fidgeting to find a way to get comfortable.

“You and I are never going to do anything on this tiny-ass twin bed,” I said with a laugh. “Not when you’ve got your king sized bed waiting just half an hour away. Why you went ahead and got a king sized mattress, I’ll never know.”

“I like the room to spread out,” she said.

“You’re a tiny woman,” I countered.

“You sleep there, too,” she said.

“And I’m not huge either,” I said. “Seriously Regina, that thing is enormous.”

“Well when the boys are born I was thinking about having a family bed,” she said. “I don’t want to spoil them or turn them into mama’s boys, but I want them to know that they can come to me any time for anything.”

“God you’re such a sap now that you’re a mom,” I teased.

“No one is ever going to be able to accuse me of not being a good mother,” she said confidently.

“I don’t think anyone would dare to try,” I said. I leaned over and dropped a kiss on her cheek. “So people are already confused about our relationship here. This guy Jefferson introduced himself by demanding to know who the MILF was.”

“MILF?”

“Please tell me you don’t need me to explain that to you.”

“I’ll Google it later and save you the embarrassment,” she said. “Is it a good thing or a bad thing though?”

“Good to an extent but bad that some sleazeball is saying it about my girlfriend,” I said. “Long story short they think you’re hot and were amazed you’re my girlfriend.”

“It is amazing I am your girlfriend,” she admitted. “I’m such an incredible catch and you’re such a huge dork.”

“Hey!” I said. “You’re lucky your pregnant because I’d kick your ass for that.”

“Don’t worry, the boys are taking care of that for you,” she said, her hand going to her stomach again.

“Aren’t they ever going to sleep?” I asked. I put out my hand to touch her stomach, waiting for her to nod her consent before I placed it on her. When she nodded and I put my hand down I immediately felt a tiny knock against her stomach walls before it slid down. “Damn that kid’s strong.”

“You’re telling me.”

“Well you’ve got… what is it, two months?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Two months and you’re going to have those two in your arms,” I said with a low whistle. “I can’t wait to meet them. We’re gonna make an amazing team when it comes to those two.”

“Oh, speaking of which!” she said excitedly. She went to her purse and pulled out two small cards, handing them over. They were the latest ultrasounds. “This one’s Baby A, and this one is Baby B. I also… I mean I didn’t want to give this to you in front of your parents considering, but… you’re obviously in it for the long haul and want to be a part of their lives so…”

She fished in her purse again and pulled out two small, simple picture frames that would fit the ultrasounds perfectly. She didn’t hand them over right away as I stared at her in surprise.

She’d been open to me helping out with them but she’d been nervous about it. I knew our relationship hadn’t even hit a year mark—we’d started in February and it was only the beginning of September—but I had planned on being there for her and the twins practically since she’d figured out she was pregnant. This sign that she was going to let me really be a part of it was a huge step though. Before she’d been hesitant, almost scared that we’d break up before they came or even while they were still little, but I hadn’t budged yet and still wasn’t planning to.

“You don’t have to put them up anywhere if you don’t want to,” she said as if it didn’t really matter to her. “I just know you’ve asked to see the new pictures as they come and you keep asking to see them again and again. I figure this way you have the most up to date pictures and you’ll be able to keep them close. If you want them?”

I grinned and took both frames from her hand, put the pictures inside, set them down with the pictures on my desk, and pulled her in as tightly as I could with her belly in the way. I captured her lips in a fierce kiss and I felt her smile against my lips.

“I’m guessing you like the present?” she asked.

“I love it,” I said. “I love you.”

“Good,” she said. “I love you, too.”

I heard footsteps in the hallway from the still-open door and pulled back a little bit. It was all well and good for me to tell people I was dating Regina but for anyone to walk past and see me making out with her through the open door on the very first night would probably be a little much.

“I should head out,” she said as the people passed by the room. “I’ll text your mother and then call you when I get home?”

“That sounds perfect,” I said. “Maybe text me first because Mom’s going to call me when they get back to Storybrooke, but when I’m done talking to her you and I can chat.”

She nodded and smiled, tugging me in for a light, chaste kiss on the lips.

“Have fun your first night,” she said. “But not too much fun. Remember, it’s still school. Any girlfriend of mine had better be getting good grades.”

“I suppose this is what I get for dating a teacher,” I said almost thoughtfully.

“Actually yes,” she said. “Especially dating a teacher who knows your work and how good you are when you actually try, so you’d better put forth a solid effort.”

I rolled my eyes.

“You know that kid Jefferson asked if you were my mom and I said no, but you’re kind of acting like it now,” I informed her.

“Say something like that again and you’ll get a spanking, dear,” she teased.

“Don’t make it weird!”

She laughed, pulled me in again, and kissed my cheek.

“I’ll talk to you later,” she said. “Seriously though, have a good time. I’ll come by if you need me or want me, but enjoy this.”

“I will,” I said. “I’ll talk to you soon. Drive safe.”

She smiled and squeezed my hand lightly before heading out of the room. I turned back to my desk and quickly unwrapped the frames, put the ultrasound pictures into them, and set them on my desk on either side of the picture of Regina and I. I snapped a photo with my phone and sent it to Regina with a small heart icon, getting a heart icon back in just a few seconds.

I beamed at the pictures on my desk. Everyone important was represented—Mom, Dad, Neal, Ruby, Regina, and my boys.

I was a little shocked by that thought— _my_ boys.

I’d felt some sort of responsibility for them since that first day we’d realized Regina was pregnant, but that was the first time I’d thought of them as _mine_ and known that Regina was on board with that. Of course they were technically Regina’s and Robin’s, but with Regina giving me the pictures of them they actually felt like they could be mine.

I tried to shove it away. I was still young—I was eighteen until late October—so I really had no business having kids, especially not in the weird way I was going about it. Even so, I couldn’t shake that thought.

The same way Mom, Dad, Neal, and Ruby had become my family, Regina and the twins had as well.

I heard Jasmine and Al talking in the hallway and as they approached the room again I glanced over. As agreed earlier, we headed to dinner together and after the basic conversations had been completed—where we were from, what was our major, what we wanted to do when we graduated—I explained the whole situation after Jasmine tentatively brought up the subject of Regina. I gave them the watered down version—the one where Regina and I started dating after graduation—and they were shocked and surprised. I could understand to an extent, but especially after Regina’s present that day I didn’t care what anyone thought.


	35. Chapter Thirty Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Light up those cigars guys because it's time to welcome the Mills boys into the world. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I've never been pregnant nor have I ever given birth (which I suppose is obvious considering the first half of that statement). All the stuff I've written about pregnancy, labor, and delivery has come after a crapload of research--which I've done a lot of because in my roleplay my characters tend to be the ones carrying in the relationships and I went a bit crazy reading mommy blogs for this in particular. 
> 
> Content warnings are the ones you'd expect from two babies busting out of a woman's body au naturel: water breaking, contractions, two tiny humans getting pushed out of a very small hole, etc, etc, etc.

I woke up with Emma’s naked body pressed against my back, her arm looped lightly around me, her hand resting on my stomach. Her legs were tangled with mine, and the sweat and arousal from the uninterrupted hour of sex before we’d fallen asleep had left us somewhat sticky. I’d been complaining about how decidedly un-sexy I felt at 36 weeks and Emma had wanted to assure me that there was no way I wasn’t sexy. Four orgasms for me and two for her later we’d practically passed out in a heap.

I slowly pulled out of her arms and went to the bathroom, attributing my waking to an ache in my bladder. I was up at least once or twice a night with a similar issue so it didn’t surprise me that much.

I relieved myself and washed up but as I headed back to bed noticed that I still ached. It wasn’t my bladder but a sharp pain in my lower back faded to a dull, unpleasant ache. I put a hand to my back and pressed a little, trying to massage the kink out of it but nothing seemed to be working.

I heaved a sigh, pulled on pajama pants and a t-shirt, and left the bedroom, figuring maybe walking around a little would loosen me up. It worked to an extent until I was stationary for too long again.

I grabbed my keys and left the apartment, wandering up and down the hallway for a little while. I didn’t want to go far in case Emma got worried, but I wasn’t just going to pace through the living room of my apartment.

The twins had been in a perfect position for birth since around 33 weeks and Steele had warned me that twins typically came a bit early. I had been hoping since that moment they would—I had been back at work for a while and waddling around the high school wasn’t exactly enjoyable. Most of the students understandingly gave me some space when they saw me coming but I was exhausted by heaving the twins around like that. Kathryn had tried to get me to take leave but I only had so much PTO saved up and only so much maternity leave allowed to me, I wanted to use it all when the babies actually came.

The fact that they were in the perfect position to be born was soothing, but it also meant that when they kicked or shifted, one was making my stomach look like something out of an Alien movie while the other was pretty insistently attacking my ribcage.

The backache eased after a little bit and I headed back to my place, relieved it hadn’t taken too long. I was still tired enough that I was pretty sure I’d be able to fall back asleep quickly. Of course, I was always tired at that point.

I locked the front door and tossed my keys at the bowl on the stand in the entryway, heading back into the bedroom. When I climbed back into bed, Emma waited for me to get in before she scooted over and snuggled into me.

“I woke up when I realized you were gone,” she said sleepily. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I just had to pee,” I grumbled.

“You were gone a long time though,” she said. “I was gonna get up and find you just before I heard you come through the front door.”

“My back hurt but I walked it off,” I said.

“That’s why you’re not naked?” she asked, tugging at my pants a little to point them out.

“I walked up and down the hallway,” I said. “But now I need to get back to sleep before I wake up too much because then I’ll never get to sleep and I’ll be a nightmare in the morning.”

“It’s Sunday,” she said. “We’ll be fine.”

Still, she fell silent and held me closer, snuggling into me and dropping off to sleep once more. I listened to her breathing even out almost instantly and smiled a little before shutting my own eyes and trying to get back to sleep.

I was nearly there when a sharp pain shot through my back again, spreading and growing for a moment. I groaned, not wanting it to drive me out of bed and back into the hallway again but knowing it probably would. I was just on the verge of standing up again when it faded once more.

“Boys, please stop,” I mumbled. “Just let me sleep for a few hours without trying to break my back, _please_.”

I pushed back into Emma and in her sleep she tightened her grip on me. I sighed softly, enjoying it but relatively certain I was too awake to get back to sleep any time soon. I watched the clock instead. It glowed a soft white and it read 12:43. I stared at it for a while, watching the glowing numbers changing.

At 1:02 another sharp pain practically burst in my back and I couldn’t help the little groan I let out. It spread through me for a minute or so before fading, leaving a dull ache once more.

I pulled out of Emma’s grasp and sat up, staring at the clock more intently. I definitely wasn’t going to be sleeping the rest of the night if I was right about what was happening.

Sure enough, at 1:20 I felt another bolt of pain, this time in my gut. I clutched my stomach with one hand and let it pass. When it faded the ache was back and I sat for a few minutes thinking over what I could do next. I could just leave it alone for a bit and see if it cleared up, but I had a feeling that I had to get moving with it. I didn’t want to interrupt Emma’s sleep again, but I reached over to shake Emma’s shoulder.

“Emma, wake up,” I said softly.

She groaned and swatted my hand away. I rolled my eyes and shook her harder.

“Come on, Emma!” I said a little louder. “I need you to wake up!”

“Why?” she mumbled. “Your back again?”

“Yes, my back again,” I said. “My back and my gut. Twice since I laid back down with you. Sharp pains at almost twenty minute intervals.”

“Are we out of Tylenol?” she asked.

“I don’t think it’s a Tylenol type pain,” I said, wishing she would just get the hint.

“What kind of pain is it then?” she asked.

“Emma, I think I’m going into labor.”

She may have been sleeping just a minute before, but she was wide awake and sitting straight up at that.

“You are?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But I’ve had four sharp pains in the last hour and a half so I think it might be something.”

“Isn’t your water supposed to break?”

“Steele said sometimes it breaks at the beginning but it’s not always going to happen right away,” I said. “They do it in movies for dramatic effect but not every labor is like that.”

“Let’s get you into the shower,” she suggested. “That way if it happens it’ll keep the house clean and if it doesn’t I can at least try to help with the back pain.”

Emma stood and put out a hand, helping to haul me off of the bed. We went into the bathroom off the master bedroom and she started running the shower as I stripped off the pajamas I’d pulled on earlier. I glanced through the open doorway at the clock on my nightstand and saw it said 1:36. As it changed over to 1:37 another sharp pain ran through my abdomen and I heard what sounded like a cracking knuckle.

There was an immediate rush of fluid between my legs.

“Emma?” I asked, my face immediately starting to burn with embarrassment. It had felt like I’d wet myself, though I knew for a fact that wasn’t what had happened. Either way, we’d been getting the shower ready so that I wouldn’t make the mess I’d just made.

“Yeah? The water’s almost warm enough.”

“I, uh… I think we need to get going to the hospital.”

“What? Why?”

“Because my water broke.”

Emma spun to face me, her eyes wide. She looked at me for a moment, then looked down at the puddle I stood in. She seemed stunned for a moment before she began to laugh.

“What?” I demanded.

“It’s just—thank _god_ you didn’t do that in bed!” she said, still laughing. “Look at how much there is! Imagine if you’d done that anywhere but on the tile floor!”

I rolled my eyes.

“Just get a towel or something,” I said. “I’m going to shower and then I’ve got to get going.”

She went to the linen closet and did as I asked while I stepped into the spray of water. I poured soap into my hands, lathered, and then washed myself as best as I could. She joined me a few moments later, rubbing the soap into the spots on my back I couldn’t reach and taking care of washing my legs for me so I wouldn’t have to try to bend over. While I rinsed off she scrubbed herself hurriedly, then jumped out to grab us towels.

All told, the showering only took a few minutes, and it was only 1:45 by the time we were getting out and hurrying to get dressed. I had another contraction, we grabbed the hospital bag I had ready to go, and we were in the Mercedes ten minutes after that, Emma driving carefully but quickly towards the hospital. While she drove I got on the phone.

The other line rang five times and went to voicemail, so I called again. On the third ring, Robin’s exhausted, “Hullo?” came from the other end.

“Robin, it’s me,” I said. “I’m in labor.”

“Shit!”

“It’s fine,” I said quickly. “It only just started. I’m headed for the hospital now.”

“Are you driving yourself?” he asked, the worry clear in his voice. We’d settled into a strange position where we’d figured out how to put everything else aside and care about one another again, something that had taken months to get to. I constantly worried we would end up fighting again at some point but so far everything seemed okay.

“No, Emma’s driving me,” I answered. Emma glanced over and I smiled tightly at her. “She’s taking care of me and we’ll meet you there when you get there, okay?”

“I’ll try to be there soon,” he said. “I just need to find someone for Roland.”

“Of course,” I said. “If you can’t find anyone you know, try Kathryn. She’ll be willing to help.”

We said our goodbyes and hung up.

“So Robin’s going to be there,” Emma said, sounding a little nervous. She’d met him a few more times in the context of him being a customer at Granny’s but that was it, and he’d thankfully stayed calm and unobtrusive when they’d been in that situation. He really had turned a corner when it came to Emma and I. “Didn’t he say that he’s going to want to talk to me?”

“Yeah, but I have a feeling everything else is going to take a back seat to the two small people trying to bust their way out of my body,” I pointed out.

“Here’s hoping,” Emma replied.

I felt another contraction coming on and gritted my teeth, letting out a small hiss. She stepped on the gas a little more and the car picked up speed.

We arrived at the hospital and in what I assumed was typical fashion burst in with about as much drama as a woman in labor and her significant other would. It took next to no time at all for them to produce a wheelchair—which I refused—and hurried me up to a room. They assured me Steele would be called and that I’d be well taken care of, then handed over a hospital gown while Emma fluttered nearby, trying to find something to do with herself. A nurse settled me in and took my vitals, but there wasn’t much else we could do but wait at that point.

“They’re really coming,” Emma said when the shock and excitement had died down a little bit.

“Hopefully quickly,” I said. “I don’t want to have to wait too much longer.”

“I don’t want to watch you in pain for too long,” she admitted. “I prefer you not in pain.”

“I prefer me not in pain, too,” I said, smiling a little.

We didn’t have much else to do but chat about what was coming as we waited, but luckily Steele was in after only about ten minutes.

“We’re finally meeting the Mills boys?” she asked with a huge smile. I was devastated to see that she was just as chipper at 3 in the morning as she was at any other part of the day. “This is going to be wonderful Regina, I promise you.”

“It’s already feeling decidedly un-wonderful,” I grumbled.

Emma bit her lip and put her hand on my shoulder, trying not to laugh. Every single time I had an appointment with Steele I’d called Emma or gone to her and complained about my OB’s obsessive happiness, so Emma was well aware of how much this was going to piss me off.

“You’re going to be amazing, Regina,” Steele said. “And before you know it you’ll have two handsome little men to spoil rotten. Let’s get you checked out.”

Steele went through the process of checking my vitals once more, then checked how dilated I was. She hadn’t had much to do with my vagina through most of my pregnancy, telling me it wasn’t necessary to her check ups at that point unless I had a problem or wanted her to double check, but at the 35 week appointment she’d told me it was something she in particular did to ensure everything was still “closed up for the season” as she called it. She had actually gone out of her way to ask me if the past abuse would cause it to be an unpleasant situation, and when I’d said I’d be fine, she made sure to narrate what she was doing before she did it anyways. It had put me at ease, and she did the same as she checked me while I lay in that hospital bed. As much as I hated how happy she was all the time, she was a damn good doctor.

“Well you’re about three centimeters,” she said after she checked me over. “Considering contractions started about an hour and a half ago, that’s wonderful progress. I know you’ve expressed interest in a natural birth, so we’re going to hold off on an epidural, but if you change your mind at any point, know that we’ve got everything we need to do so. For a while I’d suggest walking the hallways with someone close by. Maybe miss Emma Stone can help out with that?”

She beamed at Emma and I was confused for a moment before I remembered Emma’s panic-induced false name. I grinned and nodded.

“She sure can,” I said. “But I’m going to wait until Robin gets here.”

“Understandable,” Steele said. “Don’t want him showing up and finding you missing. I’ll be around to check on you in a little bit but if anything happens where you think you’ll need me just ask a nurse and they’ll page me.”

She paused to grab my hand and squeeze it, beaming at me.

“This is going to be wonderful,” she said. “I’m so excited for this!”

With that she left, and as soon as we were sure she was gone, Emma burst out laughing.

“Well that’s going to get annoying fast,” I said. “They always say that a woman in labor is going to lash out at her significant other but I’m pretty sure if I’m going to attack anyone through this it’s going to be her.”

“I’m amazed you haven’t changed doctors since your first appointment,” Emma said, still laughing. “You’ve never gotten through an appointment with her without wanting to kill her.”

“She’s a good doctor, her absurdly good spirits aside,” I grumbled. “Damn her for it.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s a good thing,” Emma countered and I had to agree with her.

“Regina?”

Robin’s voice came from the door and I saw him looking exhausted and more than a little terrified as he came into the room. He clutched two teddy bears, a bouquet, and a plastic cup.

“Robin,” I said by way of greeting.

“How are you?” he asked. “How are the boys?”

“Fine so far,” I said. “You just missed Steele. I’m three centimeters and apparently looking good. Both boys have been in position for a while now so everything should go smoothly.”

“Good,” he said.

“Roland?” I asked.

“I ended up calling Kathryn,” he admitted. “Roland knows her well enough from all our dinner parties and she still lives close by.”

“Good,” I said. “I’ll call her to thank her later.”

“I brought all this for… For you and for the boys.”

He held up the teddy bears which were obviously for the babies, and the bouquet for me, but my brow furrowed at the cup.

“What’s that?” I asked, gesturing to it.

“When Marian was giving birth they said she couldn’t eat anything but ice chips,” he said. “I stopped and got them for you before I came in. I figured you hadn’t eaten since dinner.”

I had to smile a little.

“Thank you,” I said. “If you want to put the gifts down over there?” I gestured to one of the chairs in the room and he went over to it, setting everything down, then brought the cup of ice chips over to me and set them on the stand next to my bed.

He seemed to realize someone else was in the room and he looked over at Emma. She’d hung back a little as Robin and I talked, but when he looked at her his brow furrowed.

“Hello,” he said a bit awkwardly. “It’s um… nice to see you.”

“Mhm,” Emma mumbled.

“Look, I know the last time we saw each other in a personal setting it wasn’t exactly pleasant,” he said. “But I’d like to apologize for that. I apologized to Regina months ago but I haven’t had the opportunity to apologize to you. I mean I guess I could have whenever I saw you at Granny’s but I didn’t know if that would be appropriate or not.”

Emma’s brow rose but she gave him a small smile.

“Thanks,” she said. “I’m just glad you actually listened to me.”

“I will admit I’ve never been spoken to by someone of your age like that before,” he admitted. “It caught me off guard. But I think I needed to hear that kind of stuff. Otherwise I fear I wouldn’t have tried to mend my relationship with Regina and these boys would be coming into a very unpleasant situation. I should be thanking you.”

“Yeah, you kinda should be,” Emma said. I wanted to laugh but I bit my lip to stop myself from doing so.

Robin let himself smile at that.

“Thank you, Emma,” he said sincerely. “I hope we can speak after this is over? I promise to be reasonable.”

“Sure,” Emma said. “But right now we have bigger things to deal with.”

“Very true,” he said. “We’ll focus on being here for Regina while she’s getting these boys out and we’ll talk later.”

It was far from the reaction I’d expected from him with Emma being in the room and I’m sure the surprise showed on my face. I beamed at him and he smiled back easily.

“Thank you, Robin,” I said softly.

“Whatever makes you happy, Regina,” he replied.

I was absolutely floored by that. I was certain he would hate me forever after his reaction when I’d told him I cheated on him. Sure we’d been mending the bridge between us, but this kind of support was something that I hadn’t expected at all. A small part of me acknowledged that he still loved me in a way, and in that same way I still loved him. Not enough to cause a problem between Emma and I, but I was sure then that co-parenting with Robin and Emma wouldn’t be as hard as I’d anticipated it being when we’d first discovered I was pregnant.

I took Steele’s advice to go for walks when the pain got to be a bit too much and both Emma and Robin accompanied me on those walks. They took turns helping me, holding my hands, getting more cups of ice chips, comforting me through contractions as they slowly got closer and closer together. We all talked as the hours passed, Emma and Robin getting to know one another a bit as I progressed through the labor. Every time a new one came along I felt tears building but refused to let them go—I was fairly determined not to be the sobbing mother in the delivery room no matter what.

Steele checked on me on occasion and by the time I was just getting to seven centimeters I was ready to call it quits. I’d been at it since a little past midnight and it was closing in on 11 am. Robin had gotten to take a couple breaks to check in on Kathryn and Roland, Emma had gotten to take a few breaks to let her parents know what was going on, but I’d been stuck going through all of it for the last eleven hours without a single break. After a while the soreness from each contraction didn’t truly fade before a new one came along, and I was stuck in nearly constant pain.

“Steele, you’d better get these babies out of me in the next ten minutes,” I growled at her from where I stood by the bed, Emma holding me up and Robin standing awkwardly nearby with yet another cup of ice chips. I was soaked in sweat and now confined to the delivery room. When I’d hit six centimeters she’d told me to stay in the hall right outside of the door but now I didn’t even get to leave the room.

“They’re coming, Regina, don’t worry,” she said, her smile still firmly in place. “At seven centimeters we start transitional labor. It’s a shorter phase, but only time will tell when these two are ready to come out.”

“No, you’re getting them out of me now,” I said. “They’re about to rip me open so I need you to get them _out_.” My teeth were gritted tightly together as contractions passed through me, one practically right on top of the other. There was no break in between anymore, no comfort at any point. I hadn’t wanted an epidural but by that point I was wondering if I had made a mistake in that decision.

“They’ll let us know when it’s time,” Steele said simply, ignoring the fact that I was willing my glare to light her on fire. “Until then, you’ve just got to keep it up. You’re doing so well, Regina. You’re—“

“Wonderful?” I snapped. I heard a snort and glanced towards the source of the noise but saw both Robin and Emma were looking pointedly away from me as if trying not to draw my attention.

“You are,” Steele said with a smile. “And this is wonderful and you’re going to have two wonderful baby boys in the next couple of hours. So let’s get you comfortable.”

“There is no comfortable right now,” I snarled. “Just get them out of me!”

“We’ve still got a few centimeters to go,” Steele said. “I need you to just be patient. Once you hit ten centimeters you can start to push but until then you just need to wait it out.”

Before I could stop myself I grabbed her by the front of the scrubs. I heard Robin and Emma behind me as they tried to move forward and pull me back but Steele didn’t even flinch.

“Get them out of me,” I said through gritted teeth. My whole body was tense as contraction after contraction rolled through me and I could finally feel the tears I’d been holding back start to fall. “I can’t do any more than this. I need them out.”

Steele put her hands on my shoulders, meeting my gaze easily with an endlessly frustrating amount of support and understanding in her own.

“You can do more,” she said. “And you will. You’re going to be amazing, okay? We’re almost there. I haven’t steered you wrong before now have I?”

I shook my head just the slightest bit, furious with her and with the fact that I hadn’t been able to prevent the tears from falling. I couldn’t stop crying now either.

“Then you know that I’m right about this,” she said, squeezing my shoulders lightly. “You’ve got this.”

I took a deep, shuddering breath—as deep a breath as I could at least—and released her scrub top.

“Do you want to settle into the bed?” she asked.

“Let gravity get these little bastards out,” I said. I heard Emma and Robin laugh behind me.

“Your legs are trembling,” she pointed out. “If you want to keep standing then you need support.”

She looked behind me. Emma immediately stepped forward. I turned to face her and I leaned into her, resting my sweat-soaked forehead on her chest and wrapping my arms around her shoulders. As the contractions came quicker I was glad for her support as she held me up while I sagged against her. Robin’s hands were on my back, massaging away at muscles that refused to relax.

I’d been partially right about standing allowing gravity to help get the twins down a bit more because it felt like no time at all that I was desperate to just start pushing. I could feel a tightness that wouldn’t let up in my lower back and I felt sure I was about to vomit.

“They’re coming,” I mumbled against Emma’s chest.

“Let’s check,” Steele said quickly. “On the bed with you.”

Robin and Emma helped me to the bed and as I settled down Steele immediately went between my legs. Two nurses were in the room that I didn’t remember coming in.

I wanted so badly to be done with this, to just have the boys in my arms. I really didn’t know that I would be able to handle what was coming next considering how agonizing the last eleven hours had been.

“Okay, yeah, you’re definitely ready,” Steele said, her eyes wide. “I’m looking at the top of a head. Let’s get this show on the road! You can start to push now, Regina.”

She really didn’t need to tell me as much because I was already doing my absolute best to push those two out. I had one hand wrapped around Robin’s forearm and one clutching Emma’s hand and I was sure one—or both—of them was sucking in a sharp breath at how tightly I held on to them, but I ignored it. They could deal with it.

“Come on, Regina,” Steele said. “We’re almost there.”

Emma wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I leaned into her for a moment or two between pushes. She was mumbling encouragements but I didn’t hear them over the sound of my own heartbeat in my ears. Robin’s hand covered my own on his arm.

I was certain I’d blacked out to an extent. It felt like one moment I was being torn in half, there was an enormous rush of burning pressure, and then it eased up. I was gasping and sobbing and heard someone saying something and then suddenly—

A baby crying.

Crying was too nice of a word for the horrible squalling noise if I was honest, but it meant healthy lungs, right?

I cracked my eye open and saw Steele holding a baby. She was beaming and the baby was filthy but I didn’t hesitate to reach for it. She gave the baby—my son—to one of the nurses. I didn’t know that I’d threatened to rip the woman’s heart out if she took him away until Emma told me I had after the whole ordeal was, but the nurse hurried to bring him around to the head of the bed to hand him to me.

I took the baby with shaking hands and the nurse helped to arrange him on my chest. He was still screaming his awful baby scream, was pale as a sheet, and was squished and wrinkly. I was sure had never seen a more perfect face in my life.

I held him for a few moments before my body contracted painfully again and I heard someone screaming. I wanted to tell that person to shut up before I realized it was my own voice.

The nurse quickly took the baby from my chest and I grabbed her scrub top, refusing to let her go far. I was told later that she’d taken him to keep me from gripping him too hard while I pushed his brother out but I didn’t think of anything but keeping my son close by. Someone’s hand grabbed my wrist to try to pry me off of the nurse but I didn’t let go of the woman for a second. I’d lost two babies and I wasn’t losing another.

I kept bearing down, kept pushing, kept desperately praying this would end soon, and there was another moment of extraordinary pressure before it gave way to an intense soreness and another baby’s screaming joined the first.

I still held the nurse as Steele brought the second baby to me. My gown was pulled down just a little to bare the skin of my chest and both were placed on me. I wrapped my arms around them, wanting to collapse but needing to see the two of them together for the first time.

Steele was still between my legs saying something about the placenta and I ignored her in favor of the twins. The first to come out was calming down against me and his brother was still squealing, but seemed to be comforted slightly by the warmth of my body and arms around him. I shifted them just slightly which bought them back together and when they were touching they both very suddenly calmed down. It was as if they recognized each other somehow, and I felt another flood of tears come.

“Regina,” Emma whispered softly. “They’re beautiful.”

I was then aware that both Emma and Robin were still there. I’d forgotten about the two of them considering… well, everything. I looked up and looked between them. Emma looked absolutely awed and Robin’s face was scrunched up as if he were fighting back tears.

I tried on a small smile, aware it was exhausted. My legs were still spread and dimly I was aware I was still experiencing contractions, but I couldn’t be bothered with that with the twins on my chest like this.

“Can we take pictures?” Emma asked lightly. “Like, get some of you the first time you’re holding them?”

“When I look like this?” I demanded.

“Regina, you look radiant,” Robin said. Neither Emma or I questioned his comment in terms of what it could mean, both understanding it had more to do with the fact that I’d just given birth to his sons than to do with any feelings towards me. Emma nodded eagerly in agreement.

“If you have to,” I said with a light, tired laugh. “Just as long as I don’t have to move.”

“You don’t,” Emma assured me.

I smiled for a picture before I looked back down at the boys, examining every single bit of them that I could see while Emma snapped a few more. The nurse brought over blankets to drape over them for the moment and I let her, just glad she wasn’t trying to take them to weigh them or clean them more than they’d already been cleaned. I didn’t want to let go of them just yet.

The one who’d come first—Baby A—was slightly bigger than his younger brother, but where his head was bald, Baby B’s head was already sporting a good amount of hair that was plastered to his scalp. They seemed so content snuggled together against me I didn’t ever want to move them.

“Well isn’t this wonderful?” I heard.

I looked up at Steele and she was positively beaming. I had to laugh.

“It is,” I said. “They are.”

“And the other wonderful thing is that I think you’ve set the speed record for placenta delivery,” Steele said. “Both were delivered intact and without issue in no time at all. Good job, Mama.”

The fact that she’d used the name ‘Mama’ threw me off a little but in a good way. I was a Mama now. I’d been a mother for as long as I’d carried them but now here they were in my arms and I was their mother. I beamed at her.

“We’ve got to take them to weigh and measure them in a few minutes,” she said. “But we can let you have some time to get to know your newest family members.”

She and the nurses bustled around cleaning things up and keeping an eye on the babies while I looked at Emma and Robin.

“Do you have names picked yet?” Robin asked a bit hesitantly. “I don’t think we ever talked about it.”

“I only have one picked,” I admitted. “I was thinking… Henry, for Daddy. He’ll love it.”

“Which one is Henry?” Emma asked curiously.

I looked down at the twins and watched them for a moment or two before shifting Baby A just a little.

“He is,” I said. “This is Henry.”

“And Baby B?” Emma asked.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I had thought another name would come to me when I saw the second baby. Any suggestions?”

“I have one,” Robin said a bit nervously.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“To be fair we weren’t exactly getting along for a while and I didn’t want to overstep if you had both names already,” he said with a sheepish grin.

“You wouldn’t have overstepped,” I said. “You _are_ one of their parents. But what do you think?”

“What about Daniel?” he asked.

My eyes went wide at that. Daniel. I knew Robin didn’t know about Danielle—I’d never mentioned her or liking women to begin with to Robin. I’d swept that under the rug to keep myself from thinking too hard on it.

A part of me felt strangely about naming my son something so similar to the girl I’d liked first, but a part of me felt it was almost fitting. I glanced at Emma and saw her smirking just a little and she nodded, knowing I was hesitating for a reason. For some reason her approval of that name made it easier to accept it. I looked back at Robin.

“I love it,” I said. “Henry and Daniel.”

“Henry and Daniel Locksley or Mills?” he asked. “Or Locksley-Mills?”

“We can figure that out later,” I said with a small shake of my head. “For now I just want to admire these babies.”

It was strange, and it wasn’t exactly a typical family, but looking between the two of them and my two boys, I couldn’t help but think it was just perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not going to lie, Dr. Marley Steele is probably my favorite character I've ever come up with and writing Regina's reactions to her is one of my absolute favorite things to write.


	36. Chapter Thirty Six

“Henry! Get off of your brother right now!”

“Sorry, Mommy!”

I laughed watching Regina scramble to break the two apart and comfort a crying Daniel. They’d each gotten a slice of cake but I snuck a second slice to both of them when Regina had gone inside to use the bathroom and gotten caught up talking to my mother. Both boys had been sworn to secrecy. The sugar rush the cake had provided had the two of them off the wall, and when they were hyped up like that they loved to wrestle each other. Regina hated it.

One thing I learned very quickly after the twins were born was that to Regina, motherhood was the most important thing of all. I knew she loved me, but she loved those boys far more than she’d ever love anyone else. It had caused a fight or two but I’d realized how stupid I was being getting jealous of the tiny people she’d grown inside of her. Her love for them didn’t take away from her love for me, but it had taken a few months for me to get that.

After that rough patch, things had been pretty smooth. Regina had saved up enough PTO to extend her maternity leave past what the school had given her initially and had gotten both boys on a perfect schedule before they’d even pulled in the parking lot of the daycare. I stopped by every day to help her out after my classes were over for the day and Robin and Roland were there every day as well. It hadn’t been half as awkward as I’d expected it to be. Roland was even totally fine with Regina by that point thanks to his father actually doing as he’d said he would and being much kinder about Regina around and to his son, and Roland warmed up to me pretty quickly.

As babies they were harder to tell apart except for the fact that Daniel had way more hair on his head than Henry, but as they got older it was easier and easier to distinguish them. Henry took after Regina with his dark hair and warm brown eyes. His skin was just slightly darker than Daniel’s, a light olive tone present that wasn’t in his brother. Daniel had taken after Robin, and his sandy blonde hair almost always flopped into his dark blue eyes—Regina tried to keep it under control but it grew so fast she could hardly keep up with it, and Daniel didn’t exactly love having to sit still for so many haircuts.

As the boys got older they started to go a bit crazy. Their toddler years were only just ending by the time I graduated and Regina was happy for it. They’d driven her up a wall, constantly getting hurt, throwing tantrums either in sync or one directly after the other, climbing _everything_ , and picking up swears before they picked up manners when they learned to talk. That had been something I blamed Robin on pretty quickly, though everyone knew it was my influence, and I’d had to push myself to stop swearing in front of them.

The oddest moments were when they’d begun talking. Right out of the gate they picked up ‘Dada’ and Robin was ‘Dada’ until he was ‘Daddy’ as their vocabulary improved. Shortly after they discovered ‘Dada’, Regina became ‘Mama’ until they both learned how to say ‘Mommy’. Without even hesitating though they’d taken to calling me ‘Mama,’ and they had yet to be talked out of it. For a while we’d thought they were trying to say ‘Emma’ but it soon became clear they meant ‘Mama.’ At first it had been strange and a bit uncomfortable. I wasn’t legally their parent or guardian of any sort, Regina and I were happy together but not married, and there really wasn’t a reason for them to call me that, but they refused to budge on it. Eventually it got easier to accept it instead of correct it all the time, and it wasn’t as if I was going to leave Regina or the boys, so I just rolled with it.

College had gone well for me. I’d gotten through my first two years with no problems and then decided to move in with Regina for my last two years. It meant commuting, but it also meant I got to experience the joys of a family bed full time. We usually went to sleep alone, but the second the boys were out of cribs and in beds we woke up with one or both of them tucked in between us every morning when they weren’t at Robin’s, and Regina’s decision to buy an enormous bed was finally fully justified.

I worked as much as possible in my free time—when I didn’t have homework—played with Henry and Daniel, spent time with Regina, visited my parents, and kicked school’s ass for four years, then I’d finally graduated. It was odd getting to that point. As a kid I’d always thought I’d have had to struggle a lot more to get to where I was at the end of those four years, but I was out the other side with a lot to show for it.

I’d fought a graduation party for a while but Mom wore me down eventually. I hated the spectacle of it but I loved my mom and she clearly wanted to have it, so I’d given up fighting her on it. It wasn’t actually that bad.

A bunch of friends from college had shown up, like Jasmine, Al, and a few others I met through the years.

Neal and Ruby had come, Ruby with a girl named Dorothy she’d met sophomore year at University of Kansas and fallen in love with. Neal was single, but he assured me every time we spoke of it that he got his fair share of attention.

Mr. Hopper had come. We’d stayed in touch the whole four years and he’d been a huge support. He stuck to his word and never said anything to anyone about Regina and my relationship.

Robin and Roland had brought a huge bouquet for me with chocolates. Roland had assured me he hadn’t eaten any of the chocolates and if any were missing it was because Robin had gotten hungry on the ride over. Sure enough there were three chocolates from the box missing, but I’d noticed that Henry and Daniel had chocolate stains on their shirts and faces shortly after arriving with their father and older brother, so I was just delighted that they’d all shared.

My parents had also invited some of their friends who had known and loved me since Mom and Dad adopted me. It was busy with everyone there and there were times I couldn’t quite figure out who to talk to because there were just so many people, but I was enjoying myself well enough.

“Honestly, whoever had the bright idea to hype the boys up with sugar is going to get a piece of my mind,” Regina growled to herself as she stalked back over to me. I feigned innocence as she huffed. “Daniel’s got a bump on his head the size of a baseball now.”

“He’ll be fine,” I said. “He’s a kid. And he’s your kid. He’s tough.”

“He’s tough enough, but he’s still so little,” she said, frowning, her eyes concerned. “They’re both so little. When they wrestle like that they get hurt so quickly.”

It was true they were a little smaller than the other boys their age so far, but they were scrappy. I took her hand and grinned at her.

“They’ll be okay, Regina,” I said.

She heaved a sigh. I was always much more likely to indulge the horseplay she so hated, and she knew that they were going to be a handful for some time.

“Well, Robin’s taking over watching them for a little bit so I can eat something without having to share it or drop it to stop one of them hurting themselves,” she said. “Come with me?”

“Of course,” I said with a light laugh.

The twins ran her ragged and there were times I worried she wasn’t taking good enough care of herself when all her focus was on Henry and Daniel, but Robin and I worked together to ensure she ate and rested and didn’t forget that she had needs as well.

Robin and my relationship had been strained for a while for obvious reasons, but once he’d figured out that I was non-negotiable in Regina’s books and Regina was the mother of his youngest boys, he gave in. We figured out how to set aside the awkwardness and work as a team eventually.

I walked with Regina over to the buffet table and made myself a plate while she put together a small salad. Seeing how little she put on her own plate I loaded mine up with a little extra I would convince her to eat after.

When we sat down at a table, I noticed Regina angled her chair a little in a way that she’d be able to keep an eye on the boys.

“You know he can watch them perfectly well without you being nosy,” I pointed out.

“I know, but he lets all three of them rough house,” she said, sitting up a bit straighter to watch Henry and Daniel as they chased their older brother. “And Roland’s a fair bit bigger than them.”

“He’s also devoted to them and lets them kick the crap out of him without lifting a finger to stop them or protect himself,” I said. “Just relax and be with me for a few minutes. I got all dressed up and pretty just to impress you and you’re more interested watching your ex.”

Her gaze snapped back to me, looking as if she was going to rush to explain herself and I laughed.

“Relax,” I said. “I know why you’re looking at him, it’s fine. I know it’s just for the boys. But I did get tarted up for your benefit and have yet to receive any compliments on it.”

“My insistence this morning that you hold off on heading out the door wasn’t because I didn’t want to come to your parents’ house,” she informed me, relaxing at a little at my reassurance. “It was purely because I didn’t want to have anyone else seeing you when you looked so delicious.”

“Well it wouldn’t hurt for you to tell a girl something like that,” I teased.

“I’ll remember that for next time,” she said with a smile.

“You didn’t want to come?” I asked.

“Not to set up so early,” she admitted. “I wanted to be at your graduation party, I wanted to spend the day with you, and I don’t mind your parents, but your mother has been relentless about this party. I didn’t want to be around during set up.”

“Oh my poor, long-suffering lover,” I said sarcastically. “Having to strain herself so much to help my mom out by putting out a few folding chairs like the rest of us had to.”

“Your mother has been riding my ass for weeks about what colors we should have for table cloths, as if you’re going to care—or even _notice_ ,” she said, and I knew she was right because I _hadn’t_ noticed the color of the table clothes. “And this morning I had to re-do every single flower arrangement one by one because she said that the florist had accidentally put the wrong flowers next to each other.”

“She just wants me to be happy,” I said.

“And so do I,” she said. “But god, we’re not sending messages through the flowers. We’re not Rachel and Luce. We just wanted pretty flowers.”

I laughed at her reference. Since that first time we’d watched it, I’d made her watch _Imagine Me and You_ with me at least once every few months so I could gush and giggle. She indulged me, saying she did so because she loved me, but I knew that she melted at the movie the same way I did.

While we ate I was able to keep her occupied with thoughts other than ones on her sons for a little bit, but her sons weren’t able to keep occupied without her for quite as long. Even with Robin and Roland playing with them they were Mommy’s little boys and never liked to stray too far from her for too long.

“Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” they shrieked in a chorus and Regina smiled as they came barreling over. Even if they exhausted her, her heart beat for those two.

“Yes, my little princes?” Regina asked.

“We got a box!” Daniel exclaimed excitedly.

“Yeah!” Henry said. “The special one for Mama!”

Sure enough, the two of them were holding on to a small box between the two of them. It was small and their joined hands hid it from view for the most part. I squinted at it for a moment as Regina lurched forward, trying to snatch it out of their hands.

“Give it to Mommy,” she demanded hurriedly.

“But it’s for Mama!” Henry said. Both he and Daniel tightened their grip. “You said it was the special one for Mama.”

“Didn’t you?” Daniel asked. “The special present for Mama goes in Mommy’s purse. We got it from Mommy’s purse.”

“Boys, give Mommy the box,” Regina said almost desperately.

“We wanna give it to Mama!” Daniel said, starting to pout.

“Why don’t you just let them give it to me?” I suggested. “Mom wasn’t planning on me opening presents so soon but one won’t hurt. Besides, now that I know it’s a special present I want it.” I grinned widely at her.

“Because, you’re not supposed to get it until later,” she said, still trying to take the box back from them. They took off running, giggling madly and clumsily throwing the box back and forth between them, scurrying to scoop it up when they missed it and it dropped to the ground.

“Henry!” Regina yelled as he snatched the box up before she could grab it. “Give it to me now!”

“We wanna give it to Mama!” Henry said, chucking it in Daniel’s general vicinity.

Daniel made a grab for it and just barely got it away from Regina as she nearly lunged for it. He shrieked with laughter and darted away.

Realizing Regina would break an ankle with her heels on the grass of the backyard, I kicked off my flats, got up, and chased after the boys. It didn’t take long for me to catch up to Daniel and when he tried to throw the box away from himself and towards his brother, I swatted it out of the air. It hit the ground and before he could take it again I grabbed it.

“Mama!” Daniel whined. “We wanted to give it to you!”

“You were supposed to let Mommy give it to me,” I said, trying to be stern but I could never help but smile when they did things like this—there was no denying it was a bit funny. “It’s her gift to give me.”

“Well she was gonna wait until too late!” Daniel protested. “We wanna give it to you now.”

Regina approached, looked annoyed and slightly out of breath from having tried to catch them.

“Both of you, time out,” she said angrily, gesturing to two chairs near where our food had been. “Right now. And I swear, where ever your father went that he left you alone with my purse, I’m going to hunt him down and give him a time out of his own.”

The boys sulked but obediently went where their Mommy pointed. While Regina scolded the two of them I inspected the box. It had looked so big in their hands but was actually pretty tiny. The soft exterior of it was nice. It felt like velvet.

“Regina?” I asked, suddenly uncertain. “Can I open this now?”

“What?” she asked. Her eyes went wide. “No! No, it’s for—I mean you can’t—there’s people—“

“Is it what I think it is though?” I asked.

By that point we’d gotten quite a little audience and I was just now noticing as much. Of course the twins always drew attention, so them shrieking and laughing and making Regina and I run about would have gotten everyone to look over.

Regina’s face turned bright pink when she realized that the whole party had gone quiet and was waiting with baited breath to find out what was going on—or rather, what was in the box.

“I—I mean—I don’t know what you’re thinking it is,” she tried excusing.

“There’s only a few things it can be, sister,” Mom’s friend Leroy called from his table with the other miners and my parents. “Only one thing comes in a box like that.”

I saw Mom’s hand go up to cover her mouth in shock, but both she and Dad were smiling widely.

Regina’s blush deepened.

“It—I—I’d wanted to do it without an audience,” she said.

“Well too bad,” Neal said from a few tables over. “You’ve got one! Just do it!”

I looked down at the box in my hands and then looked back up at Regina. She extended her hand to me and I passed the gift over. She took a deep breath and I watched as she slowly opened it.

The ring inside was gorgeous. The silver band looked like a few separate smaller bands woven together and there were two small stones on either side of a much larger one. The diamonds were beautiful and caught the light in a way that made them sparkle.

My jaw dropped as she pulled it out of the box.

“I had a whole thing prepared,” she grumbled. “And not a bit of it was having the boys steal this from my purse to wave in front of your face like this. But…”

She took a deep breath.

“I love you, Emma,” she continued. “I’ve loved you for a very long time. We live together and we raise two beautiful boys together.“

I heard Henry and Daniel giggling as they were mentioned.

“I know that things were strange when we started out,” she said. “We had to fight to be together, to prove that we worked as a couple, both to ourselves and to others. I know there were a lot of times that you could have left me—and probably should have left me if we’re being honest.”

I opened my mouth to protest but she shook her head. Regina looked like she wanted the ground to swallow her up as she was divulging all these emotions to me and I knew that she wouldn’t be able to continue if I interrupted. I could feel a laugh bubbling up but I felt badly that she’d apparently planned to do this privately, only to have her plans ruined.

“Regardless of everything we’ve faced and how hard things could be, you’re here, and I love that you’re here,” she said. “I love that you’re one of the first people I see in the mornings. I love that you’re this brilliant, accomplished, incredible woman. I love that you gave me chance after chance all those years ago and never stopped pursuing me. I love _you_. And… And I want to marry you.”

She held the ring up a little higher.

“So, Emma,” she said, sounding suddenly nervous. “Will you marry me?”

I laughed and grabbed her extended hand, using it to pull her in. I didn’t hesitate to kiss her, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her tightly. I picked her up and spun her, still kissing her. Laughs went up in the gathered crowd but I barely heard them. She made a soft noise of surprise against my lips and clung to me until I put her back down. When I broke the kiss, she was breathing a little heavier.

“So is that a yes?”

“Of course it’s a yes,” I said obviously. “Of course I’ll marry you.”

I was amazed she ever thought I’d say no. Regina was telling me that not only did she want to marry me, she wanted me for the rest of our lives. What about that was I going to say no to?

“Thank god,” she said, sounding absurdly relieved.

Our audience cheered for us as she pulled me in for another kiss. Daniel and Henry had long forgotten their time outs and rushed up to us, shrieking in delight, hurrying to hug us around our legs—that was all they could reach. When Regina pulled back, she took my left hand and slid the ring onto my ring finger, admiring it for a second before kissing me again.

At that point everyone who was there couldn’t stay in their seats any longer. All our family and friends rose almost as one and came to congratulate us. Mom and Dad shoved their way through the crowd to hug me, Mom already nearly sobbing with joy. She and Regina had certainly come a long way from that first proper introduction, and I could see both my parents were over the moon with excitement. Robin was beaming at us from afar but I caught him giving Regina a thumbs up at one point and saw her roll her eyes with another slight blush.

There were a lot of jokes that the rest of the graduation presents would seem dull in comparison but there were many more people who wanted nothing more than to wish us well and celebrate us. Henry and Daniel stuck close by our sides, squealing in their tiny, squeaky voices about how their mommies would be getting married and living happily ever after.

It was a bit overwhelming at first and in the excitement Regina and I were pushed slightly apart by the crowd, but eventually the excitement died down just a little bit and we were allowed a few moments to breathe while my Mom called for someone to rustle up some champagne to celebrate. While they were all getting ready to hunt for some or go buy some, I glanced back at Regina.

“Excuse me, future Mrs. Swan-Mills?” I asked playfully.

She laughed and in the thinned out crowd we were able to come back together, the twins still hanging off our legs and beaming up at us. She put her arms around me.

“Yes?” she asked.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have it!
> 
> I wasn't about to end this without there being some kind of proposal because let's be real, it's me and I'm mushy about stuff like that. It had to be Regina too, because I needed it to be Regina saying she wanted to be with Emma forever considering how much Emma has worried about being wanted ^^
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to read this story! All the kudos and comments have delighted me to no end. For something that was literally meant to be a smutty oneshot I wrote only for my own two eyes, this has evolved quite a bit. It started just for me, then I thought it might be something that would impress this girl I like, then I decided to try posting it online so I'm just excited people even clicked through to read it, never mind liked it. The support you guys have shown has given me a lot of confidence in my writing that I'm now channeling to new projects.
> 
> Speaking of new projects: I had a personal project that I'm working on but once I'm done with that I'll be working on another Swanqueen fanfiction. I've already got a few chapters and a good idea of where it's going. It might not be remotely as involved or as long, but it also might be because I'm me. Either way I hope to be done writing it/posting it soon!
> 
> Also: this story may have had a happy ending and all that but don't screw your teachers. I said it in chapter one and I'm saying it again--relationships with teachers are not good and I wholeheartedly do not advocate for them in real life! This is fiction and even then it got a lil weird sometimes lol. So yeah, don't try this at home (or school) kids.


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